The short circuiting empath
Until you deconstruct the abuses you have endured, you will not be able to perceive the truth. In my book, How to Become Intuitive, I dedicate an entire section to abuse and how it sabotages your perception and third eye activity due to punishment for seeing the truth and/or cognitive dissonance where you cannot trust yourself because only your abuser “knows the truth.”
In the case of abuse, your perpetrator has trained your brain, hormones, and nervous system to react according to what they wish you to do, to become, and to believe. Every time you take a step away from them, they reinforce a negative feedback cycle of pain. If your trigger is physical pain, they will trigger you this way back towards compliance. If your trigger is emotional pain, they will trigger you that way in order to lead you back towards them. Every time you attempt to take a step away, you get that buzz of pain. Think of it like an electric dog collar. You step your foot outside the gate and you may not be affected. The owner might give you a little zing to teach you to obey. But leap over the fence to freedom and you’ll get a non-stop high-pitched buzzing straight to your neck and what kind of an animal can function optimally with stinging nerves and high pitched tones in their ears?
Abused empaths have been trained to respond to their abuser’s cues as well as their punishments. But human beings are mammals after all and therefore, can be trained much like any other mammal. Until we know how it is happening — or why — we won’t be able to reverse engineer the problem. In this case, responses to abuse. Even if you’ve left abuse, you will still have trauma responses. Perhaps it is fear, anger, aggression, anxiety, or depression. Perhaps you reach for your vice of choice every few hours in order to take the edge off. Either way, your entire day, or perhaps, most of it, is consumed with the subconscious desire to get rid of the trauma. The kicker is you could still actively be engaging in it.
What I mean is that since your nervous system and brain, particularly, were trained in a way so that you obey, not only is that likely still your pattern or rhythm, but it is also likely something you do without thinking. If every two hours your abuser called or texted you to check in, reassert their power, and shame you, your body still expects this. You may no longer be near your abuser, but trauma isn’t easily forgotten by your body. Chances are you are still engaging in the energy suck-energy drain pattern that your abuser(s) instilled in you.
Not only does this mean you will still be sending them your energy thanks to their training, but you will also be unable to live out your life’s purpose (dharma) in order to complete your life’s work. Think of your day as a long line dotted with moments you were taken back to the trauma. Connect the dots and you’ll see all the zig zags they took you through that day (or week). You can’t function in an optimal way if you are always taking breaks to reward your abuser. Energetically, it’s like short circuits sending a jolt of energy directly back to the person who trained you that you cannot energize yourself.
As I say in my book, please understand that abuse is not your fault. Additionally, how you respond to abuse (aka torture) is also not your fault. But what I am saying is that until I recognized how much energy I was sending back to my abuser by way of my own “short circuiting”, I didn’t realize how much they were still controlling me. Learning a new functional way of being is hard work. It requires you put yourself first, apart from their pain programming. It means you don’t think about what they want, you think about how you want to create your day. We can fix those shorts in our electrical energetic field so that our entire day is not built around a false construct that an abusive personality set forth for us.