The effects of twin flame relationships on children

I’ve written previously on the topic of twin flames. As I’ve said before:

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

I’m bringing a new perspective on this because we’re about to experience a major timeline shift in which identifying these things in your life will be necessary. In other words, the 3D physical reality will begin to seem less important and the soul or spiritual work will seem of great significance. It will be something you can no longer escape. Your soul wants to be heard and it doesn’t want to make compromises any longer. 

If there are children involved, leaving twin flame relationships can seem impossible. I understand this completely — trust me. It’s the ultimate dilemma every parent seeking or toying with the idea of separation has to come to terms with: do I choose what is best for myself or best for us overall, or do I choose the norm the children have lived thus far?

Almost all of us have grown up in families with twin flame dynamics. As I have said before, marriage is a big contributing factor (keeping people together who fall out of love, don’t get along, and deep down may not like each other or are unable to grow together). It may not have been obvious to you because many parents play the part, trying to be happy around the kids, keep arguments for after bedtime hours only, and avoid problems at all costs so nothing explodes into conflict. 

Here, I speak from observation (clients, friends, family), and personal experience as a child of twin flame parents and someone who was in a twin flame relationship for nearly a decade. I want to break this down so that you can see just what a child learns from twin flame parental role models in these relationship scenarios because it is a difficult, often impossible choice to forgo the relationship for greater spiritual ascension and your higher purpose here. But it is your right and choice to decide whether or not staying is truly the healthiest decision for the long term success of children’s mental and emotional well-being. 

What children learn from twin flame parental relationships:

  • Constant anger, resentment, and arguing is normal
  • Problems never get resolved
  • Love is conditional; there are always checks and balances
  • Compromise is impossible
  • Punishment and withholding love are normal
  • There is always underlying tension
  • Love means sacrificing who you are so someone else can be happy; losing yourself in a relationship
  • You must be the same person you were when you met your romantic partner — you can never grow because it leads to insecurity and jealousy
  • Vices are an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
  • Hiding is an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
  • Disconnect is normal
  • Communication is impossible and always leads to arguments
  • People avoid each other when things get hard
  • It’s okay to pretend there are no problems
  • “I am in the middle of my parents problems”
  • “My parents don’t love me because if they did, they would fix this” / “I am unworthy”
  • Walking on eggshells is normal, being scared of when the next problem will erupt is normal
  • Abuse (if present) is normal
  • It’s impossible to trust other people
  • Forgiveness is impossible or conditional
  • Infidelity (if present) is normal
  • Staying in unhealthy karmic relationships is normal
  • Lying to yourself is normal
  • Pretending to be happy is normal

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