The step-by-step twin flame and soulmate relationships playbook

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, core wounds, empath, energy, intuition, karma, karmics, life lessons, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, soulmates, stress, twin flames

I’ve attempted to write this blog post about three separate times in multiple incantations: past, present, future; first person, second person; serious and sarcastic; heartfelt and detached. Each time I published it, waited, then unpublished it. I want to tell this story and I want to impart all of the knowledge I have learned about twin flame and soulmate relationships over the last 2+ years (10 total) with you. When I started writing about this topic last November after 21 months of staying silent because of serious threats, thinking no one would get it, and not fully getting it myself, I broke my silence and wrote this post: The real differences between twin flames and soulmates. Then two more that aren’t up on my site. One, my abbreviated story which is so full of magic and mystery, you would think it were fiction. Two, about the epic (Herculean, I called it) saga of balancing the divine feminine and divine masculine energies.

But I also have learned since late last year that there are countless other souls on this same journey and I wish I had had a guide back then and I’m sure you do too. See, this isn’t a love story, though everyone wishes it were. The story of twin flames and soulmates is one of paying off debts, and remembering who you are. If that’s all you get out of it, well, you sure hell got a lot.

I see the collective is at a critical tipping point. We’ve become disinterested with the 3D world (money, sex, fame, trite social acceptance) and more interested in the pursuit of the 5D (love, peace, harmony, emotion, justice). Empathic people are having indescribable experiences in their ascension process and they need answers. They need a playbook, a road map, a guide. It’s not just you — it is a large group of the collective having similar experiences. So I’m taking the plunge again to share this information once and for all. Use this as a tool. If your relationships over the last 3 months – 5 years resemble what I outline here, well, you can bet you’re a twin flame or soulmate.

Please let me preface this by repeating:

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soul. Your soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I tell you this because the majority of the collective is using the term “twin flame” to identify their “other half”. I only reverse this and use the term soulmate because of my own experience. In all honesty, it does not matter which term you use, so switch them around if needed.

Here’s what you’ve been waiting for — Stages of a Twin Flame/Soulmate Relationship (aka the complete playbook):

DF = divine feminine

DM = divine masculine

  • Curiosity from a distance: “Hey, you seem cool.” “Or, who is this mystery person? Why am I fascinated by them? Why am I thinking about this person so much?”
  • Why are they paying attention to me?: One counterpart emerges as the “chaser” and one emerges as the “runner”. Typically the masculine starts out as the chaser, pursuing the feminine in some small way.
  • The feminine gets on board and realizes this guy isn’t so bad. (Personally, I skipped this part myself.) Usually an actual, albeit possibly superficial or sexually-driven, relationship emerges at this point like a normal relationship.
  • Initial excitement: You realize the feelings you have are unlike anything you’ve experienced as a human being and because you’ve found someone who understands you without needing to communicate. Agape love — it exists. Yay, you found the one who can complete you! This is amazing! Telepathy, intuitive images, or inherently-felt vibes occur in the 5D between these two. You know how the other feels and what the other is doing without verbal communication. “This is so cool!”
  • The offer: The masculine makes some kind of offer regarding this relationship. Typically, it’s sleazy and it doesn’t sit well with the feminine. If she is wise, she rejects it (hand raised); if she feels desperate for the love, she may allow herself to be little more than a booty call, or mistress. But neither can deny the connection.
  • The reality starts to sink in: “Whoa, I have to change my life and all my bad habits for this person. I have to end relationships, start getting healthy, and stop being low vibe. They can hear my thoughts, I don’t know if I can do this”. Your entire construct of what you thought was correct about the world begins to dissolve.
  • Runner and chaser reverse: At this point the DM starts ghosting, ignoring, and playing hard to get. The DF doesn’t understand why but isn’t aware enough yet to do anything about it — all men have treated her this way to some extent so she thinks it’s normal. She either chooses to chase, or she lets it go, based on the situation.
  • External influences try to separate the two: Karmic partners each is currently in relationship with (if applicable), friends, family, jobs, etc. try to talk or force each partner out of the feeling. Dark magic may be involved. Narcissism is definitely involved as is past life conflict. No one wants these two together. Wrench after wrench after wrench gets thrown in their path.
  • The DF’s partner (if applicable) does everything in his power to get her to stay: financial punishment, domestic violence, emotional abuse, legal threats, social exclusion, smear campaigns, or simply playing a nice guy and attempting to show he’s “changed”. (Aka: “I’ll finally spend time with you, I’ll finally take you out, you want more sex? Sure! I’ll even force sex on you.”)
  • The DF may be blamed for the connection at this point: She’s a slut, she’s trying to get involved in a third party situation, it’s all her fault. (Aka: The Eve wound, if you want further explanation).
  • Lots and lots of confusion!: Karma has hit both partners. Chaos, misinterpretations, distance, and lack of communication. They distance themselves but there is unease and tension.
  • The DF gives into resolving her karma, while the DM runs from his: She sees the situations in her life that need to be cut out, fixed, and changed. She does this and it is very painful. She has little to no support so she begins to resent her counterpart – aka: “You see me dying! Where the hell are you?”. He goes back to being numb and blind after having dramatic spiritual experiences.
  • The masculine runs back to the safety, familiarity, boredom, and facade of love from karmic partners: “My DF has way too much drama in her life, I don’t want to be part of that.” He’s ashamed of her chaos and how she begins stepping into her power to slay the dragons. “Not submissive enough, pass.” He can control the life he has already built, despite it controlling him, so it’s easier than being authentic and fixing the problems. He works real hard to pretend to be happy. His karmic partner uses money, drugs, sex, children, and social standing to draw him back in — as well as all other forms of manipulation. “Threesomes? Side pieces? Drugs and alcohol? Sure, honey — I’ll turn a blind eye as long as you stay forever and never pursue the relationship with her“, or “What will people think if you leave me? You’re ruining what we built! I’ll take you for everything if you leave.” She also tries to become more like the DF to lure him in (aka: chameleonism), or remind him of how terrible the DF was while she was slaying dragons.
  • There may be superficial random communication or interactions: They still think about each other but it never goes anywhere, and the connection can’t seem to be done in an ethical way, so they both decide to pull away. Constant push-pull energy.
  • Both feel ashamed that they ever trusted their intuition about this connection to begin with.
  • The DM is terrified of disappointing people he has built the facade with (karmic partners): He is terrified of what kind of man he will be without all the status, friends, money, and 3D respect. He is terrified of real love with no strings attached wherein he is vulnerable and could possibly be rejected. He is terrified of giving into this feeling and expressing it. He is terrified of her finding out about his past indiscretions.
  • A “tower” moment hits the DM because he has chosen to numb out and ignore the soul contract. He has one last chance to choose his DF over his 3D world — or at the very least, tell her where they stand — and doesn’t. Thus, his life begins crumbling before his eyes. His karmic partner begins showing her true colors (only in it for the 3D benefits). Maybe she cheats as payback, tries to get pregnant on purpose to keep him chained, threatens him legally, threatens to make him go broke, threatens to expose his secrets, take his children away, etc. The universe swiftly begins removing everything from his life that does not serve him because he wouldn’t do it himself. The situation is too tempestuous for him to stay any longer.
  • This tower moment leads the DF into deep despair: “Why have I never been good enough for you? We keep playing this same shit out lifetime after lifetime. I’m done.” This launches her into a journey of self-love and self-empowerment. She accesses her inherent power and realizes everyone has failed her, she has had no one to rely on but herself and she’s fucking amazing because she did it alone! She creates boundaries and decides she will never accept less than she deserves again — not from a soulmate, a twin flame, or prince charming himself. She reverses her karma and ascends. Haters and energy vampires, beware.
  • The masculine is now forced to ascend: the 3D life he built, so neat and tidy, so full of hidden secrets crumbles and the only real thing he has left is the DF. But the betrayal has run so deep he isn’t even sure where to start again with her, if she will want to talk to him, and if there is even any hope for them. He sees all illusions and karma for what they really are, he is forced to get healthy, give up addictions and co-dependency. He has no choice. He has to shed his ego.
  • Both partners hang in what feels like an eternal limbo, waiting for the next signal from the universe about which direction this needs to go. They have had to surrender their lives to the will of the divine completely and learn extreme patience and forgiveness.

The divine feminine has been the leader on this journey. She understood the connection better, she ascended first, and her intuitive insights have guided the masculine in his own ascension process. It was the woman who was more mature, who was the wiser, who followed the path of righteousness, the straight and narrow despite how horrifying it was. While the 3D world tells a man he is superior to a woman, that she must be subdued and controlled, the divine masculines have had to give up a healthy dose of pride and admit that they came in second here. He has not yet matched the DFs ascension process but he is becoming more spiritually inclined and intuitive by the day. He is learning to make ethical decisions.

This is the CliffNotes version up until this point. More is to come, but who knows what that will look like. Only when we intuit it and live it can we understand. Chances are, when you stepped into this relationship, you assumed it was about romance. The reality is that it is about helping the planet spiritually ascend into 5D Christ consciousness because it has forced so many to resolve their karmic debt which keeps us in low vibes of jealousy, anger, resentment, fear, and abuse. The divine used love and sex, the only two things we consistently chase after, as collateral to get us to do what they want. They knew it would work. You may be wondering what kind of a person in their right mind would pursue this kind of a relationship. The answer is that these people had no choice.

I suspect there will be more and more waves of people having these experiences. So if what I have written doesn’t apply to you now, it may in the future. Divine partners are coming into contact and into relationship based on the soul contracts they agreed to before they were ever born. And these contracts usurp everything in the 3D world. If you have had these experiences already, just know your exact situations and timelines may vary slightly — and that is okay! Your journey will be unique to you, but these have been the overarching themes.

Life is no longer a matter of wondering if there is meaning or purpose here to find — once you have these experiences, you will know it all serves a purpose. As I said before, if all you got out of this was resolving your karma, remembering who you are, and finding your life’s path — you sure hell got a lot. If nothing more comes of this, you can rest easy knowing you did the work. You shed your ego. Bravo.


The plight of the “high processors”

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, candida, chakras, chronic illness, core wounds, diets, empath, endocrine disruptors, energy, food, food allergies, glands, holistic, hormones, intuition, karma, life lessons, mind-body, narcissism, nutrition, relationships, stress, thyroid, vitamins and supplements

The mind-body connection is not something I started out understanding. 11 years ago when I became fascinated with holistic nutrition, I didn’t quite get the depth of the way our mental and emotional state affects our physical body. Over the years, as I deconstructed my own health and that of my clients, I came to find that not only is the mind-body connection very real, that there is tons of science to support it, and that it is usually overlooked, but by excavating the subconscious mind and subconscious behaviors of a person (and where said trauma stems from), we can reverse or improve the health condition.

You see, all diseases begin as a result of imbalanced energy. (Please go back and read that sentence to let it sink in. I’m sharing the hidden collective unconscious information I have channeled over the years for your benefit, but it’s up to you to believe it). Eleven years ago I would not have believed this if I had read it. Only when I lived and observed it could I see that it is true and it is why human beings are so sick, on medication that only stabilizes but almost never cures, and why some sicknesses do not respond to traditional (or holistic) treatments at all. It is part of the reason there are no cures for diseases and why people who have had similar life traumas often have similar illnesses.

Empathic people are especially prone to energetic imbalances. In fact, I have never met an empathic person who was not energetically imbalanced. I have also never met a person whose chakras were balanced rather than being blocked or overactive. Here’s why:

Empathic people are born into families where abuse is present (even if there was no abuse in your childhood, you have been bullied, coerced, threatened, or shamed in some other area of your life). ——>

Empathic people have energy usurped from them by karmic partners/narcissists. ——>

Empathic people get punished for being who they really are. ——>

Empathic people learn to alter their energy to please the people around them or avoid the people around them. (This most often happens on a subconscious level). ——>

Over time, the inauthentic energy profile that the empath has adopted as an adaptation method becomes ingrained (aka ego forms and inherent chakra energy is altered). ——>

Because the energetic profile is unnatural, it becomes a stressor to the physical body. Over time, disease begins to develop as a response to the incessant energetic stressors. ——>

The empath becomes sick and possibly seeks diagnosis. While medication may provide some relief, they still do not feel well, are still triggered into the old familiar energy pattern when certain people/situations present themselves so they constantly cycle in and out of wellness.

Only by identifying the subconscious energetic trigger, behavioral (stress pattern with hormones, the nervous system, the brain, etc) can the disease be eradicated. (The body must also be supported with nutrition, sleep, relaxation, supplements, etc, of course).

Now, that said, there are certain kinds of empaths whom I consider “high processors“. This means they are constantly receiving boatloads of incoming extra-sensory information (intuitive insights and channeled messages) and energetic residues that they are not consciously aware of, yet is still stressing out their nervous system, hormones, blood pressure, blood sugar, kidneys, liver, thyroid, brain, etc. The average empath is receiving all kinds of data too, but the high processors just go at it non-fucking-stop. They are constantly stressed and do not know why, they are always on high alert, they may have trouble sleeping or enjoying life. They know everything about everyone and say nothing. They need ample time to veg-out at home doing nothing because everyday life is such a trigger. These people are also prone to anxiety, depression, panic attacks and PTSD.

Imagine if every day of your life (until you become aware of it, that is) feels like another battle to walk into, another day that could figuratively kill you, more people you have to encounter who either drain your energy or force theirs onto you. Imagine if your nervous system were operating in high-drive for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years at a time — all day, every day. What would be the health consequences as a result?

When your brain is operating at a higher level, your nervous system will be affected. This means your adrenal glands will be producing cortisol (the stress hormone) in over-drive. As time goes on, your body will not be able to keep up with the demand and cortisol production will slow, leaving you in a state of adrenal fatigue and completely wired but tired or lethargic. Your blood sugar and blood pressure may surge, then drop. As more time goes on, your thyroid hormone will be affected and you may become hypo- or hyper-thyroid. Due to all the cortisol that once hit your system, your immune system will not be able to fend off yeasts, bacteria, and viruses appropriately. You may get sick often. Your digestive tract will also become “leaky”, and the epithelial cells in the gut lining will become weakened, allowing food particles (proteins especially) to pass into circulation in the blood stream where they do not belong. This is where you become allergic to foods and the environment. Over time, your sex hormones may also be affected. “Bad” disease-promoting genes may also “switch on”, leaving you prone to the genetic issues that have plagued your family for generations.

At this point, daily life becomes a challenge because you simply feel unwell all of the time. You visit a doctor who either can’t diagnose you, or who puts you on a medication that only slightly helps but never gets to the root of the issues. You may also dabble in nutrition and supplements or other healing modalities, and while it helps, it never completely eradicates the problem so you give up. This is where energy work comes in.

Until you fix the energetic problem, you cannot fix your health. High processors, whom I work with most of the time, have to find a way back to themselves and their true nature. This involves identifying core wounds, learning/completing your life lessons, escaping karmic partners, resolving your karma, and acting out your own power unabashedly. Until you do so, you will live in a state of constant triggering and feel completely uneasy in the world. High processors are a special type of empath who are here to change the world with their inherent knowledge and information but “to whom much is given, much is expected.” Please do not sit on this gift and let it make you sick. Please learn how to uncover it and use it to your advantage rather than have it cause disease. There is hope for you.

The art of fighting back

3D, abuse, ascension, children, core wounds, empath, life lessons, mind-body, narcissism, relationships, stress

Empaths, you have been sold one big lie. This lie has immobilized you your entire life. It has caused anxiety, anger, resentment and life long stress. It has made you stew and stew in a pressure cooker of internal angst and it has silenced you when you should have been able to speak. It has made you doubt and second guess yourself. And it has caused you to be a victim, a target, a lesser version of yourself. It is the wound of passivity in the face of evil and it needs to be rectified.

I’m the mother to a super empathic six-year-old. Today I watched her fend off a group of older boy bullies — the kind of kids who gang up on others because it makes them feel cool and important. She’s emotionally intelligent enough to know when someone is being mean on purpose and for no good reason, though she easily forgives those who are mean on accident.

A few years ago she would run to me with arms crossed or a pout on her face when someone was unnecessarily mean. I’d help explain to her the what, where, when, why and how of their choices and how to strengthen up so she wasn’t affected. With a hug, she would get over it and get back to playing.

Today she took a new approach and stepped into her power. Instead of rescinding her autonomy to any one bully, she spoke back. One little girl against six older and privileged private school boys. She got attitude. She told them they were being mean. And she meant it. It sounds like a small step but as a parent and coach, I know these skills need to be imparted from a young age. You see, chances are as an empath, you were taught to turn the other cheek, not say anything, and certainly not fight back.

It’s a fine line — at what point does your engagement contribute to more drama and how far do you need to go to get your point across? A few years ago I would have always turned the other cheek myself. I wouldn’t have had the desire or courage to speak. But that was before I saw abuse for what it really is: a pointless ego demonstration that benefits only one person — the perpetrator — and stresses the victim beyond belief… Because it just keeps happening no matter how nice you are. The nicer you become, the more they enjoy the game. And the more you feel complicit in it and stripped of your dignity. It’s time for us to take a new approach.

99% of the spiritual advice you will find on the internet takes an airy fairy approach to life. In other words, they recommend in order to be a good person and embrace your spirituality, you never fight back. That you send love and light to everyone. That you never acknowledge problems imposed on you by others because that’s too “low vibe” and you’ll just attract more of it. Ignore, smile, ignore, then magically manifest some happy ending. This puts victims (aka empaths) squarely in the position of a sitting duck. Do you think your higher power would want you to be a sitting duck, a punching bag for the anger of others? Do you think it benefits you when you put up with injustices for the sake of false peace?

My favorite biblical story is when Jesus fought back, bruised egos, and got angry. The empaths understood his righteous anger; the narcissists questioned his authenticity. The famous activists I look up to all stared evil down and spoke out against it vehemently. Then they were blamed for the problems and targeted further. Crucified literally or figuratively. Still, they kept fighting for what they knew was right.

After I watched my daughter stand up for herself fearlessly, one of my own bullies joined the playground scene. A fellow mom, a nice-to-people-who-benefit-her-appearance kind of person, a completely nondescript woman who you’d never guess could harm a soul — unless she’s done it to you. In the past, when she was cruel, I still smiled at her and asked how she was doing. I still wanted to care about her. In all truth, I was wrong. I should have assaulted her ego right then and there and ask her why and told her to stop. It wouldn’t have solved the problem but it would have let her know I wasn’t a sitting duck. That she would need to find a new victim.

All I know is that good and evil do exist. Ignoring evil doesn’t solve any problems. Acknowledging it is a start. Changing the whole goddamn system is what’s required. You deserve to no longer be a sitting duck. Imagine what would happen if all empaths rose up and learned the art of fighting back.