The step-by-step twin flame and soulmate relationships playbook

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, core wounds, empath, energy, intuition, karma, karmics, life lessons, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, soulmates, stress, twin flames

I’ve attempted to write this blog post about three separate times in multiple incantations: past, present, future; first person, second person; serious and sarcastic; heartfelt and detached. Each time I published it, waited, then unpublished it. I want to tell this story and I want to impart all of the knowledge I have learned about twin flame and soulmate relationships over the last 2+ years (10 total) with you. When I started writing about this topic last November after 21 months of staying silent because of serious threats, thinking no one would get it, and not fully getting it myself, I broke my silence and wrote this post: The real differences between twin flames and soulmates. Then two more that aren’t up on my site. One, my abbreviated story which is so full of magic and mystery, you would think it were fiction. Two, about the epic (Herculean, I called it) saga of balancing the divine feminine and divine masculine energies.

But I also have learned since late last year that there are countless other souls on this same journey and I wish I had had a guide back then and I’m sure you do too. See, this isn’t a love story, though everyone wishes it were. The story of twin flames and soulmates is one of paying off debts, and remembering who you are. If that’s all you get out of it, well, you sure hell got a lot.

I see the collective is at a critical tipping point. We’ve become disinterested with the 3D world (money, sex, fame, trite social acceptance) and more interested in the pursuit of the 5D (love, peace, harmony, emotion, justice). Empathic people are having indescribable experiences in their ascension process and they need answers. They need a playbook, a road map, a guide. It’s not just you — it is a large group of the collective having similar experiences. So I’m taking the plunge again to share this information once and for all. Use this as a tool. If your relationships over the last 3 months – 5 years resemble what I outline here, well, you can bet you’re a twin flame or soulmate.

Please let me preface this by repeating:

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soul. Your soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I tell you this because the majority of the collective is using the term “twin flame” to identify their “other half”. I only reverse this and use the term soulmate because of my own experience. In all honesty, it does not matter which term you use, so switch them around if needed.

Here’s what you’ve been waiting for — Stages of a Twin Flame/Soulmate Relationship (aka the complete playbook):

DF = divine feminine

DM = divine masculine

  • Curiosity from a distance: “Hey, you seem cool.” “Or, who is this mystery person? Why am I fascinated by them? Why am I thinking about this person so much?”
  • Why are they paying attention to me?: One counterpart emerges as the “chaser” and one emerges as the “runner”. Typically the masculine starts out as the chaser, pursuing the feminine in some small way.
  • The feminine gets on board and realizes this guy isn’t so bad. (Personally, I skipped this part myself.) Usually an actual, albeit possibly superficial or sexually-driven, relationship emerges at this point like a normal relationship.
  • Initial excitement: You realize the feelings you have are unlike anything you’ve experienced as a human being and because you’ve found someone who understands you without needing to communicate. Agape love — it exists. Yay, you found the one who can complete you! This is amazing! Telepathy, intuitive images, or inherently-felt vibes occur in the 5D between these two. You know how the other feels and what the other is doing without verbal communication. “This is so cool!”
  • The offer: The masculine makes some kind of offer regarding this relationship. Typically, it’s sleazy and it doesn’t sit well with the feminine. If she is wise, she rejects it (hand raised); if she feels desperate for the love, she may allow herself to be little more than a booty call, or mistress. But neither can deny the connection.
  • The reality starts to sink in: “Whoa, I have to change my life and all my bad habits for this person. I have to end relationships, start getting healthy, and stop being low vibe. They can hear my thoughts, I don’t know if I can do this”. Your entire construct of what you thought was correct about the world begins to dissolve.
  • Runner and chaser reverse: At this point the DM starts ghosting, ignoring, and playing hard to get. The DF doesn’t understand why but isn’t aware enough yet to do anything about it — all men have treated her this way to some extent so she thinks it’s normal. She either chooses to chase, or she lets it go, based on the situation.
  • External influences try to separate the two: Karmic partners each is currently in relationship with (if applicable), friends, family, jobs, etc. try to talk or force each partner out of the feeling. Dark magic may be involved. Narcissism is definitely involved as is past life conflict. No one wants these two together. Wrench after wrench after wrench gets thrown in their path.
  • The DF’s partner (if applicable) does everything in his power to get her to stay: financial punishment, domestic violence, emotional abuse, legal threats, social exclusion, smear campaigns, or simply playing a nice guy and attempting to show he’s “changed”. (Aka: “I’ll finally spend time with you, I’ll finally take you out, you want more sex? Sure! I’ll even force sex on you.”)
  • The DF may be blamed for the connection at this point: She’s a slut, she’s trying to get involved in a third party situation, it’s all her fault. (Aka: The Eve wound, if you want further explanation).
  • Lots and lots of confusion!: Karma has hit both partners. Chaos, misinterpretations, distance, and lack of communication. They distance themselves but there is unease and tension.
  • The DF gives into resolving her karma, while the DM runs from his: She sees the situations in her life that need to be cut out, fixed, and changed. She does this and it is very painful. She has little to no support so she begins to resent her counterpart – aka: “You see me dying! Where the hell are you?”. He goes back to being numb and blind after having dramatic spiritual experiences.
  • The masculine runs back to the safety, familiarity, boredom, and facade of love from karmic partners: “My DF has way too much drama in her life, I don’t want to be part of that.” He’s ashamed of her chaos and how she begins stepping into her power to slay the dragons. “Not submissive enough, pass.” He can control the life he has already built, despite it controlling him, so it’s easier than being authentic and fixing the problems. He works real hard to pretend to be happy. His karmic partner uses money, drugs, sex, children, and social standing to draw him back in — as well as all other forms of manipulation. “Threesomes? Side pieces? Drugs and alcohol? Sure, honey — I’ll turn a blind eye as long as you stay forever and never pursue the relationship with her“, or “What will people think if you leave me? You’re ruining what we built! I’ll take you for everything if you leave.” She also tries to become more like the DF to lure him in (aka: chameleonism), or remind him of how terrible the DF was while she was slaying dragons.
  • There may be superficial random communication or interactions: They still think about each other but it never goes anywhere, and the connection can’t seem to be done in an ethical way, so they both decide to pull away. Constant push-pull energy.
  • Both feel ashamed that they ever trusted their intuition about this connection to begin with.
  • The DM is terrified of disappointing people he has built the facade with (karmic partners): He is terrified of what kind of man he will be without all the status, friends, money, and 3D respect. He is terrified of real love with no strings attached wherein he is vulnerable and could possibly be rejected. He is terrified of giving into this feeling and expressing it. He is terrified of her finding out about his past indiscretions.
  • A “tower” moment hits the DM because he has chosen to numb out and ignore the soul contract. He has one last chance to choose his DF over his 3D world — or at the very least, tell her where they stand — and doesn’t. Thus, his life begins crumbling before his eyes. His karmic partner begins showing her true colors (only in it for the 3D benefits). Maybe she cheats as payback, tries to get pregnant on purpose to keep him chained, threatens him legally, threatens to make him go broke, threatens to expose his secrets, take his children away, etc. The universe swiftly begins removing everything from his life that does not serve him because he wouldn’t do it himself. The situation is too tempestuous for him to stay any longer.
  • This tower moment leads the DF into deep despair: “Why have I never been good enough for you? We keep playing this same shit out lifetime after lifetime. I’m done.” This launches her into a journey of self-love and self-empowerment. She accesses her inherent power and realizes everyone has failed her, she has had no one to rely on but herself and she’s fucking amazing because she did it alone! She creates boundaries and decides she will never accept less than she deserves again — not from a soulmate, a twin flame, or prince charming himself. She reverses her karma and ascends. Haters and energy vampires, beware.
  • The masculine is now forced to ascend: the 3D life he built, so neat and tidy, so full of hidden secrets crumbles and the only real thing he has left is the DF. But the betrayal has run so deep he isn’t even sure where to start again with her, if she will want to talk to him, and if there is even any hope for them. He sees all illusions and karma for what they really are, he is forced to get healthy, give up addictions and co-dependency. He has no choice. He has to shed his ego.
  • Both partners hang in what feels like an eternal limbo, waiting for the next signal from the universe about which direction this needs to go. They have had to surrender their lives to the will of the divine completely and learn extreme patience and forgiveness.

The divine feminine has been the leader on this journey. She understood the connection better, she ascended first, and her intuitive insights have guided the masculine in his own ascension process. It was the woman who was more mature, who was the wiser, who followed the path of righteousness, the straight and narrow despite how horrifying it was. While the 3D world tells a man he is superior to a woman, that she must be subdued and controlled, the divine masculines have had to give up a healthy dose of pride and admit that they came in second here. He has not yet matched the DFs ascension process but he is becoming more spiritually inclined and intuitive by the day. He is learning to make ethical decisions.

This is the CliffNotes version up until this point. More is to come, but who knows what that will look like. Only when we intuit it and live it can we understand. Chances are, when you stepped into this relationship, you assumed it was about romance. The reality is that it is about helping the planet spiritually ascend into 5D Christ consciousness because it has forced so many to resolve their karmic debt which keeps us in low vibes of jealousy, anger, resentment, fear, and abuse. The divine used love and sex, the only two things we consistently chase after, as collateral to get us to do what they want. They knew it would work. You may be wondering what kind of a person in their right mind would pursue this kind of a relationship. The answer is that these people had no choice.

I suspect there will be more and more waves of people having these experiences. So if what I have written doesn’t apply to you now, it may in the future. Divine partners are coming into contact and into relationship based on the soul contracts they agreed to before they were ever born. And these contracts usurp everything in the 3D world. If you have had these experiences already, just know your exact situations and timelines may vary slightly — and that is okay! Your journey will be unique to you, but these have been the overarching themes.

Life is no longer a matter of wondering if there is meaning or purpose here to find — once you have these experiences, you will know it all serves a purpose. As I said before, if all you got out of this was resolving your karma, remembering who you are, and finding your life’s path — you sure hell got a lot. If nothing more comes of this, you can rest easy knowing you did the work. You shed your ego. Bravo.

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How karmic partners pull you back in

abuse, ascension, chronic illness, core wounds, empath, energy, intuition, karma, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, stress

Your karmic partners are the people with whom you share the most challenging relationships. These are the relationships in which you are not allowed to be your true self, there are always strings attached, there are constant checks and balances, there is no unconditional love, and there is little to no support. Chances are you will try time and again to make things healthy with these people but realistically there is just no way it can be done — because both parties must want healthy change. Most often, only one person will desire this and have the strength and courage to do so. In that case, staying in these relationships will start to drain your soul, suck your life force, and bring you pain, misery, and poor health because you are unable to self-actualize.

If you attempt to resolve your karma with these people through the principle of the opposite, it will be very difficult to get away from their grip. They will throw every tactic at you to try to pull you back in, so you cannot see a way forward without them — whether it is because they pull you into further false love and attachment, because they make you question yourself and how you truly feel, or because they threaten you in some way. Once you see their tactics for what they are, you will be able to see reality much more clearly and make decisions that are healthy for you and you alone.

Here are the ways a karmic partner will try to pull you back in:

They offer you fake love: lust or sexual relationships, money, fun outings or socializing, “good/bad” cycles (hurting you then giving you a gift, or hurting you then being nice and kind for a little while only for the cycle to start all over again). This is where you get some of your needs met for a short time, only for things to get unhealthy again. Because you get some needs met sometimes, you wonder if you are in fact the problem rather than the nature of the relationship. You wonder if you should settle.

Brainwashing: This sounds heavy and it is but it happens with karmics. This is where karmic partners purposefully implant false ideas, false realities, doubts, and fear so that you think you are stupid for wanting to leave. It is where you feel out of touch with reality because this person is working so hard to make life seem different than what it really is. Religion, spirituality, legal proceedings, and more can be used here to force a false reality on you. I’ve experienced and had women tell me a partner started quoting the Bible, using tarot cards, the law, and conspiracy videos to appeal to “authority” to convince you that you are wrong in your desire to leave.

Emotional manipulation: Guilt, fear, anger, resentment, belittling, shame, and more will be used by a karmic to try to get you to settle in the relationship. “You’re a bitch”, “you’re emotionally manipulative”, “no one else will ever want you”, “I’ve been so good to you”, “I’ll break you”, “how could you do this to me?”, “you’re unstable”, “you’re crazy”, “you need professional help”, etc. will be thrown at you once this person knows you deserve better.

Taking away your resources: if a karmic has any connection or control over your finances, job, home, or car, they will try to take it from you so you cannot start over without them. Suing you for all of your money, closing bank accounts, trying to coerce you to sign legal documents, trying to coerce you to make them promises that give them power and control, etc. will all be used against you.

Social pressures: If the karmic can’t get to you, they will use others to do this. This means gossiping to their friends and family about your “terrible” decision you made to choose yourself, to try to be healthy, to leave them. In doing so, the social group will often side with the karmic to make you feel bad for wanting to leave. You may feel you cannot leave because if you do, you risk losing your whole social circle. And you also risk blemishing your reputation because they will not stop the defamation until they get what they want.

They throw your deepest fears at you: If none of these things listed above are enough, just know whatever your deepest fears are will be brought to the surface. This is where your core wounds come up and you will be forced to face them (abandonment, rejection, loss of pride, etc). They know if they can use your weaknesses against you, there is a good chance you will stay. Feel the pain and do it anyway.

Getting away is possible. But keep in mind it will not be easy. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done because you are having to overcome seriously strong negative energy and intentions, but also you are having to overcome every past lifetime cycle that was not resolved. Utilize the principle of the opposite, get help from someone who is not connected to the situation, and tune into your intuition to see the correct path you should take. It will be so worth it in the end.

How to tell if you are in karmic relationships

abuse, chakras, chronic illness, core wounds, empath, energy, intuition, karma, mind-body, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, stress

We are all here on Earth to learn lessons. In the past we had the ability to overlook this option and live in lower 3D vibrations where we distracted ourselves with entertainment, illusions, and projections. We’ve pursued comfort, luxury, and pleasure at the expense of the lessons our souls signed up for so long ago. But 5D ascension has arrived and we are being asked to finally choose between the two. Many believe we are here by chance, for no reason, beings stuck on a ball floating in the ether by pure luck. Because of this, seeing signs, synchronicities, and purpose becomes nearly impossible through the contrarian ego. Once you begin to understand who you are on a soul level, your life path, and therefore what you are here to do you can see the bigger picture and how it is all connected and orchestrated.

The biggest part of learning our life lessons involves engaging with other people we have known so many times before. These are the most challenging relationships you will ever have, whether you are close to these people or not because they are karmic partners intent on teaching us the lessons. Without karmic relationships, resolving your karma would be damn near impossible. It is the struggle within the relationships that forces us to reflect, grow, see the interconnectedness, and activate your chakras through the principle of the opposite.

I can’t tell you how many times you have been here before and how many go-rounds you have had at this thing called life. I cannot even gauge that for myself though I have had past life recall of several difficult lifetimes I have had to relive this go round and can read this on others as well in Energy Readings. That said, imagine you have been here hundreds of times in various incarnations. Because of this, the chances you are in relationships with people you have never known before are very slim. This explains why some people are repelled or attracted to each other; why there are longstanding feuds and resentments that seem to stem from nowhere, and why we get triggered when the same pattern repeats itself in the here and now. It also explains why someone can abuse you or display narcissistic tendencies, while they treat others well and others look to them like a god. It just doesn’t add up otherwise.

I want you to know — while you may be blood related to some of these people in this lifetime, anyone who is unable to grow with you or holds you back from personal growth is but a karmic attachment. I’m not advocating dropping friends or family left and right, but I am advocating putting your health above other’s expectations and bad behavior. Instead of feeling obligated to people, remember that you are obligated to yourself and your life’s purpose. Until that clicks for you, you won’t resolve your karmic debt and find mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual peace. From here, you have two options: grow with them (ideally, try at this until you can’t try any longer — until you are lead to see it is a dead end), or grow without them (this will come about once you have exhausted all options and see they are holding back your ascension). As always, the choice is yours.

Also know that it is possible to resolve karma between people but it requires all parties to be on board to change the habits and cycles into healthy, functional relationships. More times than not, however, that doesn’t happen. However, don’t let that keep you from trying. Empaths have been trying for so long and my point here is that you cannot keep putting your happiness on hold because you don’t want to give up on people you love. You can love them but not love the behavior. If they truly love you, they will actively work to resolve the karma. It is possible, it is just not common.

You may wonder the differences between healthy relationships and karmic relationships. Here’s how to know who in your life is a true teacher, no matter how negative the relationship, or no matter how happy it sometimes is:

The relationship has never had true stability; it is constant cycles of happy/sad, make-up/break-up type thing.

You have never felt at ease in the relationship.

You cannot be your true self; you have to change yourself or hold back.

They don’t have your back. They throw you under the bus.

They think of themselves before you or others involved. (Note: this can be done in a healthy way — you should put yourself first, but from a place of boundaries, not selfishness).

They gossip about you to others instead of resolving problems.

You cannot communicate — it is as if you are speaking a different language. Trying to resolve problems always ends in arguments and nothing gets accomplished.

When you want to grow and change for the better, they hold you back. They become insecure, jealous, and needy or purposefully sabotage your efforts.

They withhold love or connection to keep you small.

You have a hard time getting away from these people. They always draw you back in (with money, sex, make-up/break-up cycles, and other forms of manipulation).

They treat you like you are less than them, you will never be good enough, you are always having to earn their approval despite you being worthy in your own right.

They will not address problems with you — there is an amnesia in the relationship in which things are glossed over, never spoken about, and swept under the rug. This is because if problems were acknowledged, it would open Pandora’s box (aka: karma).

Deep down, you don’t trust them or they don’t trust you.

They make you second guess or talk you out of your intuition.

They hide and keep secrets that are detrimental to the relationship. Or they force you to do this for fear of losing their approval.

There are unspoken expectations in the relationship that you have to live up to or there is punishment involved.

They keep you low vibrational — you don’t feel well around them. Your health may have also been severely affected.

You live out very obvious archetypes that have nothing to do with the here and now (ex: slave/slave master, king/queen/peasant, parent/child, brother/sister, lovers, teacher/student, etc.).