Category Archives: narcissism

Stages of ego death

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Some call it a dark night of the soul. Others call it ego death. Whatever the term, the empaths are being called to shed their egoic mind and ascend to higher planes of emotional and spiritual awareness. Plain and simple, the world needs it right now as we shift out of trauma and fear and into love and peace. Specifically, the energies from December 12-21 are demanding it of us and it is heavy. We need it on a personal level and we need it on a collective level. 

Ego death is when you are forced to reconcile your karma, when you are forced to see your blind spots, your problems, your complicity, the way you hurt others and the way others have continually hurt you. Think of the ego like prison bars around your brain. It keeps your emotional, spiritual, and mental health inside barriers, not allowing you to grow and expand, not allowing you to see beyond the circumstantial, the ways you have always thought about things and always done things. It keeps you in a low vibration and prevents your true life path and genius from rising.

Think of this process like this: there lies a huge block of ice in front of you, which represents your ego. You take an ice pick to the block and begin hitting it, smashing pieces to the ground. It’s freezing outside so there is no chance of it melting on its own. A few shards hit the ground and you ask your higher self or higher power questions about why those shards froze into the block to begin with. You get answers and see your blind spots and wounds for what they really are; why you made those decisions or passively allowed them to transpire. It can take weeks, months, or years to slowly but surely chip away at the ice and you can’t except it to do the work itself and you can’t overlook the tiny shard on the ground. They all mean something and they all lead you to the truth and without examining each one, your ego stays put. Only when you take care of each individual ice crystal with the heat of friction will you allow it to dissolve in the cold weather. 

Once you begin this “icy” process, it shifts into something more like a tornado. It’s like a proverbial opening of Pandora’s box and all of the things you suppressed and hid or pretended weren’t there come rushing out. You can’t control it, you have to just ride the waves. Imagine you are observing a tornado close-up from the side of the road and suddenly find yourself caught in the eye. You’ll get blown to the left, blown to the right, blown up, down, and sideways inside of it. It controls and suspends you and you can’t get out. As you pick away at that ice block, you may lower down into the storm system, feeling like you’re making progress about exiting and feel exuberant about it. The next moment, a huge chunk of ice falls off the block and you get drawn up higher into the storm system — one step forward, two steps backwards. You thought you were making progress but suddenly realize how far you have to go to climb your way out. So too is the shedding of the ego. One step forward, a few steps backwards, always lowering into the cone, then getting drawn back into the eye. It’s not your fault, it is normal. 

Stages of ego death:

  • Spiritual awakening (some kind of impetus wakes you up out of the amnesia. Awareness of the disconnect from your soul — all of the ways you have compromised yourself for other people’s benefit)
  • Seeking (delving deeper into your religion, spirituality, or esoteric and metaphysical matters that you vibe with)
  • Trying to explain or bring others into your process because you desire true connection
  • Isolation (when you begin to ascend on your own path and realize others, even your closest loved ones, are no longer on the same wavelength as you because you were wearing a mask when you bonded with them and so were they)
  • Grief (life isn’t what I want it to be/thought it would be)
  • Avoidance (trying to avoid the ego problems that led you to this point; blocking spiritual ascension)
  • Denial (“things aren’t as bad as they seem; I can live with my ego — everyone else does. I don’t have any problems.”)
  • Acceptance (“I need to do something to change this situation”)
  • Change (recognizing major life changes you need to make in order to ascend and doing it despite the hardship)
  • Deconstruction (identifying every bad/low energy in your body and soul, identifying problems and picking them apart to see what the cause of it was and what led you there — identification of core wounds and life lessons)
  • Detaching from karmic partners (letting go of toxic relationships that keep you in your ego. This can happen quickly if you are headstrong, or you may go back to them time and again because you worry about the consequences of leaving them — there is typically punishment involved. It’s not called karma for nothing.)
  • Figure out who you actually are on a soul level and pursue that
  • Regret over what you have done to others
  • Seeking friendships and partnerships with people on your new wavelength
  • Resentment and frustration, or sadness, anger and bitterness (at those who have wounded you time and time again, or cyclical situations you always find yourself in; re-triggering. This can happen many times throughout the process)
  • Release of the triggers by finding new ways to look at them (ex: this person did that to me because of this thing that happened to them, they didn’t realize what they were doing; I wanted love and acceptance so I made this compromise which caused this consequence, etc)
  • Peace and acceptance (finding your true life path, releasing karma, accepting yourself and your choices or lessons, healing your core wounds)
  • Good fortune (getting what you deserve — good things — because you shed your ego)

If you are going through this or know others who are, please please please use kid gloves with these people. They may act out, or withdrawal. They’re not depressed, weird, or bipolar. They’re having an existential crisis. Don’t talk about them/gossip, take advantage of them, or backstab while they are down and confused. (If you have true mental health problems, please seek professional support, but I am only speaking about transient life issues based on a spiritual awakening here). 

You or others also need understanding, support, and connection during this time. Typically, someone shedding their ego doesn’t want or need advice. Telling these people what you think is best for them won’t help or work because everyone is on their own unique journey and so your words of wisdom can do more damage than good since this person needs to tune into their intuition and higher power in order to find their way out. Your life experiences will not help someone who has had vastly unique experiences that you cannot understand (this is why I offer Energy Readings — so I can be a blank slate for you and lead you to your higher truth). This means listen and absorb or accept what they are going through without pressuring for answers or resolution. This means sitting with them to absorb their energy instead of expecting something from them. In life, we have often had Maslow’s hierarchy of needs withheld from us. During this time, those awakening desperately need higher-level emotional support in order to self-actualize. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings.

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Empath sabotage type 8: karma shifting

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This is a heavy topic. I’ve not only been through it myself but I have witnessed it happening to my clients. It’s miserable and it sucks, in all honesty. I’ve written seven (possibly eight) other blog posts on the topic of empath sabotage and this is one of the biggies. If you are highly sensitive or empathic, this has likely been happening to you your entire life, whether you have realized it thus far or not. 

Let me explain this phenomenon to you. 

We live in a world or duality. Up and down, day and night, sleeping and awake. We also live in a world of many different types of people. I am not speaking about external identifiers in this case (sex, religion, ethnicity, etc). I am speaking about matters of the soul: empathy versus narcissism. In this world exist three types of people: empaths, narcissists, and those somewhere in the middle. Also note that empaths can exhibit many traits of narcissists if they have been surrounded by them or otherwise influenced by them. Narcissists can play the empath part. It gets confusing. Only by feeling a person’s energy and intention can you differentiate. 

We all also have our own individual and collective karma. That is, the problems we need to work through in the here and now in order to spiritually ascend. Without resolving these things, you will come back lifetime after lifetime, or you will experience in this lifetime, the same problems, hassles, triggers, and pains. 

Empaths by and large carry a greater burden of karma because 1). you have been here so many times and hold the burdens of those lifetimes within your subconscious mind and body, and 2). others have shifted their own karmic consequences onto you to purposefully avoid the consequences of their actions, or to not be found out as egoic and you have accepted it. It’s the classic “shoot the messenger” archetype — it is easier for others to blameshift rather than accept the karma. It’s also like being thrown to the wolves while the proverbial mob cheers at the bloodshed because no one else wanted to be the sacrificial lamb. Empaths have always been the sacrificial lamb. 

Point blank, here’s how to stop that shit:

Undoing your own karma and that others have forced on you is the best course of action because then you will be free and find peace. You will no longer be sick, stressed, and indebted. It’s not fair and it is abusive when others do this to you, but you can make it better yourself — I have seen it and done it. 

If all else fails, remember this — judgment day will come. It may not be now. It may not be soon. They may keep getting away with the transplaced pain. But everyone will have to answer for what they have done. They will only get away with this for so long. And unfortunately for them, the groupthink will mean nothing when it comes to the scales of justice. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings.

The effects of twin flame relationships on children

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I’ve written previously on the topic of twin flames. As I’ve said before:

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourself. That doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

I’m bringing a new perspective on this because we’re about to experience a major timeline shift in which identifying these things in your life will be necessary. In other words, the 3D physical reality will begin to seem less important and the soul or spiritual work will seem of great significance. It will be something you can no longer escape. Your soul wants to be heard and it doesn’t want to make compromises any longer. 

If there are children involved, leaving twin flame relationships can seem impossible. I understand this completely — trust me. It’s the ultimate dilemma every parent seeking or toying with the idea of separation has to come to terms with: do I choose what is best for myself or best for us overall, or do I choose the norm the children have lived thus far?

Almost all of us have grown up in families with twin flame dynamics. As I have said before, marriage is a big contributing factor (keeping people together who fall out of love, don’t get along, and deep down may not like each other or are unable to grow together). It may not have been obvious to you because many parents play the part, trying to be happy around the kids, keep arguments for after bedtime hours only, and avoid problems at all costs so nothing explodes into conflict. 

Here, I speak from observation (clients, friends, family), and personal experience as a child of twin flame parents and someone who was in a twin flame relationship for nearly a decade. I want to break this down so that you can see just what a child learns from twin flame parental role models in these relationship scenarios because it is a difficult, often impossible choice to forgo the relationship for greater spiritual ascension and your higher purpose here. But it is your right and choice to decide whether or not staying is truly the healthiest decision for the long term success of children’s mental and emotional well-being. 

What children learn from twin flame parental relationships:

  • Constant anger, resentment, and arguing is normal
  • Problems never get resolved
  • Love is conditional; there are always checks and balances
  • Compromise is impossible
  • Punishment and withholding love are normal
  • There is always underlying tension
  • Love means sacrificing who you are so someone else can be happy; losing yourself in a relationship
  • You must be the same person you were when you met your romantic partner — you can never grow because it leads to insecurity and jealousy
  • Vices are an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
  • Hiding is an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
  • Disconnect is normal
  • Communication is impossible and always leads to arguments
  • People avoid each other when things get hard
  • It’s okay to pretend there are no problems
  • “I am in the middle of my parents problems”
  • “My parents don’t love me because if they did, they would fix this” / “I am unworthy”
  • Walking on eggshells is normal, being scared of when the next problem will erupt is normal
  • Abuse (if present) is normal
  • It’s impossible to trust other people
  • Forgiveness is impossible or conditional
  • Infidelity (if present) is normal
  • Staying in unhealthy karmic relationships is normal
  • Lying to yourself is normal
  • Pretending to be happy is normal

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