In all honesty, I have been putting off this topic for quite some time. It’s not that it’s unimportant — in fact, I know we are living in a time where it is of great importance. The uptick in interest of narcissism is truly a sign of the times.
Everywhere you look, people are waking up to the fact that they have been abused, that they are empaths who have attracted toxic people over and over again to their detriment, and by and large, humanity does not want to continue the cycles of abuse of power or manipulation and control for the next generation. Humans of planet earth are crying out for peace and harmony and there are real societal changes working to get us there.
“How to spot a narcissist” lists are out there everywhere on the internet. I’ve read many and been sorely disappointed. I also see people diagnosing each other at the drop of a hat: they somehow “wrong” you and suddenly they’re a narcissist. I have had close relationships with people who had an elementary understanding of psychology or have a Bachelor’s degree in psychology which, they believe, gives them permission to diagnose anyone and everyone — and then gossip about their “findings”. It is divisive and creates divided energy which is not conducive to creating inner or outer peace. And this is the very reason I have held back on this topic: I do not believe in diagnosing other people unless you are a licensed mental health professional.
Please know, I am not telling you these things as a mental health professional. I am telling you these things as an Intuitive and empath. I am telling you these things so you can stop looking for signs like “who takes the most selfies” and “who posts pictures of themselves on Facebook all day long” — because that won’t help empaths overcome the issues that keep them stressed and sick. It is the energy that you need to look for and no tome of a psychological evaluation guide can teach you that.
And that’s why those “How to spot a narcissist in 4 easy steps” blogs are just not helpful. Basic narcissism may be easier to spot and in fact, can describe a lot of people who are not narcissistic – they are good looking, they’re charming, they’re outgoing, they’re successful. Okay, what’s the harm in that? Don’t we all promote body-positivism, social interaction, and climbing the ladder to success? Don’t we all want to feel good about ourselves?
Yet, here we are. The facades are tumbling worldwide. We now know that P.R. campaigns are no longer just for companies advertising products, preventing profit loss, or socialites trying to overcome bad press. Stories have been layered and strategically fed to the public to hide bad behavior from those at the higher levels of government, education, finance, and more. It’s a great awakening.
Here’s what you have to know: the degree of narcissism that you experience from others as an empath will be in direct correlation with your level of empathy, or the degree of empathy you are cultivating through your life lessons. If you are a higher-level empath who was born highly sensitive and has chosen very difficult lessons in your life and actually wanted to work through them, you will attract higher-level narcissistic energy. Bottom line, plain and simple. The lessons increase in intensity the more you work through them. It’s not fair, but it’s the truth. “To whom much is given, much is expected”.
You deserve to know the truth because until you identify these people or circumstances in your life, you will stay sick. This is why I offer Energy Readings to clients — I illuminate these things to the individuals I work with. This information is healing.
Again, please don’t use this information to diagnose people or gossip about them — that’s not the intention. This is the spiritual perspective I am offering you. It is the energy you have always felt but couldn’t put your finger on. If no one speaks it, you will continue to live in states of stress and cognitive dissonance, which lead to physical disease. Please use this so you can take back your own personal power to understand for yourself what is going on around you. Once you can stop being a victim to things you didn’t know were happening, you can stop the sickness cycles.
The ultimate ways to spot covert, higher-level narcissism:
- They enjoy the “hunt”. Narcissists have a predator mentality, always looking for the next victim, or how to prey on their current victims. You always feel like the “prey” in their presence.
- They make you feel sick in their presence. As an empath, your body is a big ol’ lie detector. This person may seem pleasant on the outside but your inner signals are going haywire — that is your red flag.
- They always have ulterior motives. Remember, there is always a story beneath the story. Go into every situation like a detective seeking the real axe they are trying to grind and why. It will be self-serving.
- They never apologize. It’s your fault, always. If they do apologize, which is rare, it was only so the abuse cycle could continue all over again. (Ex: Your spouse berates you then buys you flowers, only for it to happen again a few days later and on and on.)
- They travel in packs – We’re told that narcissists are people who like to be by themselves at the top. That’s not true. Narcissists often have a pack mentality. This is a way for them to control the social setting to instill confidence, trust, and authority where there would otherwise be none. It is also a way for them to surely have others come to their defense if something were to be exposed.
- They victim blame, shame, and guilt. If they hurt you, you’ll be left feeling like you were the wrong one, the bad one, and you should be ashamed.
- They are drawn to pure souls. Do you expect the best from people, look on the positive side of life, feel the emotions of others very deeply, feel sorrow over the world’s pain, and want good things for yourself and others? You are prime narcissist prey because they feed on the energy produced by your mitochondria, called ATP (adenosine triphosphate). Pure empathic souls also often have “open book” energy and were never taught to stand up for themselves. Often empathic people only know how to hide or get quiet (much like real prey in the wild). It’s like a buffet for a narcissist.
- They ambush you. They won’t give you warning or allow you to be adequately educated or prepared. They may not give you any warning about what will happen next, what they expect, or how to do something.
- They purposefully withhold information so they have the upper hand. See above. Or they may only give you partial information and open-ended expectations. This gives them the upper hand and allows them to victim blame when you didn’t magically do or know what they wanted.
- It is hard for you to explain the mind games they play. Figuring out what they are doing to you feels like a game of mental chess when you never learned the rules of chess. Explaining this “game” to others comes out nonsensical and few understand the severity of the situation.
- You are always in a position of subordination with them. Master-servant dynamic here always. Even if they feign you are their equal, they will find small ways to remind you of how inadequate you are “why did you format an email this way?” “You need more education, like I have”.
- They rarely get nervous. They have strong, solid, unyielding energy. If you can sense energy on people, just know this — you’re likely to be the nervous one and they are likely to be the fixed energy.
- They do not feel anxious over their “flaws” because they have none. Have you worked hard to like yourself? Empaths feel they are intrinsically flawed and we have to work hard to get out of this mindset. Narcissists have never felt this way because they have a strong internal confidence that is not easily broken.
- They naturally rig everything in their favor. They understand systems of control and make sure to always stack the odds against others. Keep in mind, I do suggest stacking the odds in your favor in life — but that doesn’t mean stacking the odds against other people so you can succeed. There is a difference.
- They know how to lie to get out of consequences. They flip whatever and whenever they can. Sadly, they rarely get caught but this is soon changing.
- They keep you out of your subconscious mind. They don’t want to hear about your real experiences and feelings. They want to keep you in the conscious mind or cover story so they can control your reality. (Ex: “I know you think I was wrong, but I bought you flowers, don’t you realize how lucky you are?”)
- They make you keep secrets for them. They are scared sh*tless of the truth coming out and will use every tactic to keep you quiet: scapegoating, coercion, threats, intimidation, lawsuits, social bullying, isolation, etc.
- They find ways to drain you: sex, money, stress. Sex isn’t just sex with a narcissist – it is a way to drain the energy centers. This is why sexual predators often predate children — it’s not just about the perversion of enjoying a certain youthful appearance — it is about finding pure, vibrant chakras to steal from. It’s the most vile form of abuse because it literally sucks the life out of people and leaves them powerless. (If you have been sexually abused, please know, you can rebuild your energy centers and integrate the part of your soul that was stolen). The same is true for those who purposefully threaten to take away your financial security, or purposefully inflict stress. It gives them power, plain and simple because it drains your chakras and keeps you in a “lizard brain” response. They get high on the adrenaline, ATP, and “feel good” peptides.
If all else fails, just remember this: not everyone can see through them, and many people will in fact enjoy them. That is because many choose not to do the soul work or take the “narcissism lesson”. It is a very difficult lesson and it is easier to bypass it to stay complacent and pretend like there are no problems.
But inevitably, narcissists, like all predators, leave a trail. So keep this in mind: “you will know them by their fruits”.