Reclaiming your true identity

As the reality around us continues to implode, as the truth is exposed in record time, those on the ascension journey find more and more falsehoods to shed: the lies you have been told about yourself, the abuse you endured, the many times you questioned but were told to stop asking (or speaking). If little here has every made sense to you, that’s a good sign.

You have been born into a constructed reality. At birth, you were assigned a role to play, according to your parents’ or caregivers’ desires. Yes, you were given a name and gender, a weight and length, but also, as you grew, you were taught who you are and who you can become. You were told what you like, what to eat, how assertively or softly to speak, what to wear, how smart you are as well as your perceived aptitude or talents, whom to love or marry, which religion to choose, where to live, and on and on.

Nearly everyone else in your family, group, tribe, or community fit into these expectations so seamlessly you wondered why you’ve had trouble doing the same. There has always existed a void between these expectations and who you really are. Your true self became a dirty little secret, hidden deep within the recesses of your subconscious mind.

When you did not obey the orders you were assigned at birth, you were spanked, shamed, chastised, neglected, or isolated. You were told how wrong or terrible you are. You were reminded how unlike everyone else you are, and if you wanted love or success, you must obey the orders. For some, far worse punishment ensued as soon as they made a decision for themselves, including physical beatings, rape, extreme mental duress, and for some, even death.

You became more and more frustrated or dejected at the person you have been forced to become versus the person you feel you inherently are. Few have ever asked who you actually are deep inside of your soul, and indeed, if they knew the truth of who you secretly are, you feel they would reject or bully you altogether. It is as if there is some secret inside of your soul that makes you set apart from the rest, as if you are a stranger in a strange land. The physical body may be acclimated to this place but your soul never has.

The next big step is releasing the identities you were assigned, in both this lifetime and others. As I write about in my book, How to Become Intuitive, the soul cannot be chained by human labels. Your soul always was and your soul always will be. The ascended masters came to teach us this lesson, namely, you are not your body and you don’t die after you die; you go on. To where you go on is up to you.

Imagine being reincarnated lifetime after lifetime and bring forced to become who society, the state, and your caregivers, friends or family wanted you to be. Imagine what you were forced to do just to survive. Imagine ignoring your own soul each time in order to fly under the radar and not be punished, or to live and eat and have shelter. To fit in. Imagine how much subconscious programming you would accumulate that must be cleared. This is the job of those ascending. This is the soul roll call you received some time ago: to finally figure out who you actually are.

Think of it like an inverse reaction: as more cover ups and lies are exposed to the public, the greater insight you have about the truth. The truth of yourself, of others, and of why you are here. As one gets worse, the other gets better. As one become more chaotic, the other becomes more clear. You can utilize the principle of the opposite to finally perceive the truth.

It is safe to completely give up your false identity. The one others assigned you that has nothing to do with who you actually are; your human persona that appeased but did not fulfill you. Once you shed this, few will see your real self. They won’t be able to recognize it because they don’t even recognize it for themselves. But some will. And you will. It’s okay to become the higher self and identify as such. The you that is separate from all wounding, physical limitations, judgments from others, and instruction is who you really are. What if you stopped caring what others want you to be and started living as an infinite being within the system? You would be free of your karma and your soul will be able to go on after this constructed reality collapses.

Channeled messages 02/03/2020

On your original present-lifetime wound and your narcissistic parent(s)’ role in it: You have to go back to your original wound in this present lifetimes. It either early trauma (what a baby or young child would consider traumatic, not what an adult would), or attachment problems, or a mixture of the two. You have to discover what your original belief about yourself was, based on what your parents or caregivers reinforced. What is the statement? If you cannot figure it out, test your subconscious mind by reciting various possible statements. When you come to the correct answer, it will feel like an aha! moment and you may feel physically and energetically lighter.

As a child, you would do anything to survive. Narcs are incapable of helping anything to grow or expand, so if your caregivers were narcissistic, you were in constant states of biological stress because you worried you would die. So you learned to do whatever the parent wanted in order to ensure your survival. Imagine what would happen if you went against your parent, the person who kept you alive as an infant and child. Imagine you trying to fend for your survival by always keeping them happy. You came to believe you are bad and they must be kept happy at all times or you will die. This is how the ego programming begins each lifetime. You must overcome the original parental belief wound in this lifetime. Go back to the source: Handlers.

Narcs talk over and guide their children in conversation to make themselves look like fit parents. They smile and act loving or jovial but it’s just to control the child in order to control the other adults perception. So the child learns to vouch for the handler. Then they find a spouse who requires the same because this is what they were taught love was. It feels familiar. So the empaths are kept in a hypnotic painful response as a result and this creates cognitive dissonance between their conscious and subconscious minds. This is what differentiates and creates the duality of the mind: conscious and subconscious. This is why you feel you are two people: one deep inside who you really are and one every one has told you to be (or you face punishment). 

Digging into the subconscious mind means liberating the trauma so that it is no longer a junk storage facility. So that everything, conscious and subconscious, aka your perception and theirs, is no longer separate, only one being believed and one being a dirty little secret.

On subconscious cues from narcs: Narcs and the double blink: when making eye contact with narcs they will do a double blink or blink then look to their right and down (indicative of accessing the part of the brain that makes things up and improvises or plots) when your soul comes shining through your eyes. It’s like they talk themselves out of seeing it. It’s like they don’t want you to see that they can see who you really are. Or, you said something that upset their ego so they took it as a slight. That means you’re in for it. You usurped their power or reminded them you see through them.

Their punishment for this is in your third Chakra. Fear and anxiety and pain burning pain. It’s how they zap your energy from your kidneys and adrenals. They kept feeding off of you in a stress response. Of course. Your third Chakra is literally called your power Chakra. You need vibrant kidneys and adrenal to go the long haul on this place. They also become nervous or angry and take notice when you no longer respond to their various Pavlovian cues. They will watch you and wait to see if you respond. They may seem perplexed if you don’t. They will try it again. If you don’t respond this may elicit a further response from them or they may plot and prey. 

You are trained out of reality by your handlers through hypnotic suggestion and punishment. You feel the sting in your chakras every time you disobey. You learn to associate love with being zapped. And the zap of energy transfer is compounded by the fact that they choose the chakra(s) that they know irritate you the most from past lives. 

You have to pay extremely acute attention to the narcs cues. They are so unbelievably subtle most will miss them or believe any one who notices them to be delusional. Often it is a sniff of one nostril. Other times it is the wiggling of toes. Perhaps they huff and puff. Perhaps they stomp one foot or shuffle their feet. It is these cues that can only be registered by the subconscious mind while you are in states of cognitive dissonance. Once you integrate the conscious and subconscious minds, you spot it in real time.

The “best” victims learn these cues subconsciously and do their best to never ever step beyond the line their handler has set out. They are completely controlled by the Pavlovian responses. Because their drive to please and survive is so strong, they are the best energy givers and they supply their handler all day and night. They may not be the most bumped and bruised but they are often the most drained because they are eating themselves alive to not face punishment. Of course nothing a victim does can ever end abuse, except perhaps leaving (though even that’s not true most of the time). It’s just to say that the victim tries to be a perfect person to keep their handler happy.

And this is a form of abuse that has never even been acknowledged: energetic. Why else would you have to keep someone happy all day should you risk punishment expect for the fact that it’s an energetic prison?

Why “vibing high” is another form of denial

If you’ve even remotely engaged in the metaphysical or spiritual communities of the world by way of bookstores, podcasts, YouTube, retreats, classes, meditations, workshops and the like, you have observed those leaders and followers who like to “vibe high.” In other words, they adopt a higher vibration that seems to project love, kindness, unity, and harmony above any lower vibrations of evil, greed, hatred, injustice, and more. You may look up to these people and think you’d like to become like them, forgoing those low vibes in favor of something higher. It makes them appear to be a better person, a more stable person, a healthier person, certainly a more spiritual person — and chances are, you’d like that too.

As I have said in previous posts, the problem is that many times, these people have gray or blank auras that seem static-y, not grounded, and false. Their message makes sense but their energy is not differentiated or individuated. It is not unique to them. It is an energy of what they think they should be, rather than who they actually are. And thus, it does not project the frequency of truth.

This is because it is impossible to vibe high unless you have solved problems. Unless you acknowledge problems, stare them dead in the eye, find solutions for them, and reverse them, you are not vibrating at the frequency of truth. You are only appearing to.

We know that narcissists are also masters of denial and deflection. They overlook abuse on purpose. They pretend they didn’t do what they just did. They get others to stay in denial as well so that nothing is ever addressed and resolved, so that they are never held accountable, or so that they can continue stealing energy from the victim by way of cognitive dissonance and pain. They pretend they are high vibe because they deny what has actually happened.

That’s not to say that those high vibers are all narcissists. It’s to say, this method is employed by many. It’s to say that ignoring problems, abuse, injustices, and hatred do not make one a better person. Becoming a better person requires one going directly to the source of the pain and often, becoming that vibration in order to absolve it. You cannot fix a problem until you immerse yourself in it and get to know it intimately. Avoiding the vibration of the problem means you are denying it exists or that there is a solution for it. It is trying to erase the past by overwriting it, which doesn’t work when it comes to human pain. It must first be recognized and fixed.

Going into the problem, however, by remembering it and becoming it, is what truly solves the problem and therefore transmutes the energy. In the process, the low vibe may get blamed on you — especially if you are the only one who admits to feeling it. If others want to overwrite this pain by denying it, it will be up to you to adopt, learn from, and resolve.

Think of narcissistic parents. Many empaths have at least one. When their child cries or needs help, they believe the child should be ignored so that the child learns to stop crying or being needy. They believe this solves the problem because yes, over time, the child will expect less and less from the narc parent since they have seen they never get their needs met by this person. The empathic parent, however, runs to the child, assess what is needed to stop the pain, and offers a solution. Perhaps it is a hug. Perhaps it is bouncing or rocking the child until their nervous system is soothed. Perhaps it is a word of kindness or encouragement that they can find a solution themselves and the parent will watch and support them in the process; that they will be there to catch them.

Only one of these parents understands that a young child cannot transmute its own energy because of its age, so the parent assists and teaches the child how to do so. As the years go on, the child learns that she can find her own solutions but is not scared to ask for help if needed because they know the parent will always offer support. There is no angst or self-inflicted guilt for needing help. The other parent pretends there are no problems, that the child itself is the problem, and that this instinctual desire for help should be beaten out of it because “no problems exist — only you are the problem.” In other words, the parent thinks if they pretend there is no problem, the child will learn there is no problem. And thus, nothing is ever transmuted or improved. It is only suppressed by way of denial.

Be wary of those who vibe high by ignoring problems. Be wary of those who do not want to utter the reality of what is happening in the world. Be wary of those who pretend everything will be fine if we just adopt a higher vibration. If they cannot go to the source of the pain, become it for a short time and change it, they are not accomplishing anything for the ascension of humanity. They are simply playing a part and asking you to do the same. And this is not how you resolve your karma.

As Christ showed us, you must first go into the pain, acknowledge it publicly, and then allow the narcs to “crucify” you as the source of the problem. Remember, they operate on the old system in which a sacrificial lamb is required to absolve too much negative energy. Those with Christ consciousness instinctively understand the new system in which you can solve the problem yourself. After they have destroyed the remnants of the pain, you will be born again into a new life in which the karma was resolved and you can step into your dharma — your true life’s path apart from the denial. They will think they deflected from the problem, but because you took the time to resolve it, you will win by naturally having a higher vibration that you don’t have to fake.

Why leaving your narcissist is expensive AF

So you want to leave your narcissist, eh? Good for you! Admitting it is the first step towards the next best part of your life. But first, before you get to the good part, you will have to undergo the process of resolving your karmic debt with this person, which will end up extremely painful, traumatic, lonely or isolating, and well, expensive AF. This may apply to a romantic partner, family member, living partner, co-worker or business associate — it doesn’t really matter the type of relationship; while leaving, major recurrent themes are likely to play out. As an Intuitive, I’m here to be one step ahead and guide you through this process until you feel comfortable recognizing these truths for yourself.

As was true in the relationship, chances are, the underlying assumption was that you were lucky to have them. You were so “beneath” them to begin with. You “lacked” the aptitude, talent, beauty, sexuality, intelligence, social dynamism, or wealth to attract them in the first place, but they did you a “favor” by staying in the relationship for so long. You should be grateful. Not only will they remind you of this, but they will remind everyone they know of how lucky you were to be with them in the first place! Once you make that solid decision to leave and never doubt your choice, they will require you pay them back for all of the times they “loved” or “cared” about you while you were an imperfect human being. And trust me, they’ve certainly been keeping a record.

Here’s why leaving the narc is so costly:

  1. Putting you at an intentional social disadvantage. A narcissist will initiate a public smear campaign before the victim has even had a chance to process what they have been through or what they are going through. You’ll be so steeped in trauma, trying to put one foot in front of the other and suddenly you’re blindsided by gossip and defamation. Imagine the shame, fear, and anxiety of having to walk into seemingly normal situations (a school, a grocery store, a business) that can now become dangerous — not knowing who you will run into, what terrible things they will have to say to you, or how they will spread further hatred because of your choice to leave. But because narcs are sneaky MFers, they’ll do this so there is little to no evidence trail. Once you wise up and start fighting back to defend yourself and tell your story, they’ll collect the data to use against you as libel or defamation. Them spreading rumors to isolate you from friends and family? Fine. You telling the truth to garner much needed help and support in your time of greatest need? Absolutely unacceptable — and illegal.
  2. Demanding money. That time they bought you a pair of shoes you didn’t ask for? That time you went to the doctor without their permission (gasp!). That time they took you out to dinner. They’ll want repayment. And yes, they will have receipts. Or, perhaps, they’ll take you to court and sue for the pain and suffering of you leaving them (trust me, it’s real people). So even if you share no legitimate assets together, they will find numerous ways in which they require payment. If you do have assets together (homes, cars, bank accounts, businesses) — whew, watch out, it will get painful and messy and they will believe they are entitled to it all. With no money, no home, possibly no car, it feels damn near impossible to restart your life — or simply not end up homeless.
  3. You may need new vital documents. If you’re leaving your home with little to no notice, or even a job, you may not be able to grab essentials like your car title, passport, birth certificate, tax statements, and more. You will likely need to order these again and it will become an additional cost you must incur in order to get housing, qualify for electricity and water, get a new job, legally own your car, etc.
  4. You may not be able to get a new job. If you left an abusive work environment, or if you left an abusive home life in which you were forced to quit your job, your resume may look less than ideal. Employers don’t just care about your skills and aptitude, they largely care about how long you have been at your previous jobs. If your history, due to abuse, is “choppy”, you may have a very hard time finding new employment and remain unemployed for a long time. Trying to explain these situations to new employers often puts a “strike mark” over your name before you can even prove your skills.
  5. Interrupting normal parent-child bonding. If children are involved in this scenario, your relationship with your child will be severely affected. The narc will intentionally disrupt the normal parent-child bonding that occurred before you left. This is done so that you are put at a disadvantage, always working harder for your child’s trust, respect, and love and so that the narc is always given information by the child which can then be distorted to their benefit. The narc will convince the child you cannot be trusted, are somehow dangerous, and doing something that could harm them. The child comes to associate love from you with danger, which means you will have a more difficult time bonding with them. Both of your heart chakras will be severely affected and it will take lots of time and work to undo the negative programming the narcissist has instilled. People who have not gone through this will not understand why a divorce can’t result in two happy parents and happy children. They do not understand the mental mindfuck of control that a narc will never relinquish so that their devious deeds cannot be perceived by the child. And since you likely do not want to inflict additional pain or suffering on your child, you will not be able to explain the truth to the children involved and they will only be relying on the narc’s version of events until their 18th birthday — or beyond.
  6. You may need medical assistance or counseling. Going to group or individual therapy after leaving any narcissistic relationship is pretty much standard, and super helpful. I found a women’s-only group therapy to be the most helpful. Individual therapy is difficult if your counselor isn’t very well-versed in narcissistic abuse and its nuances. Additionally, your body is probably going to be ravaged by the incessant, high levels of stress so you will likely need to see specialists. If you have lost a job due to the abuse, you won’t have insurance, which means you may not be able to get proper medical care. By driving you into highly-stressed states, they get “high”, which means you go into the red to support their energy habit.
  7. Your self-respect and self-worth and now theirs. There is a high chance you will lose both of these in the process of interacting daily with a narc. But as soon as you make the final decision to leave, you will be reminded of the many ways you were always inferior to them. They believe they own your self-worth and because they have convinced so many other people you are beneath them, it will require a very strong person to overcome this form of brainwashing. If everyone else believes you are the scum of the earth, how could you not too? If every time you look into the eyes of friends, family, or acquaintances you used to be friendly with, and you see disgust staring you back in the face, you may begin to believe this about yourself. Remember, that this narc is likely your handler, and therefore, believes themselves to be your “prison guard”, controlling your entire experience here. They have trained you to believe that you need affirmation from them and when you “performed” according to their desires, you sometimes got a small snippet. But you do not need affirmation from the narc or their flying monkeys. You get to decide who you are and how valuable you are.

Dealing with the reality police

I’ve written before about how court proceedings are a necessary step towards humanity collectively resolving their karmic debt in this Age of Aquarius, as well as the implications of the scandals and fraud that have been coming to light in the last few years for both laypeople and the rich and famous alike. Not only do narcissists need to be brought to court to expose their devious deeds, but also chances are, if you are empath, they will drag you to court in an attempt to bully, control, and smear you so that they maintain an image of “purity” and so that you become their proverbial sacrificial lamb. They will attempt to prove your soul, actions, and beliefs wrong by way of the highest form of groupthink in the land: the court system.

Laws are necessary when people cannot self-regulate according to universal truths. An ethical and moral person instinctively understands right from wrong and therefore, will abide by such principles whether or not a law is in place. This is because they posses empathy; i.e.: “If I wouldn’t want it done to me, I shouldn’t do it to you.” Narcissists and sociopaths, on the other hand, find ways to get around the law so that their dirty deeds are obfuscated by legalese and interpretation. It’s easy to get around the law if one has enough clout, money, or penchant for lying and acting; or if one has a well-trained lawyer, versed in “alternative” legal interpretation working on their behalf.

While we expect the court to perceive the truth in a given situation, we find time and time again that since both sides have a stake in the outcome, truth is often nowhere to be found. The guilty are exonerated, the innocent are found guilty, the sentencing doesn’t fit the crime, judges are manipulated or selected for their loyalties, and on and on. Overall, there is no universal truth to be found, even in the system presiding over all human reality. Think about it for a bit and perhaps you will begin to see this is the case, despite the belief system to the contrary that is continually reinforced.

See, a primary function of the legal system is in fact to enforce a very narrow groupthink consensus on reality, rather than explore all options and truth related to said reality. According to this strict dogma, reality is already set in stone and further exploration or discoveries must always be written off as delusional, insane, or out of touch. Even if you have had the luxury of never being taken to court — or having to take someone else — this is meaningful for you too. This is because the ego that gets implanted into each one of us as babies or children stems from the overarching “normative” reality that everyone around you has come to accept as, well, normal.

In other words, your ego is not only a result of your wounding, your parents’ or caregivers’ wounding, but also the reality that is considered normal on earth. This is a reality that is skewed in favor of a chosen few, a few who they themselves do not abide by the rules or laws, but find ways around them. You are required to live up to certain standards that narcissists and sociopaths do not. This is not to say that you wish to break laws. It is simply to illustrate the double standards that exist within this reality that, upon being born into, one accepts as normal and does not question.

Once you begin to notice and question this reality, you will be sent to court — whether literally or proverbially (put up on the social or financial chopping block) — to elicit certain responses. First, you will be sent into fear. Is your version of events accurate and if so, how do you even prove the truth when you were not expecting to have to do so? You perpetrator was already collecting evidence because they knew they were in the wrong and would need evidence to the contrary to present. They were prepared but you are not. Secondly, you will be sent into a shame response. You must be guilty, bad or wrong if you’re being taken to court in the first place, or otherwise have to engage in a legal battle, and the shame transposed onto you by way of friends, family, or business associates is often too great for one to bear. In court, you will have to explain every detail of your thought process and you will need proof to back it up. You may be put through lines of questioning and intentional mind games so that the other side can find you faulty. You begin to question yourself, for yourself. Your reality becomes deluded with doubt, despite you knowing what you did or went through — or what someone else did.

All in all, you are legally permitted to be intimidated and bullied into giving up your version of events and reality in order to succumb to pressure from the dissenting side. Indeed, that is their entire goal. They want you pushed back into the groupthink, into the hands of the reality police, because forgoing the groupthink is so damn difficult and few safely do it. We must question why new truths are not welcomed and fairly or honestly examined on planet earth. We must ask why anything not in line with the official societal story line is met with hard and fast oppression from the reality police. We must ask why freethinkers are so severely punished, as is historically the case.

You may, subconsciously, deep down, be terrified of the reality police coming for you when you start speaking from the soul. You may wonder who in your circle of friends, family, or coworkers will instantly turn their back, point fingers, smear your name, or drag you into a legal battle. You may feel your real soul is not welcomed here. Just remember this: this is an essential component to shedding your ego because it allows you to see others for who they really are. Their behavior at the admission of your soul will tell you everything you need to know about the people surrounding you. It will force your blinders off, once and for all.

And also, this:

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”