It is possible to get to the other side of your trauma, perhaps even enough so to be able to laugh at it.
I went back and re-read a scathing letter my abuser sent me. One of oh so many. The first read, I didn’t feel fear or anxiety. The second read, I started laughing. “They really used this shit against me for the last few years (::cough:: lifetimes)?” I thought.
This abuser has tried it all: I must be a dangerous person because my five times great grandfather killed someone — probably his daughter named Minnie. Thanks 23&Me 👉👈
Or I didn’t want to talk to their friend, so I must be mentally insane. Why wouldn’t I want to talk to their friend whom they’ve influenced? Hmm let me think about that for a second.
As I kept reading the letter, I laughed again. Suddenly I couldn’t stop laughing. The absurdity of it all struck me at once. How absurd is it to control and complain about every single thing another human being does? How absurd to email someone telling them what and how to eat, how you caused the food poisoning they got at a restaurant, how you’re not keeping a food diary are you, goddamnit? Or “I thought you knew about genes and shit. If you know about that, then how could you make so so so many stupid decisions!?” Or you may only contact them here and at this exact time that only one person decides — and that’s it, period!! Don’t forget the very intentionally bolded/italicized selections or catchy subject line. 👈
Narcs are only powerful because the system has caused them to believe they are powerful. Since they were rewarded for doing the “wrong” things (perversion of universal truth) their ethics meter is completely backwards. Seriously ask yourself : has your perception of the control your abuser exerts over you changed amidst this pandemic? Do they suddenly seem to have less power than before because they have fewer and fewer resources to get back at you with? They would have to go head to head with you. Would they want to at this point?