The effects of twin flame relationships on children

I’ve written previously on the topic of twin flames. As I’ve said before:

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

I’m bringing a new perspective on this because we’re about to experience a major timeline shift in which identifying these things in your life will be necessary. In other words, the 3D physical reality will begin to seem less important and the soul or spiritual work will seem of great significance. It will be something you can no longer escape. Your soul wants to be heard and it doesn’t want to make compromises any longer. 

If there are children involved, leaving twin flame relationships can seem impossible. I understand this completely — trust me. It’s the ultimate dilemma every parent seeking or toying with the idea of separation has to come to terms with: do I choose what is best for myself or best for us overall, or do I choose the norm the children have lived thus far?

Almost all of us have grown up in families with twin flame dynamics. As I have said before, marriage is a big contributing factor (keeping people together who fall out of love, don’t get along, and deep down may not like each other or are unable to grow together). It may not have been obvious to you because many parents play the part, trying to be happy around the kids, keep arguments for after bedtime hours only, and avoid problems at all costs so nothing explodes into conflict. 

Here, I speak from observation (clients, friends, family), and personal experience as a child of twin flame parents and someone who was in a twin flame relationship for nearly a decade. I want to break this down so that you can see just what a child learns from twin flame parental role models in these relationship scenarios because it is a difficult, often impossible choice to forgo the relationship for greater spiritual ascension and your higher purpose here. But it is your right and choice to decide whether or not staying is truly the healthiest decision for the long term success of children’s mental and emotional well-being. 

What children learn from twin flame parental relationships:

  • Constant anger, resentment, and arguing is normal
  • Problems never get resolved
  • Love is conditional; there are always checks and balances
  • Compromise is impossible
  • Punishment and withholding love are normal
  • There is always underlying tension
  • Love means sacrificing who you are so someone else can be happy; losing yourself in a relationship
  • You must be the same person you were when you met your romantic partner — you can never grow because it leads to insecurity and jealousy
  • Vices are an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
  • Hiding is an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
  • Disconnect is normal
  • Communication is impossible and always leads to arguments
  • People avoid each other when things get hard
  • It’s okay to pretend there are no problems
  • “I am in the middle of my parents problems”
  • “My parents don’t love me because if they did, they would fix this” / “I am unworthy”
  • Walking on eggshells is normal, being scared of when the next problem will erupt is normal
  • Abuse (if present) is normal
  • It’s impossible to trust other people
  • Forgiveness is impossible or conditional
  • Infidelity (if present) is normal
  • Staying in unhealthy karmic relationships is normal
  • Lying to yourself is normal
  • Pretending to be happy is normal

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Empath sabotage type 6: flipping and foggy mirroring

Being empathic, intuitive, or highly sensitive means you can read the subconscious mind, plain and simple — whether you realize it or not — because the subconscious is always where the truth lies and you have spent your entire life working hard to find the truth on a planet full of illusions, projections, and distractions. As such, you are able to read subconscious patterns of thought and behavior on others through body language, tone of voice or specific intonation, word choice, energy, behavior, and more nuanced cues others don’t pick up on.

If you have not recognized your ability to perform this skill, you may end up drained by it. That’s because the narcissistic personalities and the non-empaths around you operate on the underlying assumption that the ego is the truth while you believe the subconsciousness to be truth. This results in great forms of denial or cognitive dissonance that you internalize into your body as stress. Over time, this will make you very sick. 

Think of the ego and your empathy/intuition at far opposite sides on the same spectrum. Empathy and intuition exists on the far left side of this spectrum because that is how we all start out as babies. We operate solely on our intuitive nature — we feel hungry, we cry; we feel gassy, we cry; we feel joyful, we babble and smile; we want to understand something so we touch it or put it in our mouths. Young children do not question their natural feelings and responses — they just do it. As time goes on, however, parents and caregivers teach children that their feelings make them too needy, too annoying, too defiant, and children become products of the demands of their parent’s ego. They do what the parent wants or they get punished — sometimes in small ways (a parent says “no” angrily or makes a disapproving look), and sometimes in big ways (spankings, shaming, isolation, or neglect). In order to tap back into empathy and intuition, we have to become childlike again and ditch the ego. We have to get back in touch with that child-like innocence in order to surrender to the magic and live from the soul not the mind.

The ego, on the other hand, exists on the far right side of the spectrum. Like I say above, as we go on in life, pain piled on top of more pain can cause us to become hateful, react in toxic ways, and stunt our spiritual evolution. If we don’t choose wisely, we start to act out these pains on other people. Again, whether you call it narcissism or the ego, it’s almost one in the same: purposely inflicting pain to try to make ourselves look good, feel good and protect the subconscious feelings from surfacing (and therefore, never resolve our karma).

The ego is generally what is projected and believed as the “truth” in our groupthink world because the ego is oh-so obvious. But you, as an intuitive person, inherently believe the subconscious. This can leave you feeling crazy, wrong, and not in touch with reality because it appears as if no one else sees the truth. You have to learn to trust the subconscious — the underpinnings — instead of the ego’s obvious story in order to see the truth but also not drive your health into the ground. 

It is interesting to note, however, that empaths and highly sensitive people posses our own unique way of dealing with the ego. It’s the way we hide our subconscious mind on purpose because we instinctively know who we really are may not be accepted, welcomed, or wanted. Whereas narcissists are operating from their ego 24/7 because it gives them power, empaths are operating from their subconscious mind most often but because we want to blend in, we learn to hide our true nature on purpose — not to harm anyone but to protect ourselves. It’s what I call “flipping” and it is where an empath purposefully flips their ego and their subconscious mind in order to blend in. It’s where we act more like our narcissistic culture than our true empathic nature because we believe that is what is expected of us, despite it causing us great pain. 

When I come in contact with other highly intuitive people, I see they do this often. We tell white lies, we pretend like everything is fine, we nod in agreement, we go along with what others tell us even when we know in our hearts it is wrong. It is silently acknowledging the truth but appeasing the egoic demands of others based on fear or cognitive dissonance (not trusting yourself). Again, we understand how to literally flip the subconscious and the ego in order to blend in to not appear “different” because empaths naturally operate from their subconscious mind unlike others and that can be a liability. We want to hide in order to protect. I believe that many who have had past lives as both slaves and royalty understand how to do this because it works as an adaptation skill that is useful in abusive and/or diplomatic situations.

There are also people who flip their subconscious and ego for more devious purposes. This includes telling you what you want to hear in order to falsely earn your trust, deceive you, and get their way. Some narcissists are good at doing this because they have learned how to prey on empathic people — making them feel important and telling them what they have desperately wanted to hear their whole lives: “You’re so special”, “We are so similar”, “You are important”. We have to learn to feel a person’s intention and watch their behavior in order to discern the truth. Are they flipping their subconscious and ego because they want something from you, they want to hide their bad behavior, or hurt someone? These are all indications that they flip for power and control, not self protection.

When you sense another empath is doing this, it can feel like a mindfuck because you are feeling one truth on a person, but they are intentionally flipping it to seem like another. The difference between this and other people who hide their subconscious is that the empathic “flippers” do this intentionally for self-preservation and to keep the peace, or feel out a situation to see where they fit in, not to harm or deceive for purposes of power and control.

There is another element to this phenomenon and it’s what I call “foggy mirroring”. It’s where an empath naturally reflects back to a narcissist or non-empath what the person wants to hear or see. Imagine you just stepped out of a steamy shower. The mirror is fogged up and you can’t see yourself clearly. This is where we act like narcissists, or like narcissism is acceptable, in order to prevent someone else from having to face the harsh reality of their behavior, from having to see themselves for what they really are. It is like giving someone a free pass on their hateful actions because we don’t want to have to call them out on it and face the social consequences. So we affirm others for the sake of giving them what they want. Empaths are natural ego mirrors, so we have become accustomed to dimming this part of our energy or personality in order to not have to tell the harsh truth. If you’ve heard the words “let your light shine” or “don’t hide your light”, know that it means you must stop hiding your internal compass and high vibration for the sake of those operating from lower energies. The world is changing and we need to begin reflecting them back to themselves.

Flipping and foggy mirroring are very similar but the major differences are that flipping stems from high degrees of cognitive dissonance or the desire to hide our sacred inner world, whereas foggy mirroring is about actively trying to fit into a world where you feel you just don’t belong. Ultimately, I don’t believe either are healthy. Unfortunately, most empaths do these things without fully being aware of it and live their lives appeasing others at the expense of themselves. Over time, your physical and emotional health will begin to suffer greatly because in the end, you are living a lie and unable to self-actualize.

To overcome these dysfunctional behavioral patterns, try these things:

  • Tell the truth, the hard whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
  • Do not lower your energy to appease anyone.
  • Create boundaries so that you do not automatically affirm the ego of those around you. If they are wrong, they are wrong.
  • Say no when you need to.
  • Take time away from the world at home or in nature to re-calibrate. 
  • Reflect and connect the dots in your life.
  • Do not compromise yourself ever again.
  • Reflect back to narcissists the pain they have put you through so they learn cause and effect and so that they learn you will not be a foggy mirror for them.
  • Get rid of spiritual narcissists in your life — show them the door.
  • Find other empathic people with which to affirm your truth.
  • Trust your subconscious mind above your conscious mind.
  • Stop worrying about fitting in. If people don’t like you for who you really are, they are not your friend or ally and you should not change for their acceptance.
  • Stop people pleasing. You can be kind and loving without being a doormat.
  • Decide what you want in life and pursue it until you get it.
  • Trust yourself.
  • Do not protect someone else’s lie.
  • Stop seeking advice from people who talk you out of yourself.

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“Bad” fascia is generational, karmic, and passed down

Think of fascia as the “mask” that we wear. Our life experiences shape what our fascia looks like. Every action or movement we make affects how our fascia functions, looks, and feels. The more dysfunctional the experiences, the more obvious the mask (I help you deconstruct this in Body Readings). A dysfunctional myofascial system is a major reason our chakras stay deactivated, though with knowledge and hard work, we can in fact activate them once more. 

The development of fascial adhesions begins in utero. Isn’t that interesting? What if we could trace back the cause to something beyond gestation?

Spiritually, there is a connection between the chakras and the fascia — that abuse and resulting fascial adhesions are part of the “curse of Eve”, making childbirth painful and keeping us from activating our energy centers. Why is it that some women have orgasmic births while others desperately need epidurals? It’s not just about mental outlook, age, support level, preparation, or sensitivity. Improper use of the mind and body cause fascial adhesions to form which affect how your muscles and nerves function, which will affect your birthing experience. Pain or pleasure isn’t simply a matter of mindset — it’s about how much bad fascia you have, and where. 

Your fascia will also affect how your baby grows, and how much adhesed fascia they develop before birth, and therefore after. Your development in utero is no mistake and the fascia you are set-up for in utero will continue the cycle for generations to come. It will affect your children, your children’s children, and on and on. 

In other words, if your mother has “bad” fascia due to dysfunctional use of her body resulting from emotional or physical abuse because no one in the family had ever broken the karmic cycles, your development process in utero will be affected because her womb will be restricted in very specific areas due to adhesions around the pelvic area, hips, lower back, and stomach. It’s a slippery slope of cause and effect.

The left side of a person’s body indicates their feminine side/brain (because it is controlled in large part by the right hemisphere of the brain), and the right side indicates their masculine side/brain (because it is controlled in large part by the left hemisphere of the brain). The goal is to get the two sides of the brain and the two sides of the body working together in harmony, instead of one being lame or one compensating for the other.

What I see most often, though is that there are more fascial adhesions on one side of the body in order to compensate. This is because, unfortunately, Earth is a planet of extreme dichotomy and division. As such, we tend to rely more heavily on one side of the brain and one side of the body — or be rewarded for doing so. (Chances are, you will either be right-brained dominant or left-brained dominant and therefore, you will be relying on one side of your body more heavily as a result. Left brain and body dominance is more common, due to the patriarchal system, FYI). 

I had a long-standing history of back problems — a lower spinal curvature and scoliosis diagnosis in 1997, causing back spasms that woke me up in the middle of the night for decades, followed by over 10 slipped disc and left rib dislocation incidents after the birth of my daughter in 2012. So the observations I’m sharing with you were true for myself and my own daughter — the women in our family had passed down a wounded feminine left side to their children — the fascia on the left side of their bodies was much more dysfunctional and adhesed than the right (masculine side) because we had been discouraged from our true sacred feminine nature and had learned to fit into the masculine system to survive. This manifested as pelvic misalignment and distortion, left hip distortion, lower back problems, and therefore left foot distortion.

Personally, I was in labor with my daughter for four days and gave birth to her early on the fifth day. I was in labor for so long because the left side of my pelvis was rotated and no chiropractor or exercises could correct it or speed up the birth process and get her out of the occiput posterior position. The day my daughter was born, our midwife stamped her foot with ink on a birth announcement and her left foot and leg were noticeably inwardly rotated, indicating she had not had adequate space to stretch while inside me, which the midwife remarked on and said would improve with time. When my daughter began crawling several months later, she used her right leg as leverage while her “lame” left leg and foot dragged behind. She never needed additional supports or medical attention for this, but it confirmed a cycle that had been perpetuated. As a child, my left foot and hip had also been a problem and doctors recommended my mother put leg braces on me to correct the posture. I feel I’ve lived some pretty extreme lessons in my life so I would have the ability to connect these dots for others.

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But fascia isn’t just a problem for pregnant women and babies. Fascial adhesions develop as we go about our lives and due to poor diet, health problems, poor posture, tight clothing, repetitive movements, and trauma to a certain area of the body, the connective tissue becomes more and more stuck, thick, and jumbled. So you have to consider why certain areas of your body — around certain chakra centers — are dysfunctional. It is important to identify your fascial adhesions because it gives you clues as to what emotional barriers you have faced during your life that are keeping your chakras from being activated — or the familial cycles no one has ever broken that caused this in the first place. 

Determining where you have fascial adhesions is the first step. Take a look in a full-length mirror. Where do you have bunching of skin? Where do you have cellulite (another form of fascial dysfunction)? Where does the skin appear to be thicker? Where is the skin and fat distribution unsymmetrical? Where do you have posture misalignment? Then take your pointer finger and thumb and gently grab your skin in these areas. Healthy fascia should easily pull away and you will be pinching a thin layer of skin. Dysfunctional fascia in which there are plenty of adhesions is very thick and difficult to separate from the skin membrane. It looks like large chunks, cellulite, ropeyness or lumps under the skin, and thickened skin.

If you have an open mind, also consider this: I believe fascial adhesions in this lifetime can also extend from other painful lifetimes. It’s not that we carry over the same body lifetime to lifetime (because of course we don’t), but that we remember the same pain spots or chakra imbalances from previous lifetimes which subconsciously affects how we move our bodies in this lifetime. You were shot in the back in a previous lifetime and have no conscious memory of this but your soul remembers the pain and you hold yourself or move yourself in a dysfunctional way because of it. Maybe this is to protect yourself, or maybe it is simply compensatory. Over time, this posture pattern becomes a thick web of dysfunctional fascia that actually begins to affect your nerves or range of motion in this lifetime. You see doctor after doctor and no one can offer a treatment that helps so you eventually resolve yourself to a lifetime of pain, pain killers, and perhaps even become angry and frustrated. Getting rid of the fascial adhesions may be one way to stop the physical pain, but also to release whatever the soul memory is that is holding you back from total self-actualization. 

I cannot stress enough how everything is connected. Your health is your karma. And your karma extends beyond emotional barriers — it also creates physical barriers that will eventually present as pain or illness. And it will keep getting passed down until someone does something to stop it. 

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