Why it’s hard for victims to forgive

Forgiveness isn’t just a reflection of the state of your heart chakra and ability to love. Some people built walls of stuff around them to keep people out. Some people build energetic walls around their heart to keep themselves from feeling anything because life has not served them much in the way of real love. Either way, it become difficult to forgive. But forgiveness is also a reflection of the state of your highest chakra, the 7th, which sits atop your head.

The 7th chakra is the energy center representing the mystical, the ethereal, and all of the knowledge you had once forgotten but received once more (if you’ve done the personal work to heal yourself and become intuitive) in your current incarnation regarding the meaning of life. This is the most difficult chakra center to unlock due to the spiritual amnesia we are subjected to while our parents, caregivers, and society reinforce the ego programming of our prescribed persona and perpetual wounding based on the wounding they carry within themselves. Unlocking this chakra means you become an ascended master, “enlightened” just like the greats (my personal favorites being Jesus Christ and the Buddha).

If you have been a victim of abuse (and really, as I ask in my book, who hasn’t on planet Earth?), it will often feel impossible to forgive. For an empathic person, this will tear at you and eat you up because it keeps you in a state of hatred, fear, betrayal, isolation, or cognitive dissonance which is not your normal frequency. Perhaps you avoid the geographical location you were first abused. Or you worry about running into your abusers while you are out and about so you seclude yourself. Or perhaps you remain locked in a mental prison, reliving the trauma through a series of never-ending flashbacks which leaves you reaching for vices to take the edge off.

Either way, it is difficult for a victim to forgive for several reasons. First, you didn’t deserve what they did to you and there is no explanation you can come to to excuse their behavior any longer. You desperately want to understand why and often there are no real answers. (Of course, as I explain in my book, abuse at its core, can only be explained and understood energetically, so understanding the metaphysical translation of your pain is essential since it makes little sense otherwise). Secondly, forgiveness means you no longer close yourself off to certain people. For a victim, this is scary because it potentially means you might offer yourself to someone who destroyed you.

This isn’t just difficult because your abuser probably doesn’t deserve your kindness, but also because it means you will have to let your guard down and they may take advantage of you again. They may do it to you all over. Your nervous system is working to prevent this from happening at all costs. Your anxiety, depression, fears and phobias are all a reflection of your body’s attempt to prevent future abuse. In order to forgive, you have to overcome your body’s own programming. This is not easy.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore red flags, let abusers back in, or offer yourself to them for more cat and mouse games. It means you create a peace within yourself to let go of the energetic walls they forced you to build, and that are holding you back. It means seeing this place for what it really is (an energetic and elitist prison system) and understanding you are not your body, and that your soul extends beyond what they have done to you. It means remembering who you were before your incarnations on Earth, before the adverse experiences, and forgiving the system that enabled the abuse to occur in the first place. It doesn’t mean forgetting, it means remembering.

Forgiveness does not mean you excuse or condone what happened to you or the person who exercised a devious or deranged power against you. It means you understand and accept the sick system we have all been unwitting participants in. It means you recognize your divinity once more in order to ascend out of the hell of the third dimensional reality in which pain is a constant. In doing so, you reclaim the power of your 7th chakra and perceive the truth about reality.

When the empath becomes the alpha

As I’ve said in other blog posts, including Narcissists Believe Themselves to be the Ruling Class, empaths have been demoted to a status underneath their narc “handlers.” You as the empath are to obey, not question their authority, and always — even if subconsciously — put yourself in a position of subservience and submission. On the surface it may appear as though you wear the pants in the relationship (or you share them equally) but once you push back a little, you begin to perceive the glass ceiling by which you are allowed to assert yourself and your personal autonomy. This is why it is such a challenge to become your higher self once more: those deeply rooted in the ego will not like you challenging them. Once you become that ascended higher self you will be above them in your spiritual abilities once and for all.

Here’s what I’ve seen from female clients over the years: empathic women naturally fall into a role of submission despite their great intellect and emotional intelligence, despite their unique skills and talents, and despite their superpower to heal others with their words, ear, art, or presence alone. Some of the most beautiful creatures have considered themselves the worst, the ugliest, and the least successful. It’s like that quotation that’s credited to Sigmund Freud: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

If an empathic person is living in a world in which the majority of other people are not empathic, that means you are surrounded by those who operate from an ego-centric personality and not divine providence or guidance. In other words, you are probably surrounded by assholes. They don’t know or believe they are, of course, but you are surrounded by people who still operate from the outdated monkey brain and therefore, will use any means necessary to squash the competition. If that means sabotaging your self-esteem, career, and relationships, they will.

It’s very difficult for an empathic person (a woman especially) to overcome the power of manipulation she has experienced at the hands of other women. “Aren’t we all supposed to be fighting for the same things?” you will wonder. But monkeys are constantly jockeying for position. You may have noticed the narc queen in your circle of friends, family, or at your job. She considers herself the alpha, as do the other female primates. The others suck up to her, kiss her ass, and offer their power to her. Some do her bidding, some pretend to believe everything she tells them. They compliment her and want to get in her good graces. They know she not only has power but she has resources they can use to their advantage.

Then in walks a divine feminine, completely unaware of this primate dynamic (until, that is, she becomes intuitive enough to see it clearly). She sparkles with each step. Her grace and beauty are unmatched. She may not be the most physically beautiful but a natural beauty emanates from her that sets her above the others. She gives and enjoys giving. Sometimes it is a gift to one in need. Sometimes it is a smile and conversation. She is loyal to a fault and overlooks the attention she has drawn. The females take note. She had no idea she was in a competition. It floats over her head, flows off her back; she remains completely unaware that the queen is threatened by her.

The queen starts getting angry and frustrated; her power is being drained by one who can generate her own power. The battle between good and evil begins. The queen and her minions plot against the divine feminine: “We must take her down. We will use any means necessary,” she says. They devise plans to take down this empathic woman, and they are successful. They find a way to steal her internal power source by dimming it once and for all. “She will never shine again,” they say. But little do they know that it brings this woman to tears when she cannot generate her own energy, when she is dependent upon others and depleted. She will never steal the energy source from another but she must learn how to get hers back. So she relearns how to shine. In the process, she becomes the alpha female she always was, apart from the wounding. She becomes her higher self even if the monkey brains don’t like it.

If it sounds like a fairy tale, that’s because it is. Empathic people have always used the arts to communicate this essential truth: divine feminines are broken by the monkey tactics and must learn to rebuild their own energy source (from evil witches, evil queens, and the like). In the process, they ascend. It’s that complicated and that simple. You always were an alpha and that’s why they were threatened by you to begin with. If they used sabotage tactics on you, it’s because they were threatened. When you began asserting your personal power, they saw you were willing to jockey for position. You were ganged up on. The silent bystanders watched in awe as you made that move to claim your seat at the head of the table. They knew it would happen if they did not do something drastic. They hurt you on purpose. They forced you back into the beta position. You would be less threatening to their resources and power that way.

This also has to do with the divine masculine.

In a world of cheap, available sex, men have forgotten what it means to win over a true alpha female. Not a controlling alpha, or an alpha who she herself has not yet earned it (only been given it). I mean an alpha female who has been to hell and back and stepped out still shining. She knows how the system works and she understands how to overcome anything. She’s not easily impressed though people try. “Show me something I myself have not done,” she asks them. They have nothing to offer. So she sits in her quiet tower until someone risks his life proving himself to her. “See how I can climb this castle wall?,” See how I will take a sword for you?,” “See how I will put you first even when it is not convenient for me?” he asks her. In him, she sees the first man she can respect because he has proven she can trust him. He is the only one who is braver than her. (Think of the biological/reproductive importance of this. If he dies, there are more sperm donors but if she dies, there is one less mother to completely care for her children).

Until now, she has never met a man she can respect but he can do things she cannot do herself. She sees him for who he really is and he sees his own reflection in her eyes. For the first time in his life, he sees his real value. The things everyone else told his made him valuable his entire life were things he had to physically possess — tangible, immediate things that had nothing to do with his soul. He finally respects himself. No one else can offer this to this divine couple. And that connection can never be broken.

This is the process the empathic collective has been undergoing for the last few years. For many, it will culminate soon. For others, there is still work to do. Either way, whether you call it stepping into your alpha nature or ascending, it is one and the same.

Choosing a 5D life versus a 3D life

Do you allow life to happen to you or do you plan out life and get nervous when it doesn’t go according to plan?

The answer to this question is important.

A three-dimensional life is where you plan nearly every detail, or have expectations about what should happen in your life, then work until those plans become a reality. You don’t necessarily have to be a driven person, you just have to expect something from your life and actively seek that out, while rejecting anything that doesn’t fit into your narrative (and usually get disappointed when it doesn’t perfectly work out). I did this. Most people do.

Traditional thinking tells us to have a plan, map it out, then become frustrated or more determined when it doesn’t go according to our efforts and desires: we are told if we don’t get what we want, it’s by some error of our own: we weren’t good enough, we weren’t capable or determined enough; we must work harder, get more education, acquire more experience, and so on. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting good things for yourself and working hard to achieve them. There’s nothing wrong with fighting for your cause. There’s also nothing wrong with planning for the future. The problem lies in the fact that this often causes us to miss the cues and directives from the divine about the real path we’re supposed to take. So we become frustrated when the divine redirects our paths and throws our personal plans for success and happiness out the window.

As I write about in my book How to Become Intuitive, the divine doesn’t care about the preconceived notions we have about or for ourselves. Most of those notions are ego-driven anyway and look good from the outside but do little for the soul. The 3D choices may gain us clout, acceptance, validation, success, and wealth, and you will become the ideal “persona” the karmic system expects of you, but they usually lead you away from your dharma (true life’s path) and back towards your karma (more difficult lessons to be learned based on the wounding that is controlling you).

Additionally, the divine doesn’t care about what we think should happen after we follow their directives. “If I trust my intuition, then everything will finally go right. Everything will magically work out” is flawed thinking. Trusting your intuition does not ensure everything will work out to some fantastical conclusion. It simply means you will have completed a lesson and overcome a wound. You probably won’t receive any accolades for this and no one will notice, but you will know and feel lighter and better. Still, you will continue to exist in a lower-vibrational 3D world that is imperfect and full of pain. The difference is that you yourself will be in less pain and you will be more apt to succeed in what the divine directs you towards. It is a compromise we all must decide to make: forgo the ego desires for worldly success, or follow our heart’s calling and do what we feel we are called to do despite the hardship and despite there never being a solid conclusion to the pain we are subjected to. But now you will see you don’t have to let it get to you.

In other words, it’s impossible to live a fifth-dimensional reality while controlling your experiences. If the biblical stories teach us anything, it is that the divine will direct our paths but only if we stop resisting it. Those who resisted were left with more karma to sort through (Jonah and the Whale being a prime example). Or, we can see in other stories, such as Noah and the Ark, that bucking the 3D system and all human reasoning protects you in the future, though you will not receive immediate societal benefits and face much hardship in the process.

Becoming your higher self is a matter of rejecting the chord of desire you have attached to the outcomes and experiences you have. Once you see that everything is meant to teach you something, you no longer reject the awkward, lonely or winding paths the divine sets before you — even paths no one but you, or even you yourself, do not understand. You will choose them over and over again and become more disillusioned with the true reality that surrounds you. You will see the stark discrepancy between the 5th-dimension, the realms of the soul, and the 3D physical world that is tangible, yet ever-fleeting. You will wonder why you ever played into the karmic system to begin with. You will become intuitive.