Understanding “healthy” versus “malignant” intuition

I believe we are all born with the ability to be and to become intuitive. When I speak of a healthy intuition, I’m not referring to magic, witchcraft, or the dark arts. I simply mean that intuition is your natural ability to discern the truth. That’s all intuition is and it does not need to contain a spiritual element if you prefer it didn’t. (Though, if you are religious, the holy spirit is a form of intuition, or if you are spiritual, your intuition can be a way to channel angels, ancestors, guides, and the collective unconscious — the choice is yours).

Intuition can also be classified as your gut instincts, your first reaction, and your truth. Humans are mammals, after all, and so we possess the same kinds of instincts that other animals use to their advantage to alert them to danger, help them get out of tough situations, find sustenance, spot predators, and survive. Other mammals trust their first reaction; why don’t we?

Having a well-developed intuition is, in my opinion, essential to your survival here. Without it, you’ll blindly trust the groupthink at your own expense — and at the expense of people who need your help. You won’t individuate because you’ll be following and believing what others tell you, what they force you into, or what they choose to convey for their own benefit. You’ll be talked out of things you know are true and that are in fact beneficial for your purpose here. 

It’s hard to convey just how much of what we take for granted as “real” is in fact contrived unless you have been through the brutal initiation into intuition but I will try my best here. It’s the proverbial taking the scales off the eyes, setting down the rose-colored glasses, and diving deep down the rabbit hole into what is real, whether we like it or not.

It’s like the family holidays and gatherings we attend a few times a year. Everyone comes to dinner, pretends to be close, makes small talk, dresses up, and plays the happy family role. But deep down you know the longstanding family feuds have never been resolved — your parents struggle to stay happily married and constantly nit pick each other and get passive aggressive; everyone secretly rolls their eyes at how much your grandmother talks about her health problems; your uncle gives you the creeps and you’re not sure why; your cousin drinks too much but everyone pretends he has no problem; no one has talked to your brother in 10 years. We play the part and pretend, despite what is unspoken being pushed down until a “better” time. Will you acknowledge these things and work to improve them? We all get to choose. 

You don’t realize just how much was fake until you get to the other side of it. Working on a marketing team help me recognize this. Abuse — a total ego annihilator (the ego being your blind spots) — helped me see this. Getting behind the scenes within organizations, watching people say one thing publicly but do another privately greatly help me realize this. The cognitive dissonance that arose for me in each situation helped me become progressively more intuitive because I saw where my blind spots were and then worked to overcome them. I trusted the wrong people, I believed others always had good intentions, I thought everyone wanted positivity and growth, I thought we could talk about the problems and resolve them. I was wrong and admitting I had been wrong is what helped me become highly intuitive. It’s not enough to be an idealist. We also have to be realists. 

Only when I became utterly physically sick did I stand up and say “no more — we all need to face reality.” If others weren’t going to join me, I was going to go at it alone. This is why my clients come to me — they are in the exact same boat: they know what is true yet they have been talked out of it time and time again for the benefit of others. And it is making people sick. 

Becoming intuitive is a process, a bit like peeling back the layers of an onion. We have to “peel back” things that prevent us from tapping into our gut instincts. If we go into this process understanding that there are many layers that require being stripped away, it won’t feel quite so laborious. That’s not to say it will feel easy, but we can’t expect it to happen overnight. Whatever has been done to us, to humanity as a whole, or that we have done to others must be repaired. We can only peel one layer at a time and shouldn’t be hard on ourselves if that peeling takes a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. It takes as long as it needs to take.

One of the primary purposes of accessing your intuition is developing empathy and compassion. It is what we are all here to learn. If you are interested in becoming intuitive, chances are you are also a naturally empathic person who has encountered many narcissistic personalities on your journey. In essence, if you are being controlled by narcissists, you can’t be intuitive because you will be working so hard to keep their false realities afloat for their benefit.

There are a bunch of titles floating around here so let me clarify: 

Empath = someone who is highly sensitive, in touch with their emotions and the emotions of others. Someone who feels the underlying energy in each situation, whether you realize it or not. Someone who takes on the feelings and attitudes of others because they are “spongy”. Someone who desperately wants to let go of their egoic habits and stop the pain cycles for the greater good. Someone who is an old soul and carries a lot of karmic baggage, both theirs and others’.

Narcissist = someone who will never be able to get out of their ego because that would require they relinquish control. Relinquishing control would make them face the pain they have endured and inflicted onto others. It would make the balance of power equal in their relationships. They control the groupthink, social setting, and story lines. They prey on “weak” empaths and use us for their own gain. They project and deflect in order to get ahead and not face their own karma. 

Intuitive = someone who perceives the truth in a given situation, whether or not it has been verbally spoken. They observe the cause and effect, behavior, subconscious cues, and energy in a situation to perceive the truth. They look for nuances and non-verbal communication to discern. There are two kinds of intuition/intuitives — “healthy” and “malignant”.

The difference between the healthy intuition of an empath and the malignant intuition of a narcissist is that, a narcissistic individual’s intuitive insights are processed through a terribly negative and controlling lens. And these are people who will do anything to never have to clean the lens because of how painful the smudges are. It’s as if narcissists have a way of sniffing out your weaknesses and preying on them. They perceive your weaknesses to be the truth. They are unable to filter their perceptions through a lens of empathy: “What caused this person to do this in the first place?”, “What was going on in their life that they felt this way?”, “How can I give this person grace?”, “What kind of help do they need?”, etc.

While an empath would recognize someone’s weaknesses and ignore them for everyone’s benefit or to encourage that person, narcissists know when things are going wrong and find great pleasure in blaming you for the problems. (Please know, in the case of abuse, all this shit goes out the window and you as an empath can and should speak up about the ways narcissists are preying on you and show it to them outright).

They also anticipate problems and get a high off of chaos and confusion; they live for things to go wrong so the blame game and punishment can ensue. They love gossip, assumptions, worst case scenarios, and problems. The nervous system and neurotransmitters of such people have been trained from an early age that self-protection is how to receive positive chemical feedback in the form of peptides (compounded amino acids that are released in response to emotions) to feel “good”. Hurt before being hurt, so to speak. They feed off of your stress response. This is malignant intuition. It’s truly all about intention.

Some narcissists are so advanced in their projection skills, they adopt “do good” personas to fool everyone around them. This is why we always have to trust our initial reactions to a person. Do they have an energy about them that yields to others? Do they reciprocate? Do they ask permission — not just verbally but also with their eyes, body language, and speech pattern or word choice? Or, are they trying to subtly, maybe even kindly, talk you into something or insinuate you are somehow inferior?

The sad truth, if you want is, is that narcissists can even disguise themselves as empaths and “lightworkers”.  We must learn to differentiate an empath from a narcissist — even the so-called covert narcissists — otherwise you’ll be relying on their perception of the world at the cost of your own. You’ll be relying on malignant intuition rather than a healthy one and you’ll end up miserable and not self-actualized. 

Trusting your intuition is not all rainbows and butterflies. Empaths who choose to trust themselves and their initial reactions may have to face some harsh realities we didn’t know were present. We may need to speak up and speak out about what is truly transpiring, which others will not like. The difference between this form of healthy, yet not always positive intuition and malignant intuition is that as an empath you want to stop the pain cycles. Narcissists with malignant intuition want to perpetuate pain cycles so they have the power. That is the difference. 

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