The real differences between twin flames and soulmates

The terms “twin flames” and “soulmates” get thrown around a lot within the metaphysical community and I have seen there is much confusion about what exactly they are, how they differ, and their purposes in our lives. I want to clear that up today because I think it is leading people astray. Understanding these two roles helps people to overcome their karma, which is what keeps us stressed and sick. Overall, it’s beneficial for you to get acquainted with the correct meaning of these words. 

As an Intuitive, I channel information (and always have, even before I knew what an Intuitive was) and I also rely on observation and cause and effect, reading the subconscious mind, as well as reflection on my personal experiences and the experiences of my clients to lead me to the truth. As I have said before, the truth doesn’t care about our preexisting beliefs or comfort, so I too have to put aside my ego and conscious mind in order to find the correct information to bring to you. This information is a years-long process of that very thing and I take it extremely seriously. 

Unfortunately, there are little to no societal supports for those people who have had such supernatural experiences (as I detail below). Having a traumatic twin flame experience, or having an other-worldly soulmate experience can leave many traumatized, unable to cope with what they have witnessed and felt, and leave them questioning their mental health. It is a total upheaval of everything you have ever been taught or rested on as truth.

Metaphysics has become a “choice”much like religious dogma, rather than a fact of life on Earth. Ancient peoples wrote about their supernatural experiences extensively and this truth permeated their societies and understanding of the world. Instead of honoring these legacies with curiosity, we discount them as primitive. Famous geniuses who have made major contributions to our world have considered metaphysics to be as essential to science as mathematics, and yet we still discount this. We choose a side to cling to forever to feel comfort in a changing world. We are slaves to our contrarian egos in this “3D” world despite the reality of existence being so much more vast than we could ever imagine. Magical things are transpiring right before our very eyes and we will only see them if we are open to the possibility. 

Before you begin reading my thoughts below, I will leave you with this: “Therefore, trust not what is seen but what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Twin Flames and Soulmates

I want to start by saying that we all have souls we are meant to come in contact and into relationship with in order to learn our lessons and overcome our core wounds (aka: karma). Whether we recognize this, or choose to do so is up to each individual. Will you repeat the same soul patterns, or will you identify and overcome them to find true health and happiness?

The relationships that are the most challenging are the ones your soul has chosen to learn from in order to overcome your wounds and reach your highest potential. There are no accidents in life and so you have been drawn to certain people in order to learn your lessons. While many of these people take us to our darkest places, and while the relationships may feel painful, or while they may do things to us that are not right and never will be, it is not necessarily a bad thing — it’s about our perspective. Yes, what they cause in our lives can feel bad and harm us but they will only harm us in the long term if we forgo learning the lessons. (The exception, of course, is abuse, which should never be tolerated and cancels out any soul contracts). Once we admit to our own lessons and begin working on them, you can take back your power, happiness, and purpose here.

You may have heard of the term Twin Flame before, and there is much confusion around this. Twin flame is often used interchangeably with the term Soulmate, but in fact they are not the same.

The purpose of a twin flame is to push you to learn your lessons and overcome karma. The purpose of soulmates is oneness and is so much bigger than that of basic attraction. In fact your twin flame or soulmate may not be a romantic partner, but could be a parent, child, friend, or sibling. Most often though, they do tend to be romantic partners because these are our most intimate, vulnerable relationships. 

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soulYour soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I do believe most all highly sensitive or empathic people are on a soulmate journey because of the implications for world peace. If we all found our way “home”, where there was ultimate acceptance, joy, and compassion for another in spite of the harsh realities of the world, how peaceful would we all feel? How much would we be able to accomplish in the world in order to make it a better place? These relationships are a higher calling and message of unconditional love that must be brought into ourselves and to the earth. Narcissistic people cannot experience this because they cannot compromise which is required of soulmates. 

Yes, there can be relationship challenges in a soulmate relationship but they are our “home base” in which we feel ultimate soul love and comfort and oneness and no circumstances can ever change that. You feel inextricably drawn to them and even if you want to stop the soul attraction, you cannot. It just is and was and will be. This transcends physical or intellectual attraction, which is how most romantic relationships begin. 

I will also say that meeting your soulmate may not be a happy experience. While the feelings it brings up for you may be positive, it is likely going to entail much hard work to get to a place where you two can make it work. Typically, one or both will be “runners” — running from the connection because it is too strong, makes you feel too vulnerable or seen, triggers your unresolved core wounds, or makes you see your flaws for what they really are. Not all soulmates come together because of the wounds of the past, which can end up extremely traumatic, but if you both want to, you can find a way. 

In order to begin a soulmate relationship, a few things must occur. First, you have to work through a good deal of your karma. Karma stands in the way of soulmates becoming close — or even meeting altogether. This is not a karmic relationship but a dharmic relationship; the good that comes after you resolve your karmic debt (though, don’t get me wrong — you can certainly have plenty of “bad” karma to resolve with them too — the difference is you both want to, work to, and fight to). 

You also have to work to balance your own soul. In other words, if you are a feminine soul (your biology often indicates this but not always), you need to work to become more masculine in order to have the feminine and masculine aspects of your soul in balance, and vice versa. It may sound counter-intuitive because, if a soulmate is the manifestation of the other part of you, you may think it is they who will complete you. But in fact, no other person not even a soulmate can complete you. You must do the hard work to complete yourself and become balanced and free of a great deal of karmic debt before soulmates can find each other in relationship otherwise the relationship can be codependent, have expectations that lead to disappointment, and be lopsided.

If you have already met your soulmate, here is what you can expect. First, you will begin a process called “ascension”. It is where your physical and emotional body are being re-calibrated to a higher frequency of love. It can cause literal physical detoxification sensations, such as parasite elimination, the need to change your diet, and an urge to become healthy. You will also experience the desire to heal yourself emotionally which will entail letting go of vices, negative self-talk, pessimism, and other unhealthy habits because what affects one affects the whole and the love is greater than any personal selfish desires which makes admitting to the problems and overcoming them worth it.

Soulmates often have a telepathic connection, whether literally in the mind, or through a resonance in the chakra centers. You may hear each other’s thoughts or feel each other’s energy — even if you are thousands of miles apart. Because of this, it is also important to work through any mental or emotional blocks because the fear of someone else knowing everything about you will act as a barrier to soulmates coming together. There is no privacy or hiding — scary for any person. It may sound beautiful for someone else to know everything about you but it is also intimidating because often our innermost thoughts can be cruel, judgmental, and negative. Also, if you have been treated like a piece of trash your whole life, you will likely treat yourself like this and a soulmate won’t be down for that. This relationship is about up-lifting, not tearing down. 

Identify the karma

You have to begin identifying how you feel around certain people to understand the past lifetime relationship patterns you are still living out. Once you identify these patterns from the past, you can understand your role in it in this lifetime and work to make it better — or leave if there is no way to resolve it together. What unspoken things are stressing you out about the relationship? What underlying assumptions does the relationship operate on? Who is in a role of subservience or superiority and why? Will they meet you half-way? Will they throw you a rope or will they shove you under the bus? Deep down, despite feeling you love them, are you wishing they would change but they never do?

Part of the reason people never graduate from their twin flame to their soulmate is marriage. Marriage is a social construct that is not in the best interest of people’s spiritual life lessons because it keeps people who should not be together in a relationship for years, decades, or their entire lifetime unable to truly self-actualize. Twin flame relationships are only meant to last until at least one party (ideally, both parties) has learned their lessons. If we begin to think about romantic relationships in this way (and even friendships, and relationships with bosses and coworkers), there is less stigma, shame, and pressure to stay forever. “‘Till death do us part” is not the goal; depth and growth are the goals.

Another reason people don’t graduate to their soulmate is fear of doing things differently or choosing what is best for themselves. The goal with any life lesson — including those karmic relationships — is to “flip the script” and create a new, healthy story line. What have you been wanting to do, to say, to become, but were too scared to because you didn’t think someone would be able to handle it? What kind of judgment or punishment do you fear from them? Are they simply apathetic about you (or you about them) and you crave real engagement or attention but haven’t pursued it? Are you miserable together and just going through the motions? Have you never been able to communicate or get on the same page? Are your needs being met or will they ever? Do they get mad when you want to change and grow?

If you can’t say with certainty that you will remain fulfilled or inspired in the relationship, it may be time to make the brave decision to fulfill your karma and end it. As always, it’s entirely dependent upon your situation and the choice is yours. 

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You’re only as healthy as the life force of your food

Despite being told we “don’t know” why diseases happen or they only happen as a result of a shitty genetic Russian roulette, the truth is that illnesses come about for numerous external and internal reasons according to the individual’s gene mutations, experiences, core wounds, health history, chakra imbalances or karma, chemical exposure, and more. Therefore, the specific diet a person should be eating will vary according to this personalized history. It is why, although I believe there are dietary practices or theories that are in many ways superior to a standard western diet, there is truly no one-sized-fits-all approach. Who you are determines what you should be eating, not the other way around.

This is the standard I have held myself to over the last 8 years while directing clients in comprehensive nutritional plans. You are unique, your diet should be equally unique. Unfortunately, we are saturated with programs, books, classes, and internet experts telling us there is only one perfect diet (Paleo, Autoimmune Paleo, Keto, Vegan, etc etc). Will you trust your body or will you trust these money-making schemes?

Like I said, there are certain nutrition practices I think we should all to a large degree adopt (unless there is a specific contraindication for you personally). Take, for example, the fact that indigenous cultures and peoples instinctively understood things about food that our modern society overlooks and takes for granted: food should be consumed in its whole forms, it should come directly from the earth, it should be organic and unsprayed or not irradiated, and that you should consume what is local and available to you.

Another principle that transcends time and peoples worldwide is the idea that every meal should contain a raw or fermented food that is rich in enzymes. In Eastern Europe, we see this practice as the dollop of sour cream on the soup or the raw butter on toast; in Latino societies, we see it as the unpasteurized alcohol or fresh condiments consumed with food (tepache, chicha, salsas, curtido); in Asian cultures we see it as the fermented vegetables added to meals or used as side dishes (banchan, for example). These traditions are not “primitive”, they are ancient wisdom that should be respected. 

You see, enzymes aide in digestion and not only help your digestive tract to break down foods so they do not end up as inflammatory immune threats, they also help the kidneys and liver in processing foods. Enzymes can also be called life force or energy: they are living and alive and killed by cooking processes. Energy isn’t just about picking up the bad attitudes of others when you walk into a room, it is about what you intake in other ways, including what you eat.

When you eat dead foods, your body has to compensate for the lack of enzymes or water that would normally be found in unprocessed foods. Over time, this creates a deficit that forces your digestive tract, kidneys, and liver to work extra hard. Imagine the consequences of a lifetime of eating foods with no life force. Think back to how many modern meals we eat that are completely dead and devoid of any enzymes: fried potatoes, meats, pizza, pasteurized dairy, roasted vegetables, rice, bread, and on and on. While many of these foods can be healthy when sourced from quality purveyors, or when prepared in certain ways (grass-fed burgers, for example), they are still dead and force your body into an energetic deficit.

Another way I’ve heard “life force” interpreted when it comes to food is this: the kind of food you eat, when, how, and at which pace, affects how you feel afterwards. For example, you will feel differently eating a salad versus a bowl of pasta. One will probably leave you feeling light and energized afterwards, and one will leave you feeling stuffed, lethargic, and ready for a nap. 

In nutrition school, I also learned that coming together for a meal is about more than a social gathering; it is also an exchange of energy between the people sharing the food. Sure, you will get to talk, enjoy the people you are with, and get energized (or, perhaps, brought down) by their personal energy, but you will also end up collectively feeling the same way afterwards if you all eat the same thing. It’s one reason we congregate for meals: to get into a kind of positive groupthink with family or friends. This is in large part due to the fact that if you are sharing one big meal rather than everyone ordering something different so you will likely have similar blood sugar responses, levels of satiety, and therefore the same energy during and afterwards. On the flip side, we also know that having inhibitory responses (ie: getting stressed, nervous, holding back, being ashamed, etc) slows down the thyroid immediately and prevents thyroid hormone from being released, which aides in digestion. Food brings people together for many reasons, and energy is one of them. 

My nutrition school professor also described the energetics of food with this example: a famous and highly sensitive Japanese nutrition expert (a leader in the Macrobiotics movement) was so energetically sensitive he could always feel the energy with which the food he was eating was prepared. So once, a man tried to purposefully trick him to see what his interpretation of the food “energy” would be. This chef danced around the kitchen, clapping his hands, yelling, jumping up and down as he cooked. When the food arrived to the table, the nutrition expert took a few bites and said he was very confused with what had been done to this food. While it tasted delicious, he said the energy was chaotic and crazy and couldn’t understand what had happened while it was cooking. Despite not being in the kitchen while it was cooking, he knew something was “off”.

If you are a highly sensitive person, you may not feel the food life force quite to this degree, but your body will likely internalize it and it could stimulate or sedate you based on who prepared it and the emotion with which it was prepared. Now think about what happens when you go out to eat: the food you’re eating may be prepared by a worker who doesn’t particularly care for their job, slaps the meal together in a hurry with little love or care, and gets it to the table as quickly as possible. It’s one reason home cooked food tastes so good and we crave holiday gatherings or food from the “mother”: most likely, she put her heart and soul into it and prepared it with love.

The takeaway here is that you are an energetic being with constant energetic requirements. You must in-put good energetic sources of food, and be surrounded by positive energy while eating in order to aide the digestive tract and other vital organs. 

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How to deal with adult bullies

Being abused in various forms (emotional and mental abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, hazing) by 3-4 groups in two years has taught me a great deal about what it means to be a victim and a survivor. It also taught me a great deal about intuition, karma, and past life pain cycles. Over the years, I had seen many highly sensitive clients end up in similar situations — they couldn’t understand why they were the target of other people’s frustrations. After all, they were meek, kind, smart and resourceful, and wanted the best in their home and work life. But time and time again, they dealt with the brunt of other’s pent-up anger or resentment and couldn’t figure out why. 

Empaths have learned to put up with abuse in its many forms and, as I have witnessed, have in large part remained silent about it. We know that there are unspoken societal rules victims have to abide by to be taken seriously, be liked, and to have the abuse they’ve endured taken seriously once they state their allegations. First and foremost, don’t be “too” abused. 

There is an unspoken glass ceiling if you will — a cap on how much you are allowed to have been abused; on how much you are allowed to communicate and bring to light. Anything above and beyond that is considered pure fiction, fable, story, exaggeration. Anything above and beyond, you are considered a troublemaker.

Like many women I’ve worked with, I spent most of my life working hard to have no needs. I didn’t want to be a burden to others because I knew it complicates ones social life when you’re “needy”, “clingy” or “messy”. I became the mom, the caregiver, the healer of others, the quiet sufferer. I did this so well that I worked my body to its breaking point and became very sick under the stress of unspoken abuse. But I had the affirmation I desired from others because I remained a silent good girl. I was accepted by my perpetrators.

Then, suddenly, I could bear the weight no more. I chose to speak.

You see, highly sensitive and empathic people are put in a catch 22 of sorts when it comes to bullying and abuse — if we tell the truth, we risk being seen as a problem or as paranoid. But the reality is, we are targeted by narcissistic personalities because they feed off of our stress response — and if you haven’t identified this, you will be surrounded by these people. They will have infiltrated your work life, social group, and family dynamics. On the flip side, if we don’t say anything about what these people are doing to us, we face many forms of health problems that will inevitably ensue. 

How to deal with adult bullies:

1. Tell them what they are doing to you. Reflect back to bullies what they are doing to you, very specifically so they can understand how their actions affect others. Often, these people do not fully understand the cause and effect of their actions, so finding a way to communicate what they have done to you and why it has hurt you is important for them to understand the consequences of their actions. It also sets up an environment where they will not be as comfortable hurting you in the future because they are well aware of their behavior.

2. Tell others what they are doing to you. If you can’t get anywhere with these people personally, you may need to those in authority to help stop the behaviors. For example, speak with a boss or H.R. representative, manager, etc. Once those in authority know, it is their ethical obligation to do something to remedy the situation. It will also likely prevent the bully from acting out such things on you again because now someone else understands the extent of the problem. Bullies usually want to look good at all costs so turning to someone else to help remedy the problem can stop the issue because they will want to “save face”. Do not be surprised if they alter their behavior after you have said something so nothing can be traced back to them — ultimately this may leave others questioning you, rather than the bully (“they’ve never treated me like that; I don’t see how this person could have done that to you”.) 

3. Share your story openly. Secrets keep us stressed and sick. We must all actively work to create a cultural climate where secrets are no longer acceptable when we are being hurt on purpose. The #MeToo movement is a great example of this. Sharing your story publicly (whether on social media, a blog, or writing website, etc) helps to change larger societal structures that thrives on silence. This doesn’t mean you use their name to call them out, but you can find a constructive way to share what has happened to you so that strangers and followers can read your experiences, learn from them, and can find the courage to change the cultural dynamics themselves. If others choose to turn a blind eye, it is a form of complicity and is their own karma they will have to deal with in the end. 

4. Strengthen yourself. Bullying is unfortunate and a sick behavioral pattern, but you can and should use it to your advantage to become stronger. The bullies are preying on your supposed weaknesses, and we can use their dysfunction to our advantage to no longer be able to be preyed on in this manner. Bullying is never the victims fault, but thinking of it as a call to action helps victims strengthen their personalities so if another problem situation arises, you will know how to act immediately rather than let it fester or pull you into sadness, depression, anxiety, frustration, etc. This can mean doing internal work and self-development so you see how beautiful and competent you really are, or reminding yourself of your successes and achievements. In doing so, you will see it was never really about you — it was about the bully wanting to pull someone else down to make themselves appear superior.

5. Remove yourself from the situation. If bringing the bullying to the attention of those in authority or strengthening yourself does not remedy the problem, consider totally removing yourself from the environment where the bullying thrives, or away from the bully themselves. Sometimes you have to take extreme measures to get away from these people, but in the long run, your health and well-being is worth it.

6. Understand why these people are bullies to begin with. There is almost always a corresponding wound that is causing people to bully others. They likely feel insecure, inadequate, worry about their standing or power status, so they hurt others before they themselves can be hurt. These people may have a history of being abused themselves so they think this is a natural human behavioral pattern. This doesn’t mean we excuse or overlook their actions, it just means we see that the bullying is the root of a larger issue in this person’s life and psyche and it has nothing to do with us — it has to do with their own wounds. This can help us let go of the pain associated with the bullying because, again, you are not being bullied because of who you are — you are being bullied because of who they are.

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