How you define life, it’s meaning, and the reasons you are ultimately here is entirely up to you. Some take a nihilistic approach and believe there is no fated meaning but perhaps we can derive one. Others believe in predestination, or free will within that predestination. Your upbringing, religious or spiritual beliefs, and life experiences will lead you to what is true for you. As always, I want to share a new perspective for you to consider.
Here’s what you need to know in order to be successful and healthy: life is an energy game. Who can gain the most, who can be stolen from, who can generate it themselves and who cannot, and who can let go of harmful energies in order to overcome the traumas of the past and self-actualize.
As I have said before, we all have at least 7 energy centers on our bodies, called the chakras (though other faith traditions say there are more). These centers are nothing more than pinpoints on the body where complex physiological activity occurs 24/7: the brain, the thyroid, the heart, the stomach, the intestines, and the sex organs. For those interested in metaphysics, the chakras also store or generate spiritual energy. Because of one’s core wounds (aka vulnerabilities), which drain your energy and put you at a disadvantage, this energy has to be intentionally rebuilt over time and with hard work.
Think of the chakras like seven distinct deposit centers that amount to a sum total of bottom line energy (called kundalini). Kundalini is present in its pure form at birth, it is said, though it gets suppressed and blocked by the ways the ego of others are imposed onto us, creating core wounds or “debts”. In other words, if you are wounded in one chakra center, your overall “bank sum” will be low, despite deposits being made in other chakras. Ideally, you want a hefty energy “bank account” where no energy center is ever in the red, and in fact has plenty to withdraw at a moments notice, should you need it. Total self-actualization or enlightenment comes when you posses full kundalini power.
We have been taught to pursue physical possessions and paper money. The truth is that we must pursue the energetic currency of the soul in order to find success.
For example, your thoughts, voice, feelings, perceptions, and creativity has been suppressed since childhood, or since a specific trigger. Perhaps you have also been diagnosed with a thyroid disease. When the time comes to defend yourself, speak up, or “sell yourself” within a job/relationship, you will end up fearful, anxious, quiet, and regretful because you feel you are unable to rise to the occasion. Unless you use it, you will lose it. And if you have never truly used your fifth chakra skills before, you will not have enough in your bank account to withdrawal during these necessary moments. Ultimately, not rising to the occasion will leave you feeling bad about yourself, inadequate, and small. In this case, your bank card withdrawal limit means nothing if you live in a cyclical state of unworthiness.
The next time such a challenge comes around, you may react in the same way and rescind to a hiding or shame place, or you may be overcome with grief and regret. Round and round you go on the hamster wheel because you are unsure of how to get what you desire, yet stepping out in bravery to re-activate this energy center feels too daunting. You resign yourself to a smaller, more diminutive version of who you really are and you accept that you will never be as big as you want to be — or as big as you want your relationships, job, or other pursuits to be.
This is why I illuminate your core wounds and life lessons in Energy Readings — your health and life depend on you activating these energy centers and building up deposits so big, so grand that you have more than enough to help yourself to when you decide to take the road less traveled; when you decide to forgo the repetition and choose the hard road towards self-actualization. You can change, and you deserve to.
Building up your energy centers yourself is but one piece to this game we call life. If you are an empath, you are capable of generating you own energy. But know that not everyone can. This is the primary reason narcissists prey on empaths: it’s not just fun to these people to bring you down, it is a currency. It is how they feed, how they fuel, and how they get a “paycheck” despite having no personal source of “income”. As Dr. Christiane Northrup says, narcissistic individuals feed off your ATP (the fuel your mitochondria use to produce energy), and they also elicit stress responses from others, which get them high on feel good peptides (proteins) their bodies release at the thought of drama or conflict.
Narcissists cannot generate their own energy because they cannot and will not allow for an equal balance of energy in relationships and transactions; they remain on top, in power, and in control. Sharing is what generates energy and narcissists are incapable of this. So instead, they steal what is not theirs by being in charge — whether in big or small ways.
As an empath or highly sensitive person, you already know that when you give, you feel good. Good energy for good energy is your subconscious motto. When you listen, care, and help, you feel great. You feel energized. It may or may not get you anything in return, but you feel good doing it because you know it is the right thing to do. When you generate good energy yourself, you feel it in your bones and it makes you want to keep doing it. The sad reality is, narcissists have never felt this and envy the shit out of you. They wish they could generate their own energy. But letting down the wall and allowing for an equal exchange of currency could put them at a disadvantage (sometimes people don’t return the good energy even when you are compassionate) so they choose not to. They can’t afford to lose any energetic currency because they think it is in short supply and worry they will one day run out. Then what would keep them going?
A common scenario I have seen is how empathic women are targeted by “mean girls” when an empath openly shares their good energy with men, children, or other empathic females. In the case of empathic women sharing positive non-sexual energy with men, narcissistic women get so worked up and interpret this as a form of seduction rather than kindness. You see, narcissistic women are especially terrified of their controlling energy being usurped by true chakra energy (the kind you build yourself, not the kind you steal — that is a rarity after all and men and children take notice).
It may sound ironic, but they have learned to control men within the system of patriarchy itself by means of passive aggression, groupthink, subconscious suggestion, intellectual prowess (“she’s too emotional, she’s not smart like me, you can’t trust her”), shunning and shaming, name calling of other women (whore, slut, take your pick), withholding sex, and nasty body language. It is ironic that the very system they are slaves to is also the system they use to their advantage to block any threat to their food supply.
On the flip side, within this same second chakra example, narcissistic men also dominate empathic women through subconscious suggestion or imparting a “less than” mindset — keeping you at a distance until they decide you are worthy. You are less pretty than her, you are less erotic than her, you need this to keep him aroused, you need to act like her to keep him interested. Who you are, your true nature in which you can actually generate chakra energy, becomes dismissed and treated as if it were a dirty little secret you must keep away in order for him to get it up (yes, I just said that. I have to speak in specifics in order for people to connect the dots in their lives). And if he can’t, it’s your fault. How many years can you go internalizing this?
These mind games serve you no purpose here. Life is about generating good energy through sharing of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These mind games are in fact strategies narcissist use in this energy game we call life. We must learn not to indulge their strategies and maneuvering. In doing so, you build up your own chakra energy and stop it from being usurped, and find true health and happiness. Play the game to win.
In order to win at the energy game we call life, do these things:
- Affirm yourself: you are beautiful, intelligent, emotionally in touch, deep, sexual, friendly, open, and kind. You are allowed to be these things and you are allowed to build up these energies within you, without anyone else’s permission. It is okay to get “too big” for others.
- Get rid of narcissistic personalities in your life.
- See narcissist for what they really are: energy vampires.
- Stop giving narcissists a food supply; cut them off, say no, stand up to them, change the power dynamics.
- Purse what you want in your life, without getting permission from anyone.
- Work through your core wounds and life lessons to rebuild your kundalini.
- Fix your fascial adhesions, which create a density that blocks chakra activity and the physiological equilibrium within your brain and other organs or glands.
- Stop caring about what other people think. It will keep you small and trapped.
- Stand up to the energy vampires and stop letting them have power over you and others.
- Do not accept gifts from narcissists as they are a form of indebtedness.
- Say no when you need to.
- Say yes when you want to.
- Call out systems that put empaths at a disadvantage. Then actively work to change them.
- Let go of past traumas and find a way to process, then resolve them. They are keeping your account in the red.
- Find 50 solutions for every curve ball that is thrown your way; never give up.
- Don’t turn your energy off for anyone or anything — live a turned on life in which each chakra center is able to buzz with vibrant energy and remains that way despite energetic challenges.
- Generate good energy by helping others.
The clients that come to me don’t only have thyroid or fifth chakra imbalances. They also carry wounds that have affected their other energy centers, much to their detriment. The second chakra isn’t spoken about too often (the fifth and sixth chakras tend to get most of the attention), but it’s equally important to your health and well being.
The the second, or sacral chakra as its called, sits a few inches under your belly button in the center of the body, at your pelvic region. It’s associated with the emotional body, pleasurable experiences, sensuality, creativity, and flexibility. If you identify as female, there is a good chance the demands and expectations of others have caused major blockages within this chakra, tightening the energetic chains and fascia around this area of your body.
If you’re being sexually repressed, sexually abused or intimidated, or if the sexual energy in your relationship/sexual needs are not reciprocated by your partner, or you are otherwise scared to express this energy (even alone), you are scared of being sexually in control and powerful, your health will begin to suffer because it will lead to stress, tension, resentment, fear, anger, fight or flight responses, inhibitory responses, avoidance, and cognitive dissonance.
Years ago, I worked with a nutrition client who was an Indian-American woman. Her family had immigrated from India years prior and most of them lived in the states now. Although we were working on a nutrition plan for her, inevitably she kept going back to stressors that she believed were affecting her health. In one session, she told me about her uncle’s inappropriate behavior that left her feeling victimized. Her uncle was married to her mother’s sister and a few times when no one was looking, he had pushed my client up against a wall in her home. He pressed himself into her from behind and made sexual noises into her ear, and she quietly stood there in shock and unsure of how to get out of this situation. Even though she was an adult at the time, she knew if she said something he would call her crazy and blame it on her; she would look like a harlot and the family dynamics would shift forever. When my client told her mother what had happened, her mother said, “All men do that. Please don’t tell your aunt; she would kill herself if she found out.” Talk about pressure.
In another session, this same woman told me about her marriages. She was currently married to her second husband, but had been married years prior to a man she met in college and it was her first “true love” experience. Coming from a family with traditional values, she had waited to have sexual relations until the two were married. Once they were legally married, they moved in together and she expected typical romantic and sexual encounters with her spouse. Except, to her surprise, they never once had sex. They didn’t even consummate the marriage. He suffered from impotence but did not want to talk to her about it. They never brought it up once. She went years suffering silently as her expectations for a healthy relationship went unmet and she didn’t feel she could talk to her husband about this because of the family pressures to stay married, and because she worried she would upset him. They were little more than roommates and it was the elephant in the room.
In both of these instances, this woman’s second chakra energy was being severely blocked. She knew the truth and wanted to speak it to work through the problems, but in both cases, she was under so much pressure to remain quiet and play along that it ended up causing her serious physical complaints. She had a history of miscarriage, and even though she was now happily married with a child, she could not allow herself to relax and enjoy sex. She was always stressed, had perfectionist tendencies, over-analyzed everything, and didn’t trust people enough to open up.
Before she spoke with me, no one had ever even confirmed how wrong and terrible these experiences were. She just thought she was the difficult, bad, and crazy one. The loss of matrilineal intuition and the dominant theme of patriarchy within the family structure had allowed my client to experience injustices she shouldn’t have. Had she been taught to trust herself and her initial reaction, she wouldn’t have questioned her own sanity — she would have questioned the behavior of those around her (her perpetrators). She had been talked out of her intuition and talked into patriarchy and it hurt her deeply for years to come.
I’ve also worked with many women who desperately wanted to get pregnant but felt their partners were not receptive to this. As a result, they felt their fertility was being controlled by someone else, or they would be (or were) punished if they got pregnant. They were typically women who experienced menstrual problems and irregularities, required surgery for cysts, fibroids, heavy bleeding, irregular ovulation, and even sometimes required hysterectomy. They often sacrificed their true desires in relationships in order to keep their spouse or partner happy, which meant giving their all to a relationship in which they wanted children but knew they would never get them. Again, the “untouchable” subject, the elephant in the room. This is unfair to you and is keeping you from self-actualizing into the person you want to be. Letting go of a relationship in which you love someone but know you cannot pursue what you really want is very difficult, but it’s a choice we all have to make if not getting what we want deep down will cause us stress, resentment, or heartache in the long run.
Anytime there is such a “threat” — whether emotional or physical — to a particular area of the body, you will learn adaptation methods in order to cope with the stress. This means muscle tension, improper use of structures and posture, and restricted blood flow and nutrients to adjoining areas. In time, you will develop fascial adhesions (thick layers of jumbled connective tissue) that are dysfunctional and prevent you from feeling and using those affected areas of your body. The “bad” fascia becomes chains that keep you imprisoned at one level of self-actualization because you will live in a state of triggering based on your past traumas due to the feedback the fascia is giving the brain, nervous system, immune system, and hormones.
Let me go a little bit deeper here because we’re all adults and I’m pretty sure you can handle this information — it’s life changing and will free you. It’s medical, not graphic, and we have to be real and specific if we want to heal. As you can see in the picture above, all of the bad fascia/fascial adhesions are stemming from the genitals. While genital trauma (again, emotional or physical) is the root cause, the fascia branches out and grows thick layers in neighboring areas, including the hips, stomach, lower back, and legs.
Why would this occur? Well, if you are having inhibitory sexual responses (based on trauma, guilt, shame, fear, intimidation, etc), you will tense adjoining muscle groups and use them improperly. You could also be tensing as a form of self-protection (subconsciously protecting the vaginal area at all costs), which includes keeping legs tightly crossed and closed, rotating hips inwardly (so you can control how much of you other people are seeing or attracted to), or, you may tense your stomach muscles as your orgasm, to prevent it, or in anticipation of it.
Do you see how it’s all connected?
To break your second chakra chains, you must:
- Identify where your fascial adhesions are located, then use myofascial release to restore healthy fascial function and appearance
- Restore the balance of power in your sexual relationships where you have a say and your needs are equally met
- Stand up for yourself when you need to and tell predators no
- Embrace your kink (it’s a way to tap into your subconscious mind and work through stressors in a safe way)
- Get in touch with what you actually enjoy sexually and pursue it
- Let go of guilt, shame, and fear around sex or your sexual responses
- Find fun, creative things to do with your time to free up stagnant energy
- Don’t be afraid of being sexually powerful, just because you fear judgment or punishment from others (sexually powerful women are often perceived as a threat)
- Let go of perfectionist tendencies, embrace the beauty of who you are, not who you “should” be
- Find ways to calm your nervous system
- Feel life, don’t just intellectually experience it
- Practice being present
I believe we are all born with the ability to be and to become intuitive. When I speak of a healthy intuition, I’m not referring to magic, witchcraft, or the dark arts. I simply mean that intuition is your natural ability to discern the truth. That’s all intuition is and it does not need to contain a spiritual element if you prefer it didn’t. (Though, if you are religious, the holy spirit is a form of intuition, or if you are spiritual, your intuition can be a way to channel angels, ancestors, guides, and the collective unconscious — the choice is yours).
Intuition can also be classified as your gut instincts, your first reaction, and your truth. Humans are mammals, after all, and so we possess the same kinds of instincts that other animals use to their advantage to alert them to danger, help them get out of tough situations, find sustenance, spot predators, and survive. Other mammals trust their first reaction; why don’t we?
Having a well-developed intuition is, in my opinion, essential to your survival here. Without it, you’ll blindly trust the groupthink at your own expense — and at the expense of people who need your help. You won’t individuate because you’ll be following and believing what others tell you, what they force you into, or what they choose to convey for their own benefit. You’ll be talked out of things you know are true and that are in fact beneficial for your purpose here.
It’s hard to convey just how much of what we take for granted as “real” is in fact contrived unless you have been through the brutal initiation into intuition but I will try my best here. It’s the proverbial taking the scales off the eyes, setting down the rose-colored glasses, and diving deep down the rabbit hole into what is real, whether we like it or not.
It’s like the family holidays and gatherings we attend a few times a year. Everyone comes to dinner, pretends to be close, makes small talk, dresses up, and plays the happy family role. But deep down you know the longstanding family feuds have never been resolved — your parents struggle to stay happily married and constantly nit pick each other and get passive aggressive; everyone secretly rolls their eyes at how much your grandmother talks about her health problems; your uncle gives you the creeps and you’re not sure why; your cousin drinks too much but everyone pretends he has no problem; no one has talked to your brother in 10 years. We play the part and pretend, despite what is unspoken being pushed down until a “better” time. Will you acknowledge these things and work to improve them? We all get to choose.
You don’t realize just how much was fake until you get to the other side of it. Working on a marketing team help me recognize this. Abuse — a total ego annihilator (the ego being your blind spots) — helped me see this. Getting behind the scenes within organizations, watching people say one thing publicly but do another privately greatly helps us realize this. The cognitive dissonance that arises in each situation helps us to become progressively more intuitive because we can see where our blind spots are and then worked to overcome them. Are you trusting the wrong people, believing others always have good intentions; have you assumed everyone wants positivity and growth, or think you can talk about the problems and resolve them? Truthfully, not every will agree with you on these things. Admitting where we went wrong is what helps us become highly intuitive. It’s not enough to be an idealist. We also have to be realists.
Only when I became utterly physically sick did I stand up and say “no more — we all need to face reality.” If others weren’t going to join me, I was going to go at it alone. This is why my clients come to me — they are in the exact same boat: they know what is true yet they have been talked out of it time and time again for the benefit of others. And it is making people sick.
Becoming intuitive is a process, a bit like peeling back the layers of an onion. We have to “peel back” things that prevent us from tapping into our gut instincts. If we go into this process understanding that there are many layers that require being stripped away, it won’t feel quite so laborious. That’s not to say it will feel easy, but we can’t expect it to happen overnight. Whatever has been done to us, to humanity as a whole, or that we have done to others must be repaired. We can only peel one layer at a time and shouldn’t be hard on ourselves if that peeling takes a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. It takes as long as it needs to take.
One of the primary purposes of accessing your intuition is developing empathy and compassion. It is what we are all here to learn. If you are interested in becoming intuitive, chances are you are also a naturally empathic person who has encountered many narcissistic personalities on your journey. In essence, if you are being controlled by narcissists, you can’t be intuitive because you will be working so hard to keep their false realities afloat for their benefit.
There are a bunch of titles floating around here so let me clarify:
Empath = someone who is highly sensitive, in touch with their emotions and the emotions of others. Someone who feels the underlying energy in each situation, whether you realize it or not. Someone who takes on the feelings and attitudes of others because they are “spongy”. Someone who desperately wants to let go of their egoic habits and stop the pain cycles for the greater good. Someone who is an old soul and carries a lot of karmic baggage, both theirs and others’.
Narcissist = someone who will never be able to get out of their ego because that would require they relinquish control. Relinquishing control would make them face the pain they have endured and inflicted onto others. It would make the balance of power equal in their relationships. They control the groupthink, social setting, and story lines. They prey on “weak” empaths and use us for their own gain. They project and deflect in order to get ahead and not face their own karma.
Intuitive = someone who perceives the truth in a given situation, whether or not it has been verbally spoken. They observe the cause and effect, behavior, subconscious cues, and energy in a situation to perceive the truth. They look for nuances and non-verbal communication to discern. There are two kinds of intuition/intuitives — “healthy” and “malignant”.
The difference between the healthy intuition of an empath and the malignant intuition of a narcissist is that, a narcissistic individual’s intuitive insights are processed through a terribly negative and controlling lens. And these are people who will do anything to never have to clean the lens because of how painful the smudges are. It’s as if narcissists have a way of sniffing out your weaknesses and preying on them. They perceive your weaknesses to be the truth. They are unable to filter their perceptions through a lens of empathy: “What caused this person to do this in the first place?”, “What was going on in their life that they felt this way?”, “How can I give this person grace?”, “What kind of help do they need?”, etc.
While an empath would recognize someone’s weaknesses and ignore them for everyone’s benefit or to encourage that person, narcissists know when things are going wrong and find great pleasure in blaming you for the problems. (Please know, in the case of abuse, all this shit goes out the window and you as an empath can and should speak up about the ways narcissists are preying on you and show it to them outright).
They also anticipate problems and get a high off of chaos and confusion; they live for things to go wrong so the blame game and punishment can ensue. They love gossip, assumptions, worst case scenarios, and problems. The nervous system and neurotransmitters of such people have been trained from an early age that self-protection is how to receive positive chemical feedback in the form of peptides (compounded amino acids that are released in response to emotions) to feel “good”. Hurt before being hurt, so to speak. They feed off of your stress response. This is malignant intuition. It’s truly all about intention.
Some narcissists are so advanced in their projection skills, they adopt “do good” personas to fool everyone around them. This is why we always have to trust our initial reactions to a person. Do they have an energy about them that yields to others? Do they reciprocate? Do they ask permission — not just verbally but also with their eyes, body language, and speech pattern or word choice? Or, are they trying to subtly, maybe even kindly, talk you into something or insinuate you are somehow inferior?
The sad truth, if you want is, is that narcissists can even disguise themselves as empaths and “lightworkers”. We must learn to differentiate an empath from a narcissist — even the so-called covert narcissists — otherwise you’ll be relying on their perception of the world at the cost of your own. You’ll be relying on malignant intuition rather than a healthy one and you’ll end up miserable and not self-actualized.
Trusting your intuition is not all rainbows and butterflies. Empaths who choose to trust themselves and their initial reactions may have to face some harsh realities we didn’t know were present. We may need to speak up and speak out about what is truly transpiring, which others will not like. The difference between this form of healthy, yet not always positive intuition and malignant intuition is that as an empath you want to stop the pain cycles. Narcissists with malignant intuition want to perpetuate pain cycles so they have the power. That is the difference.