How to stop projecting

The work I do as an Intuitive is to get people to open up, admit to the problems, and then I connect the dots and offer them solutions to finally get to the root of it. The first half of what I do is listening (intently — to your every word, omission or hesitation, pause, and intonation because they all mean something and are subconscious projections of your higher truth), and the second half is speaking — showing you what has been overlooked, which steps you need to take next, which decisions you need to make, and validating what you have been through. 

It is so important to open up and begin processing undigested emotional material because your feelings not only affect your physical health — they will affect how you understand reality. If you have lived painful experiences that left you fearful, angry, hurt, feeling “bad”, ashamed, powerless, inadequate or wrong, inevitably you will project these experiences into your daily interactions because it was so traumatic and because you see it keeps happening.

However, when you are trying to refine your empathic abilities, become intuitive, and work through your core wounds and life lessons, the secret feelings become a hindrance because you will be filtering truth through the lens of falsehood. Anything that clouds your lens is a deterrent to stopping the projections, and seeing the truth and pursuing it.

Imagine it is a cloudless, starry night and you are standing on the top of a tall building, peering through the lens of a high-powered telescope. You desperately want to see the stars and planets because you have heard how vast and beautiful they are, but you want to see up close and for yourself. As you look through the eyepiece, you realize the aperture is dirty and you are unable to see through to the stars. Maybe you only see a small piece of space but the rest is blocked by the smear. Or, perhaps the lens is not in focus and so you are working hard to adjust it in order to see clearly. If you take your eyes away from the telescope and simply look up at the sky, you can see space clearly though not in great detail. Some impatient people may give up altogether and just take a step back to look at the sky with their naked eye before walking off. Others will persist in order to clear any debris from the lens and properly adjust the settings to put it in focus. You get to choose which of these people you will be.

Think of the telescope as the sum of your soul’s experiences, and think of the stars and infinity of outer space as the true, authentic beauty of who you really are and what the world really is. When we take a step back and look with the naked eye, we can reflect on the vastness of life but may feel overwhelmed with how “big” it feels. Without wiping off the smudges and without learning to adjust our focus, we are unable to intimately become acquainted with who we really are and what is really happening around us so we feel we are never in control of ourselves/lives and lack understanding. Because we don’t understand, we may project past trauma onto the present situation. It’s simply a matter of not being aware yet. 

I have learned to, and encourage others, to begin looking at life as if all of the experiences we have are meaningful and meant to teach us something. This means even the worst of circumstances that leave us depleted and hurt — things that we would normally view as setbacks — are actually hidden treasures that we can use to our advantage to overcome our karma. “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

Identify the mindsets and emotions that are clouding your vision. When you walk into a new situation, how do you generally feel? Do you enter a room feeling confident and social? Or do you enter a room feeling doubtful of yourself and uneasy because you aren’t sure who will want to talk with you, like there is something wrong with you, or like people are judging your every move? While there is likely a legitimate aspect to how you feel (ie: you have in fact been treated poorly by others), you have to overcome such projections to get to the truth. We cannot allow our experiences and negative feelings to cloud our vision. Flip the script — walk into life with different assumptions (aka: energy) and see how things change. 

What you have been told about who you are, what you can and cannot do, which lines to carefully tiptoe is not accurate. What you have been told about yourself — whether directly or based on the subconscious actions of others — is a result of their projections, and the projections imposed on them by those before them, and on and on. First, admit to your projections, then empathically understand the projections of others. Finally, see that there may be a bigger truth at play that needs to be pursued. 

Once I was shown the symbol of the yin and yang to help me to understand my projections and the projections of others. I had been through so much trauma and yet my perpetrators were playing the “nice guy/girl” part, pretending like no abuse had happened. I knew what I had experienced but I had fallen into the empath trap of trying to make peace with my perpetrators actions. I wanted to see things from their perspective so I could have empathy for them and understand why this had happened. For years, I wrestled with not just the trauma from the abuse, but the lingering effects of the brainwashing and group think so many abusers employ: “everything is fine, what you think happened didn’t happen. Everyone else is fine, why aren’t you?” For victims, this is an ultimate insult. 

The yin and yang image helped me make peace with the situation. The larger black and white half-spheres (sometimes called the “shady” side and “sunny” side) within the yin-yang symbol show us ultimate truth. The smaller dots inside of each half represent our projections and the projections of others. We cannot see truth without the projections — getting to the truth requires an initial duality in order to see both sides. After we have admitted to all sides of personal truth, we can begin to uncover a universal truth in which there is clear right and wrong. 

In other words, generational cycles are at play in the case of projection. Everyone has their own projections they have inherited from others defining the truth for them. So although you may feel one thing is right and they may feel another thing is right, getting to the universal truth in the situation requires admitting that both people are entitled to feel how they feel because they are seeing life through the lens of their own projections and nothing can change your projections, except you. Then it is your responsibility and the responsibility of everyone involved to start picking apart their own projections (which is how you tame your ego). From there, we can have empathy and compassion for the situation and be able to compromise in order to find the greater, unchanging truth. The unchanging truth is the meaning of the lesson. The projections are the way we engage the lesson. If only one party chooses to examine their projections, ultimate truth will not be achieved. It requires both parties taming their ego in order to get to the truth. 

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