A few weeks ago, I was forced to see my abuser. 100% mandatory obligation, I promise you. They were abusing me at that time too. I was thinking that I had diverted my eyes from theirs for a very long time and was sick of it. Years in fact. In this moment, being forced to sit one foot away from them and watch them pretend everything was fine and nope, nothing abusive going on here, I got the urge to look them in the eye. I did a big energetic growl and faced my abuser head on.
They got scared. They looked at me and diverted their eyes. The only time that’s ever happened before is when they lied.
Today they sent me a 7 paragraph, 5-line each, scathing email, reminding me of what a shitty useless person I am. I read it immediately. I usually put it off so the panic can subside. No, this time I read it and didn’t skim any words. I even got called Elizabeth, which is reserved for vital documents and anyone who’s ever wished to speak down to me with some kind of false authority. I didn’t feel fear or anxiety once.
Because their threats can only mean something in the old system. You know, the system where the courts are open and people sue each other needlessly, where there is income and workforce, where there are people who believe lies over truth because they don’t have to face any harsh life-altering realities. That stuff.
The system is collapsing which means, whatever, if any consequences this person has planned for the future means nothing in this present, dramatically-altered reality. For the first time in my life, I feel almost free of the restraints and the punishment and the fear.
The narcs haven’t gotten this memo, though. They are proceeding as if all systems are go, nothing has changed, and there is no real threat to anything, except maybe their clout or money.
They didn’t get the memo that the old system is in disarray and may not be rebuilt for a long time.
See, the systems that supported and backed them up are failing. Without these institutions and resources, narcs will have the face the unfortunate reality that we’ve been equalized.