The step-by-step twin flame and soulmate relationships playbook

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, core wounds, empath, energy, intuition, karma, karmics, life lessons, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, soulmates, stress, twin flames

I’ve attempted to write this blog post about three separate times in multiple incantations: past, present, future; first person, second person; serious and sarcastic; heartfelt and detached. Each time I published it, waited, then unpublished it. I want to tell this story and I want to impart all of the knowledge I have learned about twin flame and soulmate relationships over the last 2+ years (10 total) with you. When I started writing about this topic last November after 21 months of staying silent because of serious threats, thinking no one would get it, and not fully getting it myself, I broke my silence and wrote this post: The real differences between twin flames and soulmates. Then two more that aren’t up on my site. One, my abbreviated story which is so full of magic and mystery, you would think it were fiction. Two, about the epic (Herculean, I called it) saga of balancing the divine feminine and divine masculine energies.

But I also have learned since late last year that there are countless other souls on this same journey and I wish I had had a guide back then and I’m sure you do too. See, this isn’t a love story, though everyone wishes it were. The story of twin flames and soulmates is one of paying off debts, and remembering who you are. If that’s all you get out of it, well, you sure hell got a lot.

I see the collective is at a critical tipping point. We’ve become disinterested with the 3D world (money, sex, fame, trite social acceptance) and more interested in the pursuit of the 5D (love, peace, harmony, emotion, justice). Empathic people are having indescribable experiences in their ascension process and they need answers. They need a playbook, a road map, a guide. It’s not just you — it is a large group of the collective having similar experiences. So I’m taking the plunge again to share this information once and for all. Use this as a tool. If your relationships over the last 3 months – 5 years resemble what I outline here, well, you can bet you’re a twin flame or soulmate.

Please let me preface this by repeating:

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soul. Your soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I tell you this because the majority of the collective is using the term “twin flame” to identify their “other half”. I only reverse this and use the term soulmate because of my own experience. In all honesty, it does not matter which term you use, so switch them around if needed.

Here’s what you’ve been waiting for — Stages of a Twin Flame/Soulmate Relationship (aka the complete playbook):

DF = divine feminine

DM = divine masculine

  • Curiosity from a distance: “Hey, you seem cool.” “Or, who is this mystery person? Why am I fascinated by them? Why am I thinking about this person so much?”
  • Why are they paying attention to me?: One counterpart emerges as the “chaser” and one emerges as the “runner”. Typically the masculine starts out as the chaser, pursuing the feminine in some small way.
  • The feminine gets on board and realizes this guy isn’t so bad. (Personally, I skipped this part myself.) Usually an actual, albeit possibly superficial or sexually-driven, relationship emerges at this point like a normal relationship.
  • Initial excitement: You realize the feelings you have are unlike anything you’ve experienced as a human being and because you’ve found someone who understands you without needing to communicate. Agape love — it exists. Yay, you found the one who can complete you! This is amazing! Telepathy, intuitive images, or inherently-felt vibes occur in the 5D between these two. You know how the other feels and what the other is doing without verbal communication. “This is so cool!”
  • The offer: The masculine makes some kind of offer regarding this relationship. Typically, it’s sleazy and it doesn’t sit well with the feminine. If she is wise, she rejects it (hand raised); if she feels desperate for the love, she may allow herself to be little more than a booty call, or mistress. But neither can deny the connection.
  • The reality starts to sink in: “Whoa, I have to change my life and all my bad habits for this person. I have to end relationships, start getting healthy, and stop being low vibe. They can hear my thoughts, I don’t know if I can do this”. Your entire construct of what you thought was correct about the world begins to dissolve.
  • Runner and chaser reverse: At this point the DM starts ghosting, ignoring, and playing hard to get. The DF doesn’t understand why but isn’t aware enough yet to do anything about it — all men have treated her this way to some extent so she thinks it’s normal. She either chooses to chase, or she lets it go, based on the situation.
  • External influences try to separate the two: Karmic partners each is currently in relationship with (if applicable), friends, family, jobs, etc. try to talk or force each partner out of the feeling. Dark magic may be involved. Narcissism is definitely involved as is past life conflict. No one wants these two together. Wrench after wrench after wrench gets thrown in their path.
  • The DF’s partner (if applicable) does everything in his power to get her to stay: financial punishment, domestic violence, emotional abuse, legal threats, social exclusion, smear campaigns, or simply playing a nice guy and attempting to show he’s “changed”. (Aka: “I’ll finally spend time with you, I’ll finally take you out, you want more sex? Sure! I’ll even force sex on you.”)
  • The DF may be blamed for the connection at this point: She’s a slut, she’s trying to get involved in a third party situation, it’s all her fault. (Aka: The Eve wound, if you want further explanation).
  • Lots and lots of confusion!: Karma has hit both partners. Chaos, misinterpretations, distance, and lack of communication. They distance themselves but there is unease and tension.
  • The DF gives into resolving her karma, while the DM runs from his: She sees the situations in her life that need to be cut out, fixed, and changed. She does this and it is very painful. She has little to no support so she begins to resent her counterpart – aka: “You see me dying! Where the hell are you?”. He goes back to being numb and blind after having dramatic spiritual experiences.
  • The masculine runs back to the safety, familiarity, boredom, and facade of love from karmic partners: “My DF has way too much drama in her life, I don’t want to be part of that.” He’s ashamed of her chaos and how she begins stepping into her power to slay the dragons. “Not submissive enough, pass.” He can control the life he has already built, despite it controlling him, so it’s easier than being authentic and fixing the problems. He works real hard to pretend to be happy. His karmic partner uses money, drugs, sex, children, and social standing to draw him back in — as well as all other forms of manipulation. “Threesomes? Side pieces? Drugs and alcohol? Sure, honey — I’ll turn a blind eye as long as you stay forever and never pursue the relationship with her“, or “What will people think if you leave me? You’re ruining what we built! I’ll take you for everything if you leave.” She also tries to become more like the DF to lure him in (aka: chameleonism), or remind him of how terrible the DF was while she was slaying dragons.
  • There may be superficial random communication or interactions: They still think about each other but it never goes anywhere, and the connection can’t seem to be done in an ethical way, so they both decide to pull away. Constant push-pull energy.
  • Both feel ashamed that they ever trusted their intuition about this connection to begin with.
  • The DM is terrified of disappointing people he has built the facade with (karmic partners): He is terrified of what kind of man he will be without all the status, friends, money, and 3D respect. He is terrified of real love with no strings attached wherein he is vulnerable and could possibly be rejected. He is terrified of giving into this feeling and expressing it. He is terrified of her finding out about his past indiscretions.
  • A “tower” moment hits the DM because he has chosen to numb out and ignore the soul contract. He has one last chance to choose his DF over his 3D world — or at the very least, tell her where they stand — and doesn’t. Thus, his life begins crumbling before his eyes. His karmic partner begins showing her true colors (only in it for the 3D benefits). Maybe she cheats as payback, tries to get pregnant on purpose to keep him chained, threatens him legally, threatens to make him go broke, threatens to expose his secrets, take his children away, etc. The universe swiftly begins removing everything from his life that does not serve him because he wouldn’t do it himself. The situation is too tempestuous for him to stay any longer.
  • This tower moment leads the DF into deep despair: “Why have I never been good enough for you? We keep playing this same shit out lifetime after lifetime. I’m done.” This launches her into a journey of self-love and self-empowerment. She accesses her inherent power and realizes everyone has failed her, she has had no one to rely on but herself and she’s fucking amazing because she did it alone! She creates boundaries and decides she will never accept less than she deserves again — not from a soulmate, a twin flame, or prince charming himself. She reverses her karma and ascends. Haters and energy vampires, beware.
  • The masculine is now forced to ascend: the 3D life he built, so neat and tidy, so full of hidden secrets crumbles and the only real thing he has left is the DF. But the betrayal has run so deep he isn’t even sure where to start again with her, if she will want to talk to him, and if there is even any hope for them. He sees all illusions and karma for what they really are, he is forced to get healthy, give up addictions and co-dependency. He has no choice. He has to shed his ego.
  • Both partners hang in what feels like an eternal limbo, waiting for the next signal from the universe about which direction this needs to go. They have had to surrender their lives to the will of the divine completely and learn extreme patience and forgiveness.

The divine feminine has been the leader on this journey. She understood the connection better, she ascended first, and her intuitive insights have guided the masculine in his own ascension process. It was the woman who was more mature, who was the wiser, who followed the path of righteousness, the straight and narrow despite how horrifying it was. While the 3D world tells a man he is superior to a woman, that she must be subdued and controlled, the divine masculines have had to give up a healthy dose of pride and admit that they came in second here. He has not yet matched the DFs ascension process but he is becoming more spiritually inclined and intuitive by the day. He is learning to make ethical decisions.

This is the CliffNotes version up until this point. More is to come, but who knows what that will look like. Only when we intuit it and live it can we understand. Chances are, when you stepped into this relationship, you assumed it was about romance. The reality is that it is about helping the planet spiritually ascend into 5D Christ consciousness because it has forced so many to resolve their karmic debt which keeps us in low vibes of jealousy, anger, resentment, fear, and abuse. The divine used love and sex, the only two things we consistently chase after, as collateral to get us to do what they want. They knew it would work. You may be wondering what kind of a person in their right mind would pursue this kind of a relationship. The answer is that these people had no choice.

I suspect there will be more and more waves of people having these experiences. So if what I have written doesn’t apply to you now, it may in the future. Divine partners are coming into contact and into relationship based on the soul contracts they agreed to before they were ever born. And these contracts usurp everything in the 3D world. If you have had these experiences already, just know your exact situations and timelines may vary slightly — and that is okay! Your journey will be unique to you, but these have been the overarching themes.

Life is no longer a matter of wondering if there is meaning or purpose here to find — once you have these experiences, you will know it all serves a purpose. As I said before, if all you got out of this was resolving your karma, remembering who you are, and finding your life’s path — you sure hell got a lot. If nothing more comes of this, you can rest easy knowing you did the work. You shed your ego. Bravo.

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Visual guide to 5D ascension – relationships & roles

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, chakras, core wounds, empath, energy, karma, life lessons, mind-body, narcissism, past lives, relationships, stress

I decided to create a visual format for much of the information I have been sharing over the last year. The empathic collective is ascending into 5D spirituality and consciousness, which means getting out of the 3D karmic checks-and-balances, you-owe-me-something, I-deserve-to-hurt-you system and into true unconditional love. I think seeing it in one place can be helpful to integrate the information.

Once you begin to understand your role and relationships from a higher, metaphysical place, you can see nothing is coincidence. It all happens in order to help us ascend. Please know, many in the spiritual and metaphysical community refer to your true life partner and other half as your twin flame. Because of my own soulmate spark in the eye experience that launched me into my own ascension process, I reject that and instead refer to a soulmate as your true life partner. But keep in mind that the term doesn’t matter so much — it’s the meaning behind these relationships that matters and that helps us ascend. We chose certain relationships in this incarnation and others in order to be able to resolve our karmic debt, en mass as a collective, in order to change the frequency of the planet into 5D Christ-consciousness. As such, you can flip the terms around if you need.

If you are interested in reading more, please see these posts:

The real differences between twin flames and soulmates

Your twin flames are your karmic roadmap

How to spiritually ascend

The effects of twin flame relationships on children

Understanding karmic storylines

Understanding abuse from a 5D perspective

How to switch from 3D to 5D timelines

How to become a multi-dimensional being

Narcissism is true spiritual warfare

Empath subcategory type 1: Indigos

Empath subcategory type 2: Rainbows

Karmic relationship trap: “mutual enemies”

5D, ascension, core wounds, empath, karma, life lessons, past lives, relationships, stress

Unhealthy relationships can be called many names: twin flames, soulmates, karmics, karmic partners. As I always say, the term you use and what you call it doesn’t really matter. I generally refer to twin flames as your genuine karmic partners but you can have karma with anyone — even your soulmate. (Many in the spiritual community refer to twin flames as your true life partner, but I reject that, so just FYI). These relationships can take the form of romantic partners, family, friends, and business associates.

The dynamics in these relationships vary but they often have a few things in common: they start in a fiery frenzy, you sweep issues under the rug, you can’t communicate, it is as if you are speaking different languages, you have different goals, you operate differently in life, and you just can’t seem to make forward motion in order to find happiness or fulfillment in the relationship. There is generally at least one empathic person (you) having to engage with one narcissistic person, plus a whole bunch of people who are neither empathic or narcissistic but have a sort of spiritual amnesia where they follow the crowd. In these situations, there is always another fire to put out, always another fight to be had, another miscommunication around the corner, and a deep prevailing sense of turmoil, stress, or loneliness because you know you two just aren’t on the same wavelength.

Karmic relationships are not meant to last forever. They are meant to teach you a lesson about something in life. They are meant to bring up your core wounds so that you can recognize and resolve them. Once the lesson is understood and you begin to heal the wound, the relationship will no longer resonate because you are ascending spiritually. The problem is that most empathic people work hard to maintain relationships with anyone and everyone — whether they are healthy for you or not. We want people to like us and see our good nature, and we want to give people the benefit of the doubt. We hate having to cut people off and tell them no. We hate having to assert boundaries and put ourselves first. Unfortunately, this ends up draining your energy, keeping you in stress cycles, and never able to get forward in life in order to truly self-actualize.

Karmic partners do not have enough in common to keep them together organically. Sure, at first you may experience a sense of excitement because you seem to share one or two things in common (aka: traits or patterns from past lives). So you allow this to cement the relationship as if you were truly connected. But as time goes on, you begin to see how different you are on a basic level and it begins to cause you both upset. One or both of you work hard to keep the connection going on a superficial level. Mutual enemies are one of the ways this is done.

One of the biggest ways to recognize if you are in a karmic relationship is this: do you only get along when you have a mutual enemy? In other words, can you only bond or become closer when there is some kind of perceived external threat? Do you only come together under duress and stress? If this is the case, there is not enough connection to keep the relationship strong and steady because once the “threat” is gone, there is little to nothing left in common. This can manifest as gossip as the only way you and your “friend” connect, family problems that bring you and your partner close and then the distance grows once the problem is no longer relevant, and (business or romance) competition that is fleeting.

Take an inventory of your relationships. Can you bond and grow closer organically or do you only seem to have something in common when something external is coming at the relationship? That’s a great way to determine if it is in fact karmic rather than from the soul.