Every single person alive on the planet is seeking love in their own unique way. Some have confused love for validation, acceptance, or grand displays of affection. Others have confused love with pain, heartache, and rejection based on their past experiences and in anticipation of future painful events. Some avoid love even when it looks them in the eye.
As I have said before, real love is unconditional, whether it comes from a romantic partner, parent, friend, or family member. Unfortunately, real love is also very hard to come by. You see, we have been taught to only give love to certain people and only receive it from others. We have been taught if want love, we must have something to give first. We have constantly opened and closed our hearts in the presence of others because we thought they deserved it or they didn’t — or because we were punished or judged for offering it in the first place (“there must be a string attached; they must be slutty/players/egotistical”).
In contrast, a peaceful world would look like humans giving and receiving love always, to anyone, simply because it is another soul. The level of love would not need to vary, but perhaps the expression would. You wouldn’t love the gas station clerk the same way you love your child, but you can still exude love, empathy, and respect nonetheless. You can still look them in the eye and smile and care, regardless of not appreciating how they did or did not treat you. It’s separating love from roles, karma, and shitty behavior.
It’s not enough to just open your heart chakra. You have to figure out why it was blocked to begin with, and you also have to figure out why you are rejecting love at this very moment. Yes, you are — we all are. It is not enough to want to get love or give love. Unless you are actually open to receiving it, there is nothing you or anyone else can do to make you feel loved. Often, we choose partners who we subconsciously feel are unable to reciprocate love because it is easier to be slowly rejected or not truly seen.
Not being able to receive love comes from a fear of being unworthy. Unworthy because of your past mistakes, unworthy because of what you lack, unworthy because few others have ever offered it to you in its pure form, unworthy because of how you have been treated. “It must be because I am inadequate” you may believe.
If you are energetically sensitive or want to be, start with this visualization: locate your heart inside of your body. How does it feel? Tune into it deeply. You may be surprised to feel there is literal pain inside the organ itself, not just surrounding it, and not just emotional pain but literal physical pain that has embedded itself into the structure. Identify one tiny speck of pain — separate the individual pains from the overall pain — and acknowledge it, ask where it came from, then consciously release it. You should feel lighter instantly. Do this until your heart doesn’t ache.
I have noticed many people have a literal energetic split in their hearts — a line down the middle separating the left and right ventricles (at the pulmonary valve), as though there is a chasm indicating a separation between masculine and feminine love and the ability to integrate the two. I’m not just talking about those with literal heart problems (though heart disease is a severe manifestation of a broken heart when we’re talking metaphysics). I mean we have craved feminine love (openness, receptiveness and whether you are a male or female doesn’t matter) but have been forced into more masculine displays of love because we have lived in a masculine system thus far. We have accepted the masculine love because we didn’t know there was another option, an option in which your soul can take the lead, rather than your physical body, superficial gifts, or desire to hide how you really feel because it was “childish”.
Many also have lodged their heart deep into their throat chakras. You have learned not to say the words you really want to say because of how you have been hurt or rejected in the past; because of how you were told love is naive, needy, silly and will cause you problems — or that the kind of love you want just doesn’t exist; how only children open their hearts and adults must learn to hide them because that’s what it means to age. A blocked throat chakra isn’t just about fear of speaking, being heard or seen, or finding the right words as to not risk rejection; it is about holding back your expressions of love.
The heart chakra is also called the fourth chakra. Understand that generally depictions of the chakras involve the front of the body — energy centers moving up from the base of the pelvis to the top of the head. But the energy isn’t intended to come in without exiting. It must be able to flow through or pass through the entire human structure without getting blocked. In this case, because the heart chakra is in the chest, you may notice upper back problems or thickening of the fascia between your shoulder blades. A blocked heart chakra can also cause breathing problems (which can lead to anxiety, allergies, poor sleep, and more), chest pains, and other chest restrictions as if you were wearing a very tight girdle around the area. It can also cause you to have very tight or restricted movement in your left shoulder blade (because, of course, the heart sits in the front left chamber of the chest). So don’t just look for fascial adhesions on the front of your chest (an indication you were blocking love from entering), also look to the upper back (to see if you were preventing it from truly touching your soul, or were trying to prevent it from leaving for fear of abandonment). Sometimes I see people (both men and women) who have such tight, thick skin (fascial adhesions) on their chest or upper back, I feel a huge density and wonder how they’re still breathing. It’s not a myth that you can die from a broken heart; fascia restricts blood flow, nutrients, and more to those areas.
How to open your heart chakra:
- Identify your core wounds and life lessons — these will tell you why you are rejecting or scared of love
- Understand that real love is unconditional, without constant checks and balances, you can never get better in order to receive love, and if you mess up you can still be worthy of love
- Get rid of fascial adhesions on your chest and upper back with myofascial release
- Do energy work to eliminate old, toxic energies from your heart center
- Offer love that is from the soul, rather than the 3D world
- Accept that those who cannot love you back and in their own pain and wounds
- Love yourself unconditionally, flaws and all
- Figure out how your definition of love varies from true love because this will cause you pain
- Accept what others have done to you in the past without projecting it onto the future — remain present
- Offer love to everyone (kindness, respect, care) without expecting anything in return
- Identify social or relationships problems and work to remedy them (complicity or being lukewarm is the antithesis of love); ie: change the karma; love is a feeling but also an action
- Forgive yourself and others
- Stop cycles of self-hatred or dependence on vices to feel okay
- Breathe deeply
I’ve written previously on the topic of twin flames. As I’ve said before:
Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.
Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.
If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).
One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourself. That doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in.
I’m bringing a new perspective on this because we’re about to experience a major timeline shift in which identifying these things in your life will be necessary. In other words, the 3D physical reality will begin to seem less important and the soul or spiritual work will seem of great significance. It will be something you can no longer escape. Your soul wants to be heard and it doesn’t want to make compromises any longer.
Almost all of us have grown up in families with twin flame dynamics. As I have said before, marriage is a big contributing factor (keeping people together who fall out of love, don’t get along, and deep down may not like each other or are unable to grow together). It may not have been obvious to you because many parents play the part, trying to be happy around the kids, keep arguments for after bedtime hours only, and avoid problems at all costs so nothing explodes into conflict.
I want to break this down so that you can see just what a child learns from twin flame parental role models in these relationship scenarios because it is a difficult, often impossible choice to forgo the relationship for greater spiritual ascension and your higher purpose here. But it is your right and choice to decide whether or not staying is truly the healthiest decision for the long term success of children’s mental and emotional well-being.
What children learn from twin flame parental relationships:
- Constant anger, resentment, and arguing is normal
- Problems never get resolved
- Love is conditional; there are always checks and balances
- Compromise is impossible
- Punishment and withholding love are normal
- There is always underlying tension
- Love means sacrificing who you are so someone else can be happy; losing yourself in a relationship
- You must be the same person you were when you met your romantic partner — you can never grow because it leads to insecurity and jealousy
- Vices are an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
- Hiding is an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
- Disconnect is normal
- Communication is impossible and always leads to arguments
- People avoid each other when things get hard
- It’s okay to pretend there are no problems
- “I am in the middle of my parents problems”
- “My parents don’t love me because if they did, they would fix this” / “I am unworthy”
- Walking on eggshells is normal, being scared of when the next problem will erupt is normal
- Abuse (if present) is normal
- It’s impossible to trust other people
- Forgiveness is impossible or conditional
- Infidelity (if present) is normal
- Staying in unhealthy karmic relationships is normal
- Lying to yourself is normal
- Pretending to be happy is normal