Astrology is helping you overcome your karma

I have to include a blog about astrology here because it ties into your karma (life lessons and core wounds) and intuition. Now, I don’t believe in the “fortune-cookie” astrology we grew up accustomed to reading — the once-monthly three sentence blurbs that illuminate your romance stars for the month, tell you how much money you will bring in, or use tired cliches to inspire you. No, instead I am talking about real astrology coming from trained or intuitive astrologers. There is a science and a methodology to astrology and while I don’t claim to know it all, what I do know is that astrological events absolutely tie into how you are feeling and what you are learning, and therefore how much subconscious baggage you can work through (if you choose to). 

When the moon, sun, and planets are in certain positions, that is, as they journey through the signs of the zodiac, it forces us to process undigested emotions and experiences from both this lifetime and past lifetimes. It forces raw emotions and karmic debts to the surface. Some of those emotions are rooted in experiences in this lifetime and some are soul memories from the far past. Either way, they are holding us back and thus, both are important to reconcile and resolve.

For example, if the moon is in Aquarius, you may feel forward thinking and gain intuitive insights in the flash of an eye. If the moon is in Pisces, you may feel introspective and have intuitive dreams and visions. Or, if the moon is in Aries, you may feel fiery and ready to take on the world because you suddenly realize you deserve it.

This is also true when planets go into retrograde and it feels as if we are taking one step forward and two steps backwards — you are asked to process that which you have avoided and this is all for good reason. It helps us learn instead of avoid. It also helps us trust in the perfect timing of the universe. If we use astrology as a tool to guide us as to what we might feel or experience on a given day, we can see the things we are already naturally feeling and experiencing have us on the right path. It’s a form of confirmation. Unfortunately, many use astrology to force themselves into situations or feelings that do not come naturally — and that is not a good use of this science. 

There are certain astrological phenomena we can consistently count on: new moons and full moons. These of course will happen, in general, at least twice per month as the moon cycles from waxing to waning, waning to waxing. Some months may have more or less of these, such as months that have rare additional “blue moons” or fewer because of a leap month.

New moons are always a time of new growth and change. Full moons are a time to reflect and be introspective and avoid heightened drama. Instead of operating on old storylines where, for example, a woman’s menstrual cycle makes her “PMS” and feel “crazy” emotions which can create tension in relationships, we can begin to see that whatever comes up around these moon cycles (whether you are a man or a woman) is for your greater good; it is part of your lesson that no longer can be repressed. It is a way to process undigested leftover emotional baggage that is coming to the surface and clear it for good or make it better for ourselves. Sadly, many feel shame over such emotions rising and discount it as hormonal or mental health concerns. 

Additionally, narcissistic, controlling, unstable, and toxic personalities can become more active and erratic around the time of certain astrological events. In other words, the way that our solar system operates can make the people who are in your life for the purpose of helping you fulfill your karma can temporarily act up and make your life feel worse. I have observed that narcissistic people become more cruel, domineering, and vicious during these astrological cycles. This is especially true of narcissistic family or in workplaces — I observed every time there was a full moon or big astrological event (such as a retrograde or solar flare), chaos always ensued and problems arose — with the website, phone system, interpersonal communication, and so on. No one wanted to be blamed or fired so it was a merry-go-round of scapegoating that took place. No one understood that it was largely out of our control and we were being asked to break bad habits and create healthy systems and dialogue.

You may also begin to notice that important meetings or other life events just so happen to be planned within 0-3 days of astrological changes. Important work meetings, social gathering, and contractual agreements often occur around the time of the moons, for example. It’s no coincidence — it’s a subconscious cue to overcome the karma and stressors in the situation. 

As an empath or highly sensitive person, you may also begin to experience physical symptoms when the planets, moon, and sun shift. Sometimes this is based on the sign the moon is currently in, such as when the moon is in Aries, you may experience an uptick in headaches or sinus infections — anything associated with your head region. If there is a big full or new moon coming up, you may have a sudden increase in symptoms such as nausea, fatigue, parasites acting up, dizziness, and muscle weakness. These kinds of physical complaints will be very individualized but just check in with your body during these times and know that whatever is taking place around the astrology of the moment is no mistake and is working to cleanse your system of that which does not serve you.

I have had clients come to me perplexed asking why they suddenly couldn’t sleep, felt awful, had chaos ensue around them, or felt overly emotional at certain times. Inevitably, it always connected back to the stars. Once they realized this, they gained so much understanding of themselves and their lives and felt they had much more control over their health and wellness. Going forward, they could connect the dots for themselves. At such times, life can feel very chaotic and scary. Keep in mind, however, even these situations are pushing you closer to your karma (and overcoming it) because that is the purpose of the astrological events. If you have been building up dharma, or enlightenment and “good karma”, in this lifetime, you may not be as affected. Or conversely, you may not be affected if you have chosen to completely forgo your life path in pursuit of worldly ventures that maintain the status quo through a carefully constructed facade of “everything is fine; no problems here.”

When big astrological cycles are at play, you may also notice an uptick in deaths, freak accidents, or skeletons coming tumbling out of the closet. The best examples of this are when a major solar or lunar event takes place and suddenly a string of celebrity deaths are announced, or news reports surface about people being victims of mindless accidents like freak stabbings, shootings, or other murders. Because unstable personalities’ behavior becomes heightened during these times, strange mishaps and senseless death can abound. Those who have past life karmic bonds, even if they are strangers in this lifetime, often find their way to each other and can result in such freak accidents. As I said, this can also be a time when abuses of power and people come to the surface and the truth about certain people, governments, and businesses is revealed. The #MeToo movement is a great example of this and the catalyst was Jupiter (planet of expansion and growth) moving into Scorpio (the keeper of secrets). 

We cannot, however, force astrology — we can only use it as a tool and guide. If Venus is stationed to bring love into one’s life, it doesn’t mean it is necessarily going to happen for you. It may simply indicate you need more self-love, or that you may deepen existing relationships. We are all so different and at different points in the journey and we can be open to what is possible without expecting or demanding it, or forcing ourselves to act a certain way based on the astrology.

It is helpful to use astrology to give ourselves a heads up, if you will, about what could happen, or what is happening, not what should happen. Some people can get so wrapped up in what is happening astrologically and forget to have authentic life experiences that actually allow the astrology of the moment to work for them. We must set an intention to live authentically but not be surprised when the zodiac and planets dictate certain paths for our lives. It simply requires being open to the possibilities.

Again, I don’t know why and I don’t know how but our solar system is no mistake — it is not simply a teeming pool of carbon and matter; it is also a part of our internal operating system meant to help us evolve, trust, love and overcome our karmic debt. Choosing to recognize it and doing so is up to you. 

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Everything you need to know about oxalate intolerance

What are oxalates and how do they make us sick?

Calcium oxalate is a calcium salt of oxalic acid. Oxalates are microscopic calcium crystals in the plant foods we eat, though some oxalates are found in animal products we normally don’t consume, such as crab shell, for example, but can be a problem due to cross-contamination or lazy food preparation practices. Oxalates are the most acidic organic acid found in bodily fluids and, commercially, are used to remove rust from car radiators. Some foods are higher in oxalates than others — cacao, nuts, rhubarb, tea, chard, tea, soy, buckwheat, quinoa, curly kale, and spinach are all considered extremely high oxalate — while animal fats and proteins contain virtually no oxalates. Other plant foods fall elsewhere on the range — from negligible to low to medium to extremely high.

In a healthy person, oxalate-degrading bacteria in the gut are supposed to consume oxalates and digest them so that they do not end up in human tissues. While most people eat oxalates without noticing specific symptoms, oxalate poisoning is a very real occurrence and can cause immediate symptoms like burning and closing of the throat, swelling, digestive upset, coma, and even death. These cases are rare, however, and slow oxalate “poisoning” is a much more common occurrence. 

There are several bacteria responsible for breaking down oxalates in our guts: oxalobacter formigenes, lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidus. Researchers aren’t quite sure how the bacteria, oxalobacter formigenes, gets passed onto a person’s gut — is it via the birth canal, touching/hugging/kissing from family members, or a exposure to dirt and soil-based organisms? The mystery remains, but we do know that people who have oxalate intolerance often have low or non-existent levels of oxalobacter formigenes in their gut. Strangely enough, a person can also have very high levels of oxalobacter formigenes in the gut but still not tolerate oxalates. Why? Genes definitely play a role. If a person has a family history of oxalate problems, it’s likely they share a gene with their relative that would cause them to not properly digest and eliminate calcium oxalate. Urea cycle disorders, heavy metal toxicity, leaky gut syndrome, and mineral deposition issues can also play a big role. 

A person with normal gut microbiota and a person who lacks the gene mutations that cause oxalate intolerance may be able to eat high oxalate foods their entire life and never suffer ill effects. A round (or more) of antibiotics that kills oxalobacter formigenes and other healthy bacteria like Lactobacillus or Oxalobacter formigenes, however, or a stressful life event that alters hormone levels, or exposure to an environmental pollutant, or a nutrient deficiency, may suddenly switch on oxalate-associated genes and start causing problems. However, because again, oxalates are technically classified as a poison, even a healthy person with no Leaky Gut Syndrome, and no genetic mutations, and who has healthy levels of oxalobacter formigenes has a chance of being intolerant of oxalates.

Oxalates work differently than your typical “allergen” or food “sensitivity” or “intolerance”. Because oxalates have been classified as a poison, oxalate symptoms occur when you have been exposed to too much at once — just like other food chemicals. When a person is habitually eating a very high oxalate diet, they not experience symptoms but because their body is storing oxalates in the human tissues instead. True oxalate symptoms may not show up for years and years and even then may act like a “bucket effect” — where a person needs to consume a certain number of oxalates in a given meal, or day, or week, for a spillover of symptoms to occur.

Because of oxalate deposition, a person with oxalate build-up must learn how to eliminate the stored oxalates safely. Here, I use the term “oxalate intolerance” or “oxalate sensitivity” loosely. Oxalates function much differently than another kind of intolerance, like gluten or dairy, for example. However, “intolerance” and “sensitivity” are easy-to-understand ways to describe a food that causes chronic health problems but that does not always elicit immune-mediated allergic responses. Some people are intolerant to gluten but do not experience an immune reaction the way a person with celiac disease does. It is similar with oxalates — the spectrum of noticeable reactions varies, and just because a person doesn’t experience an immediate responses does not mean they are not oxalate intolerant or sensitive because so much of oxalate intolerance is “silent”, latent or not very obvious (until a person knows better).

There are three “medically acknowledged” oxalate diseases that doctors diagnose and treat: Primary hyperoxaluria which is considered a rare genetic disorder of liver metabolism that can results in life-threatening damage to the kidneys. The liver doesn’t create enough of a certain enzyme that prevents overproduction of oxalate, or the enzyme doesn’t work properly. Enteric hyperoxaluria is the second type which includes several intestinal diseases like Crohn’s disease and short bowel syndrome. Also certain surgical procedures like Bariatric surgery may increase the absorption of oxalate from foods. Dietary hyperoxaluria is the third type which is caused by eating a diet of high oxalate content foods. This can cause high levels of oxalates in the urine and can increase the risk of hyperoxaluria or kidney stones. Generally diet changes will decrease the level of oxalates in one’s urine but it takes longer to eradicate oxalates that have been stored in the tissues, which is why urine testing (such as an Organic Acids test) can be flawed. 

However, modern medicine has yet to acknowledge just how common oxalate intolerance and storage may be — and it’s connection to many common illnesses. Many people have anecdotally demonstrated that the reach of oxalates goes far beyond these seemingly rare inherited diseases. Studies prove that oxalates are known to deposit themselves in human tissues — including but not limited to: the thyroid, inner ears, skin, myofascial system, eyes, kidneys, liver, digestive tract, jaw, parathyroid, arteries.

Common oxalate intolerance symptoms and conditions:

  • Vulvodynia
  • chronic yeast/fungal infections
  • urinary tract infections
  • B vitamin deficiencies
  • muscle pain
  • joint pain
  • myofascial pain
  • calcification
  • headaches
  • Fibromyalgia
  • chronic fatigue
  • hormonal imbalances
  • leaky gut syndrome
  • autoimmunity
  • thyroid cysts
  • cloudy urine
  • kidney stones
  • kidney infections
  • cysts
  • iron deficiency
  • mineral deficiency
  • irregular blood pressure
  • Interstitial Cystitis
  • Cystic fibrosis
  • Autism

Common oxalate “dumping” symptoms:

  • Cloudy urine/crystals in the urine
  • Grainy or sandy stools (or changes in color of stools)
  • Skin rashes
  • Incontinence or frequent urination/urgency
  • Painful urination
  • Vaginal pain
  • Eye pain
  • Insomnia
  • Pain from previous surgery or injury sites
  • Irritability, anxiety, anger, depression
  • Lower back or abdominal pain
  • Kidney stones
  • Fatigue
  • Cravings for high oxalate foods

Again, there are tests one can order to determine if they are in fact dealing with an oxalate intolerance (an OAT). However, these tests can be flawed because oxalates go through phases of storage and elimination. One may be in a storage phase at the time of testing and therefore will not be eliminating large quantities in their urine sample, which would lead to a false negative. Great Plains Laboratory offers testing and lab values for oxalate intolerance.

Starting a low oxalate diet

It’s very easy to eat an extremely high oxalate diet of over 1,000 milligrams of oxalate per day if you are eating supposedly healthy foods like sweet potatoes, spinach, concentrated tomato sauces, whole wheat, cacao or chocolate, dates, nuts and seeds, cinnamon or curry powders, black tea, beets, and gluten-free or grain-free and dairy-free alternatives that are made with nuts and nut butters, teff, quinoa, hemp and soy. Eating extremely high oxalate is not a rare phenomenon and in fact encouraged by many popular diets such as vegan and Paleo. 

It is essential to reduce your oxalate intake very slowly. I cannot stress this enough. If you have been eating a very high oxalate diet for most of your life or you have significant health issues, this is especially important. A low oxalate diet is considered to be under about 50 mg of oxalates per day. Sometimes between 30 and 50 mg is recommended when eating “low oxalate”. Because oxalates build-up (store themselves) in human tissues, start the low oxalate diet very slowly and gradually increase the strictness to avoid a sudden “dumping” (as it’s called) of oxalates being liberated from your tissues.

For example, an average oxalate intake may average over 300 mg daily for someone who is not monitoring their intake. So decreasing very suddenly from 300+ mg of oxalates to under 50 could cause a sudden exit of oxalates that have been stored in tissues. This could result in painful symptoms for a person, including kidney stones, infection, pain, or whatever the original oxalate symptom was. You could end up feeling very sick before you start to feel better.

In my health coaching practice, I have had success with immediately reducing oxalate intake for clients dealing with chronic pain conditions like Fibromyalgia and muscle and joint pains from extremely high to high, then medium, to low over the course of several weeks or months. But in working with clients with a history of kidney stones, osteoporosis, irritable bowel syndromes, or who are in seriously poor health, I always make sure they very gradually reduce their oxalate intake.

You will need to monitor how a lowered oxalate diet is affecting you. If your oxalate “dumping” is coming on too quickly or strong (you are having a sudden flare of symptoms), you should increase your oxalate intake to stop the “dumping”. In the case of clients with a history of kidney stones, I know that causing them to “dump” too quickly could result in large or painful kidney stones, which is very important to avoid because no one wants an unplanned trip to the E.R. 

Also consider that oxalates naturally bind with minerals. So if a client comes to me with a low iron count, low magnesium, potassium, or calcium, I immediately think of oxalates. It may sound strange for low calcium to be a symptom of oxalate intolerance (because oxalate is calcium after all), but keep in mind there are different forms of calcium your body utilizes to keep blood levels in check — and calcium oxalate is not one of them.  

In addition to a lowered oxalate diet, there are also other tricks you can use to absorb fewer oxalates that you are eating, including, supplementation with calcium citrate or other minerals in the citrate form. When taken slightly prior to meals (about 5-20 minutes before), oxalic acid in the intestine combines with the citrate mineral to form insoluble calcium oxalate crystals. These crystals are then eliminated in the stools, commonly, and do not end up in the human tissues. When a person’s diet is low in calcium, soluble oxalic acid can be absorbed from the intestine into the bloodstream. In this way, it is helpful to eat dairy-rich foods if you can tolerate them, and if you have an oxalate problem — it means fewer oxalates will be absorbed by your body. The tricky part for people who have to eat dairy-free is finding non-dairy sources of plant calcium that are not high oxalate (because they almost always are) — this is why supplementation before meals can be helpful.

A common misconception is that cooking denatures or destroys oxalates. The reality is, it does not destroy oxalates and fermenting reduces oxalate content only in very few cases, but in some ways we can manipulate how we prepare foods to reduce the oxalate content. Boiling, for example, reduces the overall oxalate content of food because some will be drawn into the water.

Oxalates are also formed in the human liver. Some people experience what is called “endogenous oxalate production” which compounds an oxalate intolerance. This is where your body converts common substances like synthetic vitamin C, amino acids (like glycine), calcium or vitamin D supplements into calcium oxalate. So even if you are not eating a high oxalate food, you may be predisposed to converting non-oxalate substances into oxalate. This is purported to be caused by a vitamin deficiency like vitamin B6 as well as an interruption in the glycolate pathways caused by genetic mutations/inborn metabolism errors. If you have had your genes tested, you can look to see if you have ACAT, AGT, AGXT, SLC26A, MTRR, and ACE mutations which can contribute in various ways.

Avoiding foods rich in protein like meats and bone broths, gelatin, or synthetic vitamin C may be necessary to work around one’s oxalate intolerance/storage problem. Some species of mold or fungus like Aspergillus and Penicillium produce oxalates as well so there is reason to believe that infection by a certain pathogen can also cause oxalate production and intolerance. Supplementation with specific forms of B vitamins, such as biotin, P5P, and adenosyl or hydroxy B12 may also help.

Supplements that may help oxalate intolerance:

  • Minerals in the “citrate” form: These are generally taken 5-20 minutes before a meal to bind with the oxalates in the foods being eaten. Magnesium citrate, calcium citrate or potassium citrate are the most commonly used. Some people should not take calcium supplements, however, so magnesium may be the safest source.
    Also note that because oxalates bind with minerals, a person may be mineral deficient and need additional mineral supplementation regardless. Taking a multi-mineral supplement or using dermal magnesium chloride oil can help to reduce pain and symptoms of mineral deficiency
  • Anti-inflammatories: natural pain medications like Arnica (for muscle/joint pain caused by oxalates)
  • MSM: for muscle/joint pain.
  • Curcumin: as an anti-inflammatory. Note that turmeric is high oxalate but its active ingredients called curcumin is low oxalate. 
  • Essential oils: essential oils are used for many purposes, including everything from anxiety and depression to skin problems, sleep disturbances, infections, hormonal balance, and more. Oils generally have zero to a negligible level of oxalates so they are permitted on this diet. 
  • Vitamin B6: generally the active form called P5P is recommended over the synthetic B6 form.
  • Methylated B vitamin: your needs for this will vary depending on your gene mutations, so be sure to work with a practitioner before starting a B vitamin supplement. Low B6, B7 and B12 can contribute to oxalate intolerance. 
  • Homeopathics: homeopathics are used for various ailments and are generally considered low oxalate. Beware that homeopathic pellets often contain lactose so they are not appropriate for those with dairy allergies, or homeopathic tinctures contain alcohol so they are not appropriate for those with histamine intolerance.  
  • Humaworm for kids: this is an antiparasitic but also great for killing yeast that is associated with oxalate intolerance.
  • Oxalobacter formigenes probiotic supplement (this is not yet available on the market but projections show it should be available soon).
  • Biotin: to kill the yeast infections that oxalates can cause, or to rebuild Biotin stores as oxalate intolerance commonly causes Biotin deficiency
  • epsom salt baths to raise magnesium levels or act as a pain reliver for muscle/joint pain
  • Lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidobacterium lactis: they consumes 86-100 percent of oxalates in the gut even if you do not have adequate levels of Oxaloacter formigenes.
  • High-quality molecularly distilled fish oils: for the vitamins A, D, E, and K content, which aide in oxalate elimination in the bowels
  • Chondroitin sulfate: may help prevent the formation of calcium oxalate crystals
  • Digestive enzymes and supports: including betaine, protease, lipase, amylase, and possibly ox bile to stimulate digestion and bile production to stop oxalate absorption in the gut
  • Taurine: (if low in the plasma upon testing, which is common) to stimulate bile salt production to reduce oxalate absorption
  • Vitamin E and selenium: they have been shown to reduce oxalate damage
  • Arginine: to prevent oxalate deposition in the tissues

As with any diet or supplement changes, you must speak with your healthcare provider before making any changes. You do not want to guess as to which supplements you need or how much oxalate to reduce in your diet upon starting a lowered oxalate diet. It is truly that serious. 

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The real differences between twin flames and soulmates

The terms “twin flames” and “soulmates” get thrown around a lot within the metaphysical community and I have seen there is much confusion about what exactly they are, how they differ, and their purposes in our lives. I want to clear that up today because I think it is leading people astray. Understanding these two roles helps people to overcome their karma, which is what keeps us stressed and sick. Overall, it’s beneficial for you to get acquainted with the correct meaning of these words. 

As an Intuitive, I channel information (and always have, even before I knew what an Intuitive was) and I also rely on observation and cause and effect, reading the subconscious mind, as well as reflection on my personal experiences and the experiences of my clients to lead me to the truth. As I have said before, the truth doesn’t care about our preexisting beliefs or comfort, so I too have to put aside my ego and conscious mind in order to find the correct information to bring to you. This information is a years-long process of that very thing and I take it extremely seriously. 

Unfortunately, there are little to no societal supports for those people who have had such supernatural experiences (as I detail below). Having a traumatic twin flame experience, or having an other-worldly soulmate experience can leave many traumatized, unable to cope with what they have witnessed and felt, and leave them questioning their mental health. It is a total upheaval of everything you have ever been taught or rested on as truth.

Metaphysics has become a “choice”much like religious dogma, rather than a fact of life on Earth. Ancient peoples wrote about their supernatural experiences extensively and this truth permeated their societies and understanding of the world. Instead of honoring these legacies with curiosity, we discount them as primitive. Famous geniuses who have made major contributions to our world have considered metaphysics to be as essential to science as mathematics, and yet we still discount this. We choose a side to cling to forever to feel comfort in a changing world. We are slaves to our contrarian egos in this “3D” world despite the reality of existence being so much more vast than we could ever imagine. Magical things are transpiring right before our very eyes and we will only see them if we are open to the possibility. 

Before you begin reading my thoughts below, I will leave you with this: “Therefore, trust not what is seen but what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Twin Flames and Soulmates

I want to start by saying that we all have souls we are meant to come in contact and into relationship with in order to learn our lessons and overcome our core wounds (aka: karma). Whether we recognize this, or choose to do so is up to each individual. Will you repeat the same soul patterns, or will you identify and overcome them to find true health and happiness?

The relationships that are the most challenging are the ones your soul has chosen to learn from in order to overcome your wounds and reach your highest potential. There are no accidents in life and so you have been drawn to certain people in order to learn your lessons. While many of these people take us to our darkest places, and while the relationships may feel painful, or while they may do things to us that are not right and never will be, it is not necessarily a bad thing — it’s about our perspective. Yes, what they cause in our lives can feel bad and harm us but they will only harm us in the long term if we forgo learning the lessons. (The exception, of course, is abuse, which should never be tolerated and cancels out any soul contracts). Once we admit to our own lessons and begin working on them, you can take back your power, happiness, and purpose here.

You may have heard of the term Twin Flame before, and there is much confusion around this. Twin flame is often used interchangeably with the term Soulmate, but in fact they are not the same.

The purpose of a twin flame is to push you to learn your lessons and overcome karma. The purpose of soulmates is oneness and is so much bigger than that of basic attraction. In fact your twin flame or soulmate may not be a romantic partner, but could be a parent, child, friend, or sibling. Most often though, they do tend to be romantic partners because these are our most intimate, vulnerable relationships. 

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soulYour soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I do believe most all highly sensitive or empathic people are on a soulmate journey because of the implications for world peace. If we all found our way “home”, where there was ultimate acceptance, joy, and compassion for another in spite of the harsh realities of the world, how peaceful would we all feel? How much would we be able to accomplish in the world in order to make it a better place? These relationships are a higher calling and message of unconditional love that must be brought into ourselves and to the earth. Narcissistic people cannot experience this because they cannot compromise which is required of soulmates. 

Yes, there can be relationship challenges in a soulmate relationship but they are our “home base” in which we feel ultimate soul love and comfort and oneness and no circumstances can ever change that. You feel inextricably drawn to them and even if you want to stop the soul attraction, you cannot. It just is and was and will be. This transcends physical or intellectual attraction, which is how most romantic relationships begin. 

I will also say that meeting your soulmate may not be a happy experience. While the feelings it brings up for you may be positive, it is likely going to entail much hard work to get to a place where you two can make it work. Typically, one or both will be “runners” — running from the connection because it is too strong, makes you feel too vulnerable or seen, triggers your unresolved core wounds, or makes you see your flaws for what they really are. Not all soulmates come together because of the wounds of the past, which can end up extremely traumatic, but if you both want to, you can find a way. 

In order to begin a soulmate relationship, a few things must occur. First, you have to work through a good deal of your karma. Karma stands in the way of soulmates becoming close — or even meeting altogether. This is not a karmic relationship but a dharmic relationship; the good that comes after you resolve your karmic debt (though, don’t get me wrong — you can certainly have plenty of “bad” karma to resolve with them too — the difference is you both want to, work to, and fight to). 

You also have to work to balance your own soul. In other words, if you are a feminine soul (your biology often indicates this but not always), you need to work to become more masculine in order to have the feminine and masculine aspects of your soul in balance, and vice versa. It may sound counter-intuitive because, if a soulmate is the manifestation of the other part of you, you may think it is they who will complete you. But in fact, no other person not even a soulmate can complete you. You must do the hard work to complete yourself and become balanced and free of a great deal of karmic debt before soulmates can find each other in relationship otherwise the relationship can be codependent, have expectations that lead to disappointment, and be lopsided.

If you have already met your soulmate, here is what you can expect. First, you will begin a process called “ascension”. It is where your physical and emotional body are being re-calibrated to a higher frequency of love. It can cause literal physical detoxification sensations, such as parasite elimination, the need to change your diet, and an urge to become healthy. You will also experience the desire to heal yourself emotionally which will entail letting go of vices, negative self-talk, pessimism, and other unhealthy habits because what affects one affects the whole and the love is greater than any personal selfish desires which makes admitting to the problems and overcoming them worth it.

Soulmates often have a telepathic connection, whether literally in the mind, or through a resonance in the chakra centers. You may hear each other’s thoughts or feel each other’s energy — even if you are thousands of miles apart. Because of this, it is also important to work through any mental or emotional blocks because the fear of someone else knowing everything about you will act as a barrier to soulmates coming together. There is no privacy or hiding — scary for any person. It may sound beautiful for someone else to know everything about you but it is also intimidating because often our innermost thoughts can be cruel, judgmental, and negative. Also, if you have been treated like a piece of trash your whole life, you will likely treat yourself like this and a soulmate won’t be down for that. This relationship is about up-lifting, not tearing down. 

Identify the karma

You have to begin identifying how you feel around certain people to understand the past lifetime relationship patterns you are still living out. Once you identify these patterns from the past, you can understand your role in it in this lifetime and work to make it better — or leave if there is no way to resolve it together. What unspoken things are stressing you out about the relationship? What underlying assumptions does the relationship operate on? Who is in a role of subservience or superiority and why? Will they meet you half-way? Will they throw you a rope or will they shove you under the bus? Deep down, despite feeling you love them, are you wishing they would change but they never do?

Part of the reason people never graduate from their twin flame to their soulmate is marriage. Marriage is a social construct that is not in the best interest of people’s spiritual life lessons because it keeps people who should not be together in a relationship for years, decades, or their entire lifetime unable to truly self-actualize. Twin flame relationships are only meant to last until at least one party (ideally, both parties) has learned their lessons. If we begin to think about romantic relationships in this way (and even friendships, and relationships with bosses and coworkers), there is less stigma, shame, and pressure to stay forever. “‘Till death do us part” is not the goal; depth and growth are the goals.

Another reason people don’t graduate to their soulmate is fear of doing things differently or choosing what is best for themselves. The goal with any life lesson — including those karmic relationships — is to “flip the script” and create a new, healthy story line. What have you been wanting to do, to say, to become, but were too scared to because you didn’t think someone would be able to handle it? What kind of judgment or punishment do you fear from them? Are they simply apathetic about you (or you about them) and you crave real engagement or attention but haven’t pursued it? Are you miserable together and just going through the motions? Have you never been able to communicate or get on the same page? Are your needs being met or will they ever? Do they get mad when you want to change and grow?

If you can’t say with certainty that you will remain fulfilled or inspired in the relationship, it may be time to make the brave decision to fulfill your karma and end it. As always, it’s entirely dependent upon your situation and the choice is yours. 

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