How to not give your abuser your energy forever

I want to start off this post by saying two things: abuse is never the victim’s fault — ever — and you cannot prevent abuse. Abuse happens because perpetrators choose to abuse, bottom line, plain and simple. Abusers should posses self-control just like any other person and of course, they do not. It is not the victim’s fault that someone else lacks self-control. There was nothing you could do to make them possess self-control because that has to come from within a person.

That said, I have been through enough abuse in my life that I know this: just because someone terrorizes you does not mean you have to allow yourself to give your perp your fearful, angry, resentful, frenetic, or sad energy forever. Yes, you will be a victim when someone victimizes you. But you do not need to continue to give them your power after the abuse has transpired.

See, what I have learned is that abuse is by and large about energy. One person craves a certain form of energy (be it sex, money, codependency, attention, control) and one person has theirs usurped. In the moment of abuse, there’s not much you can do. Someone overpowers you physically, someone takes your money, takes your good name — you are legitimately a victim –there’s no way to prevent this. Because one person pursues, the other person naturally runs, fights back, or freezes. One abuser, one victim; one chaser, one runner. One in power, one with no power. Abuse itself is what puts you in the role of the victim because of the dynamics between victimizer and victim. You had no choice.

But abuse doesn’t end there. Abuse is also the mindfuck and energy drain that happens for years and years and years after. It is the subconscious fears, the new phobias, the anxiety, the depression, and possibly, suicidal thoughts. Abuse is being scared to answer your door, answer your phone, go to the grocery store because everything reminds you of that terrible thing that happened. It is a mental prison that often becomes a physical prison. It is never knowing who to trust and being unable to relax and remain comfortable even in non-threatening scenarios because your brain, hormones, and nervous system have been rewired.

After abuse has transpired, continuing to think of yourself as this person’s victim is what continues to give them power even when they are no longer a threat. Continuing to think of yourself as beneath them is what makes you their eternal victim and makes them eternally powerful. This is exactly what an abuser wants. And that is ultimately why they abuse in the first place. This is one reason I wrote the blog post Understanding Abuse From A 5D Perspective, FYI. An abuser wants your energy forever and ever. They want you to think of them, think of the horrible things they’ve done to you, think of the ways they took your power, the ways you were forced to bow down to them. They live for this. They get off on it. Because when you reflect back to those moments, they are sent energetic food. This is what gives them fuel to keep going. They want you to be an energetic provider — a slave — your entire life.

The truth is that energy doesn’t just go away. And this is what leaves many victims feeling like a victim well after the abuse has transpired. See, energy changes, gets hidden, or gets manipulated. If no one teaches you to transmute the energy that was forced onto you, then you will live with that same terrifying, powerless energetic profile your entire life. And it will continue to make you sick and miserable. This isn’t something talk therapy can fix, though having a professional to speak with is of course a great idea. Healing abuse requires an understanding of energy.

Healing trauma is a lengthy process. My clients don’t heal lifelong trauma overnight. Though I will say this — after every single session, they emphatically thank me because they were given a new way of looking at what has happened to them, which led them to have new understandings about how to get over it, which allows for healing. I don’t offer the loveseat therapy sessions we’ve all come to know — I offer a 5th dimensional perspective on why it happened (this connects to karma and past life perpetrators), what happened to them as a result, how it connects to or created core wounds, how they’re still acting those wounds out, and how to release the energy to self-actualize. A therapist can’t offer the eternal lens of the divine but an Intuitive can.

If you are new to energy work or are interested in using energy to help you overcome abuse and trauma, the best advice I can give you is this: become extremely self-aware. Identify every single thing that triggers you on a daily basis, or all of your adaptive habits (aka “bad” habits that stem from trauma). Then connect it back to its origin. Where did it come from? Why does it bother you? Why do you do certain things? Once you know these answers (I tell you these things in an Energy Reading appointment), it becomes very easy to release the energetic chord or attachment that your subconscious mind has created to prevent the trauma from happening again. Energy (aka: intention) from the subconscious mind forms an invisible thread that gets lodged in certain parts of your body via association with the trauma. You can begin to logically connect the dots and understand what it all means. “When I feel this way emotionally, or have this thought, I feel this way physically. I felt this way physically when the trauma occurred. Therefore, I am living out past cycles”, or “This unrelated person/situation triggers me because it is the same boundary that was crossed when the abuse happened”, or, “I am choosing this unhealthy habit because it helps me prevent myself from thinking about the triggers”, or, “I subconsciously stew about the abuse every day and am therefore sending energy to my perpetrator whom I still feel has power over me”, etc.

There is a rhyme and reason to how you feel. Until you connect the dots, you will live with resentment, anger, frustration, and fear because it makes no sense and you still feel powerless. Understanding the energy and how to break the energy up is how to truly heal.

The empathic people and their “handlers”

As an Intuitive, I have come to see the discrepancies between the 3D (past), 4D (present), and 5D (future and divine truth) much easier over the years and I believe that anyone can with practice. I’ve given you guys an outline of the ways to discern karmic storylines playing out before your very eyes in day-to-day life. In karmic storylines, the past overlaps the present and people don’t know they’re acting out long-passed projections in the now. All forms of illusions, distraction, and projection are used to prevent the soul’s truth from coming to the surface. Seeing the rhyme and reason behind such events you experience is a way to peer into the 5D (a lens of eternity) when we are still trapped in the 3D world which provides peace and calm through understanding. This understanding brings healing.

As I’ve said before, there is a list of “characters” who either help with spiritual ascension and overcoming karma, or who work to prevent spiritual enlightenment. They are:

The twin flames: fight constantly, passive aggressive if only for comedic effect or can also be overtly aggressive, very high masculine and high feminine, or one is integrated and one not; abusive relationship. One may actively try to make things better (grow), but not always. True karmic partners.

Distractor: comes in to “swipe” the scene clean and create a transition to a new topic, or so everyone forgets what just happened – sometimes for comic relief, to control the conversation or groupthink, sex appeal, etc.

Narcissist: the fearless, egoful leader who gets everyone into trouble and out of trouble, manipulates the entire situation to get his way or make sure no one lets onto what he is doing, earns the favor of others especially those in authority, abuses others then justifies or blames it on victim. He may try to do the right thing every now and then to save face but will always go back to control or abuse.

The lackeys: carrying out sinister deeds on behalf of the narcissist leader(s) so they stay in the good graces and receive benefits from the leader. They assume they will be protected, but the leader may eventually turn against them too. 

Empath: the sweet, sensitive, king or queen type energy who tries to bring everyone to their senses and do the right thing but is not heard or purposefully quieted. The narcissistic leader/abuser generally targets them to “astroturf” their reality. The narc may eventually fess up and say they will never do it again and there may be a forgive and forget mentality, or the victim may remain hurt.

Soul mates: any two people on the same wavelength and always work together when problems arise. 

The wise one/mentor: warns the characters about the dangers, but the characters often do not listen then feel bad afterwards and realize he/she were right; helps others learn the lesson.

The groupthink background actors/the “mob”: mindlessly supporting the narcissists in order to not be targeted themselves or in order to fit in. May remain silent or may perpetuate groupthink gossip. Refuse to think for themselves. Aka: flying monkeys.

There is yet another character to add to the list of “actors” above: the handlers. A handler is someone who subconsciously feels it is their intent and purpose in life to manage and control the life and soul of an empathic person, always correcting, disciplining, and drawing lines in the sand so you cannot self-actualize. These are the people you are always subconsciously on your guard against, who make your nervous system go haywire, who you know will misinterpret everything you do, who will give you a hard time, who like to find ways to hurt you, who talk you out of yourself and your intuition, and on and on.

The term “handler” is not new — it is actually used to describe people who coerce the most depraved forms of abuse: sexual slavery, especially. The role of the handler is to carefully select a victim based on certain criteria (naive or codependents in particular). Once that is done, they slowly calibrate the victim’s nervous system, brain, and hormones to a constant state of confusions, chaos, loss of personal autonomy. This is done through suggesting false realities, implanting false memories, and alternating between happy and sad circumstances so things are constantly off-kilter (reward-punishment cycle). These people also convince the victim they are special — or, alternately, a piece of shit. These are like literal and proverbial prison guards/bars on a person’s life.

This sounds heavy but the everyday, common tactics we see in domestic violence situations apply to many more people than the victims even realize. (Please remember, domestic violence isn’t just bruises and punches — it is any form of force or control which causes soul torment in intimate relationships). In other words, gaslighting, astroturfing, smear campaigns, all or nothing thinking, cover-ups, groupthink, flying monkeys, double standards, hasty generalizations, logical fallacies, red herrings, Bulverism, scapegoating, slippery slope, strongarming, idealizing, the silent treatment, and much much more get used by the people in our lives against us every single day — but you will only notice this once you start paying attention.

Here’s what you need to know: empathic people will always have at least one handler, but often it is many. Handlers are always narcissistic or sociopathic personalities who completely lack empathy. Not every narcissist you know will be your handler — just the ones that have the most control over you. Typically power gets passed from one handler to another at separate points in life. Ex: a parent when you were a child, then a spouse when you get married. Because an empathic person has never been encouraged to become strong in themselves and their personality they believe other people more than themselves. They have been taught there is something inherently wrong with them, that they must rely on others to get by in this life. That there is some sin they must atone for, simply by virtue of being themselves. A handler’s sole purpose is to instill this belief system then make you dependent upon them — or you risk punishment.

The more intense your handler, the more powerful of a soul you are. In other words, the force and tactics used against empaths will be directly proportionate to your ability to ascend — which is what a handler wants to prevent at all costs. If you were to spiritually ascend and realize you do not deserve such treatment, you would be able to change the world with your natural gifts and ideas. In doing so, the 3D karmic system would collapse, leaving narcissists without power or control.

Getting away from a handler will feel the like scariest thing you have ever done. They will make life miserable for you in the process. They will take away money and the ability to make money, your friends and family, your self-respect, your good name, your inner-knowing, your health, and your physical body may be at risk as well. You will become an untouchable. You will have to start at square one, as an adult. It is like you had no life before this person because you have to start over completely with no support system, job, physical possessions, clout, or health to your name.

Flying monkeys also play a role in this phenomena. Flying monkeys are the people who support your handler/narcissist and will do everything in their power to work on behalf of the handler to further punish you or remind you of the punishment that lurks ahead if you leave. This comes in the form of taunting, shunning, shaming, defamation, sabotage, telling the handler information they acquire about you so it can be used against you, and more from friends, family, and acquaintances who believe the handler’s twisted version of events and make no stand for truth, justice, and peace. They in fact condone and support the abuse through complicity and abuse by proxy. Because you have had long term relationships with the flying monkeys, as an empathic person you will feel a need to please these people too. Releasing your karma involves releasing these people too. Anyone who turns a blind eye to abuse is not your ally and should be swiftly removed from your life.

You will know your handler by the way these people react when you make decisions for yourself that they have no control over. You will see them go into psychotic states of rage and anger when you choose yourself over them. When you make healthy choices and pursue your soul’s purpose, you will receive punishment from these people and that is the best indication that you need to do everything in your power to safely escape.

An empath without a handler is free — and that is a very “scary” thing indeed.

Your ego is your monkey brain

The cornerstone of any spiritual awakening process involves shedding of one’s ego in order to reach new levels of personal awareness. Releasing the egoic mind involves a lengthy — and I do mean lengthy — process of identifying and eliminating the false realities we have been told are real, the illusions we have come to accept as normal, and the thought and behavioral patterns that keep us selfish and un-enlightened about the greater connectivity between the universe and our personal decisions (and those of others). It is a process of re-awakening to your own divinity, accepting your higher self or higher power, and acting from the prefrontal cortex rather than the stress-driven parts of the brain. It requires accepting personal responsibility for everything you have done, and developing the empathy to see how your decisions will affect you and those around you in the long run.

I have written before about the “lizard brain”, aka: the Amygdalae, which are two almond-shaped structures within the brain that remind you of the danger that could lurk ahead. The lizard brain keeps a close tally of every stressful situation you have been in, so that you can prevent stressors from affecting you in the future. Unfortunately, this also means people become locked in states of chronic stress because the lizard brain reminds you that the world is utterly unsafe, you are a terrible person, and no one can be trusted. Additionally, because we have all had numerous stressful past lives, our subconscious mind will also dictate these reminders to the Amygdalae, causing us to be triggered at things that have never hurt us in this lifetime. Overcoming these repeating thoughts is a necessary step in shedding the ego.

As I have said before:

Here’s what you need to know for your health: because of trauma you are operating out of your “lizard” brain or Amygdala. Amygdalae are part of the limbic system which is responsible for emotions, survival, instincts, mood, sexuality, addictions, and memory. It’s function has been linked to neuropsychiatric disorders that involve anxiety and fears.

You will have dominant Amygdala function whether your trauma has been acknowledged thus far, or whether it still remains in the subconscious corners of your mind. The Amygdala is the fight-or-flight, reactivity, fear center of the brain. It remembers most every misdeed others have done to us so that we can constantly be on the defense in order to protect ourselves. It is a coping mechanism and survival tactic that, while once essential, has overstayed it’s welcome. In large part, we’re not hunter-gatherers needing to protect ourselves from apex predators or starvation. It’s making us sick from the stress. 

There is another structure of the brain we also must overcome, though, in order to reach enlightenment: the monkey brain. While the lizard brain protects us from having to process or re-endure trauma, the monkey brain is the facade that gets established to help us overlook the trauma — or defend ourselves against the trauma. In other words, the lizard brain tells your subconscious mind, nervous system, and hormones something is not safe, while the monkey brain says “I will act bigger and better so that the problem does not present itself again.” Puff out your chest, beat your fists, and act larger than you really are, so to speak.

The monkey brain and its according behavioral patterns are the root of the true ego and in order to understand how to overcome it, we must understand how non-human primates function. Most primates, including us as human beings, spend their lives in large social groups or communities and this, along with primary needs (food, water, air, territory), become the driving force behind all that we do. Being secured within a community means more than socializing, of course. To a primate, there are constant threats, again, to food and water supply, territory, and most importantly, sex/reproduction and social standing.

Most primate communities are generally closed to contact with members of other communities. Most often, members stay within a certain region and rarely migrate outside of their home area. Such aloofness from other troops prevents high concentrations of individuals entering the community, which could result in rapid depletion of local resources and restructuring of social status. Communities usually avoid each other and are aggressive towards outsiders. Because of this, social interactions between members of different troops are rare, especially for females. In some primate groups, the only intentional contact between groups is in the form of defensive territorial behavior. Ie: instead of avoiding each other, groups actively converge near their common territorial border and make hostile displays to scare away competition. Sounds a bit like human displays of jealousy and insecurity, eh? It’s the classic means girls, hazing newbies, and feigned exclusivity to prevent outsider infiltration in order to retain power and control.

In order to guarantee resource availability, social hierarchies are constructed in a true survival-of-the-fittest mentality. The more dominant and aggressive one is, the more resources they have available to them. The more resources they have available, the most respect they garner. The problem is, high levels of aggression, both given or received, can lead to chronic psychological stress in addition to added energy costs and risk of injury. For primates, chronic stress can adversely affect health and reproduction. Does this sound much different than human beings?

Humans constantly vie for social position, feel inferior and therefore less valuable (socially, sexually, intellectually) if they are not connected to, or liked by, the most respected members of their community or subgroup. Of course, the “most respected” members are often not respected by virtue of character, though in some cases they are; they are often respected for their appearance and external accomplishments, ability to bullshit, wine and dine, and put on a false mask to please people and entertain — not due to personal enlightenment.

Humans deeply rooted in their egoic mind have no problem gossiping, spreading rumors, blameshifting, creating chaos, and sabotaging others so they themselves can get ahead and be perceived as superior. Humans spend most of their lives trying to be viewed as sexually desirable and go into deep depressions when members of the opposite sex (or, same sex in many cases) do not choose them as a sexual partner. We spend a majority of our time working to make money so that we can build a facade of desirability within our homes, wardrobes, with accessories (hair, nails, and other beauty treatments), our cars, etc. Every choice we make becomes about what will be perceived as the most valuable by people we both know and strangers alike (the car we drive, the school we attended — or our children attend, the company we work for, the choice of prints for the curtains, the comments/likes and followers we get on social media, etc). We can spend our entire lives chasing a facade that stems from normative primate behavior and does nothing for the soul. The monkey brain has taken over and this is why the dichotomy between empaths and narcissists exist. Some people are self-aware, and others are stuck in animal survival mode, willing to do anything (abuse included) to get what they want.

Below are some stereotypes but they do speak to the behaviors and attitudes we take on naturally through societal enculturation. In some cases, these roles can be reversed and men and women may flip flop back and forth between the two. If these stereotypes offend you, they should. Yet, they are still what many people consciously or subconsciously chase.

For male human primates, this can mean: taking as many sexual partners as possible, being perceived as “the man”, succeeding in external pursuits (finances and career) to win over the “best” partner, giving high-value gifts, providing for females or dependents (food and shelter at a basic level), putting on a macho facade (I have no feelings and am not scared of anything), I am the protector, and on and on.

For female human primates, this can mean: being unwelcoming to females who are perceived as superior in some way (sexually, intellectually, ethically, fertile or good mothers) and therefore a threat to their sexual security, shunning “sexually powerful” or desirable females, going out of their way to be sexually suggestive to their partners only to maintain their interest not because of real attraction or love, using sex as a manipulation tool, dressing in clothes to strike the attention of their desired partner, doing things to make themselves appear superior spouses, owning nice things, etc etc.

You see, in order to understand why we as human beings do what we do, and therefore recognize what is dysfunctional in order to overcome it, we must understand our origins. Whether you err on the side of evolutionism or creationism does not matter here. What matters is that our brains carry remnants or similar characteristic of other species and we must overcome those behavioral patterns in order to shed the ego because they have nothing to do with our soul’s purpose and are nothing more than a stressor and distraction.

The plight of the “high processors”

The mind-body connection is not something I started out understanding. 11 years ago when I became fascinated with holistic nutrition, I didn’t quite get the depth of the way our mental and emotional state affects our physical body. Over the years, as I deconstructed my own health and that of my clients, I came to find that not only is the mind-body connection very real, that there is tons of science to support it, and that it is usually overlooked, but by excavating the subconscious mind and subconscious behaviors of a person (and where said trauma stems from), we can reverse or improve the health condition.

You see, all diseases begin as a result of imbalanced energy. (Please go back and read that sentence to let it sink in. I’m sharing the hidden collective unconscious information I have channeled over the years for your benefit, but it’s up to you to believe it). Eleven years ago I would not have believed this if I had read it. Only when I lived and observed it could I see that it is true and it is why human beings are so sick, on medication that only stabilizes but almost never cures, and why some sicknesses do not respond to traditional (or holistic) treatments at all. It is part of the reason there are no cures for diseases and why people who have had similar life traumas often have similar illnesses.

Empathic people are especially prone to energetic imbalances. In fact, I have never met an empathic person who was not energetically imbalanced. I have also never met a person whose chakras were balanced rather than being blocked or overactive. Here’s why:

Empathic people are born into families where abuse is present (even if there was no abuse in your childhood, you have been bullied, coerced, threatened, or shamed in some other area of your life). ——>

Empathic people have energy usurped from them by karmic partners/narcissists. ——>

Empathic people get punished for being who they really are. ——>

Empathic people learn to alter their energy to please the people around them or avoid the people around them. (This most often happens on a subconscious level). ——>

Over time, the inauthentic energy profile that the empath has adopted as an adaptation method becomes ingrained (aka ego forms and inherent chakra energy is altered). ——>

Because the energetic profile is unnatural, it becomes a stressor to the physical body. Over time, disease begins to develop as a response to the incessant energetic stressors. ——>

The empath becomes sick and possibly seeks diagnosis. While medication may provide some relief, they still do not feel well, are still triggered into the old familiar energy pattern when certain people/situations present themselves so they constantly cycle in and out of wellness.

Only by identifying the subconscious energetic trigger, behavioral (stress pattern with hormones, the nervous system, the brain, etc) can the disease be eradicated. (The body must also be supported with nutrition, sleep, relaxation, supplements, etc, of course).

Now, that said, there are certain kinds of empaths whom I consider “high processors“. This means they are constantly receiving boatloads of incoming extra-sensory information (intuitive insights and channeled messages) and energetic residues that they are not consciously aware of, yet is still stressing out their nervous system, hormones, blood pressure, blood sugar, kidneys, liver, thyroid, brain, etc. The average empath is receiving all kinds of data too, but the high processors just go at it non-fucking-stop. They are constantly stressed and do not know why, they are always on high alert, they may have trouble sleeping or enjoying life. They know everything about everyone and say nothing. They need ample time to veg-out at home doing nothing because everyday life is such a trigger. These people are also prone to anxiety, depression, panic attacks and PTSD.

Imagine if every day of your life (until you become aware of it, that is) feels like another battle to walk into, another day that could figuratively kill you, more people you have to encounter who either drain your energy or force theirs onto you. Imagine if your nervous system were operating in high-drive for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years at a time — all day, every day. What would be the health consequences as a result?

When your brain is operating at a higher level, your nervous system will be affected. This means your adrenal glands will be producing cortisol (the stress hormone) in over-drive. As time goes on, your body will not be able to keep up with the demand and cortisol production will slow, leaving you in a state of adrenal fatigue and completely wired but tired or lethargic. Your blood sugar and blood pressure may surge, then drop. As more time goes on, your thyroid hormone will be affected and you may become hypo- or hyper-thyroid. Due to all the cortisol that once hit your system, your immune system will not be able to fend off yeasts, bacteria, and viruses appropriately. You may get sick often. Your digestive tract will also become “leaky”, and the epithelial cells in the gut lining will become weakened, allowing food particles (proteins especially) to pass into circulation in the blood stream where they do not belong. This is where you become allergic to foods and the environment. Over time, your sex hormones may also be affected. “Bad” disease-promoting genes may also “switch on”, leaving you prone to the genetic issues that have plagued your family for generations.

At this point, daily life becomes a challenge because you simply feel unwell all of the time. You visit a doctor who either can’t diagnose you, or who puts you on a medication that only slightly helps but never gets to the root of the issues. You may also dabble in nutrition and supplements or other healing modalities, and while it helps, it never completely eradicates the problem so you give up. This is where energy work comes in.

Until you fix the energetic problem, you cannot fix your health. High processors, whom I work with most of the time, have to find a way back to themselves and their true nature. This involves identifying core wounds, learning/completing your life lessons, escaping karmic partners, resolving your karma, and acting out your own power unabashedly. Until you do so, you will live in a state of constant triggering and feel completely uneasy in the world. High processors are a special type of empath who are here to change the world with their inherent knowledge and information but “to whom much is given, much is expected.” Please do not sit on this gift and let it make you sick. Please learn how to uncover it and use it to your advantage rather than have it cause disease. There is hope for you.

Stages of development of the female intuition part 2: the teen years

If you haven’t already done so, please go back and read my first blog on this topic: Stages of development of the female intuition part 1: the early years. Once you get a good understanding for the backdrop to this post, it will all likely begin to click for you — the ways your intuition has been suppressed, why you don’t trust yourself, how to raise up a new generation of daughters (children) who aren’t in constant states of cognitive dissonance about the abuses around them, and who can take control of the energy that is being displaced onto them rather than internalizing it and becoming sick.

So here comes the second part to this series: the teen years. The teenage years are hard for most everyone — the kid, the parents, the teachers, everyone. Teenagers are not only experiencing an influx and sudden surge of hormones, they’re also smack dab in the middle of third eye development, which can and will cause a clusterfuck of problems for everyone involved. That is, unless everyone is operating in the truth (pretty freaking rare). Teen girls have a keen eye for bullshit and truly, deep down know certain people are asking or demanding they keep up lies for sake of appearances. They know their true nature will not be accepted. But because they are only just stepping into their personal power, chances are they will choose to act out or go within in order to combat the lies, rather than feeling comfortable stepping into a role of leadership in order to change the situation for the better.

A teenage girl is going through a lot. Socially, she is trying to fit it and not stand out so she can avoid mocking, bullying, and being picked on. This means she’s going out of her way to adopt a false personality of sorts that works with her circle of friends and what her caregivers expect from her, while she’s trying to attain a perfect body or certain look. External validation is all she has known and getting this from her male peers and from those in authority are number one on her list.

On top of that, she is wise beyond her years. We know that girls develop prefrontal cortex function — plan, plot, strategize — well before their male counterparts who won’t catch up until, best case scenario, their mid-twenties, worst case, their mid-forties! Cliques are a fierce force to be reckoned with and no one wants to be the odd one out at this age. So she plays along to fit in, which largely means acting younger to appease more immature male peers and adopting the social mores of her female circle. She just doesn’t know where her real self, if anywhere, fits in.

She also feels the incessant demands from her parents to perform a certain way in school and in extracurricular activities, project a good girl virginal image, and never cross the line into doing what feels good for her (the horror). In essence, her soul is being stripped by the demands of the external world. She knows she has to fit in for survival but she also knows who she is playing is not who she really is. But because she has never realized (aka: never been told or encouraged) she does not in fact need external validation, her worst fear is losing the approval of others.

The girl’s home life will also play a big role in the development of her intuitive abilities. She is keenly aware of the underlying energy in the home and relationship dynamics and while she may play along like life is fine because that is what the caregivers project, she is absolutely in touch with the problems that stick out like a sore thumb to her. Cheating parents? Check. Parents who drink too much or abuse other substances? Check. Parents who are emotionally unavailable? Check. Parents who fight in private but act like high school sweethearts in public? Check. Parents who don’t care to listen to her? Check. The way she is treated differently than her other siblings? Check, check, check.

If you remember, around age six she begins to realize there is more than one side to the coin, so to speak, and sees that duality and polarities exist. When she reaches her teen years, she not only now has a deep understanding of the polarities (people saying one thing but doing another, people acting in unethical ways, people telling her who she should be despite her not being that thing at all), but she begins to harbor a deep resentment and frustration over them. This is where things can get toxic. “Hormones” is what most people will call this stage of anger, attitude, tantrums, and resting bitch face. What they don’t understand is that the hormones are but a bit of kerosene adding fuel to an already burning fire. What they don’t understand is that she is sick of the lies.

Lies aside, the girl is also walking a fine line between adolescence and adulthood around the corner. She knows hypothetically she could assert her personal power to create some changes in the family/school dynamics. But she also knows those in authority do not easily rescind their power and will never hand it over to her without a fight. She has likely tried this before and it got her nowhere but punishment and loss of love. “Why don’t they trust me?” she wonders. “Why won’t they let me make good decisions for myself?”, “Why won’t they let me learn organically?”, “Why must I keep the secrets for everyone?”, “Why won’t they listen?” she asks herself. This is where core wounds begin to form and she resents those who are forming the wounds for her. Deeper she goes into herself, or deeper she goes into creating her own secret world in which she can act out without risking punishment.

All of this leads the teen to one horrible conclusion: she is worthless and not good enough. If she weren’t, she could be herself and have her needs met. Because her hierarchy of emotional needs is so rarely met, she understands that forgoing her intuitive reflexes is a must for sheer survival. Whatever she has observed and felt no longer matters. She becomes disconnected and no longer cares. She becomes the teen who hates family outings, vacations, dinners, and holidays. Why would she engage with people who are wounding her? She becomes the person who would rather be alone in her room on her phone because it is a form of escapism from the reality of life. Sometimes the escapism takes much larger and more drastic turns.

There is a way to change all of this, of course, but it will require a monumental effort by those around her. You see, she isn’t the problem. She is a symptom of larger dynamics no one wants to talk about. In order to make her healthy, everyone would have to come clean and few want to do this. To reverse this karmic residue, teachers, parents, and those in her life would need to overcome their ego. The ego that says there are no problems, the ego that says she needs to change to make them comfortable, the ego that doesn’t listen to her heart and mind when it is important. Their egos are blocking her intuition and she is almost ready to live in the truth.

Stay tuned for part 3 of this series.