Empath sabotage type 3: amnesia

I created this blog post series because the brand of spirituality many of us grew up with or currently ascribe to is one of total selflessness at the expense of ourselves and our health. I lived that kind of spirituality for 32 years and all it got me was stressed beyond belief, taken advantage of, energetically drained, and sick. As an empath, I want you to live your highest potential, just as I encourage my clients to do. In order to do that, you have to accept and come to terms with some hard truths. These are the kind of truths you can only acquire through experience or storytelling, and many holy books or spiritual leaders prevent awareness of these things because their teachings make you powerless — personal power always being usurped for someone else and their interests, for the church, the tithe, or the prayer. 

Only when you have been in the trenches of narcissism and examined and analyzed the tactics much like a reconnaissance mission, can you come out the other side equipped to handle our current reality. Let me tell you this: I have been in the trenches, so deep in the muck and mire that I though I would drown and since there was no one coming to my rescue, I had to save myself. I see my clients living the same. Eternal drowning is not what a legitimate god, savior, universe, or ascended master would want for you. No matter your religious or spiritual beliefs, please know this: there is something so much better for you on the other side of the trauma. You do not have to live the pain and hardship forever. But first, you must recognize and remember that you are in it in the first place. 

Planet earth is a funny place because it can be thrilling, beautiful, tragic, sorrowful, and amazing all at once — on the same day or within the same hour. Events transpire or moods change and what was once positive now seems negative, or vice versa. The problem is that we keep trying to convince ourselves of how wonderful this place is, in order to have the hope to keep going, even when the reality is not always so great. Crime, death, immorality, war, rape, hunger, pollution, lack of ethics or justice pervade as a daily truth. So we begin to live on the excitement of hope instead of raw reality, which is why so many people have a hard time being present: “that party will keep me happy”, “getting married will bring me ultimate happiness”, “a new wardrobe will bring me everything I ever wanted”, “that sports game/team will entertain me”, “that movie will be so great”, “if I have these things, I can look past the problems here.”

In fact, much of what we interpret as “happiness” is contrived — smiles on faces of people who are being paid to be happy in order to create a good experience for the consumer: advertisements, television shows, wait staff, etc. If you have worked a day in your life, you know a number one job requirement is a good attitude, no matter your skill set. While many people are genuinely happy in their lives and jobs — or are trying to be to set a positive tone in their home or work life (which is a very good thing) — here I am asking you to see beyond the facade of “hoping” or “trying” and into the reality. 

The facade of “everything is so great here, right?” creates an amnesic state that confuses empaths and creates a high degree of cognitive dissonance. This is very similar to Empath sabotage type 2: confusion, but the difference is that the amnesia is a by-product of the confusion. By reminding you of how “wonderful” everything is, how grateful you should be, how negative you are for seeing the problems, others are reinforcing the cognitive dissonance between your conscious and subconscious mind. It is a way to make you forget the reality and live in a sleep state. The chasm will keep growing until you do something to stop it. 

As an empath, you easily see the problems. You easily see through the bullshit. People are saying one thing publicly but feeling or doing another behind closed doors yet no one is addressing it. I witnessed this over and over again in the natural health world, working for some big names. In places you would think were all about de-stressing, health and wellness, employees were sick and taxed, dropping like flies (one girl was so stressed she faceplanted and nearly broke her nose). But to the boss and audience they enthusiastically remarked how happy and grateful they were.

People need money, people need to keep their jobs — I get it and I have been there. But my point is that the amnesic state was so great in these places that no one knew up from down, left from right, right from wrong. Everything was backwards and twisted and no one trusted themselves. They sacrificed who they really are for who others wanted them to be and it was hurting them. Every experience was filtered through the amnesic state and these people were not able to reconcile the true feelings of their subconscious mind (which is what we are here to do) with their current reality. They were even lying to themselves because they didn’t know they had another option. 

What happens to people who identify the real issues at hand despite constant bombardment with false information telling them otherwise? What happens spiritually and energetically to people who see the sadness on someone’s face through the contrived smile? If you choose to recognize the truth in these situations, you wake up out of the amnesia.

And let me tell you, it is an utterly painful process because you will go at it alone and you will face all of the facades you have built your life on, but on the other side of it is the remembrance of who you actually are and your true purpose and destiny here. You have a big one — we all do. By remaining unaware, you are allowing others to control your fate, your health, and what you will become. You will be doomed to a permanent sleepwalking state. 

You see, narcissistic personalities are benefiting from you remaining in the amnesia. It is where you are your most vulnerable, most trusting, most forgiving, most mold-able, and most use-able. It is where your energy is readily available for draining. You deserve to help yourself first and foremost. “Put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others” kind of thing. Empaths have had this backwards for quite some time. 

If you are an empath or highly sensitive person, you likely are extremely loving and forgiving. You simply know no other way. It does not feel good for you to hold things against people and even when you have been severely abused, hurt, or traumatized. Your true nature is to forgive and forget — both for their benefit and for yours — even if it takes a while for you to get there. (And empaths usually hold it against themselves when they cannot easily let go of the pain caused by others). This is a positive quality and you shouldn’t give this up; holding onto bad energy causes physical and emotional illness. Forgive and move on, yes, but I want to urge you — don’t let them do it again. Once you wake up, it becomes easier to recognize when someone is hurting you and stand up to them or get out in order to become your true self and stop the energy drains.

To further get out of the amnesia, use these tools:

  • meditation (to bring up subconscious memories and release them)
  • energetic release (identify where the dense heavy energy/pain is on your body, visualize its frequency, then consciously release it)
  • do not be talked out of what you know is true
  • accept punishment from no one
  • remember what your purpose here is (despite everyone having an opinion on who you are/how you should live your life – what do you feel in your soul you want to do/become?)
  • do not be coerced for any reason
  • fix your physical health with nutrition
  • if it resonates with you, and you live in a state/country where legal, use cannabis or psychoactive plant remedies to enhance your spiritual path and intuition (I know this is controversial, but this is your decision to make in a safe, appropriate, and legal way to enhance rather than “escape”, become dependent upon, or harm. As with any substance, speak with your healthcare provider first.)
  • create boundaries in which you easily say “no” when you want to
  • get rid of narcissistic energy vampires in your life who are parasitic and draining your energy
  • activate your chakras for ultimate personal power and good health
  • fix your fascia (get rid of fascial adhesions which keep you infected, immobile, in constant states of pain remembrance and triggering, and create a density which blocks chakra activity)
  • identify abuse in your life
  • stand up to lies, even if you are the only one
  • stop catering to/being afraid of the egos of everyone around you (bowing down to their egos force you to live in the sleepwalking state)
  • question EVERYTHING you have been taught and are told (then tune into your body/soul to see what is true for you)
  • always ask yourself “why?”
  • give yourself permission to be the ultimate authority on your life

 

Read Empath sabotage type 4: left-brained logic

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Empath sabotage type 2: confusion

In my last blog post, I wrote about Empath sabotage type 1: energetic starvation. You see, empaths need and thrive on emotionally reciprocated love as their primary fuel. It’s what gives them the energy to keep going both mentally and physically. Starving them of this leads to utter psychological and physiological chaos. Because empaths operate on the assumption good energy for good energy, starving them of good energy causes existential crisis. Trust me, there are solutions to this problem (see the link above). Unfortunately though this is but one tactic used against empaths to keep us stressed and sick.

Today I’m adding onto the ideas discussed in that last post because there are many ways empathic people are hurt, used, and targeted so others can get ahead — or so that we can’t. The next big one is confusion. Mind games, misleading information, alternative storylines, red herrings, subconscious suggestion, groupthink, “abusive fallacy”, “tone policing”, “traitorous critic fallacy”, appeal to fear, Bulverism, straw man, etc. etc. etc. In other words, these tactics and many others are used by narcissists in order to confuse empaths and the people around them in order to deflect from whatever the real issue at hand is, or in order to throw a wrench in the life of an empath so they cannot be successful.

In all honesty, I wish I didn’t have to tell you these things and I wish they were not really happening. The truth, if you want it, is that is it real and it does happen very often. It will happen every time you try to “up level” and improve yourself or something big in your environment. Every time you try to shine, speak your truth, get away from the drama and trauma, heal yourself, improve the world around you, and remember your magnificence. It is truly the “crab in the bucket” syndrome. If you up level, you are going to have others try to bring you down first — or make you so traumatized it feels impossible to succeed. I know because I have lived this and because my clients live it too. It causes a great deal of confusion which can make us sick and immobilized. 

First, I want to preface this by saying that we all play mind games with each other — whether we realize it or not. The difference is some people do it on purpose to get ahead and some people don’t know they’re doing it. It’s all about intention. Until one has identified their ego (that is, the desires for control and pain) and worked to tame it, you’ll be floating in and out of your ego all the time. In one moment, you’ll be deep in the ego without even realizing it, and in the next moment you’ll be striving to be your higher self — vacillating between the subconscious and conscious mind, base and holy, holy and base. Narcissists do this on purpose to hide their desire for power and control, while everyone else does it without realizing or because they are truly trying to grow and evolve (which is a hard process). 

As I said, there are, however, people who are aware of this phenomena and purposefully hide their ego in order to throw others off, or to appear as their higher self when it is self-serving for them. They may hide behind good words and deeds but use common fallacies to serve devious desires. The people around them don’t recognize this and continue trusting them (only seeing the higher-self version they have put on display for the world), while the empaths become very confused because they see through this facade. We recognize their cognitive dissonance or hypocrisy in their words and actions; it’s simply in the nature of an empath to see through bullshit. 

I’ll give you an example. You’re part of a spiritual community promoting love and peace. Therefore, naturally, you expect love and peace from them. Maybe you even pay them a tithe, or for classes or services, or some kind of extracurricular activity. You hope it will enrich your life and the life of your family. You work hard to build community within this group and get involved. And although there are many other people in the same boat as you, lovingly being of service to the group and motto, there are others who engage in more base activities like gossip, defamation, groupthink, coercion, and negativity. While people are saying they want love and peace, their actions tell you otherwise. You can’t make heads or tails of it. 

A common scenario that creates confusion is when a group member starts asking questions or observing the baseness going on on a deeper level within the community, they are punished with isolation, bullying, threats, intimidation, etc. “They’re not spiritual enough”, “they’re depressed”, “they aren’t like us”, “they’re just trying to cause trouble”, “stay away from them” you will be told. You are observing one thing but being told another through logical fallacies — you feel utterly confused. 

As Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés writes in her wonderful book ,”Women Who Run With The Wolves“, it is as if there is a door you have been subconsciously told you cannot peek behind. In her book, Pinkola Estés tells the story of Bluebeard — a charming king figure who woos women with lavish gifts, intellectual conversation, and supposed generosity. Although one young woman has been warned about his true violent nature, she ignores the warnings and takes a liking to him anyway: “he can’t be that bad — after all, he has been so kind and generous” she rationalizes to herself. He gives her a key ring with keys to open all doors of his castle — except, he tells her, don’t use that one key. Of course, she becomes so curious that she just has to open the door that goes with that key. To her shock and horror, she finds the bones of his ex-wives that have also opened the door, that he has killed and hidden. Then he comes for her too. 

Here is the metaphor: should you open “the door” they don’t want you to open, you face proverbial death. The door leads to the truth and it is an initiation into intuition, should you follow it and seek it out — but the truth, sometimes, is horrific, which is why narcissists use tactics to confuse you and deflect the truth. The “door” is ultimately the ego of others that has been hidden on purpose. This is why Bluebeard warns the woman not to enter — only “bad” girls open the door so if you opened it, it must be because you are a bad seed and deserve punishment.

Do you see the confusion? I cannot tell you how many clients have come to me with this same scenario. Situations like these will cause empaths a great deal of cognitive dissonance, which leads to stress and physical symptoms. First you will feel confusion and stress/pain because chances are no one — or very few people — will admit to what is truly transpiring because they don’t want to be singled out or punished, so you feel alone in the pain. Secondly, it’s because you had the expectation of good energy for good energy and that was not met — and in fact, it was likely completely annihilated and then you were shamed for ever having that expectation to begin with. 

If you want to avoid the confusion that causes empathic sabogate, learn the games and fallacies others use to get their way. Remember, it is not a straight line to the truth because there is a near constant game of deflection and projection happening in groups or relationships where narcissists are in control of the social setting. While you may observe one thing and watch the trail of deflection occurring, it is easy to talk yourself out of it when you are the only one seeing it or are the only one caring that it is transpiring in the first place. Trust yourself, trust your body’s reaction, trust your instinct and intuition. Not everyone wants to be awake to these things, and some already know it’s happening but either don’t want to be singled out, or are participants. 

Once you have seen the truth, you cannot unsee it. Trust yourself first and foremost in order to avoid confusion. 

Read Empath sabotage type 3: amnesia

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings. 

 

 

Things I was told as I left abuse

Victim shaming is a real phenomenon. It is whereby the perpetrator or bystanders to the abuse blame the victim for what has transpired, minimize the severity of the situation, support the perpetrator in order to hurt the victim, find things wrong with the victim in order to turn a blind eye, or shame the victim for how they reacted to the abuse. 

My work is a reflection of what I have been through in my life because I see how much I needed someone to say these things while I was going through the muck of my thyroid disease nearly 10 years ago (when a blocked throat/thyroid chakra finally caught up with me). I have seen in my work with clients over the last seven years that nutrition is one element of a healthy life but getting to the root of stress is another essential component.

I needed someone to say these things 20 or 30 years ago, and I needed someone to say them over the last couple of years. Because I didn’t get that, I pour my words of encouragement and illumination of one’s core wounds and life lessons into my clients. It’s hard to find people who see the truth and will tell you the truth you so desperately want and need to hear. I have made that my life’s work. 

It’s difficult and sometimes nearly impossible to see it when you are in it, but chances are there are some of you dealing with abuse at this very moment. (See this Power and Control Wheel to determine if you have been abused). Or chances are you grew up in abuse but no one called it that because you were middle or upper class, had no family drug history, went to church, got good grades or have a good job, made fun of the family oddities and trauma, and carried on an otherwise normal life. But deep down there was something wrong that you couldn’t — and perhaps still can’t — put your finger on. 

Your physical body will only allow you to go so many years in the facade, sleep-walking state before symptoms start to present themselves. The longer we live in states of denial or cognitive dissonance, the greater a physical reaction our bodies will have to cope with the stress. Eventually disease or illness will ensue. 

You see, abuse is a total ego annihilator — both for you and for others. And few people want their ego annihilated. Which is why victims often have to go at it alone or choose to deny it in the first place. It forces people to see the reality they have been ignoring, or choosing to ignore. It forces the truth to the surface and it forces the subconscious experiences that we have stuffed down and hidden away to come bubbling up. 

Abuse forces the victim to confront the ego of every single person around them and all the cover stories they have been living: “I’m so happy. Everything is great.” Abuse victims live their lives catering to the egos of everyone around them in hopes the abuse will end; in hopes they will no longer be a target. Unfortunately that only prolongs the amount of time you are in the abusive situation because perpetrators rarely change. Sadly, it is up to us to get out. There is likely no one coming to your rescue. We have to put our foot down and say “no more”, “not me”, and “not today”. We have to finally stand our ground. 

Once you do that, life will feel like it is falling apart. People will retract their love and support. Those you thought you could count on are suddenly nowhere to be found. Your job and home may change; your financial security, your routine, your friends, your family. And your perpetrator will have flipped the story line so they are the victims and they deserve the love and goodwill of everyone around them. 

You will be told terrible things and wonder what these people are thinking. “Why won’t they see the reality?’ you will ask yourself. The answer is because it would uproot their entire ego, belief system, and comfort if they were to sympathize with you and understand your situation. It would force ego change and only those on a soul growth journey are willing to annihilate their ego. Most want to forgo this very important life lesson. 

My work as an Intuitive is to prepare you for what may happen once you own up to your life lessons and the reality of what is happening to you. I want you to be prepared so when difficulties arise, you can think back to this information and tell yourself, “This is normal, this is what may happen, I can do this.” Without preparation and confirmation of these things, it will cause greater cognitive dissonance and physical illness. So please be prepared if you choose to say “yes” to your life lessons. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done but staying in a situation that will not get better, or pretending like past situations were healthy will never make you feel whole and you will never find true healing. 

Things I was told as I left abuse and things you will likely hear too:

  1. You should be ashamed of yourself.
  2. It’s always two people’s fault. 
  3. I hope you’re happy with how hard you have made this. 
  4. You destroyed my ego.
  5. Nothing I did was illegal. 
  6. She’s a mess. 
  7. I saw the abuse but it’s not my business, so I won’t get involved. 
  8. I never liked her to begin with. 
  9. I’m sorry you feel that [abuse] happened. 
  10. They’re not my perpetrator. 
  11. Don’t say a word about it. 
  12. Eh, you can deal with it. 
  13. She wants attention for telling her story. 
  14. I’ve definitely put my hands on someone in a relationship — I’m pretty sure that’s normal. 
  15. How many times did it happen?
  16. The perpetrator and their family are so great. 
  17. You shouldn’t have said anything. 
  18. The perpetrator told me you defended yourself/fought back so how can you be a victim?
  19. What you think happened isn’t what really happened. 
  20. You’re too sensitive. 

Remember, no matter what you are going through, you are capable of dealing with it and handling it. If one of your life lessons is to recognize and get out of abuse, or process the abuse you have already endured, it is possible to succeed. Part of healing your thyroid is about sharing your story and that is a power no one can take away from you once you start telling the truth. 

Unfortunately, you will likely have to go at this alone. Ideally you should seek community support and professional help. But remember, others not offering support is not about you and it is not about the veracity of the abuse; it’s about the strong ego holds of those around you. Reality doesn’t change because of denial so don’t internalize the things they say. Please be safe and get out while you still can. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings.