How to avoid the narcissist traps

abuse, core wounds, empath, energy, glands, hormones, mind-body, narcissism, past lives, relationships, stress

Imagine you’re trapped in a maze. To each side of you are tall, tall hedges that you can’t see through or around. Every path looks the same. You aren’t sure which way to turn and every now and then, despite your hard work and navigation skills, you keep hitting dead ends. The longer you’re trapped in this maze, the more your body begins to react — your adrenaline rushes, your cortisol spikes, your other hormones go crazy as you realize you’re in a prison of sorts, and you start to sweat or cry as you become lost in despair. Will you ever escape, you wonder. On top of that, someone has laid traps for you — they want you to fail so you can never escape the maze. This is but a cat and mouse game that is fun for them. What kind of person would do such a thing, you wonder again. Your hope fades and you accept you will be trapped in here forever.

This is how it feels to be in close proximity to a narcissistic personality and in the throes of their ego games. Many empaths (most, really) have lived this their entire lives without realizing it. In your group of close family, friends, romantic partners, or work associates exists at least one of these types of people, without a doubt. As I’ve said before, I’m not suggesting you diagnose these people, and I work hard to not do that either, but you deserve to understand the system that you are unwittingly a player in. Empaths and narcissists attract each other over and over again, both in the here and now and from past lifetimes, and the goal in these relationships is always to heal some deep deep core wounds.

That said, once you recognize you are in these traps, you can begin your healing process without the influence of narcissistic people. I want you to know how you are being targeted so you can stop that shit right now. It’s never ever the victim’s fault, so please know that. However, it will be up to you to escape because these people are 99% of the time incapable of change. This isn’t fair but it’s the harsh reality and a symptom of a sick society. You have to save yourself.

Here’s how to recognize and avoid the narcissist traps:

Do not accept help from these people. They often hide behind do-good personas to pull empaths in. This means any forms of charity, good will, and support always have a string attached. If you accept their help, you will owe them something in the future — if only your devotion, time, energy, and self-respect.

Do not let these people into your inner world. Once they get in your head, they use your weaknesses against you to make you doubt your instincts and intuition.

Do not accept gifts. Presents, evenings out, sex, money, etc. always are a form of debt that will be expected for you to pay back, or they will use it against you in the future when they do something shady; ie: you don’t have a right to call out their behavior because look at all they have done for you.

Do not get into arguments with these people. You will never succeed, even if you are right. They will pull you into doubt, insecurity, and the blame game instead of truly hearing what you are saying and taking it to heart.

Do not give them the power to make decisions in the relationship. If you give them power over you, they will rig things in their favor and put you at a disadvantage.

Do not give them any energy. This means, do not allow them to elicit a stress response or love response of any sort. It feeds them energetically and they will come back for another fix.

Accept they will create their own alternative storylines. This can mean they turn social groups, friends, and family against you with their sick version of reality. This is normal and do not give it any credence. If others cannot think for themselves, that is their issue, not yours. Remember, few people care about the hard truth — they care about social acceptance.

Remember that they purposefully inject subconscious meanings into the things they say. This means yes, they are passive aggressive on purpose to trigger you. If you respond to the passive aggression it will only feed them further because they will call you crazy or blameshift. Ignore, ghost, etc.

Stack the odds in your favor. Most empaths have played a passive role in life, allowing things to happen to them rather than creating actively. Narcissists are so good at stacking the odds in their favor and we have to learn from them. Go out of your way to make things better for yourself — no one else will.

Tell your story openly. The only way to stop these cycles is to tell the truth about the abuse you have endured. Please hear me when I say, this may not make things better in the temporary, but in the long term, we can change the world with our stories.

Overall, please be safe. Sometimes these people are downright violent or so devious they will do anything to break you. Often, telling others in order to get support or help will lead to nowhere because unless others have been through this pain themselves, they will not understand the severity. Recognize the traps, then tip toe around them so you are no longer caught up in the maze. Save yourself.

Advertisements

Why there’s harm in labeling everything a “candida problem”

AUTOIMMUNE, autoimmune disease, candida, chemicals, chronic illness, dairy-free, diets, fermentation, food allergies, gluten-free, grains, heavy metals, holistic, hormones, low-carb, nutrition, probiotic, vitamins and minerals, vitamins and supplements, water

My foray into holistic health and wellness started after a Hashimoto’s Disease diagnosis in 2007 which I could find no relief from. Medication didn’t help my thyroid or symptoms. So, what would?, I wondered. Enter The Yeast Connection and Women’s Health by Dr. William Crook — a book I just so happened to find in a book store while I was living half of the time in Brooklyn, NY and half of the time in Westchester. Books made for great companions on long train rides to and from the city.

After abiding by The Yeast Connection diet, in four short months my thyroid lab work improved by half. It was no coincidence; it was basic cause and effect. After that time, and with many other dietary tweaks, I was able to completely get off of all medication and keep my thyroid numbers stable (even during and post pregnancy). Needless to say, this information about yeast, or candida, it’s often called, was a life-changer. 

But over the years since going to nutrition school and working as a Health Coach, I’ve seen behind the scenes at some of the biggest wellness brands in the industry. Big names, big circles, big ass facades, big product to sell. In these companies, we were directed to assign most clients to one of two or three categories: they either likely had yeast problems, parasites, or they had SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth). We couldn’t diagnose or treat, of course, but we could offer information for the consumer to do with what they pleased. 

While almost all of the time (which I take very seriously), my clients left happy and wrote back weeks or months later reporting how much the information had helped them, I couldn’t shake the few who seemed to be unable to rid themselves of candida, no matter what they did. Short of seeing a functional medicine doctor, there was little more that could be done for them. And often, the functional medicine doctors they were seeing had less information or help for them than the health coaches I was working alongside, which put clients in a difficult position. Mainstream doctors wouldn’t even acknowledge yeast overgrowth and holistic doctors had few answers. Just how could they kick their candida “problem” for good?

In the holistic health and nutrition community, candida is seen as a means to an end. That is, tell someone who has all the symptoms of candida about candida and what to eat for it or what to avoid — or which products to buy — and voila! problem solved. This leads to super strict paleo, keto, and no-fruit-whatsoever diets which are nearly impossible to maintain for the long term. (Check the social media of your favorite paleo celebrities and you will likely see that even they have reintroduced gluten-free grains or legumes at some point).

Clients ended up coming to me “post paleo” or post other-famous-paleoish diets other nutrition experts had recommended because they not only still had yeast problems, but they lost way too much weight, developed anxiety from the constant food prep and kitchen demands, lost their social life, and worried every food under the sun was making them sick. This just isn’t helpful. 

First, know that yeast overgrowth is a real phenomenon and I am not trying to insinuate it is not. I have seen it on lab work, and I have seen it in, well, “graphic” pictures my clients have sent to me over the years (bowel movements, mucus, etc etc.). Our modern foods, combined with stress and lack of healthy bodily flora, hormonal imbalances, and overuse of antibiotics has led to yeasty people. “Autointoxication syndrome” and raised levels of acetaldehyde are but two mainstream recognitions of this.

However, that said, if you have candida overgrowth that you cannot kick no matter which diet, supplements, or other remedies you try, there is a deeper underlying issue and you need to seek medical support. Throwing supplements and yet another strict diet at yeast over and over again for years will likely not stop the problem. You likely have an underlying health condition that is causing the yeast in the first place. You see, yeast is a symptom. 

Some common underlying medical conditions that can cause yeast include: kidney disease, liver disease, chronic dehydration, adrenal fatigue, gene mutations or methylation problems, rare inherited genetic diseases, urea cycle disorders, heavy metal poisoning, chemical exposure, hormone imbalances, autoimmunity or depressed immune responses, cancer, nutritional deficiencies, G.I. diseases, contraindicated medication, and more. 

I am not saying these things to scare you into thinking you have a terrible disease. I am telling you these things so that, if you are at the end of your rope with trying to improve the yeast problem, you won’t give up and will get proper medical attention. Please don’t go years thinking the next diet will rescue you. Healthy diet (in which you avoid your personal allergens, such as gluten, dairy, oxalates, salicylates, histamine, and/or sulfur) is essential. Getting in adequate nutrients daily is essential. Herbs and remedies are sometimes great. But at the root of the candida problem that cannot be helped is a medical issue and I encourage you to seek proper testing and diagnostics from a medical professional who can analyze your individual history and symptoms. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings.

 

 

 

 

 

Your core wounds hint at your hidden talents

abuse, chakras, core wounds, holistic, hormones, karma, mind-body, stress, Uncategorized

Your core wounds and your natural abilities or aptitudes are not separate — they are one and the same. The ways the world has wounded you and left emotional or mental blockages or barriers does not signify you are somehow lacking, inadequate or incapable. In fact, it is the very opposite: your wounds are part of your life path, destiny, and purpose here. What if I told you you were only ever wounded in these ways in order to dim your gifts to make life easier for those around you? It is true. 

The majority of clients that come to me have thyroid diseases, which, as I’ve said before is one component of a fifth chakra imbalance. That is, having too little available energy for expression, or having too much chaotic energy imposed on that area of the body. Many people with thyroid disease doubt their perception, way of communicating, and creative inclinations. If left to their own devices, these people are truth seers, who need to start telling the truth about what they have witnessed or experienced, but have suppressed and hidden it for others’ benefit. 

We all know what happens when we speak a truth others don’t like: we get punished. Whether it be socially, within family dynamics, financially or within workplaces, or other relationships, the message is always the same: if you tell the truth and I don’t like it, I will find a way to hurt you. Is this really about you, or is it about the comfort level of other people? Why would others be scared of this part of you? Because they don’t want to have to face the truth. If allowed, your perceptions would bring about great societal change. And despite constant attempts at societal change by great leaders and laypeople alike, our human progress is consistently stymied by those in power. 

The same is true for other wounds, such as abandonment issues which are oh-so common and truly at the root of thyroid chakra problems (again, it’s the idea that authentic expression can lead to loss and isolation). If given the chance, those with fears around abandonment are often capable of bringing people together — not separating — because they understand how painful this wound is and want to prevent others from experiencing it. And in order for this to happen, others would have to lose their grip of control. So instead of allowing for inclusion, working together, and cooperation, you are constantly re-wounded into thinking you don’t deserve love, help, and community; that there is something intrinsically wrong with you that leads you into isolation. 

Everything we experience as wounding is in fact an inversion, or perversion, of the truth. If we allow ourselves to fully learn and act out our core wounds (and therefore, karma), we can see that any such inversion is in fact calling you back to your path and purpose here. It is not meant to detract from your abilities and ways you can help the world with your unique gifts, it is meant to bring you into alignment with what you were always good at, with what you were always meant to do. If it weren’t, others would not have such strong visceral reactions to it. They have only asked or forced you to suppress this aspect of yourself because actualizing it would bring about change that would force them out of positions of power, out of their comfort zones, and face to face with their own karma. 

Each time you become stressed or face a physical stress response, ask yourself what the overarching theme is (I do this for you in Energy Readings). Once you understand the overarching theme, you can deconstruct it to see how each challenge you are facing or have faced in life is pointing and directing you back to overcome this wound. In other words, most of your problems likely stem from it and there are ways to “flip the script” in order to stop allowing it to wound you, and to choose new healthy behavioral and mental or emotional patterns that no longer perpetuate the same cycles. When you consistently choose new patterns, instead of the old ones, you begin to strengthen yourself and self-actualize. You begin to develop your skills and talents, rather than be hurt by them. They become an asset instead of a liability. 

When it comes to your core wounds, remember they are an inversion, not a truth. They point you back to what you are so inherently good at that others preferred you not posses. Now is the time to begin developing them. In doing so, you will conjure up your karma, and that of those around you. It will not be easy to actualize these skills, but the alternative is hiding or ignoring them the rest of your life which will cause great physical and emotional pain. Taking the narrow road is not popular or easy but for your long-term health and well-being, it is so worth it. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings.