Stages of development of the female intuition part 2: the teen years
If you haven’t already done so, please go back and read my first blog on this topic: Stages of development of the female intuition part 1: the early years. Once you get a good understanding for the backdrop to this post, it will all likely begin to click for you — the ways your intuition has been suppressed, why you don’t trust yourself, how to raise up a new generation of daughters (children) who aren’t in constant states of cognitive dissonance about the abuses around them, and who can take control of the energy that is being displaced onto them rather than internalizing it and becoming sick.
So here comes the second part to this series: the teen years. The teenage years are hard for most everyone — the kid, the parents, the teachers, everyone. Teenagers are not only experiencing an influx and sudden surge of hormones, they’re also smack dab in the middle of third eye development, which can and will cause a clusterfuck of problems for everyone involved. That is, unless everyone is operating in the truth (pretty freaking rare). Teen girls have a keen eye for bullshit and truly, deep down know certain people are asking or demanding they keep up lies for sake of appearances. They know their true nature will not be accepted. But because they are only just stepping into their personal power, chances are they will choose to act out or go within in order to combat the lies, rather than feeling comfortable stepping into a role of leadership in order to change the situation for the better.
A teenage girl is going through a lot. Socially, she is trying to fit it and not stand out so she can avoid mocking, bullying, and being picked on. This means she’s going out of her way to adopt a false personality of sorts that works with her circle of friends and what her caregivers expect from her, while she’s trying to attain a perfect body or certain look. External validation is all she has known and getting this from her male peers and from those in authority are number one on her list.
On top of that, she is wise beyond her years. We know that girls develop prefrontal cortex function — plan, plot, strategize — well before their male counterparts who won’t catch up until, best case scenario, their mid-twenties, worst case, their mid-forties! Cliques are a fierce force to be reckoned with and no one wants to be the odd one out at this age. So she plays along to fit in, which largely means acting younger to appease more immature male peers and adopting the social mores of her female circle. She just doesn’t know where her real self, if anywhere, fits in.
She also feels the incessant demands from her parents to perform a certain way in school and in extracurricular activities, project a good girl virginal image, and never cross the line into doing what feels good for her (the horror). In essence, her soul is being stripped by the demands of the external world. She knows she has to fit in for survival but she also knows who she is playing is not who she really is. But because she has never realized (aka: never been told or encouraged) she does not in fact need external validation, her worst fear is losing the approval of others.
The girl’s home life will also play a big role in the development of her intuitive abilities. She is keenly aware of the underlying energy in the home and relationship dynamics and while she may play along like life is fine because that is what the caregivers project, she is absolutely in touch with the problems that stick out like a sore thumb to her. Cheating parents? Check. Parents who drink too much or abuse other substances? Check. Parents who are emotionally unavailable? Check. Parents who fight in private but act like high school sweethearts in public? Check. Parents who don’t care to listen to her? Check. The way she is treated differently than her other siblings? Check, check, check.
If you remember, around age six she begins to realize there is more than one side to the coin, so to speak, and sees that duality and polarities exist. When she reaches her teen years, she not only now has a deep understanding of the polarities (people saying one thing but doing another, people acting in unethical ways, people telling her who she should be despite her not being that thing at all), but she begins to harbor a deep resentment and frustration over them. This is where things can get toxic. “Hormones” is what most people will call this stage of anger, attitude, tantrums, and resting bitch face. What they don’t understand is that the hormones are but a bit of kerosene adding fuel to an already burning fire. What they don’t understand is that she is sick of the lies.
Lies aside, the girl is also walking a fine line between adolescence and adulthood around the corner. She knows hypothetically she could assert her personal power to create some changes in the family/school dynamics. But she also knows those in authority do not easily rescind their power and will never hand it over to her without a fight. She has likely tried this before and it got her nowhere but punishment and loss of love. “Why don’t they trust me?” she wonders. “Why won’t they let me make good decisions for myself?”, “Why won’t they let me learn organically?”, “Why must I keep the secrets for everyone?”, “Why won’t they listen?” she asks herself. This is where core wounds begin to form and she resents those who are forming the wounds for her. Deeper she goes into herself, or deeper she goes into creating her own secret world in which she can act out without risking punishment.
All of this leads the teen to one horrible conclusion: she is worthless and not good enough. If she weren’t, she could be herself and have her needs met. Because her hierarchy of emotional needs is so rarely met, she understands that forgoing her intuitive reflexes is a must for sheer survival. Whatever she has observed and felt no longer matters. She becomes disconnected and no longer cares. She becomes the teen who hates family outings, vacations, dinners, and holidays. Why would she engage with people who are wounding her? She becomes the person who would rather be alone in her room on her phone because it is a form of escapism from the reality of life. Sometimes the escapism takes much larger and more drastic turns.
There is a way to change all of this, of course, but it will require a monumental effort by those around her. You see, she isn’t the problem. She is a symptom of larger dynamics no one wants to talk about. In order to make her healthy, everyone would have to come clean and few want to do this. To reverse this karmic residue, teachers, parents, and those in her life would need to overcome their ego. The ego that says there are no problems, the ego that says she needs to change to make them comfortable, the ego that doesn’t listen to her heart and mind when it is important. Their egos are blocking her intuition and she is almost ready to live in the truth.
Stay tuned for part 3 of this series.