Tracing the roots of the toxic masculine as we witness its fall
What’s happening globally — politically, professionally and personally — is no accident. Secrets are being exposed, skeletons are tumbling out of closets, new information is being brought forth to be corroborated or denied, and on it goes. It suddenly seems no one is safe — whether layperson or famous figure. It’s an undoing of karma — a righting of wrongs — and we’ve all got a front row seat.
The societal changes we’re undergoing are the resultant spark from the bombshell news last October involving Harvey Weinstein and allegations of sexual abuse brought against him (built on the backs, of course, of generations who actively fought for equality). Since that time, there has been a breaking of the dam moment and people are opening up, digging deep, sharing (with their thyroid chakra energy), and starting the healing process. It’s an opening to the sacred feminine and we’re getting to hear sides to stories we thought were cut and dry, we’re being asked to open our minds and start feeling to discern the truth. It may not seem like it now, but these are good things.
The left-brained masculine system has been running the show for quite some time. It rushes, it detracts, it glosses over, it ignores, it covers up, it mocks, it takes what it wants, it deceives, it believes it is worthy. As I’ve written about before, empaths tend to have greater right brain abilities and therefore are able to tap into energy and their intuition much better. It’s also why we face more challenges than others: we feel deeply, we crave peace, we seek to meet the needs of others, and we often allow ourselves to settle for less than we are worth which allows us to be taken advantage of and fatigued easily. It’s likely the left-brained system has left you feeling drained for quite some time but perhaps you haven’t connected the dots to your frustrations.
We’ve lived the left-brained system. We understand how it works, what it expects of us, and how to play the game to get by. We’ve put off “too-lofty” hopes and fantasies for fear of unrealistic expectations or shattered dreams. We’ve tried to standardize our personalities and interests so we can fit in. We’ve said yes when we really wanted to say no. We’ve tried to go with the flow despite feeling a much different undercurrent. The things we’re seeing in the media — the stories, the drama, the undoing and unraveling — is the end of an era. It’s the turning of the tide. It’s the long walk to the gates at the other side of it — the “promised land”.
The undoing that we’re seeing, the checks and balances, the desire for equality and discernment is bringing us into a time where more feminine, right-brained skills are prized and balanced with the masculine, rather than usurped or oppressed. It’s where one is not whole without the other and in order for the whole to work, the individual parts need to be at their best — in fact, encouraged to be at their best — because we see things work better when things are built in supportive partnership rather than separation. Not masculine versus feminine, and not feminine versus masculine — feminine and masculine.
The left-brained masculine social system can also be classified in other ways: patriarchy, rigidity, dis-connectivity, requires proof, requires external validation, “toxic masculinity” – gets what he wants no matter what. It’s the macho facade or cool exterior hiding the scared little boy inside. Yes, despite the hyper-“manly” displays of war, rape, and power plays, at the root of the left-brained, patriarchal, toxic masculine system is a scared little boy who just wants to be king.
The problem is, this proverbial little boy hasn’t earned the right to sit on the throne — and deep down, he knows this. He’s made cheap shortcuts, told lies, feasted while others have starved, and said one thing while promoting another. He’s pushed the boundaries, gotten away with as much as he can, and now he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and is reaping the consequences.
The little boy here symbolizes the toxic, not-yet-actualized masculine. He didn’t want to do the hard work, go into battle, and come out the other side a seasoned decision maker. It was easier to pretend he had already done the soul work. As a result, the kings aren’t making good decisions. In fact, the decisions they have made for many years under our noses have left people used and abused.
Right now, we are all being asked “how much abuse is ‘okay”? How much abuse should one be able to — or required to — forget or ignore? How long can the real human experience be ignored? Which abuse is relevant? How much brain or soul trauma should be permissible? Is considering how someone felt in the moment childish or unreasonable? Can the feminine be believed? Ultimately, I believe we will come to find that no abuse is tolerable, even those considered tiny and minuscule. The toxic masculine system is the root cause of abuse and inhumane treatments towards other people. We are waking up to this reality.
The problem is that while some may have aged physically and use fancy props to display their supposed wisdom, they have not developed personally or done the soul work in order to develop character. Thus far, we have been taught to trust people based on their biological age, income, profession, gender, and race. We assume that they must be wiser because they are older, outwardly successful, or adept at socially acceptable charades. But that assumption just isn’t true and this is the undoing and unraveling we are witnessing. Just because someone is older, more advanced professionally, better off financially, more connected or intellectual, funny, worldly, spiritual, or nice, does not mean they posses character. It does not mean they are capable of telling the truth, admitting to the lies, finding solutions, or righting the wrongs. In order to possess these qualities, you must undergo the process of opening your chakras which involves confronting your core wounds and life lessons. It’s the waking up out of the amnesia I have written about before.
But please know, this does not refer to nor characterize all men. We all have masculine and feminine aspects to our personalities and the goal isn’t to suppress one or the other, but to balance and accept them. Unfortunately, these polar opposite personality traits often get expressed in unhealthy ways. In fact, women are often perpetuators of the toxic masculine system either because they don’t realize it, are forced into it, or because they are told they will gain certain advantages from it. Ex: women tearing each other down to protect their “territories” (aka: mean girls), women feeling they have to be “done up” or cosmetically altered to be considered credible or liked, women ignoring their true interests for jobs and hobbies that will get them approval from others in order to succeed, saying yes when everything inside of you is screaming no because you don’t want to rock the boat or risk punishment.
There are three stages of personal development it is said we should all seek to embody. For women, these stages are commonly referred to as the Virgin/Maiden, Mother, and Crone archetypes. It suggests that we are all undergoing life lessons in order to ascend from one level to the next, learning as we go. Each symbolizes a different cycle in the life of a woman, should she choose to learn her soul lessons. The Virgin represents hopes and dreams, the promise of a future, joy and naivete. She is everything you wanted for yourself when you were younger but only dreamed of, never worked for. The Mother represents power, true love, protection, and availability. She is how you love and protect those in need, do for others, put in the effort even when it’s not fun, and make time. The Crone is the ancient wisdom you have acquired on your journey and the ability to sit, wait, go at it alone, and reflect.
Men also have cycles they must go through in order to develop their character: Youth, Warrior, and Sage. Much like the Virgin, Mother, and Crone archetypes, the Youth, Warrior, and Sage archetypes are a natural progression from undeveloped child, to a person who takes life head on and fights for truth and justice (a true ally, equal, and defender of women, rather than subjugator), and finally to a prophet who understands the meaning of it all and makes peace with it. While these are typically sequential cycles, you can float in and out of any of them at any time — and should — because your personality is not limited to one but is a combination of all three. It’s the un-tapped-into parts that we are most scared of or try to compensate for.
The societal upheavals we are witnessing are tracing us back to the roots of the beast. Where did it all start? Why do we consider this socially acceptable? Is pain-free too much to ask for out of life? Do our actions that we deem inconsequential really affect other people for the rest of their lives? Is that fair? Is there a different way to live?
The feminine has grown up into the mother, despite the long stymied battle. We have tiptoed around the scared inner child in those around us. Now, she wants to become the crone. She no longer wants to bow down to the good old boys club just because “that’s the way it’s done”, offer up her power for the benefit of others, and shut her eyes or ears because she will be the only one who admits to knowing. “Mothers” posses a magical, omniscient understanding of their children and are patient despite bad behavior. We knew if we spoke, we would force the little boys to begin the arduous journey towards becoming real sages and because the process is so intense, not everyone makes it. We knew they wouldn’t like their real stature being known. We have subconscious guilt over being the “impetus”. But the origin of the toxic masculine runs so deep, it may require an earthquake to pluck it by the roots.