There are two kinds of hurt and trauma: one is intentional and one is unintentional. In my experience working with empathic people over the years, and based on my own life experiences, unintentional pain may still take years or decades to heal, but it is easier for empaths to forgive. Unintended pain still hurts, but it is possible to understand why someone did what they did, what they made a certain choice, and how to compare this to our own flaws and faults in order to forgive.
Intentional infliction of pain that results in trauma is a beast unto itself, however. It is much harder to forgive someone who did something painful on purpose, with the intention of harming you in the long run. For an empath, this kind of evil is incomprehensible. For an empath, since you would never do this, you have a hard time understanding why someone else would do it, which means you have a more difficult time rationalizing it and forgiving it.
This creates a dilemma. Trauma isn’t just felt in the body; it is also relived in the mind for years and years after the event took place. Trying to reconcile intentional pain becomes a puzzle you spend an entire lifetime trying to solve. Rarely do we realize that there is no final clue, no final piece of the puzzle that will help us to understand why someone would harm on purpose. There is no logical answer other than some people are rooted in their ego, willing to do anything to get to the “top”, and some people are rooted in the subconscious mind, willing to do anything to understand their true divine nature and become less and less egoic.
Day after day of your life may become but a flashback of said wounding and the big, bold life of adventure and excitement you had planned suddenly becomes a narrow-sighted vision of how to simply survive another day. You create a negative feedback cycle between the event and a corresponding physiological response. You think of the painful memory, which elicits an emotional reaction, which then generates a physical response. Depending on the physical response, you will also alter chakra function in the area of the wounding.
Day after day, you relive the event and fall into the familiar “energetic” (emotional then physiological response) pattern as a result. It becomes a prison you cannot break free from. It limits who you are and who you can become in the world. It limits the potential for good you can create in the world. It means that your energetic field is directed outwards, to very specific people or circumstances, rather than directed inwards to heal and benefit yourself and your homeostasis. And this is a form of slavery.
Do not for one minute assume that your perpetrator did not anticipate this reaction from you. This reaction is the very reason they acted out an abuse on you in the first place. See, as I outline in my newly-released book How to Become Intuitive, empaths are not the only people capable of reading and sensing energy. Narcissists are also very adept at this and indeed, get a high off of negative or reactionary emotions you send their way. Each time you relive the abuse or trauma, not only are you eliciting a response within your body, but you are sending them a source of fuel. Them having the power over you to elicit such a reaction is all the fuel — and control — they desire. They know you are under their control even if a hand has never been laid on you.
They know that escaping this energetic slavery requires extreme growth and personal work. They know that escaping means you completely die to your old self and your old way of being. Many people remain stuck in the trauma their entire lives, sweeping it under the rug, because neither family nor society has ever encouraged them to do something about it. “It didn’t happen,” or “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re making it up and exaggerating,” the victim is so often told. You begin to deny that the wound exists altogether and instead act it out via fears and phobias, low self esteem, cyclical thinking, physical ailments, and more.
You need not remain in this energetic prison forever. It is possible to free yourself. It requires deep inner work, personal healing, transmuting negative energy, and taking back your personal power. It requires a victim to do the unthinkable — heal herself despite her having little to no personal energy to do so. If all of your energy has been funneled back to your perpetrator, it becomes damn near impossible to break the cord and funnel it back to yourself. Your nervous system, hormones, and brain have been trained to give to your abuser. Your energetic field has been altered to act as a food source for your perp. So you must identify all false realities, non-reciprocal expectations and demands, and veiled or overt threats that have kept you in a state of subservience. Then you must do the opposite of what your programming tells you. Do this for years until it becomes your first response. Then you will be free.