Karma isn’t just a sequence of unfortunate events or punishment for bad behavior. It is a long trail backwards of cause and effect, and it happens for a variety of reasons, not necessarily because you “deserve” it despite what you may have heard. Instead, it’s a reflection of Newton’s third law: everything affects everything else and will have an impact down the road, whether we anticipate it or not. And it will happen to you no matter your religious or spiritual beliefs because it is basic physics.
I was sitting in a salon yesterday for a haircut and while I waited, I listened to a hairdresser (rather loudly) tell another client her lengthy family history and drama without abandon: her mother grew up as the mother figure when she was only a child; this woman’s mother acted more like a teenager rather than caregiver, and when they all tried to move in together this week (despite the painful past), the grandmother (who happened to be dying of cancer) realized after one day and one too many fights it wasn’t going to work out so she secretly packed up her bags and headed back home from Texas to Michigan. And no one wanted to talk about it. Whew.
As I always say, we all have problems. Every person and every family or circle of friends/community has deep-rooted underlying issues, despite many working hard to pretend there are no issues. I enjoy the people who are brave enough to admit to the problems — and respect those who actually want to work through them.
In a situation like the above you may think, well, those are some family issues that are unfortunate and may never be resolved. But when I hear these kinds of things I think back to what led these people to this place in life and what would be required to make it better (and therefore change the karma).
There are really simple ways to understand karma and I want to challenge you to begin using these tools so you can see how karmic storylines are playing out in your life and therefore, how to improve them — which is everyone’s responsibility while alive here.
First, dig really deep to identify the core wound associated in the situation. In this example, the core wounds would be abandonment (getting triggered in the mother, based on her childhood) and lack of help, and a grandmother who is always avoidant, shuts off, and runs when things gets hard or leaves others to pick up the pieces. Realistically, the daughter wants her mother to be the adult, do the responsible thing, admit to what she lacked as a parent, and show unconditional love despite her daughter’s resentment. You see, the roles were reversed and it caused everyone great pain. The daughter wants a mother (instead of having to be her own mother) and the grandmother likely had a childhood in which she was expected to be responsible far too young and she rebelled which could overwhelm her, or perhaps because she was now sick she also needed care and unconditional love. Do you see how the cycle keeps repeating?
Once you understand the core wound, you can see why this situation is transpiring to begin with. It’s not for no reason — it’s because the people involved are triggering each other’s core wounds; if so, they will just repeat in situation after situation, lifetime after lifetime no matter which sex or role you are born into. When you address the situation head on and find compassion, empathy, and compromise, you can resolve your core wounds so this kind of thing doesn’t happen again. So you can grow instead of retreat and repeat.
In the above example, changing the karma would require a hard conversation. It would require all parties see beyond the circumstantial triggers (arguments about silly things that never get to the root of the issues/core wounds) and talk about the depth of their wound in order for the other to truly understand. It would also require genuine listening and the desire from others to resolve the issue no matter what, ie: weakening their own ego for the sake of someone else.
Secondly, look back to all famous works of literature, or even popular shows and books. What is embedded into the collective unconscious is no mistake. The stories we keep telling and sharing with the world at large are as old as time itself. Yes the characters and intricacies of the plot change, but the overarching themes are the same. In nearly every story you read or watch, a common denominator is that the characters are presented with a choice: do I repeat the past or do I venture into the brave unknown? Do I forgo what everyone else wants or expects of me or do I choose my own path? Are we all going to keep doing what is easy or will anyone choose the difficult thing? Who will prevent the truth or good from rising and who will fight to expose it? Who will come up with solutions and who will allow the problems to persist? If I choose my own path, what is the punishment I will face? Does the fear of that outweigh the truth of what is in my soul?
Karmic storyline character roles:
- The twin flames: fight constantly, passive aggressive if only for comedic effect or can also be overtly aggressive, very high masculine and high feminine, or one is integrated and one not; abusive relationship. One may actively try to make things better (grow), but not always.
- Distractor: comes in to “swipe” the scene clean and create a transition to a new topic, or so everyone forgets what just happened – sometimes for comic relief, to control the conversation or groupthink, sex appeal, etc.
- Narcissist: the fearless, egoful leader who gets everyone into trouble and out of trouble, manipulates the entire situation to get his way or make sure no one lets onto what he is doing, earns the favor of others especially those in authority, abuses others then justifies or blames it on victim. He may try to do the right thing every now and then to save face but will always go back to control or abuse.
- The lackeys: carrying out sinister deeds on behalf of the narcissist leader(s) so they stay in the good graces and receive benefits from the leader. They assume they will be protected, but the leader may eventually turn against them too.
- Empath: the sweet, sensitive, king or queen type energy who tries to bring everyone to their senses and do the right thing but is not heard or purposefully quieted. The narcissistic leader/abuser generally targets them to “astroturf” their reality. The narc may eventually fess up and say they will never do it again and there may be a forgive and forget mentality, or the victim may remain hurt.
- Soul mates: any two people on the same wavelength and always work together when problems arise.
- The wise one/mentor: warns the characters about the dangers, but the characters often do not listen then feel bad afterwards and realize he/she were right; helps others learn the lesson.
- The groupthink background actors/the “mob”: mindlessly supporting the narcissists in order to not be targeted themselves or in order to fit in. May remain silent or may perpetuate groupthink gossip. Refuse to think for themselves.
Use this information to your advantage to identify the storylines you are in, your role and the role of others, and how to escape them or turn them on their heads.
I’ve written previously on the topic of twin flames. As I’ve said before:
Twin flames are the relationship(s) we are in while we work out karma that we are indebted to (aka the cause and effect that we never resolved). Twin flame relationships are the most challenging relationships you will ever have. A twin flame is like a backwards reflection of you. They bring up all of the negative qualities in yourself that are not for your greatest good. They can take what you do and say and use it against you, all while making it sound perfectly reasonable. They say one thing and do another. You feel confused and chaotic because of what they do to you. You keep trying to connect but can’t fully get through to each other, always oil and water trying to make it work but ultimately causing each other great pain and resistance. They can be jealous and co-dependent or cause that to stir within you. Sometimes you have to force the attraction to stay together.
Twin flame relationships burn hard and fast; they are all-consuming and fiery. Sometimes you see it as the couple that has been married 50 years and has no plans for divorce but genuinely do not like each other or get along, despite pretending to. Other times you see it as the young love that clouds your vision and forces you to put all red flags out of mind to pursue the person at your own expense. It can manifest as sexual or emotional addiction, addiction to anger and fighting, or a longing for something “more” that you feel you cannot get from this person.
If you are in a romantic relationship with a twin flame, it will be very challenging. It is literally as if you two speak a different language — because you do! Often twin flame relationships are comprised of one empathic person and one narcissistic person (though they can also be made up of one empath and one emotionally apathetic person who is not necessarily narcissistic). They are polar opposites (despite perhaps agreeing on some things that initially excited you) and it feels impossible to come to agreements about anything or truly trust each other. You inherently feel at odds with this person and even if you try your best to make the relationship work (counseling, honest conversations, date nights, etc), you will never feel fulfilled or truly happy in the relationship (sadly, many discount this as “normal”).
One reason for this is that, again, twin flames are constantly triggering each other into their core wounds, and while this is a good thing in the long run if you choose to learn from it, the common expectations we have for relationships are never met. Compassion, time spent together, caring, single-mindedness and vision for the relationship, compromise, communication, emotional and sexual intimacy become impossible to achieve with a twin flame. They are not meant to fulfill you — they are meant to help you recognize the parts of yourself that need work so you can fulfill yourself. That doesn’t mean you don’t want to try to make the relationship work. In fact, the whole goal is to try — to try to find peace, compassion, understanding, love, compromise, communication. Often, though, this just won’t happen no matter how much work you put in.
I’m bringing a new perspective on this because we’re about to experience a major timeline shift in which identifying these things in your life will be necessary. In other words, the 3D physical reality will begin to seem less important and the soul or spiritual work will seem of great significance. It will be something you can no longer escape. Your soul wants to be heard and it doesn’t want to make compromises any longer.
Almost all of us have grown up in families with twin flame dynamics. As I have said before, marriage is a big contributing factor (keeping people together who fall out of love, don’t get along, and deep down may not like each other or are unable to grow together). It may not have been obvious to you because many parents play the part, trying to be happy around the kids, keep arguments for after bedtime hours only, and avoid problems at all costs so nothing explodes into conflict.
I want to break this down so that you can see just what a child learns from twin flame parental role models in these relationship scenarios because it is a difficult, often impossible choice to forgo the relationship for greater spiritual ascension and your higher purpose here. But it is your right and choice to decide whether or not staying is truly the healthiest decision for the long term success of children’s mental and emotional well-being.
What children learn from twin flame parental relationships:
- Constant anger, resentment, and arguing is normal
- Problems never get resolved
- Love is conditional; there are always checks and balances
- Compromise is impossible
- Punishment and withholding love are normal
- There is always underlying tension
- Love means sacrificing who you are so someone else can be happy; losing yourself in a relationship
- You must be the same person you were when you met your romantic partner — you can never grow because it leads to insecurity and jealousy
- Vices are an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
- Hiding is an appropriate way to cope with relationship tensions
- Disconnect is normal
- Communication is impossible and always leads to arguments
- People avoid each other when things get hard
- It’s okay to pretend there are no problems
- “I am in the middle of my parents problems”
- “My parents don’t love me because if they did, they would fix this” / “I am unworthy”
- Walking on eggshells is normal, being scared of when the next problem will erupt is normal
- Abuse (if present) is normal
- It’s impossible to trust other people
- Forgiveness is impossible or conditional
- Infidelity (if present) is normal
- Staying in unhealthy karmic relationships is normal
- Lying to yourself is normal
- Pretending to be happy is normal
I want to tell you some more truth today and let you in on some personal details; how I ended up in this place because it speaks to the heart of why I do what I do as a coach and how it can help you. The very startling supernatural experiences I have had have led me down a road I never thought I would trek: into past lives, chakras, and energy work. I didn’t want to go here. I didn’t know it was real. I avoided it for as long as I could. I shoved my intuition so far down my throat it got lodged there. Every time I read someone’s ego without realizing it, I tried to hide it by internalizing it as a stress response. I tried to pretend it wasn’t there for their sake. Then I realized it was a gift I could use to help people, instead of make myself sickened by its strength. It’s weird, it’s different, sometimes off-putting, and very few believe it. Not exactly a money-making scheme. I wish I could come up with twenty Paleo recipes each week and make that my shtick. It’s just not my path and I’ve carried a great deal of shame (the lowest vibration) because of it. I’ve finally made peace with it.
Every word I write comes from an intention of the heart and every piece of advice I share comes from living these things myself — not regurgitating words from a book — and from asking my intuition or higher power what it all means, then channeling the results for you. I say the things that need to be said, not because it is popular or cool but because it is the deepest truth I have been able to find and because I have wished for someone to share such insights with me. I want you to be prepared in ways I was not.
The backstory is this: I only operate in the “light” side of things. I have never dabbled in any black arts, shamanism, or witchcraft (I know I can get crucified for calling these out because many believe in “good” spells but I don’t mess around with intention after what I have witnessed). I have never “tried” to conjure anything or speak with the dead. I was never allowed to use a Ouija board (even writing that word gives me the creeps). The law of attraction bores me because it is wishing for things we think are good for us when the Universe may have other plans. In all honesty I don’t even pray in the traditional hands-folded sense but I believe in the final authority of a higher power (though I don’t think it is what we have been told it is) and ask I questions which always seem to be answered which has aided in my spiritual ascension and weakening of the ego. I was shown my blind spots then I changed. I learned how things connected, the cause and effect. I saw what I had to do in order to “flip the karmic script” and self-actualize. Often I get forced into it because not following this path is harder than just giving into it. I ask for help and I always receive it thought I don’t speak with angels, saints, deceased love ones. Simply put, I know that both good and evil are real and that’s why I work hard to fight against the latter when other human beings present in that abusive form. It’s like the line from that movie: “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” He exists in us when we choose it.
If we live in a dumbed-down groupthink state in which we live for the holidays, Facebook interactions, sitcoms, etc. we are distracted into believing that bad things only happen from time to time; or to other people, and there’s nothing you can do about it. We think if we are good people bad things won’t happen. The truth is, once you choose to self-actualize at all costs and no longer sell your soul for 3D acceptance, you will be tested by dark forces be it narcissists, karmic debt, or your Biblical interpretation of Satan. Bad things don’t happen randomly, they happen as a result of karma, or as a result of choosing the light. I have had people test me, tear me down, and throw wrenches in my path for pursuing my healing work. I have had to prove myself time and again and at the end of it, they got scared because of how accurately I saw their intentional misdeeds for who, what, why, when, and how they really occurred. Details, people, and they were spot on.
I have almost never shared my personal beliefs on these things because well, I thought it was a distraction from what my clients believed. My main goal is to support you in what you believe, not talk you out of it; to strengthen you so you cannot be f*cked with any longer. I put my personal beliefs aside so that you can shine and I can lead you to your higher truth. But when it comes to past lives, I cannot stress enough that they are real, we have all been here before many times, your fears and phobias don’t come from nowhere, your health problems don’t come from nowhere, your attraction or repulsion to certain people is not for no reason, and until you resolve your karma you will be stuck in a prison system. Past-life karma is energetic bars of indebtedness, after all, keeping you at one plane of self-realization.
I give you this background info today because I want you to see that I once too did not believe. I had no reason to and was happily agnostic. God was a question I saw no rush to answer. I wanted my atheist friends to accept me. I didn’t want to upset my Christian friends. My spirituality was yoga and writing and trying to be kind. It wasn’t until I saw flashes of light come from multiple people’s eyes (both friend and foes), saw good omens, repeated very obvious past lives in this incarnation, experienced inexplicable synchronicity, had telepathic connections, saw auras, saw angels, and more did I believe it. It’s easy to say these things, but it’s harder to believe them. One person can’t confirm this but two people can, if they are honest. Some of us are here to tell others this place isn’t what we have been told. The interpretations I learned in Sunday school were vastly misleading.
Supernatural occurrences do not happen for no reason; they are a call to action, a form of confirmation, or an answer to prayer. However, seeing them requires a process of tearing down one’s ego because the ego blocks all sorts of supernatural phenomena from being seen. The ego is the skeptic. The skeptic keeps you seeing what it wants you to. Also, these things cannot be seen or felt by those who do not trust or are not open to them. As an empath, you are open. It’s a catch 22 because you must have a trusting, inquisitive energy first in order to be able to see the magic second. You do not have to believe it is real in order to find it. You simply have to be open, ask, and trust that in due time, or with necessity it will appear.
Now, onto past lives.
Think back to almost every piece of literature ever created. The commonality is that the protagonist is generally always faced with a choice: do I choose the head over heart, or heart over head? Does the king choose the peasant, or does he choose the royal lady in waiting? In his heart he knows what he wants, but the external pressures to maintain appearances may get the best of him. When he makes the heart over head decision, the audience loves it because it’s what we all wish we could choose in life: forgo the karma (stock societal expectations) and venture into dharma (your true life path). Head over heart, head over heart, head over heart — in many lifetimes we could not choose this because of taboos. In many lifetimes, heart over head decisions were forbidden or punishable by death or severe loss.
In order to understand who you really are, why you operate the way you do, how to overcome your dysfunctions and health problems, you first have to uncover who you have been before. The longer you have been open to such things, the easier it will be to see them: the patterns that keep presenting themselves, the cycles you always find yourself in, your hidden fears and talents, your roles, your energy, your health problems, your likes and interests, and on and on and on.
But the purpose of uncovering your past lives is not just about finally understanding yourself. It is about finally letting go of the past so you can remain in the present and be open to the future. It’s about relinquishing the power your assumed roles and the expectations of others have had on you in incarnation after incarnation. It is about choosing what your higher power/intuition/the Universe has for you at the expense of your ego.
Once you accept who you have been, you can begin the lengthy process of transmuting the pain; the pain of what has happened to you, what others have done to you, what you have chosen to your own detriment, how you died, the cycles you’re repeating with others in this lifetime, etc. etc. The ego wants you to remain in the pain, the prison, forever. It’s what keeps the good from rising. It’s what keeps us enslaved to the evils of the past. Processing what has happened to you, trying to understand and come to terms with it, then forgiving and releasing it because you see it is no longer relevant and no longer serves you is the only way to peace. It is living a life in which you are not constantly triggered, brought down, and stressed. It is where you can make healthy, independent choices that are for your enlightenment and future. It doesn’t happen overnight and can take quite a while. It will take you to your darkest places, your core wounds. But it’s what we all need on a personal level and it’s what humanity needs at this point in its evolution in order to break free into peace.