Trying to remember the lie
Sometimes it’s pretty evident who may be a narcissist just based on how they communicate. Narcissists are usually painstakingly careful about their word choice. Their speech tends to sound like words broken up by spaces rather than a continuous trail of thought that actually crescendos through a marked beginning, middle, and end (even if it’s in a circular tangent). Sometimes their speech is choppy because they’re flighty due to their subconscious burden and the desire to remain in denial. Other times it’s because they are trying to remember the lie.
“Um’s,” “uh’s,” and other filler words are also often used because they slow down the pattern of speech and give the speaker time to process information in the brain without creating an awkward silence for the listener which could be perceived as a loss of control. (These are certainly used by people who are not narcissistic, of course. Usually there is no ill intent and again, they use it to give the brain time to locate information).
Many narcs are slow and steady with their speech, always finding just the right words to not only impart a cognitive dissonance within the listener (IE: ambiguous or contradictory meanings or word choices that leave the listener unsure of the actual intention), but also to reinforce whatever story they need to so that the truth is not heard, experienced, or believed.
It sounds like an exhausting way to live and it kind of is: narcs rely on negative energy rather than positive energy for fuel. It is an unsustainable form of energy and eventually burns out. We’re witnessing the burnout phase now.
The next time you are unsure of a person’s soul character, watch them speak. Is their sentence dotted with anxious, uneasy, unsure, or denialistic body language and filler words? If you dig deeper into the energy is it because they are trying to think back, because they feel nervous, or because they are trying to remember the lie?
There are a few reasons someone would be so cautious in their speech. 1): they are trying to translate something from their own lens (the speaker) into the lens of the listener(s) which requires you to analyze the ego and subconscious mind of the listener. This takes time and can sometimes be perceived as deceit though it is not.
2). The speaker has positive intentions but knows he/she is walking into some form of entrapment where the listener is an active participant, desiring to lure the speaker into admitting to something that they didn’t do — or don’t want to do. In this case, the speaker may need to lie, but it would be considered a white lie since it is only a form of self-defense as imposed by the listener unfairly.
3). The speaker feels unprepared or as if they will be judged.
4). The speaker feels some opposition to what they are about to say. Internal conflict.
5). The speaker is judging how you will perceive the information and believe you may reject it.
6). The speaker does not believe the story him/herself.
7). They’re making up the story as they go.
8). The speaker is caught off guard or genuinely doesn’t know what to say.
9). The speaker is thinking back to what they are supposed to remember to say because this is rehearsed and they are afraid they will deviate from the official story.
It is the energy of either false empathy, false certainty, disregard, authoritarianism, coercion, purposeful rationalization, or haughtiness that is an overlay upon the dotted speech that tells you what a person’s intention is. Ask yourself if the speech pattern does not change, not only what is the lie, but why are they so hell bent on reinforcing it?