The art of fighting back

3D, abuse, ascension, children, core wounds, empath, life lessons, mind-body, narcissism, relationships, stress

Empaths, you have been sold one big lie. This lie has immobilized you your entire life. It has caused anxiety, anger, resentment and life long stress. It has made you stew and stew in a pressure cooker of internal angst and it has silenced you when you should have been able to speak. It has made you doubt and second guess yourself. And it has caused you to be a victim, a target, a lesser version of yourself. It is the wound of passivity in the face of evil and it needs to be rectified.

I’m the mother to a super empathic six-year-old. Today I watched her fend off a group of older boy bullies — the kind of kids who gang up on others because it makes them feel cool and important. She’s emotionally intelligent enough to know when someone is being mean on purpose and for no good reason, though she easily forgives those who are mean on accident.

A few years ago she would run to me with arms crossed or a pout on her face when someone was unnecessarily mean. I’d help explain to her the what, where, when, why and how of their choices and how to strengthen up so she wasn’t affected. With a hug, she would get over it and get back to playing.

Today she took a new approach and stepped into her power. Instead of rescinding her autonomy to any one bully, she spoke back. One little girl against six older and privileged private school boys. She got attitude. She told them they were being mean. And she meant it. It sounds like a small step but as a parent and coach, I know these skills need to be imparted from a young age. You see, chances are as an empath, you were taught to turn the other cheek, not say anything, and certainly not fight back.

It’s a fine line — at what point does your engagement contribute to more drama and how far do you need to go to get your point across? A few years ago I would have always turned the other cheek myself. I wouldn’t have had the desire or courage to speak. But that was before I saw abuse for what it really is: a pointless ego demonstration that benefits only one person — the perpetrator — and stresses the victim beyond belief… Because it just keeps happening no matter how nice you are. The nicer you become, the more they enjoy the game. And the more you feel complicit in it and stripped of your dignity. It’s time for us to take a new approach.

99% of the spiritual advice you will find on the internet takes an airy fairy approach to life. In other words, they recommend in order to be a good person and embrace your spirituality, you never fight back. That you send love and light to everyone. That you never acknowledge problems imposed on you by others because that’s too “low vibe” and you’ll just attract more of it. Ignore, smile, ignore, then magically manifest some happy ending. This puts victims (aka empaths) squarely in the position of a sitting duck. Do you think your higher power would want you to be a sitting duck, a punching bag for the anger of others? Do you think it benefits you when you put up with injustices for the sake of false peace?

My favorite biblical story is when Jesus fought back, bruised egos, and got angry. The empaths understood his righteous anger; the narcissists questioned his authenticity. The famous activists I look up to all stared evil down and spoke out against it vehemently. Then they were blamed for the problems and targeted further. Crucified literally or figuratively. Still, they kept fighting for what they knew was right.

After I watched my daughter stand up for herself fearlessly, one of my own bullies joined the playground scene. A fellow mom, a nice-to-people-who-benefit-her-appearance kind of person, a completely nondescript woman who you’d never guess could harm a soul — unless she’s done it to you. In the past, when she was cruel, I still smiled at her and asked how she was doing. I still wanted to care about her. In all truth, I was wrong. I should have assaulted her ego right then and there and ask her why and told her to stop. It wouldn’t have solved the problem but it would have let her know I wasn’t a sitting duck. That she would need to find a new victim.

All I know is that good and evil do exist. Ignoring evil doesn’t solve any problems. Acknowledging it is a start. Changing the whole goddamn system is what’s required. You deserve to no longer be a sitting duck. Imagine what would happen if all empaths rose up and learned the art of fighting back.


Stages of development of the female intuition part 2: the teen years

abuse, children, empath, energy, hormones, intuition, karma, mind-body, relationships, stress

If you haven’t already done so, please go back and read my first blog on this topic: Stages of development of the female intuition part 1: the early years. Once you get a good understanding for the backdrop to this post, it will all likely begin to click for you — the ways your intuition has been suppressed, why you don’t trust yourself, how to raise up a new generation of daughters (children) who aren’t in constant states of cognitive dissonance about the abuses around them, and who can take control of the energy that is being displaced onto them rather than internalizing it and becoming sick.

So here comes the second part to this series: the teen years. The teenage years are hard for most everyone — the kid, the parents, the teachers, everyone. Teenagers are not only experiencing an influx and sudden surge of hormones, they’re also smack dab in the middle of third eye development, which can and will cause a clusterfuck of problems for everyone involved. That is, unless everyone is operating in the truth (pretty freaking rare). Teen girls have a keen eye for bullshit and truly, deep down know certain people are asking or demanding they keep up lies for sake of appearances. They know their true nature will not be accepted. But because they are only just stepping into their personal power, chances are they will choose to act out or go within in order to combat the lies, rather than feeling comfortable stepping into a role of leadership in order to change the situation for the better.

A teenage girl is going through a lot. Socially, she is trying to fit it and not stand out so she can avoid mocking, bullying, and being picked on. This means she’s going out of her way to adopt a false personality of sorts that works with her circle of friends and what her caregivers expect from her, while she’s trying to attain a perfect body or certain look. External validation is all she has known and getting this from her male peers and from those in authority are number one on her list.

On top of that, she is wise beyond her years. We know that girls develop prefrontal cortex function — plan, plot, strategize — well before their male counterparts who won’t catch up until, best case scenario, their mid-twenties, worst case, their mid-forties! Cliques are a fierce force to be reckoned with and no one wants to be the odd one out at this age. So she plays along to fit in, which largely means acting younger to appease more immature male peers and adopting the social mores of her female circle. She just doesn’t know where her real self, if anywhere, fits in.

She also feels the incessant demands from her parents to perform a certain way in school and in extracurricular activities, project a good girl virginal image, and never cross the line into doing what feels good for her (the horror). In essence, her soul is being stripped by the demands of the external world. She knows she has to fit in for survival but she also knows who she is playing is not who she really is. But because she has never realized (aka: never been told or encouraged) she does not in fact need external validation, her worst fear is losing the approval of others.

The girl’s home life will also play a big role in the development of her intuitive abilities. She is keenly aware of the underlying energy in the home and relationship dynamics and while she may play along like life is fine because that is what the caregivers project, she is absolutely in touch with the problems that stick out like a sore thumb to her. Cheating parents? Check. Parents who drink too much or abuse other substances? Check. Parents who are emotionally unavailable? Check. Parents who fight in private but act like high school sweethearts in public? Check. Parents who don’t care to listen to her? Check. The way she is treated differently than her other siblings? Check, check, check.

If you remember, around age six she begins to realize there is more than one side to the coin, so to speak, and sees that duality and polarities exist. When she reaches her teen years, she not only now has a deep understanding of the polarities (people saying one thing but doing another, people acting in unethical ways, people telling her who she should be despite her not being that thing at all), but she begins to harbor a deep resentment and frustration over them. This is where things can get toxic. “Hormones” is what most people will call this stage of anger, attitude, tantrums, and resting bitch face. What they don’t understand is that the hormones are but a bit of kerosene adding fuel to an already burning fire. What they don’t understand is that she is sick of the lies.

Lies aside, the girl is also walking a fine line between adolescence and adulthood around the corner. She knows hypothetically she could assert her personal power to create some changes in the family/school dynamics. But she also knows those in authority do not easily rescind their power and will never hand it over to her without a fight. She has likely tried this before and it got her nowhere but punishment and loss of love. “Why don’t they trust me?” she wonders. “Why won’t they let me make good decisions for myself?”, “Why won’t they let me learn organically?”, “Why must I keep the secrets for everyone?”, “Why won’t they listen?” she asks herself. This is where core wounds begin to form and she resents those who are forming the wounds for her. Deeper she goes into herself, or deeper she goes into creating her own secret world in which she can act out without risking punishment.

All of this leads the teen to one horrible conclusion: she is worthless and not good enough. If she weren’t, she could be herself and have her needs met. Because her hierarchy of emotional needs is so rarely met, she understands that forgoing her intuitive reflexes is a must for sheer survival. Whatever she has observed and felt no longer matters. She becomes disconnected and no longer cares. She becomes the teen who hates family outings, vacations, dinners, and holidays. Why would she engage with people who are wounding her? She becomes the person who would rather be alone in her room on her phone because it is a form of escapism from the reality of life. Sometimes the escapism takes much larger and more drastic turns.

There is a way to change all of this, of course, but it will require a monumental effort by those around her. You see, she isn’t the problem. She is a symptom of larger dynamics no one wants to talk about. In order to make her healthy, everyone would have to come clean and few want to do this. To reverse this karmic residue, teachers, parents, and those in her life would need to overcome their ego. The ego that says there are no problems, the ego that says she needs to change to make them comfortable, the ego that doesn’t listen to her heart and mind when it is important. Their egos are blocking her intuition and she is almost ready to live in the truth.

Stay tuned for part 3 of this series.

Empath subcategory type 2: Rainbows

5D, children, empath, energy, intuition, karma

If you read my last post Empath subcategory type 1: Indigos, you know that there is a small percentage of the empathic/highly sensitive people in the population that are warriors at heart, see through facades, and are here to break down old toxic systems. These people have a driven mind-set and are irritated by basic ways of doing things that do not lead to positive progress. “Empaths on steroids” as I lovingly referred to them.

In contrast to those kinds of empaths are another kind, Rainbows, which are much more calm, even-tempered, and naive. If Indigos are empaths on steroids, Rainbows are empaths on Xanax. Rainbow people comprise a larger percentage of the empath community and are the stereotypical peace-loving flower child. They often look like hippies, free spirits who wear the long, flowing and brightly colored clothes, pick daisies for enjoyment, and care deeply about the earth’s ecology. They may be tree huggers, environmental activists, and care about the welfare of animals. While Indigos become angry and frustrated at the plight of the world and the complacency of others, Rainbows can become emotional and sad about the state of things, wishing all beings were cared for and loved as they love. They are more likely to join in a cause, rather than start one themselves.

Rainbows are classified by a distinctive multi-colored aura that often resembles a rainbow — neon or pastel whites, blues, yellows, and pinks comprising the majority of their soul’s colors. They do not resonate with one color or the other — they are a mixture of all, hence their name. Because of their high-vibrational aura color, they can also be high energy, hyperactive, and always ready to move on to the next bit of fun. Life is always an adventure for a Rainbow and they want to experience as much as they can in their short existence here. They likely do not carry quite as much karmic residue as an Indigo and so they are able to be much more free-spirited and open to the world.

A Rainbow is easy to spot because their energy is so naive, loving, and kind that you will be blown away by their easy going nature. Rainbows are the kind of people who gravitate towards lovey-dovey spirituality and may overlook the bad energy of another because it is simply not on their radar. They love regardless of how they are loved, and they give regardless of how they are given to. A Rainbow child is the one who knows no strangers, waves hello and smiles at everyone in the grocery store, attracts the love of others wherever they go, and runs over to a friend in need to give a hug. In other words, they see the good in everyone and everything and just want the world to find peace. The love they exude is contagious and people are naturally drawn to them.

A major hangup for Rainbows is that, because they are so trusting, they will need to develop their third eye or intuition to be able to discern who is truly a healthy part of their life and who is not. While they want to believe everyone is good like them, the truth is this is not always the case. Their naivete is beautiful but can also become an issue if they never learn how to discern people’s true intentions. Additionally, they will need to find ways to channel their energy into productive matters rather than looking for the next fun activity.

How to tell if you are a Rainbow:

Love is your natural state. You have never considered withholding love or affection from the people in your life and give it freely. It doesn’t bother you if others are not able to reciprocate because it just feels so good to give.

You care deeply about environmental or animal welfare issues. The planet and the animals on it are one of your biggest priorities. You want to save the beings who can’t stand up for themselves. You may participate in non-profits and organizations that promote animal rights and environmental preservation.

You routinely get called a hippie. People assume you are a tree hugger or flower child archetype based on how you dress, speak, and your interests. You enjoy others seeing you this way.

You feel that nature is a second home to you. You love sitting in the grass, watching flowers sway in the breeze, and getting your hands and feet dirty in the ground beneath you.

You are drawn to spirituality that is feel-good in nature. You love reading books, listening to podcasts, and finding blogs that promote a “do no harm” approach to life. Your number one priority is sharing your infectious good energy with others.

You hate conflict. Because Rainbows are so naive and loving, they expect everyone shares this view. It surprises you when other people cannot meet you on that level, but it rarely upsets you — you just go about the business of being high-vibe. You simply don’t know how to participate in conflict.

You may feel restless. As I said, because of their high vibrational energy, Rainbows are always on the move. True social butterflies, they flit about from one thing to the next, always looking for the fun in life. They can become very restless when asked to sit still, focus, and get serious.

You can be prone to sadness. While 99% of your time is made up of love and happiness, you do sometimes get down when there are conflicts you can’t avoid. You just want everyone to get along and when this isn’t possible, you turn to internal sadness.

You have a hard time standing up for yourself. Because you assume everyone has good intentions, you likely have never developed self-survival skills. You simply don’t think they are necessary if you give enough love. Rainbows will eventually need to learn how to say no, how to put themselves first, and how to discern what is healthy and what is not.