The real differences between twin flames and soulmates

The terms “twin flames” and “soulmates” get thrown around a lot within the metaphysical community and I have seen there is much confusion about what exactly they are, how they differ, and their purposes in our lives. I want to clear that up today because I think it is leading people astray. Understanding these two roles helps people to overcome their karma, which is what keeps us stressed and sick. Overall, it’s beneficial for you to get acquainted with the correct meaning of these words. 

As an Intuitive, I channel information (and always have, even before I knew what an Intuitive was) and I also rely on observation and cause and effect, reading the subconscious mind, as well as reflection on my personal experiences and the experiences of my clients to lead me to the truth. As I have said before, the truth doesn’t care about our preexisting beliefs or comfort, so I too have to put aside my ego and conscious mind in order to find the correct information to bring to you. This information is a years-long process of that very thing and I take it extremely seriously. 

Unfortunately, there are little to no societal supports for those people who have had such supernatural experiences (as I detail below). Having a traumatic twin flame experience, or having an other-worldly soulmate experience can leave many traumatized, unable to cope with what they have witnessed and felt, and leave them questioning their mental health. It is a total upheaval of everything you have ever been taught or rested on as truth.

Metaphysics has become a “choice”much like religious dogma, rather than a fact of life on Earth. Ancient peoples wrote about their supernatural experiences extensively and this truth permeated their societies and understanding of the world. Instead of honoring these legacies with curiosity, we discount them as primitive. Famous geniuses who have made major contributions to our world have considered metaphysics to be as essential to science as mathematics, and yet we still discount this. We choose a side to cling to forever to feel comfort in a changing world. We are slaves to our contrarian egos in this “3D” world despite the reality of existence being so much more vast than we could ever imagine. Magical things are transpiring right before our very eyes and we will only see them if we are open to the possibility. 

Before you begin reading my thoughts below, I will leave you with this: “Therefore, trust not what is seen but what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Twin Flames and Soulmates

I want to start by saying that we all have souls we are meant to come in contact and into relationship with in order to learn our lessons and overcome our core wounds (aka: karma). Whether we recognize this, or choose to do so is up to each individual. Will you repeat the same soul patterns, or will you identify and overcome them to find true health and happiness?

The relationships that are the most challenging are the ones your soul has chosen to learn from in order to overcome your wounds and reach your highest potential. There are no accidents in life and so you have been drawn to certain people in order to learn your lessons. While many of these people take us to our darkest places, and while the relationships may feel painful, or while they may do things to us that are not right and never will be, it is not necessarily a bad thing — it’s about our perspective. Yes, what they cause in our lives can feel bad and harm us but they will only harm us in the long term if we forgo learning the lessons. (The exception, of course, is abuse, which should never be tolerated and cancels out any soul contracts). Once we admit to our own lessons and begin working on them, you can take back your power, happiness, and purpose here.

You may have heard of the term Twin Flame before, and there is much confusion around this. Twin flame is often used interchangeably with the term Soulmate, but in fact they are not the same.

The purpose of a twin flame is to push you to learn your lessons and overcome karma. The purpose of soulmates is oneness and is so much bigger than that of basic attraction. In fact your twin flame or soulmate may not be a romantic partner, but could be a parent, child, friend, or sibling. Most often though, they do tend to be romantic partners because these are our most intimate, vulnerable relationships. 

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soulYour soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I do believe most all highly sensitive or empathic people are on a soulmate journey because of the implications for world peace. If we all found our way “home”, where there was ultimate acceptance, joy, and compassion for another in spite of the harsh realities of the world, how peaceful would we all feel? How much would we be able to accomplish in the world in order to make it a better place? These relationships are a higher calling and message of unconditional love that must be brought into ourselves and to the earth. Narcissistic people cannot experience this because they cannot compromise which is required of soulmates. 

Yes, there can be relationship challenges in a soulmate relationship but they are our “home base” in which we feel ultimate soul love and comfort and oneness and no circumstances can ever change that. You feel inextricably drawn to them and even if you want to stop the soul attraction, you cannot. It just is and was and will be. This transcends physical or intellectual attraction, which is how most romantic relationships begin. 

I will also say that meeting your soulmate may not be a happy experience. While the feelings it brings up for you may be positive, it is likely going to entail much hard work to get to a place where you two can make it work. Typically, one or both will be “runners” — running from the connection because it is too strong, makes you feel too vulnerable or seen, triggers your unresolved core wounds, or makes you see your flaws for what they really are. Not all soulmates come together because of the wounds of the past, which can end up extremely traumatic, but if you both want to, you can find a way. 

In order to begin a soulmate relationship, a few things must occur. First, you have to work through a good deal of your karma. Karma stands in the way of soulmates becoming close — or even meeting altogether. This is not a karmic relationship but a dharmic relationship; the good that comes after you resolve your karmic debt (though, don’t get me wrong — you can certainly have plenty of “bad” karma to resolve with them too — the difference is you both want to, work to, and fight to). 

You also have to work to balance your own soul. In other words, if you are a feminine soul (your biology often indicates this but not always), you need to work to become more masculine in order to have the feminine and masculine aspects of your soul in balance, and vice versa. It may sound counter-intuitive because, if a soulmate is the manifestation of the other part of you, you may think it is they who will complete you. But in fact, no other person not even a soulmate can complete you. You must do the hard work to complete yourself and become balanced and free of a great deal of karmic debt before soulmates can find each other in relationship otherwise the relationship can be codependent, have expectations that lead to disappointment, and be lopsided.

If you have already met your soulmate, here is what you can expect. First, you will begin a process called “ascension”. It is where your physical and emotional body are being re-calibrated to a higher frequency of love. It can cause literal physical detoxification sensations, such as parasite elimination, the need to change your diet, and an urge to become healthy. You will also experience the desire to heal yourself emotionally which will entail letting go of vices, negative self-talk, pessimism, and other unhealthy habits because what affects one affects the whole and the love is greater than any personal selfish desires which makes admitting to the problems and overcoming them worth it.

Soulmates often have a telepathic connection, whether literally in the mind, or through a resonance in the chakra centers. You may hear each other’s thoughts or feel each other’s energy — even if you are thousands of miles apart. Because of this, it is also important to work through any mental or emotional blocks because the fear of someone else knowing everything about you will act as a barrier to soulmates coming together. There is no privacy or hiding — scary for any person. It may sound beautiful for someone else to know everything about you but it is also intimidating because often our innermost thoughts can be cruel, judgmental, and negative. Also, if you have been treated like a piece of trash your whole life, you will likely treat yourself like this and a soulmate won’t be down for that. This relationship is about up-lifting, not tearing down. 

Identify the karma

You have to begin identifying how you feel around certain people to understand the past lifetime relationship patterns you are still living out. Once you identify these patterns from the past, you can understand your role in it in this lifetime and work to make it better — or leave if there is no way to resolve it together. What unspoken things are stressing you out about the relationship? What underlying assumptions does the relationship operate on? Who is in a role of subservience or superiority and why? Will they meet you half-way? Will they throw you a rope or will they shove you under the bus? Deep down, despite feeling you love them, are you wishing they would change but they never do?

Part of the reason people never graduate from their twin flame to their soulmate is marriage. Marriage is a social construct that is not in the best interest of people’s spiritual life lessons because it keeps people who should not be together in a relationship for years, decades, or their entire lifetime unable to truly self-actualize. Twin flame relationships are only meant to last until at least one party (ideally, both parties) has learned their lessons. If we begin to think about romantic relationships in this way (and even friendships, and relationships with bosses and coworkers), there is less stigma, shame, and pressure to stay forever. “‘Till death do us part” is not the goal; depth and growth are the goals.

Another reason people don’t graduate to their soulmate is fear of doing things differently or choosing what is best for themselves. The goal with any life lesson — including those karmic relationships — is to “flip the script” and create a new, healthy story line. What have you been wanting to do, to say, to become, but were too scared to because you didn’t think someone would be able to handle it? What kind of judgment or punishment do you fear from them? Are they simply apathetic about you (or you about them) and you crave real engagement or attention but haven’t pursued it? Are you miserable together and just going through the motions? Have you never been able to communicate or get on the same page? Are your needs being met or will they ever? Do they get mad when you want to change and grow?

If you can’t say with certainty that you will remain fulfilled or inspired in the relationship, it may be time to make the brave decision to fulfill your karma and end it. As always, it’s entirely dependent upon your situation and the choice is yours. 

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