Your core wounds hint at your hidden talents

Your core wounds and your natural abilities or aptitudes are not separate — they are one and the same. The ways the world has wounded you and left emotional or mental blockages or barriers does not signify you are somehow lacking, inadequate or incapable. In fact, it is the very opposite: your wounds are part of your life path, destiny, and purpose here. What if I told you you were only ever wounded in these ways in order to dim your gifts to make life easier for those around you? It is true. 

The majority of clients that come to me have thyroid diseases, which, as I’ve said before is one component of a fifth chakra imbalance. That is, having too little available energy for expression, or having too much chaotic energy imposed on that area of the body. Many people with thyroid disease doubt their perception, way of communicating, and creative inclinations. If left to their own devices, these people are truth seers, who need to start telling the truth about what they have witnessed or experienced, but have suppressed and hidden it for others’ benefit. 

We all know what happens when we speak a truth others don’t like: we get punished. Whether it be socially, within family dynamics, financially or within workplaces, or other relationships, the message is always the same: if you tell the truth and I don’t like it, I will find a way to hurt you. Is this really about you, or is it about the comfort level of other people? Why would others be scared of this part of you? Because they don’t want to have to face the truth. If allowed, your perceptions would bring about great societal change. And despite constant attempts at societal change by great leaders and laypeople alike, our human progress is consistently stymied by those in power. 

The same is true for other wounds, such as abandonment issues which are oh-so common and truly at the root of thyroid chakra problems (again, it’s the idea that authentic expression can lead to loss and isolation). If given the chance, those with fears around abandonment are often capable of bringing people together — not separating — because they understand how painful this wound is and want to prevent others from experiencing it. And in order for this to happen, others would have to lose their grip of control. So instead of allowing for inclusion, working together, and cooperation, you are constantly re-wounded into thinking you don’t deserve love, help, and community; that there is something intrinsically wrong with you that leads you into isolation. 

Everything we experience as wounding is in fact an inversion, or perversion, of the truth. If we allow ourselves to fully learn and act out our core wounds (and therefore, karma), we can see that any such inversion is in fact calling you back to your path and purpose here. It is not meant to detract from your abilities and ways you can help the world with your unique gifts, it is meant to bring you into alignment with what you were always good at, with what you were always meant to do. If it weren’t, others would not have such strong visceral reactions to it. They have only asked or forced you to suppress this aspect of yourself because actualizing it would bring about change that would force them out of positions of power, out of their comfort zones, and face to face with their own karma. 

Each time you become stressed or face a physical stress response, ask yourself what the overarching theme is (I do this for you in Energy Readings). Once you understand the overarching theme, you can deconstruct it to see how each challenge you are facing or have faced in life is pointing and directing you back to overcome this wound. In other words, most of your problems likely stem from it and there are ways to “flip the script” in order to stop allowing it to wound you, and to choose new healthy behavioral and mental or emotional patterns that no longer perpetuate the same cycles. When you consistently choose new patterns, instead of the old ones, you begin to strengthen yourself and self-actualize. You begin to develop your skills and talents, rather than be hurt by them. They become an asset instead of a liability. 

When it comes to your core wounds, remember they are an inversion, not a truth. They point you back to what you are so inherently good at that others preferred you not posses. Now is the time to begin developing them. In doing so, you will conjure up your karma, and that of those around you. It will not be easy to actualize these skills, but the alternative is hiding or ignoring them the rest of your life which will cause great physical and emotional pain. Taking the narrow road is not popular or easy but for your long-term health and well-being, it is so worth it. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings. 

Empath sabotage type 6: flipping and foggy mirroring

Being empathic, intuitive, or highly sensitive means you can read the subconscious mind, plain and simple — whether you realize it or not — because the subconscious is always where the truth lies and you have spent your entire life working hard to find the truth on a planet full of illusions, projections, and distractions. As such, you are able to read subconscious patterns of thought and behavior on others through body language, tone of voice or specific intonation, word choice, energy, behavior, and more nuanced cues others don’t pick up on.

If you have not recognized your ability to perform this skill, you may end up drained by it. That’s because the narcissistic personalities and the non-empaths around you operate on the underlying assumption that the ego is the truth while you believe the subconsciousness to be truth. This results in great forms of denial or cognitive dissonance that you internalize into your body as stress. Over time, this will make you very sick. 

Think of the ego and your empathy/intuition at far opposite sides on the same spectrum. Empathy and intuition exists on the far left side of this spectrum because that is how we all start out as babies. We operate solely on our intuitive nature — we feel hungry, we cry; we feel gassy, we cry; we feel joyful, we babble and smile; we want to understand something so we touch it or put it in our mouths. Young children do not question their natural feelings and responses — they just do it. As time goes on, however, parents and caregivers teach children that their feelings make them too needy, too annoying, too defiant, and children become products of the demands of their parent’s ego. They do what the parent wants or they get punished — sometimes in small ways (a parent says “no” angrily or makes a disapproving look), and sometimes in big ways (spankings, shaming, isolation, or neglect). In order to tap back into empathy and intuition, we have to become childlike again and ditch the ego. We have to get back in touch with that child-like innocence in order to surrender to the magic and live from the soul not the mind.

The ego, on the other hand, exists on the far right side of the spectrum. Like I say above, as we go on in life, pain piled on top of more pain can cause us to become hateful, react in toxic ways, and stunt our spiritual evolution. If we don’t choose wisely, we start to act out these pains on other people. Again, whether you call it narcissism or the ego, it’s almost one in the same: purposely inflicting pain to try to make ourselves look good, feel good and protect the subconscious feelings from surfacing (and therefore, never resolve our karma).

The ego is generally what is projected and believed as the “truth” in our groupthink world because the ego is oh-so obvious. But you, as an intuitive person, inherently believe the subconscious. This can leave you feeling crazy, wrong, and not in touch with reality because it appears as if no one else sees the truth. You have to learn to trust the subconscious — the underpinnings — instead of the ego’s obvious story in order to see the truth but also not drive your health into the ground. 

It is interesting to note, however, that empaths and highly sensitive people posses our own unique way of dealing with the ego. It’s the way we hide our subconscious mind on purpose because we instinctively know who we really are may not be accepted, welcomed, or wanted. Whereas narcissists are operating from their ego 24/7 because it gives them power, empaths are operating from their subconscious mind most often but because we want to blend in, we learn to hide our true nature on purpose — not to harm anyone but to protect ourselves. It’s what I call “flipping” and it is where an empath purposefully flips their ego and their subconscious mind in order to blend in. It’s where we act more like our narcissistic culture than our true empathic nature because we believe that is what is expected of us, despite it causing us great pain. 

When I come in contact with other highly intuitive people, I see they do this often. We tell white lies, we pretend like everything is fine, we nod in agreement, we go along with what others tell us even when we know in our hearts it is wrong. It is silently acknowledging the truth but appeasing the egoic demands of others based on fear or cognitive dissonance (not trusting yourself). Again, we understand how to literally flip the subconscious and the ego in order to blend in to not appear “different” because empaths naturally operate from their subconscious mind unlike others and that can be a liability. We want to hide in order to protect. I believe that many who have had past lives as both slaves and royalty understand how to do this because it works as an adaptation skill that is useful in abusive and/or diplomatic situations.

There are also people who flip their subconscious and ego for more devious purposes. This includes telling you what you want to hear in order to falsely earn your trust, deceive you, and get their way. Some narcissists are good at doing this because they have learned how to prey on empathic people — making them feel important and telling them what they have desperately wanted to hear their whole lives: “You’re so special”, “We are so similar”, “You are important”. We have to learn to feel a person’s intention and watch their behavior in order to discern the truth. Are they flipping their subconscious and ego because they want something from you, they want to hide their bad behavior, or hurt someone? These are all indications that they flip for power and control, not self protection.

When you sense another empath is doing this, it can feel like a mindfuck because you are feeling one truth on a person, but they are intentionally flipping it to seem like another. The difference between this and other people who hide their subconscious is that the empathic “flippers” do this intentionally for self-preservation and to keep the peace, or feel out a situation to see where they fit in, not to harm or deceive for purposes of power and control.

There is another element to this phenomenon and it’s what I call “foggy mirroring”. It’s where an empath naturally reflects back to a narcissist or non-empath what the person wants to hear or see. Imagine you just stepped out of a steamy shower. The mirror is fogged up and you can’t see yourself clearly. This is where we act like narcissists, or like narcissism is acceptable, in order to prevent someone else from having to face the harsh reality of their behavior, from having to see themselves for what they really are. It is like giving someone a free pass on their hateful actions because we don’t want to have to call them out on it and face the social consequences. So we affirm others for the sake of giving them what they want. Empaths are natural ego mirrors, so we have become accustomed to dimming this part of our energy or personality in order to not have to tell the harsh truth. If you’ve heard the words “let your light shine” or “don’t hide your light”, know that it means you must stop hiding your internal compass and high vibration for the sake of those operating from lower energies. The world is changing and we need to begin reflecting them back to themselves.

Flipping and foggy mirroring are very similar but the major differences are that flipping stems from high degrees of cognitive dissonance or the desire to hide our sacred inner world, whereas foggy mirroring is about actively trying to fit into a world where you feel you just don’t belong. Ultimately, I don’t believe either are healthy. Unfortunately, most empaths do these things without fully being aware of it and live their lives appeasing others at the expense of themselves. Over time, your physical and emotional health will begin to suffer greatly because in the end, you are living a lie and unable to self-actualize.

To overcome these dysfunctional behavioral patterns, try these things:

  • Tell the truth, the hard whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
  • Do not lower your energy to appease anyone.
  • Create boundaries so that you do not automatically affirm the ego of those around you. If they are wrong, they are wrong.
  • Say no when you need to.
  • Take time away from the world at home or in nature to re-calibrate. 
  • Reflect and connect the dots in your life.
  • Do not compromise yourself ever again.
  • Reflect back to narcissists the pain they have put you through so they learn cause and effect and so that they learn you will not be a foggy mirror for them.
  • Get rid of spiritual narcissists in your life — show them the door.
  • Find other empathic people with which to affirm your truth.
  • Trust your subconscious mind above your conscious mind.
  • Stop worrying about fitting in. If people don’t like you for who you really are, they are not your friend or ally and you should not change for their acceptance.
  • Stop people pleasing. You can be kind and loving without being a doormat.
  • Decide what you want in life and pursue it until you get it.
  • Trust yourself.
  • Do not protect someone else’s lie.
  • Stop seeking advice from people who talk you out of yourself.

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings. 

How long will you sell your soul?

Every day we are faced with choices — really, too many to count. Go this way or that, compromise here or be authentic there, ignore this or recognize that. In a world full of harsh realities and constant karmic consequences, the only thing consistent is change — and choice. 

You see, we’re all living out storylines that existed long before our current reality. Actors playing our assumed roles, we live much of our lives in a semi-conscious state, unable or unwilling to face the reality of what we are truly dealing with. Characters who naturally fall into age-old patterns, much of what we experience is a projection of the past, and of unhealthy past cycles no one knew to break. Much of what we experience as empaths or highly sensitive people is a projection of the wills and desires of others and we have been conditioned to accept this in lieu of our own goals, self, and dreams. In a way, we have sold our selves or our souls (take your pick) to the whims of those who are more energetically powerful

My main goal in providing the services I provide (such as Energy Reading sessions) is to highlight the problem areas in your relationships and life circumstances that are 100% affecting you but that you have never considered, despite feeling them on a physical and soul level, and despite others acting as if there are no problems whatsoever. For empaths and highly sensitive people, life isn’t just a venture into some unknown game of chance, not knowing why we are here, what the purpose behind it all is, and stumbling along; instead, life is a series of choices we are asked to make in order to self-actualize and finally stop repeating the same tired stories others have written us into. You know you have a significant purpose here; you feel it in your soul.

Changing the story (aka: karma) once and for all requires bravery: a fierce, unyielding courage in which you choose yourself and your life path above all others. We have been told choosing oneself is selfish. It isn’t. It is the bravest choice you will ever make because for empaths, it does not come naturally. It is what your intuition or higher power is consistently calling you to. Until you choose yourself, you will keep selling your soul for acceptance or ease.

You instinctively know when you are being asked, or required, to sell your soul. You feel it in your gut, your sex organs, your head. You feel the twinge of regret, the resentment, or frustration that you have been backed into a corner yet again, or that no one considered how what they are asking or demanding of you will affect you, or that you are the only one who recognizes and may have to address the problems. You get an adrenaline rush, you feel confused, you may feel alone or helpless. You try to find the words to express your dissatisfaction but quiet nods and yes’s are all that come out. 

How many times a day do you feel this? 

How many times in your life have you lived this?

This is the conditioning that we must undo. Compromises that direct you away from your life purpose are not healthy and certainly not for your greatest good here. There is a difference between healthy compromise in relationships in which you do not stand to lose your morals, ethics, personality, dreams, and internal compass, and that which completely steers you off course. You already know the difference. You feel it every time you are forced to make such a decision. 

Narcissistic personalities have sold their souls long ago. They forgo true love, peace, and purpose for power, status, control, and trite social acceptance. They pursue external facades at the cost of their spirit. They choose the darkness while projecting the light. Their internal compass is so shattered, they may never find their way back to truth and goodness. You, on the other hand, have a chance and a choice here. You on the other hand, are able to tap into your internal compass and allow it to steer you back towards your true purpose, no matter which compromises you have made for the sake of others, for the sake of blending in, for the sake of not standing out or being targeted as different. You are never too far gone.

I think all great teachers, prophets, visionaries, and “saviors” have left bits and pieces of information for us to use as tools while on earth. We may read their words and think we have an understanding of what they meant, but usually the crux is something so much deeper and more actionable than we could have imagined. I don’t believe they wanted us to worship them, box their words into Sunday services, or create rituals around their teachings; they wanted us to live like them. These holy people developed strategies to stop the age-old pain cycles and shared their wisdom, for free.

In particular, this verse below rings so precisely true for those brave enough to confront their karma and change the storylines in which they have previously sold out to. If, like me, you grew up in church, you may have been given a different interpretation. But, if, like me, you would like to filter these words through a new lens that fits our times, think of karma, empathy vs. narcissism, and spiritual ascension into higher realms of consciousness when you read it:

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and for the gospel will save it. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

Now read:

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself (ego) and take up his cross (karma) and follow me (into truth and goodness). For whoever (narcissists) wants to save his life (maintain external power or facades) will lose it (narcissism is being undone and good will prevail), but whoever (empaths) loses his life (letting go of facades we have subconsciously built; resolving karma) for My sake and for the gospel (light and goodness) will save it (personal and world peace). What does it profit a man to gain the whole world (ego power games), yet forfeit his soul (lose empathy)

I repeat: Changing the story (aka: karma) once and for all requires bravery: a fierce, unyielding courage in which you choose yourself and your life path (aka the “gospel” according to your intuition or higher power) above all others.

Where your soul leads you will not be easy. Many times, it will not be fun. Most times, it will force you to let go of everything you have built your life upon. I describe it as the hardest thing you will ever do. It may feel like it could kill you. It is because the compromises have forced us to build our lives upon things that are not real, true, or good for us. And we cling so tightly to the facades because we desire comfort, ease, and familiarity. If you make the brave choice to undo your karma and finally learn your life lessons in order to resolve your core wounds (and therefore self-actualize to your greatest potential), you will lose everything. Your worst fears will be realized. There is no other way around it. 

Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

The beauty in undoing your karma is that on the other side of the sand house is the rock — the solid, steady foundation which you build your entire life upon truth and reality as you go forward, not comprised integrity, not falsehood or false hope. You have to unravel before you have a blank slate or clean foundation upon which to build. Afterwards, though, you cannot be moved because you will never want to sell your soul again.

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings. 



Astrology is helping you overcome your karma

I have to include a blog about astrology here because it ties into your karma (life lessons and core wounds) and intuition. Now, I don’t believe in the “fortune-cookie” astrology we grew up accustomed to reading — the once-monthly three sentence blurbs that illuminate your romance stars for the month, tell you how much money you will bring in, or use tired cliches to inspire you. No, instead I am talking about real astrology coming from trained or intuitive astrologers. There is a science and a methodology to astrology and while I don’t claim to know it all, what I do know is that astrological events absolutely tie into how you are feeling and what you are learning, and therefore how much subconscious baggage you can work through (if you choose to). 

When the moon, sun, and planets are in certain positions, that is, as they journey through the signs of the zodiac, it forces us to process undigested emotions and experiences from both this lifetime and past lifetimes. It forces raw emotions and karmic debts to the surface. Some of those emotions are rooted in experiences in this lifetime and some are soul memories from the far past. Either way, they are holding us back and thus, both are important to reconcile and resolve.

For example, if the moon is in Aquarius, you may feel forward thinking and gain intuitive insights in the flash of an eye. If the moon is in Pisces, you may feel introspective and have intuitive dreams and visions. Or, if the moon is in Aries, you may feel fiery and ready to take on the world because you suddenly realize you deserve it.

This is also true when planets go into retrograde and it feels as if we are taking one step forward and two steps backwards — you are asked to process that which you have avoided and this is all for good reason. It helps us learn instead of avoid. It also helps us trust in the perfect timing of the universe. If we use astrology as a tool to guide us as to what we might feel or experience on a given day, we can see the things we are already naturally feeling and experiencing have us on the right path. It’s a form of confirmation. Unfortunately, many use astrology to force themselves into situations or feelings that do not come naturally — and that is not a good use of this science. 

There are certain astrological phenomena we can consistently count on: new moons and full moons. These of course will happen, in general, at least twice per month as the moon cycles from waxing to waning, waning to waxing. Some months may have more or less of these, such as months that have rare additional “blue moons” or fewer because of a leap month.

New moons are always a time of new growth and change. Full moons are a time to reflect and be introspective and avoid heightened drama. Instead of operating on old storylines where, for example, a woman’s menstrual cycle makes her “PMS” and feel “crazy” emotions which can create tension in relationships, we can begin to see that whatever comes up around these moon cycles (whether you are a man or a woman) is for your greater good; it is part of your lesson that no longer can be repressed. It is a way to process undigested leftover emotional baggage that is coming to the surface and clear it for good or make it better for ourselves. Sadly, many feel shame over such emotions rising and discount it as hormonal or mental health concerns. 

Additionally, narcissistic, controlling, unstable, and toxic personalities can become more active and erratic around the time of certain astrological events. In other words, the way that our solar system operates can make the people who are in your life for the purpose of helping you fulfill your karma can temporarily act up and make your life feel worse. I have observed that narcissistic people become more cruel, domineering, and vicious during these astrological cycles. This is especially true of narcissistic family or in workplaces — I observed every time there was a full moon or big astrological event (such as a retrograde or solar flare), chaos always ensued and problems arose — with the website, phone system, interpersonal communication, and so on. No one wanted to be blamed or fired so it was a merry-go-round of scapegoating that took place. No one understood that it was largely out of our control and we were being asked to break bad habits and create healthy systems and dialogue.

You may also begin to notice that important meetings or other life events just so happen to be planned within 0-3 days of astrological changes. Important work meetings, social gathering, and contractual agreements often occur around the time of the moons, for example. It’s no coincidence — it’s a subconscious cue to overcome the karma and stressors in the situation. 

As an empath or highly sensitive person, you may also begin to experience physical symptoms when the planets, moon, and sun shift. Sometimes this is based on the sign the moon is currently in, such as when the moon is in Aries, you may experience an uptick in headaches or sinus infections — anything associated with your head region. If there is a big full or new moon coming up, you may have a sudden increase in symptoms such as nausea, fatigue, parasites acting up, dizziness, and muscle weakness. These kinds of physical complaints will be very individualized but just check in with your body during these times and know that whatever is taking place around the astrology of the moment is no mistake and is working to cleanse your system of that which does not serve you.

I have had clients come to me perplexed asking why they suddenly couldn’t sleep, felt awful, had chaos ensue around them, or felt overly emotional at certain times. Inevitably, it always connected back to the stars. Once they realized this, they gained so much understanding of themselves and their lives and felt they had much more control over their health and wellness. Going forward, they could connect the dots for themselves. At such times, life can feel very chaotic and scary. Keep in mind, however, even these situations are pushing you closer to your karma (and overcoming it) because that is the purpose of the astrological events. If you have been building up dharma, or enlightenment and “good karma”, in this lifetime, you may not be as affected. Or conversely, you may not be affected if you have chosen to completely forgo your life path in pursuit of worldly ventures that maintain the status quo through a carefully constructed facade of “everything is fine; no problems here.”

When big astrological cycles are at play, you may also notice an uptick in deaths, freak accidents, or skeletons coming tumbling out of the closet. The best examples of this are when a major solar or lunar event takes place and suddenly a string of celebrity deaths are announced, or news reports surface about people being victims of mindless accidents like freak stabbings, shootings, or other murders. Because unstable personalities’ behavior becomes heightened during these times, strange mishaps and senseless death can abound. Those who have past life karmic bonds, even if they are strangers in this lifetime, often find their way to each other and can result in such freak accidents. As I said, this can also be a time when abuses of power and people come to the surface and the truth about certain people, governments, and businesses is revealed. The #MeToo movement is a great example of this and the catalyst was Jupiter (planet of expansion and growth) moving into Scorpio (the keeper of secrets). 

We cannot, however, force astrology — we can only use it as a tool and guide. If Venus is stationed to bring love into one’s life, it doesn’t mean it is necessarily going to happen for you. It may simply indicate you need more self-love, or that you may deepen existing relationships. We are all so different and at different points in the journey and we can be open to what is possible without expecting or demanding it, or forcing ourselves to act a certain way based on the astrology.

It is helpful to use astrology to give ourselves a heads up, if you will, about what could happen, or what is happening, not what should happen. Some people can get so wrapped up in what is happening astrologically and forget to have authentic life experiences that actually allow the astrology of the moment to work for them. We must set an intention to live authentically but not be surprised when the zodiac and planets dictate certain paths for our lives. It simply requires being open to the possibilities.

Again, I don’t know why and I don’t know how but our solar system is no mistake — it is not simply a teeming pool of carbon and matter; it is also a part of our internal operating system meant to help us evolve, trust, love and overcome our karmic debt. Choosing to recognize it and doing so is up to you. 

Ready to reclaim your health and self? Click here to learn more about Nutrition Consultations, Energy Readings, and Body Readings. 

The real differences between twin flames and soulmates

The terms “twin flames” and “soulmates” get thrown around a lot within the metaphysical community and I have seen there is much confusion about what exactly they are, how they differ, and their purposes in our lives. I want to clear that up today because I think it is leading people astray. Understanding these two roles helps people to overcome their karma, which is what keeps us stressed and sick. Overall, it’s beneficial for you to get acquainted with the correct meaning of these words. 

As an Intuitive, I channel information (and always have, even before I knew what an Intuitive was) and I also rely on observation and cause and effect, reading the subconscious mind, as well as reflection on my personal experiences and the experiences of my clients to lead me to the truth. As I have said before, the truth doesn’t care about our preexisting beliefs or comfort, so I too have to put aside my ego and conscious mind in order to find the correct information to bring to you. This information is a years-long process of that very thing and I take it extremely seriously. 

Unfortunately, there are little to no societal supports for those people who have had such supernatural experiences (as I detail below). Having a traumatic twin flame experience, or having an other-worldly soulmate experience can leave many traumatized, unable to cope with what they have witnessed and felt, and leave them questioning their mental health. It is a total upheaval of everything you have ever been taught or rested on as truth.

Metaphysics has become a “choice”much like religious dogma, rather than a fact of life on Earth. Ancient peoples wrote about their supernatural experiences extensively and this truth permeated their societies and understanding of the world. Instead of honoring these legacies with curiosity, we discount them as primitive. Famous geniuses who have made major contributions to our world have considered metaphysics to be as essential to science as mathematics, and yet we still discount this. We choose a side to cling to forever to feel comfort in a changing world. We are slaves to our contrarian egos in this “3D” world despite the reality of existence being so much more vast than we could ever imagine. Magical things are transpiring right before our very eyes and we will only see them if we are open to the possibility. 

Before you begin reading my thoughts below, I will leave you with this: “Therefore, trust not what is seen but what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Twin Flames and Soulmates

I want to start by saying that we all have souls we are meant to come in contact and into relationship with in order to learn our lessons and overcome our core wounds (aka: karma). Whether we recognize this, or choose to do so is up to each individual. Will you repeat the same soul patterns, or will you identify and overcome them to find true health and happiness?

The relationships that are the most challenging are the ones your soul has chosen to learn from in order to overcome your wounds and reach your highest potential. There are no accidents in life and so you have been drawn to certain people in order to learn your lessons. While many of these people take us to our darkest places, and while the relationships may feel painful, or while they may do things to us that are not right and never will be, it is not necessarily a bad thing — it’s about our perspective. Yes, what they cause in our lives can feel bad and harm us but they will only harm us in the long term if we forgo learning the lessons. (The exception, of course, is abuse, which should never be tolerated and cancels out any soul contracts). Once we admit to our own lessons and begin working on them, you can take back your power, happiness, and purpose here.

You may have heard of the term Twin Flame before, and there is much confusion around this. Twin flame is often used interchangeably with the term Soulmate, but in fact they are not the same.

The purpose of a twin flame is to push you to learn your lessons and overcome karma. The purpose of soulmates is oneness and is so much bigger than that of basic attraction. In fact your twin flame or soulmate may not be a romantic partner, but could be a parent, child, friend, or sibling. Most often though, they do tend to be romantic partners because these are our most intimate, vulnerable relationships. 

Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.

Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.  

If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).

One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourselfThat doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in. 

A soulmate on the other hand is the literal other half of your own soulYour soulmate is the masculine or feminine manifestation of you (even if you happen to be the same sex). They share the same mindset, goals, energy, beliefs — not dogma, and operating system. They will “get” you on a soul level because you share a consciousness even if you know nothing about each other, come from different parts of the world, are different religions, or have little externally in common. There is an unspoken rapport and understanding between you two because you come from the same place, so to speak. What is important to you is important to them, and you will both sacrifice in order to make the other’s needs and dreams come to fruition. It is reciprocal. 

Upon meeting a soulmate, some people report an intense feeling of love at first sight, others report seeing a literal shifting spark of light when their eyes meet, and yet others see past life images projected onto the face of this person (transfiguration). Though sometimes it comes as a fond remembrance that you cannot explain and an unconditional love you have never experienced on this planet. Many feel like time and space stop in the presence of this person and you lose track of everything around you. I am here to tell you, these people are not making it up — they are telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is beyond our understanding. It is up to you to decide whether you will entertain these ideas despite having no solid proof, or discount them as crazy. 

Before having a soulmate experience, you may feel that no one truly understands you or works to understand you; like no one puts in the effort, or like you cannot open up and truly be yourself. You may feel like there is a piece of you that is missing and if only you could find that piece, you would feel whole. You may have already been seeking this on a subconscious level your entire life. Some report feelings of being a “twin” yet not being born a multiple.

I do believe most all highly sensitive or empathic people are on a soulmate journey because of the implications for world peace. If we all found our way “home”, where there was ultimate acceptance, joy, and compassion for another in spite of the harsh realities of the world, how peaceful would we all feel? How much would we be able to accomplish in the world in order to make it a better place? These relationships are a higher calling and message of unconditional love that must be brought into ourselves and to the earth. Narcissistic people cannot experience this because they cannot compromise which is required of soulmates. 

Yes, there can be relationship challenges in a soulmate relationship but they are our “home base” in which we feel ultimate soul love and comfort and oneness and no circumstances can ever change that. You feel inextricably drawn to them and even if you want to stop the soul attraction, you cannot. It just is and was and will be. This transcends physical or intellectual attraction, which is how most romantic relationships begin. 

I will also say that meeting your soulmate may not be a happy experience. While the feelings it brings up for you may be positive, it is likely going to entail much hard work to get to a place where you two can make it work. Typically, one or both will be “runners” — running from the connection because it is too strong, makes you feel too vulnerable or seen, triggers your unresolved core wounds, or makes you see your flaws for what they really are. Not all soulmates come together because of the wounds of the past, which can end up extremely traumatic, but if you both want to, you can find a way. 

In order to begin a soulmate relationship, a few things must occur. First, you have to work through a good deal of your karma. Karma stands in the way of soulmates becoming close — or even meeting altogether. This is not a karmic relationship but a dharmic relationship; the good that comes after you resolve your karmic debt (though, don’t get me wrong — you can certainly have plenty of “bad” karma to resolve with them too — the difference is you both want to, work to, and fight to). 

You also have to work to balance your own soul. In other words, if you are a feminine soul (your biology often indicates this but not always), you need to work to become more masculine in order to have the feminine and masculine aspects of your soul in balance, and vice versa. It may sound counter-intuitive because, if a soulmate is the manifestation of the other part of you, you may think it is they who will complete you. But in fact, no other person not even a soulmate can complete you. You must do the hard work to complete yourself and become balanced and free of a great deal of karmic debt before soulmates can find each other in relationship otherwise the relationship can be codependent, have expectations that lead to disappointment, and be lopsided.

If you have already met your soulmate, here is what you can expect. First, you will begin a process called “ascension”. It is where your physical and emotional body are being re-calibrated to a higher frequency of love. It can cause literal physical detoxification sensations, such as parasite elimination, the need to change your diet, and an urge to become healthy. You will also experience the desire to heal yourself emotionally which will entail letting go of vices, negative self-talk, pessimism, and other unhealthy habits because what affects one affects the whole and the love is greater than any personal selfish desires which makes admitting to the problems and overcoming them worth it.

Soulmates often have a telepathic connection, whether literally in the mind, or through a resonance in the chakra centers. You may hear each other’s thoughts or feel each other’s energy — even if you are thousands of miles apart. Because of this, it is also important to work through any mental or emotional blocks because the fear of someone else knowing everything about you will act as a barrier to soulmates coming together. There is no privacy or hiding — scary for any person. It may sound beautiful for someone else to know everything about you but it is also intimidating because often our innermost thoughts can be cruel, judgmental, and negative. Also, if you have been treated like a piece of trash your whole life, you will likely treat yourself like this and a soulmate won’t be down for that. This relationship is about up-lifting, not tearing down. 

Identify the karma

You have to begin identifying how you feel around certain people to understand the past lifetime relationship patterns you are still living out. Once you identify these patterns from the past, you can understand your role in it in this lifetime and work to make it better — or leave if there is no way to resolve it together. What unspoken things are stressing you out about the relationship? What underlying assumptions does the relationship operate on? Who is in a role of subservience or superiority and why? Will they meet you half-way? Will they throw you a rope or will they shove you under the bus? Deep down, despite feeling you love them, are you wishing they would change but they never do?

Part of the reason people never graduate from their twin flame to their soulmate is marriage. Marriage is a social construct that is not in the best interest of people’s spiritual life lessons because it keeps people who should not be together in a relationship for years, decades, or their entire lifetime unable to truly self-actualize. Twin flame relationships are only meant to last until at least one party (ideally, both parties) has learned their lessons. If we begin to think about romantic relationships in this way (and even friendships, and relationships with bosses and coworkers), there is less stigma, shame, and pressure to stay forever. “‘Till death do us part” is not the goal; depth and growth are the goals.

Another reason people don’t graduate to their soulmate is fear of doing things differently or choosing what is best for themselves. The goal with any life lesson — including those karmic relationships — is to “flip the script” and create a new, healthy story line. What have you been wanting to do, to say, to become, but were too scared to because you didn’t think someone would be able to handle it? What kind of judgment or punishment do you fear from them? Are they simply apathetic about you (or you about them) and you crave real engagement or attention but haven’t pursued it? Are you miserable together and just going through the motions? Have you never been able to communicate or get on the same page? Are your needs being met or will they ever? Do they get mad when you want to change and grow?

If you can’t say with certainty that you will remain fulfilled or inspired in the relationship, it may be time to make the brave decision to fulfill your karma and end it. As always, it’s entirely dependent upon your situation and the choice is yours. 

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