As the reality around us continues to implode, as the truth is exposed in record time, those on the ascension journey find more and more falsehoods to shed: the lies you have been told about yourself, the abuse you endured, the many times you questioned but were told to stop asking (or speaking). If little here has every made sense to you, that’s a good sign.
You have been born into a constructed reality. At birth, you were assigned a role to play, according to your parents’ or caregivers’ desires. Yes, you were given a name and gender, a weight and length, but also, as you grew, you were taught who you are and who you can become. You were told what you like, what to eat, how assertively or softly to speak, what to wear, how smart you are as well as your perceived aptitude or talents, whom to love or marry, which religion to choose, where to live, and on and on.
Nearly everyone else in your family, group, tribe, or community fit into these expectations so seamlessly you wondered why you’ve had trouble doing the same. There has always existed a void between these expectations and who you really are. Your true self became a dirty little secret, hidden deep within the recesses of your subconscious mind.
When you did not obey the orders you were assigned at birth, you were spanked, shamed, chastised, neglected, or isolated. You were told how wrong or terrible you are. You were reminded how unlike everyone else you are, and if you wanted love or success, you must obey the orders. For some, far worse punishment ensued as soon as they made a decision for themselves, including physical beatings, rape, extreme mental duress, and for some, even death.
You became more and more frustrated or dejected at the person you have been forced to become versus the person you feel you inherently are. Few have ever asked who you actually are deep inside of your soul, and indeed, if they knew the truth of who you secretly are, you feel they would reject or bully you altogether. It is as if there is some secret inside of your soul that makes you set apart from the rest, as if you are a stranger in a strange land. The physical body may be acclimated to this place but your soul never has.
The next big step is releasing the identities you were assigned, in both this lifetime and others. As I write about in my book, How to Become Intuitive, the soul cannot be chained by human labels. Your soul always was and your soul always will be. The ascended masters came to teach us this lesson, namely, you are not your body and you don’t die after you die; you go on. To where you go on is up to you.
Imagine being reincarnated lifetime after lifetime and bring forced to become who society, the state, and your caregivers, friends or family wanted you to be. Imagine what you were forced to do just to survive. Imagine ignoring your own soul each time in order to fly under the radar and not be punished, or to live and eat and have shelter. To fit in. Imagine how much subconscious programming you would accumulate that must be cleared. This is the job of those ascending. This is the soul roll call you received some time ago: to finally figure out who you actually are.
Think of it like an inverse reaction: as more cover ups and lies are exposed to the public, the greater insight you have about the truth. The truth of yourself, of others, and of why you are here. As one gets worse, the other gets better. As one become more chaotic, the other becomes more clear. You can utilize the principle of the opposite to finally perceive the truth.
It is safe to completely give up your false identity. The one others assigned you that has nothing to do with who you actually are; your human persona that appeased but did not fulfill you. Once you shed this, few will see your real self. They won’t be able to recognize it because they don’t even recognize it for themselves. But some will. And you will. It’s okay to become the higher self and identify as such. The you that is separate from all wounding, physical limitations, judgments from others, and instruction is who you really are. What if you stopped caring what others want you to be and started living as an infinite being within the system? You would be free of your karma and your soul will be able to go on after this constructed reality collapses.
Until you deconstruct the abuses you have endured, you will not be able to perceive the truth. In my book, How to Become Intuitive, I dedicate an entire section to abuse and how it sabotages your perception and third eye activity due to punishment for seeing the truth and/or cognitive dissonance where you cannot trust yourself because only your abuser “knows the truth.”
In the case of abuse, your perpetrator has trained your brain, hormones, and nervous system to react according to what they wish you to do, to become, and to believe. Every time you take a step away from them, they reinforce a negative feedback cycle of pain. If your trigger is physical pain, they will trigger you this way back towards compliance. If your trigger is emotional pain, they will trigger you that way in order to lead you back towards them. Every time you attempt to take a step away, you get that buzz of pain. Think of it like an electric dog collar. You step your foot outside the gate and you may not be affected. The owner might give you a little zing to teach you to obey. But leap over the fence to freedom and you’ll get a non-stop high-pitched buzzing straight to your neck and what kind of an animal can function optimally with stinging nerves and high pitched tones in their ears?
Abused empaths have been trained to respond to their abuser’s cues as well as their punishments. But human beings are mammals after all and therefore, can be trained much like any other mammal. Until we know how it is happening — or why — we won’t be able to reverse engineer the problem. In this case, responses to abuse. Even if you’ve left abuse, you will still have trauma responses. Perhaps it is fear, anger, aggression, anxiety, or depression. Perhaps you reach for your vice of choice every few hours in order to take the edge off. Either way, your entire day, or perhaps, most of it, is consumed with the subconscious desire to get rid of the trauma. The kicker is you could still actively be engaging in it.
What I mean is that since your nervous system and brain, particularly, were trained in a way so that you obey, not only is that likely still your pattern or rhythm, but it is also likely something you do without thinking. If every two hours your abuser called or texted you to check in, reassert their power, and shame you, your body still expects this. You may no longer be near your abuser, but trauma isn’t easily forgotten by your body. Chances are you are still engaging in the energy suck-energy drain pattern that your abuser(s) instilled in you.
Not only does this mean you will still be sending them your energy thanks to their training, but you will also be unable to live out your life’s purpose (dharma) in order to complete your life’s work. Think of your day as a long line dotted with moments you were taken back to the trauma. Connect the dots and you’ll see all the zig zags they took you through that day (or week). You can’t function in an optimal way if you are always taking breaks to reward your abuser. Energetically, it’s like short circuits sending a jolt of energy directly back to the person who trained you that you cannot energize yourself.
As I say in my book, please understand that abuse is not your fault. Additionally, how you respond to abuse (aka torture) is also not your fault. But what I am saying is that until I recognized how much energy I was sending back to my abuser by way of my own “short circuiting”, I didn’t realize how much they were still controlling me. Learning a new functional way of being is hard work. It requires you put yourself first, apart from their pain programming. It means you don’t think about what they want, you think about how you want to create your day. We can fix those shorts in our electrical energetic field so that our entire day is not built around a false construct that an abusive personality set forth for us.