How to not give your abuser your energy forever

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, brain, chakras, core wounds, empath, energy, hormones, karma, life lessons, mind-body, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, stress

I want to start off this post by saying two things: abuse is never the victim’s fault — ever — and you cannot prevent abuse. Abuse happens because perpetrators choose to abuse, bottom line, plain and simple. Abusers should posses self-control just like any other person and of course, they do not. It is not the victim’s fault that someone else lacks self-control. There was nothing you could do to make them possess self-control because that has to come from within a person.

That said, I have been through enough abuse in my life that I know this: just because someone terrorizes you does not mean you have to allow yourself to give your perp your fearful, angry, resentful, frenetic, or sad energy forever. Yes, you will be a victim when someone victimizes you. But you do not need to continue to give them your power after the abuse has transpired.

See, what I have learned is that abuse is by and large about energy. One person craves a certain form of energy (be it sex, money, codependency, attention, control) and one person has theirs usurped. In the moment of abuse, there’s not much you can do. Someone overpowers you physically, someone takes your money, takes your good name — you are legitimately a victim –there’s no way to prevent this. Because one person pursues, the other person naturally runs, fights back, or freezes. One abuser, one victim; one chaser, one runner. One in power, one with no power. Abuse itself is what puts you in the role of the victim because of the dynamics between victimizer and victim. You had no choice.

But abuse doesn’t end there. Abuse is also the mindfuck and energy drain that happens for years and years and years after. It is the subconscious fears, the new phobias, the anxiety, the depression, and possibly, suicidal thoughts. Abuse is being scared to answer your door, answer your phone, go to the grocery store because everything reminds you of that terrible thing that happened. It is a mental prison that often becomes a physical prison. It is never knowing who to trust and being unable to relax and remain comfortable even in non-threatening scenarios because your brain, hormones, and nervous system have been rewired.

After abuse has transpired, continuing to think of yourself as this person’s victim is what continues to give them power even when they are no longer a threat. Continuing to think of yourself as beneath them is what makes you their eternal victim and makes them eternally powerful. This is exactly what an abuser wants. And that is ultimately why they abuse in the first place. This is one reason I wrote the blog post Understanding Abuse From A 5D Perspective, FYI. An abuser wants your energy forever and ever. They want you to think of them, think of the horrible things they’ve done to you, think of the ways they took your power, the ways you were forced to bow down to them. They live for this. They get off on it. Because when you reflect back to those moments, they are sent energetic food. This is what gives them fuel to keep going. They want you to be an energetic provider — a slave — your entire life.

The truth is that energy doesn’t just go away. And this is what leaves many victims feeling like a victim well after the abuse has transpired. See, energy changes, gets hidden, or gets manipulated. If no one teaches you to transmute the energy that was forced onto you, then you will live with that same terrifying, powerless energetic profile your entire life. And it will continue to make you sick and miserable. This isn’t something talk therapy can fix, though having a professional to speak with is of course a great idea. Healing abuse requires an understanding of energy.

Healing trauma is a lengthy process. My clients don’t heal lifelong trauma overnight. Though I will say this — after every single session, they emphatically thank me because they were given a new way of looking at what has happened to them, which led them to have new understandings about how to get over it, which allows for healing. I don’t offer the loveseat therapy sessions we’ve all come to know — I offer a 5th dimensional perspective on why it happened (this connects to karma and past life perpetrators), what happened to them as a result, how it connects to or created core wounds, how they’re still acting those wounds out, and how to release the energy to self-actualize. A therapist can’t offer the eternal lens of the divine but an Intuitive can.

If you are new to energy work or are interested in using energy to help you overcome abuse and trauma, the best advice I can give you is this: become extremely self-aware. Identify every single thing that triggers you on a daily basis, or all of your adaptive habits (aka “bad” habits that stem from trauma). Then connect it back to its origin. Where did it come from? Why does it bother you? Why do you do certain things? Once you know these answers (I tell you these things in an Energy Reading appointment), it becomes very easy to release the energetic chord or attachment that your subconscious mind has created to prevent the trauma from happening again. Energy (aka: intention) from the subconscious mind forms an invisible thread that gets lodged in certain parts of your body via association with the trauma. You can begin to logically connect the dots and understand what it all means. “When I feel this way emotionally, or have this thought, I feel this way physically. I felt this way physically when the trauma occurred. Therefore, I am living out past cycles”, or “This unrelated person/situation triggers me because it is the same boundary that was crossed when the abuse happened”, or, “I am choosing this unhealthy habit because it helps me prevent myself from thinking about the triggers”, or, “I subconsciously stew about the abuse every day and am therefore sending energy to my perpetrator whom I still feel has power over me”, etc.

There is a rhyme and reason to how you feel. Until you connect the dots, you will live with resentment, anger, frustration, and fear because it makes no sense and you still feel powerless. Understanding the energy and how to break the energy up is how to truly heal.

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Your ego is your monkey brain

3D, 5D, abuse, ascension, brain, children, ego, empath, hormones, mind-body, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, stress

The cornerstone of any spiritual awakening process involves shedding of one’s ego in order to reach new levels of personal awareness. Releasing the egoic mind involves a lengthy — and I do mean lengthy — process of identifying and eliminating the false realities we have been told are real, the illusions we have come to accept as normal, and the thought and behavioral patterns that keep us selfish and un-enlightened about the greater connectivity between the universe and our personal decisions (and those of others). It is a process of re-awakening to your own divinity, accepting your higher self or higher power, and acting from the prefrontal cortex rather than the stress-driven parts of the brain. It requires accepting personal responsibility for everything you have done, and developing the empathy to see how your decisions will affect you and those around you in the long run.

I have written before about the “lizard brain”, aka: the Amygdalae, which are two almond-shaped structures within the brain that remind you of the danger that could lurk ahead. The lizard brain keeps a close tally of every stressful situation you have been in, so that you can prevent stressors from affecting you in the future. Unfortunately, this also means people become locked in states of chronic stress because the lizard brain reminds you that the world is utterly unsafe, you are a terrible person, and no one can be trusted. Additionally, because we have all had numerous stressful past lives, our subconscious mind will also dictate these reminders to the Amygdalae, causing us to be triggered at things that have never hurt us in this lifetime. Overcoming these repeating thoughts is a necessary step in shedding the ego.

As I have said before:

Here’s what you need to know for your health: because of trauma you are operating out of your “lizard” brain or Amygdala. Amygdalae are part of the limbic system which is responsible for emotions, survival, instincts, mood, sexuality, addictions, and memory. It’s function has been linked to neuropsychiatric disorders that involve anxiety and fears.

You will have dominant Amygdala function whether your trauma has been acknowledged thus far, or whether it still remains in the subconscious corners of your mind. The Amygdala is the fight-or-flight, reactivity, fear center of the brain. It remembers most every misdeed others have done to us so that we can constantly be on the defense in order to protect ourselves. It is a coping mechanism and survival tactic that, while once essential, has overstayed it’s welcome. In large part, we’re not hunter-gatherers needing to protect ourselves from apex predators or starvation. It’s making us sick from the stress. 

There is another structure of the brain we also must overcome, though, in order to reach enlightenment: the monkey brain. While the lizard brain protects us from having to process or re-endure trauma, the monkey brain is the facade that gets established to help us overlook the trauma — or defend ourselves against the trauma. In other words, the lizard brain tells your subconscious mind, nervous system, and hormones something is not safe, while the monkey brain says “I will act bigger and better so that the problem does not present itself again.” Puff out your chest, beat your fists, and act larger than you really are, so to speak.

The monkey brain and its according behavioral patterns are the root of the true ego and in order to understand how to overcome it, we must understand how non-human primates function. Most primates, including us as human beings, spend their lives in large social groups or communities and this, along with primary needs (food, water, air, territory), become the driving force behind all that we do. Being secured within a community means more than socializing, of course. To a primate, there are constant threats, again, to food and water supply, territory, and most importantly, sex/reproduction and social standing.

Most primate communities are generally closed to contact with members of other communities. Most often, members stay within a certain region and rarely migrate outside of their home area. Such aloofness from other troops prevents high concentrations of individuals entering the community, which could result in rapid depletion of local resources and restructuring of social status. Communities usually avoid each other and are aggressive towards outsiders. Because of this, social interactions between members of different troops are rare, especially for females. In some primate groups, the only intentional contact between groups is in the form of defensive territorial behavior. Ie: instead of avoiding each other, groups actively converge near their common territorial border and make hostile displays to scare away competition. Sounds a bit like human displays of jealousy and insecurity, eh? It’s the classic means girls, hazing newbies, and feigned exclusivity to prevent outsider infiltration in order to retain power and control.

In order to guarantee resource availability, social hierarchies are constructed in a true survival-of-the-fittest mentality. The more dominant and aggressive one is, the more resources they have available to them. The more resources they have available, the most respect they garner. The problem is, high levels of aggression, both given or received, can lead to chronic psychological stress in addition to added energy costs and risk of injury. For primates, chronic stress can adversely affect health and reproduction. Does this sound much different than human beings?

Humans constantly vie for social position, feel inferior and therefore less valuable (socially, sexually, intellectually) if they are not connected to, or liked by, the most respected members of their community or subgroup. Of course, the “most respected” members are often not respected by virtue of character, though in some cases they are; they are often respected for their appearance and external accomplishments, ability to bullshit, wine and dine, and put on a false mask to please people and entertain — not due to personal enlightenment.

Humans deeply rooted in their egoic mind have no problem gossiping, spreading rumors, blameshifting, creating chaos, and sabotaging others so they themselves can get ahead and be perceived as superior. Humans spend most of their lives trying to be viewed as sexually desirable and go into deep depressions when members of the opposite sex (or, same sex in many cases) do not choose them as a sexual partner. We spend a majority of our time working to make money so that we can build a facade of desirability within our homes, wardrobes, with accessories (hair, nails, and other beauty treatments), our cars, etc. Every choice we make becomes about what will be perceived as the most valuable by people we both know and strangers alike (the car we drive, the school we attended — or our children attend, the company we work for, the choice of prints for the curtains, the comments/likes and followers we get on social media, etc). We can spend our entire lives chasing a facade that stems from normative primate behavior and does nothing for the soul. The monkey brain has taken over and this is why the dichotomy between empaths and narcissists exist. Some people are self-aware, and others are stuck in animal survival mode, willing to do anything (abuse included) to get what they want.

Below are some stereotypes but they do speak to the behaviors and attitudes we take on naturally through societal enculturation. In some cases, these roles can be reversed and men and women may flip flop back and forth between the two. If these stereotypes offend you, they should. Yet, they are still what many people consciously or subconsciously chase.

For male human primates, this can mean: taking as many sexual partners as possible, being perceived as “the man”, succeeding in external pursuits (finances and career) to win over the “best” partner, giving high-value gifts, providing for females or dependents (food and shelter at a basic level), putting on a macho facade (I have no feelings and am not scared of anything), I am the protector, and on and on.

For female human primates, this can mean: being unwelcoming to females who are perceived as superior in some way (sexually, intellectually, ethically, fertile or good mothers) and therefore a threat to their sexual security, shunning “sexually powerful” or desirable females, going out of their way to be sexually suggestive to their partners only to maintain their interest not because of real attraction or love, using sex as a manipulation tool, dressing in clothes to strike the attention of their desired partner, doing things to make themselves appear superior spouses, owning nice things, etc etc.

You see, in order to understand why we as human beings do what we do, and therefore recognize what is dysfunctional in order to overcome it, we must understand our origins. Whether you err on the side of evolutionism or creationism does not matter here. What matters is that our brains carry remnants or similar characteristic of other species and we must overcome those behavioral patterns in order to shed the ego because they have nothing to do with our soul’s purpose and are nothing more than a stressor and distraction.

How karmic partners pull you back in

abuse, ascension, chronic illness, core wounds, empath, energy, intuition, karma, narcissism, past lives, relationships, sex, stress

Your karmic partners are the people with whom you share the most challenging relationships. These are the relationships in which you are not allowed to be your true self, there are always strings attached, there are constant checks and balances, there is no unconditional love, and there is little to no support. Chances are you will try time and again to make things healthy with these people but realistically there is just no way it can be done — because both parties must want healthy change. Most often, only one person will desire this and have the strength and courage to do so. In that case, staying in these relationships will start to drain your soul, suck your life force, and bring you pain, misery, and poor health because you are unable to self-actualize.

If you attempt to resolve your karma with these people through the principle of the opposite, it will be very difficult to get away from their grip. They will throw every tactic at you to try to pull you back in, so you cannot see a way forward without them — whether it is because they pull you into further false love and attachment, because they make you question yourself and how you truly feel, or because they threaten you in some way. Once you see their tactics for what they are, you will be able to see reality much more clearly and make decisions that are healthy for you and you alone.

Here are the ways a karmic partner will try to pull you back in:

They offer you fake love: lust or sexual relationships, money, fun outings or socializing, “good/bad” cycles (hurting you then giving you a gift, or hurting you then being nice and kind for a little while only for the cycle to start all over again). This is where you get some of your needs met for a short time, only for things to get unhealthy again. Because you get some needs met sometimes, you wonder if you are in fact the problem rather than the nature of the relationship. You wonder if you should settle.

Brainwashing: This sounds heavy and it is but it happens with karmics. This is where karmic partners purposefully implant false ideas, false realities, doubts, and fear so that you think you are stupid for wanting to leave. It is where you feel out of touch with reality because this person is working so hard to make life seem different than what it really is. Religion, spirituality, legal proceedings, and more can be used here to force a false reality on you. I’ve experienced and had women tell me a partner started quoting the Bible, using tarot cards, the law, and conspiracy videos to appeal to “authority” to convince you that you are wrong in your desire to leave.

Emotional manipulation: Guilt, fear, anger, resentment, belittling, shame, and more will be used by a karmic to try to get you to settle in the relationship. “You’re a bitch”, “you’re emotionally manipulative”, “no one else will ever want you”, “I’ve been so good to you”, “I’ll break you”, “how could you do this to me?”, “you’re unstable”, “you’re crazy”, “you need professional help”, etc. will be thrown at you once this person knows you deserve better.

Taking away your resources: if a karmic has any connection or control over your finances, job, home, or car, they will try to take it from you so you cannot start over without them. Suing you for all of your money, closing bank accounts, trying to coerce you to sign legal documents, trying to coerce you to make them promises that give them power and control, etc. will all be used against you.

Social pressures: If the karmic can’t get to you, they will use others to do this. This means gossiping to their friends and family about your “terrible” decision you made to choose yourself, to try to be healthy, to leave them. In doing so, the social group will often side with the karmic to make you feel bad for wanting to leave. You may feel you cannot leave because if you do, you risk losing your whole social circle. And you also risk blemishing your reputation because they will not stop the defamation until they get what they want.

They throw your deepest fears at you: If none of these things listed above are enough, just know whatever your deepest fears are will be brought to the surface. This is where your core wounds come up and you will be forced to face them (abandonment, rejection, loss of pride, etc). They know if they can use your weaknesses against you, there is a good chance you will stay. Feel the pain and do it anyway.

Getting away is possible. But keep in mind it will not be easy. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done because you are having to overcome seriously strong negative energy and intentions, but also you are having to overcome every past lifetime cycle that was not resolved. Utilize the principle of the opposite, get help from someone who is not connected to the situation, and tune into your intuition to see the correct path you should take. It will be so worth it in the end.