When I decided to attend nutrition school to become a health coach, I did so to help others get out of the physical pain I had experienced myself. Hashimoto’s Disease and its secondary health problems had made me miserable but I saw there was a way out and into remission. I wanted to educate others on science-based natural remedies and dietary approaches so they too could stop the pain.
What I didn’t expect was that the clients I kept attracting were largely highly sensitive people (HSPs) who weren’t just in physical pain, they were also in deep emotional pain and had life problems they wanted to work through but didn’t know how to. They needed someone to connect the dots, to remind them of who they were and how capable they were of handling these situations. Time and time again in appointments, though we started off talking about nutrition, our conversations always went back to stress.
In time, I learned the stress was also a root cause of illness and that these highly sensitive people carried a much greater burden than the rest of the population. They took on others’ pain as their own, carried the burden of maintaining relationships with little to no reciprocation, often got the short end of the stick, learned to acquiesce when it came to their own needs, worked extremely hard in life and business, and they wanted to right the wrongs but worried no one else did.
By and large, the most significant theme that kept presenting itself was that these HSPs or empaths had learned to settle. Settling for less than they deserved, settling for less than they wanted, getting crucified while others succeeded, and dimming so that others could shine. By and large, they were settling for crumbs when they deserved the whole damn cake.
You see, many of these clients were surrounded by narcissistic personalities that had talked them into believing they deserved less than the best, less than what they truly desired. They were being strung along with a trail of crumbs, hoping one day it would lead to what they desired, but realistically it never did. This also happens sometimes with people in our lives who are not necessarily narcissistic but who are also not emotionally in touch and quite amnesic. (Empathy and narcissism exist on a spectrum, with empathic people being towards the far left, narcissist being on the far right, and nice people whom we love but lack any emotional depth or awareness being somewhere in the middle).
I challenged these clients in the same way I want to challenge you today: how long will you accept their love crumbs? How long can you subdue your true desires in life, business, family, circles of friends, and romance before your realize the trail was never going to lead back to the cake; that the trail was all you were ever going to get?
You deserve true reciprocation and interest in all relationships that are meaningful to you. Yes, all. Anything less should be considered an acquaintance relationship rather than a genuine friendship, family bond, or true love. If you’re an empath, you already have given this to others — why do you feel you don’t deserve it in return? Those who consider this a too-high standard are still stringing you along.
Start examining the balance of power, reciprocation, and interest in all of your relationships. Cheap displays of affection that lack depth are exactly what they seem like. Going at life alone is probably not what you desire, deep down, but have you? Admit this to yourself and the relationship dynamic you have put up with for so long suddenly become much more clear.
There are likely subconscious blockages keeping you small and put in relationships — “I’m not good enough”, “I’m somehow lacking”, “This problem of mine is what makes me less worthy”, etc. etc. None of it is true. Contrast your real needs with what they have given thus far. If a conversation needs to happen, have it. After that, does anything change? If the answer is yes and the changes are long term and sustainable, great. If the answer is no, well that gives you the direction you seek.
Remember this: why settle for their crumbs when you deserve the whole cake and the bakery is down the street?