Your ego is your monkey brain

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, brain, children, ego, empath, hormones, mind-body, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, stress

The cornerstone of any spiritual awakening process involves shedding of one’s ego in order to reach new levels of personal awareness. Releasing the egoic mind involves a lengthy — and I do mean lengthy — process of identifying and eliminating the false realities we have been told are real, the illusions we have come to accept as normal, and the thought and behavioral patterns that keep us selfish and un-enlightened about the greater connectivity between the universe and our personal decisions (and those of others). It is a process of re-awakening to your own divinity, accepting your higher self or higher power, and acting from the prefrontal cortex rather than the stress-driven parts of the brain. It requires accepting personal responsibility for everything you have done, and developing the empathy to see how your decisions will affect you and those around you in the long run.

I have written before about the “lizard brain”, aka: the Amygdalae, which are two almond-shaped structures within the brain that remind you of the danger that could lurk ahead. The lizard brain keeps a close tally of every stressful situation you have been in, so that you can prevent stressors from affecting you in the future. Unfortunately, this also means people become locked in states of chronic stress because the lizard brain reminds you that the world is utterly unsafe, you are a terrible person, and no one can be trusted. Additionally, because we have all had numerous stressful past lives, our subconscious mind will also dictate these reminders to the Amygdalae, causing us to be triggered at things that have never hurt us in this lifetime. Overcoming these repeating thoughts is a necessary step in shedding the ego.

As I have said before:

Here’s what you need to know for your health: because of trauma you are operating out of your “lizard” brain or Amygdala. Amygdalae are part of the limbic system which is responsible for emotions, survival, instincts, mood, sexuality, addictions, and memory. It’s function has been linked to neuropsychiatric disorders that involve anxiety and fears.

You will have dominant Amygdala function whether your trauma has been acknowledged thus far, or whether it still remains in the subconscious corners of your mind. The Amygdala is the fight-or-flight, reactivity, fear center of the brain. It remembers most every misdeed others have done to us so that we can constantly be on the defense in order to protect ourselves. It is a coping mechanism and survival tactic that, while once essential, has overstayed it’s welcome. In large part, we’re not hunter-gatherers needing to protect ourselves from apex predators or starvation. It’s making us sick from the stress. 

There is another structure of the brain we also must overcome, though, in order to reach enlightenment: the monkey brain. While the lizard brain protects us from having to process or re-endure trauma, the monkey brain is the facade that gets established to help us overlook the trauma — or defend ourselves against the trauma. In other words, the lizard brain tells your subconscious mind, nervous system, and hormones something is not safe, while the monkey brain says “I will act bigger and better so that the problem does not present itself again.” Puff out your chest, beat your fists, and act larger than you really are, so to speak.

The monkey brain and its according behavioral patterns are the root of the true ego and in order to understand how to overcome it, we must understand how non-human primates function. Most primates, including us as human beings, spend their lives in large social groups or communities and this, along with primary needs (food, water, air, territory), become the driving force behind all that we do. Being secured within a community means more than socializing, of course. To a primate, there are constant threats, again, to food and water supply, territory, and most importantly, sex/reproduction and social standing.

Most primate communities are generally closed to contact with members of other communities. Most often, members stay within a certain region and rarely migrate outside of their home area. Such aloofness from other troops prevents high concentrations of individuals entering the community, which could result in rapid depletion of local resources and restructuring of social status. Communities usually avoid each other and are aggressive towards outsiders. Because of this, social interactions between members of different troops are rare, especially for females. In some primate groups, the only intentional contact between groups is in the form of defensive territorial behavior. Ie: instead of avoiding each other, groups actively converge near their common territorial border and make hostile displays to scare away competition. Sounds a bit like human displays of jealousy and insecurity, eh? It’s the classic means girls, hazing newbies, and feigned exclusivity to prevent outsider infiltration in order to retain power and control.

In order to guarantee resource availability, social hierarchies are constructed in a true survival-of-the-fittest mentality. The more dominant and aggressive one is, the more resources they have available to them. The more resources they have available, the most respect they garner. The problem is, high levels of aggression, both given or received, can lead to chronic psychological stress in addition to added energy costs and risk of injury. For primates, chronic stress can adversely affect health and reproduction. Does this sound much different than human beings?

Humans constantly vie for social position, feel inferior and therefore less valuable (socially, sexually, intellectually) if they are not connected to, or liked by, the most respected members of their community or subgroup. Of course, the “most respected” members are often not respected by virtue of character, though in some cases they are; they are often respected for their appearance and external accomplishments, ability to bullshit, wine and dine, and put on a false mask to please people and entertain — not due to personal enlightenment.

Humans deeply rooted in their egoic mind have no problem gossiping, spreading rumors, blameshifting, creating chaos, and sabotaging others so they themselves can get ahead and be perceived as superior. Humans spend most of their lives trying to be viewed as sexually desirable and go into deep depressions when members of the opposite sex (or, same sex in many cases) do not choose them as a sexual partner. We spend a majority of our time working to make money so that we can build a facade of desirability within our homes, wardrobes, with accessories (hair, nails, and other beauty treatments), our cars, etc. Every choice we make becomes about what will be perceived as the most valuable by people we both know and strangers alike (the car we drive, the school we attended — or our children attend, the company we work for, the choice of prints for the curtains, the comments/likes and followers we get on social media, etc). We can spend our entire lives chasing a facade that stems from normative primate behavior and does nothing for the soul. The monkey brain has taken over and this is why the dichotomy between empaths and narcissists exist. Some people are self-aware, and others are stuck in animal survival mode, willing to do anything (abuse included) to get what they want.

Below are some stereotypes but they do speak to the behaviors and attitudes we take on naturally through societal enculturation. In some cases, these roles can be reversed and men and women may flip flop back and forth between the two. If these stereotypes offend you, they should. Yet, they are still what many people consciously or subconsciously chase.

For male human primates, this can mean: taking as many sexual partners as possible, being perceived as “the man”, succeeding in external pursuits (finances and career) to win over the “best” partner, giving high-value gifts, providing for females or dependents (food and shelter at a basic level), putting on a macho facade (I have no feelings and am not scared of anything), I am the protector, and on and on.

For female human primates, this can mean: being unwelcoming to females who are perceived as superior in some way (sexually, intellectually, ethically, fertile or good mothers) and therefore a threat to their sexual security, shunning “sexually powerful” or desirable females, going out of their way to be sexually suggestive to their partners only to maintain their interest not because of real attraction or love, using sex as a manipulation tool, dressing in clothes to strike the attention of their desired partner, doing things to make themselves appear superior spouses, owning nice things, etc etc.

You see, in order to understand why we as human beings do what we do, and therefore recognize what is dysfunctional in order to overcome it, we must understand our origins. Whether you err on the side of evolutionism or creationism does not matter here. What matters is that our brains carry remnants or similar characteristic of other species and we must overcome those behavioral patterns in order to shed the ego because they have nothing to do with our soul’s purpose and are nothing more than a stressor and distraction.

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The art of fighting back

3D, abuse, ascension, children, core wounds, empath, life lessons, mind-body, narcissism, relationships, stress

Empaths, you have been sold one big lie. This lie has immobilized you your entire life. It has caused anxiety, anger, resentment and life long stress. It has made you stew and stew in a pressure cooker of internal angst and it has silenced you when you should have been able to speak. It has made you doubt and second guess yourself. And it has caused you to be a victim, a target, a lesser version of yourself. It is the wound of passivity in the face of evil and it needs to be rectified.

I’m the mother to a super empathic six-year-old. Today I watched her fend off a group of older boy bullies — the kind of kids who gang up on others because it makes them feel cool and important. She’s emotionally intelligent enough to know when someone is being mean on purpose and for no good reason, though she easily forgives those who are mean on accident.

A few years ago she would run to me with arms crossed or a pout on her face when someone was unnecessarily mean. I’d help explain to her the what, where, when, why and how of their choices and how to strengthen up so she wasn’t affected. With a hug, she would get over it and get back to playing.

Today she took a new approach and stepped into her power. Instead of rescinding her autonomy to any one bully, she spoke back. One little girl against six older and privileged private school boys. She got attitude. She told them they were being mean. And she meant it. It sounds like a small step but as a parent and coach, I know these skills need to be imparted from a young age. You see, chances are as an empath, you were taught to turn the other cheek, not say anything, and certainly not fight back.

It’s a fine line — at what point does your engagement contribute to more drama and how far do you need to go to get your point across? A few years ago I would have always turned the other cheek myself. I wouldn’t have had the desire or courage to speak. But that was before I saw abuse for what it really is: a pointless ego demonstration that benefits only one person — the perpetrator — and stresses the victim beyond belief… Because it just keeps happening no matter how nice you are. The nicer you become, the more they enjoy the game. And the more you feel complicit in it and stripped of your dignity. It’s time for us to take a new approach.

99% of the spiritual advice you will find on the internet takes an airy fairy approach to life. In other words, they recommend in order to be a good person and embrace your spirituality, you never fight back. That you send love and light to everyone. That you never acknowledge problems imposed on you by others because that’s too “low vibe” and you’ll just attract more of it. Ignore, smile, ignore, then magically manifest some happy ending. This puts victims (aka empaths) squarely in the position of a sitting duck. Do you think your higher power would want you to be a sitting duck, a punching bag for the anger of others? Do you think it benefits you when you put up with injustices for the sake of false peace?

My favorite biblical story is when Jesus fought back, bruised egos, and got angry. The empaths understood his righteous anger; the narcissists questioned his authenticity. The famous activists I look up to all stared evil down and spoke out against it vehemently. Then they were blamed for the problems and targeted further. Crucified literally or figuratively. Still, they kept fighting for what they knew was right.

After I watched my daughter stand up for herself fearlessly, one of my own bullies joined the playground scene. A fellow mom, a nice-to-people-who-benefit-her-appearance kind of person, a completely nondescript woman who you’d never guess could harm a soul — unless she’s done it to you. In the past, when she was cruel, I still smiled at her and asked how she was doing. I still wanted to care about her. In all truth, I was wrong. I should have assaulted her ego right then and there and ask her why and told her to stop. It wouldn’t have solved the problem but it would have let her know I wasn’t a sitting duck. That she would need to find a new victim.

All I know is that good and evil do exist. Ignoring evil doesn’t solve any problems. Acknowledging it is a start. Changing the whole goddamn system is what’s required. You deserve to no longer be a sitting duck. Imagine what would happen if all empaths rose up and learned the art of fighting back.

Stages of development of the female intuition part 2: the teen years

abuse, children, empath, energy, hormones, intuition, karma, mind-body, relationships, stress

If you haven’t already done so, please go back and read my first blog on this topic: Stages of development of the female intuition part 1: the early years. Once you get a good understanding for the backdrop to this post, it will all likely begin to click for you — the ways your intuition has been suppressed, why you don’t trust yourself, how to raise up a new generation of daughters (children) who aren’t in constant states of cognitive dissonance about the abuses around them, and who can take control of the energy that is being displaced onto them rather than internalizing it and becoming sick.

So here comes the second part to this series: the teen years. The teenage years are hard for most everyone — the kid, the parents, the teachers, everyone. Teenagers are not only experiencing an influx and sudden surge of hormones, they’re also smack dab in the middle of third eye development, which can and will cause a clusterfuck of problems for everyone involved. That is, unless everyone is operating in the truth (pretty freaking rare). Teen girls have a keen eye for bullshit and truly, deep down know certain people are asking or demanding they keep up lies for sake of appearances. They know their true nature will not be accepted. But because they are only just stepping into their personal power, chances are they will choose to act out or go within in order to combat the lies, rather than feeling comfortable stepping into a role of leadership in order to change the situation for the better.

A teenage girl is going through a lot. Socially, she is trying to fit it and not stand out so she can avoid mocking, bullying, and being picked on. This means she’s going out of her way to adopt a false personality of sorts that works with her circle of friends and what her caregivers expect from her, while she’s trying to attain a perfect body or certain look. External validation is all she has known and getting this from her male peers and from those in authority are number one on her list.

On top of that, she is wise beyond her years. We know that girls develop prefrontal cortex function — plan, plot, strategize — well before their male counterparts who won’t catch up until, best case scenario, their mid-twenties, worst case, their mid-forties! Cliques are a fierce force to be reckoned with and no one wants to be the odd one out at this age. So she plays along to fit in, which largely means acting younger to appease more immature male peers and adopting the social mores of her female circle. She just doesn’t know where her real self, if anywhere, fits in.

She also feels the incessant demands from her parents to perform a certain way in school and in extracurricular activities, project a good girl virginal image, and never cross the line into doing what feels good for her (the horror). In essence, her soul is being stripped by the demands of the external world. She knows she has to fit in for survival but she also knows who she is playing is not who she really is. But because she has never realized (aka: never been told or encouraged) she does not in fact need external validation, her worst fear is losing the approval of others.

The girl’s home life will also play a big role in the development of her intuitive abilities. She is keenly aware of the underlying energy in the home and relationship dynamics and while she may play along like life is fine because that is what the caregivers project, she is absolutely in touch with the problems that stick out like a sore thumb to her. Cheating parents? Check. Parents who drink too much or abuse other substances? Check. Parents who are emotionally unavailable? Check. Parents who fight in private but act like high school sweethearts in public? Check. Parents who don’t care to listen to her? Check. The way she is treated differently than her other siblings? Check, check, check.

If you remember, around age six she begins to realize there is more than one side to the coin, so to speak, and sees that duality and polarities exist. When she reaches her teen years, she not only now has a deep understanding of the polarities (people saying one thing but doing another, people acting in unethical ways, people telling her who she should be despite her not being that thing at all), but she begins to harbor a deep resentment and frustration over them. This is where things can get toxic. “Hormones” is what most people will call this stage of anger, attitude, tantrums, and resting bitch face. What they don’t understand is that the hormones are but a bit of kerosene adding fuel to an already burning fire. What they don’t understand is that she is sick of the lies.

Lies aside, the girl is also walking a fine line between adolescence and adulthood around the corner. She knows hypothetically she could assert her personal power to create some changes in the family/school dynamics. But she also knows those in authority do not easily rescind their power and will never hand it over to her without a fight. She has likely tried this before and it got her nowhere but punishment and loss of love. “Why don’t they trust me?” she wonders. “Why won’t they let me make good decisions for myself?”, “Why won’t they let me learn organically?”, “Why must I keep the secrets for everyone?”, “Why won’t they listen?” she asks herself. This is where core wounds begin to form and she resents those who are forming the wounds for her. Deeper she goes into herself, or deeper she goes into creating her own secret world in which she can act out without risking punishment.

All of this leads the teen to one horrible conclusion: she is worthless and not good enough. If she weren’t, she could be herself and have her needs met. Because her hierarchy of emotional needs is so rarely met, she understands that forgoing her intuitive reflexes is a must for sheer survival. Whatever she has observed and felt no longer matters. She becomes disconnected and no longer cares. She becomes the teen who hates family outings, vacations, dinners, and holidays. Why would she engage with people who are wounding her? She becomes the person who would rather be alone in her room on her phone because it is a form of escapism from the reality of life. Sometimes the escapism takes much larger and more drastic turns.

There is a way to change all of this, of course, but it will require a monumental effort by those around her. You see, she isn’t the problem. She is a symptom of larger dynamics no one wants to talk about. In order to make her healthy, everyone would have to come clean and few want to do this. To reverse this karmic residue, teachers, parents, and those in her life would need to overcome their ego. The ego that says there are no problems, the ego that says she needs to change to make them comfortable, the ego that doesn’t listen to her heart and mind when it is important. Their egos are blocking her intuition and she is almost ready to live in the truth.

Stay tuned for part 3 of this series.