I tell this to every single one of my clients: anything you are in pain about is something you are being asked to change, work through, get out of, get rid of, or resolve. Pain is the signal for our greater good, our health, our intuition, and our purpose here. Many people view physical and emotional pain as something utterly unavoidable — a necessary evil to accept while we are alive on this planet. My own personal experiences, and those of my clients over the last 8 years tell me differently, though: there is always a solution to overcome the pain — always — but only if we actually are brave and insightful enough to admit to the pain and work to change it.
How many times have we been in a difficult or devastating situation, only to tell our closest friends and family to garner support, and be told “it’s not that bad”, “some people have it worse”, “I have problems too, you know”, “you should be thankful”, “just get over it”. If you have been through painful experiences, or if you suffer from health complications, you can’t just “get over it” or ignore the pain because it will keep persisting and make you miserable. But this reality doesn’t stop others from trying to talk us out of it, or from talking ourselves out of the pain: “I should just move on”, “I feel guilty for feeling bad about this”, “It’s just genetic, there is nothing I can do to improve it”. After hearing these things for years or decades, we can begin to believe it ourselves: “Maybe they’re right; maybe I should stop trying to change it.” And that is how the signal towards becoming healthy and intuitive gets weaker and weaker. We doubt ourselves and our truth and stop trying to make things better.
We must learn to honor the pain. This doesn’t mean we have to dwell on it forever. You deserve a healing process in which you own the pain and begin processing it. You can no longer deny how much pain you are in, where you are in pain, how long you have been in pain, or when the pain began. It means you must recognize these things honestly and then, begin reversing it. This can include literal physical pain such as headaches, joint pain, back problems, digestive troubles, hormonal imbalances, and so on, or an emotional pain such as anger, frustration, shame, and guilt. The goal is to trace the pain back to where it first began and restructure it. And sometimes the pain goes back to far that you will find it didn’t originate in this life.
Sure, maybe the physical pain stems from a car accident or other injury you vividly remember. In this case, begin forgiving the situation and all parties involved — including yourself. Work at this until there is no longer an emotional charge. You would also want to start pursuing alternative therapies that can help relieve the actual physical pain. If the pain is purely emotional, trace it back to the time it first began (for example, the way your mother treated you as a child).
But what if you can’t trace it back to any of your experiences in this lifetime? What if the pain you are in makes absolutely no sense based on your life experiences? What if the pain connects to something beyond this existence? What if there really is life or energy after death and what if we keep coming back to learn the lessons we put off previously — in order to finally stop the pain, yet no one told you to do this? What if some people are able to read your past incarnations to help you find ultimate healing? What if you can truly connect the dots of your soul, not just your life? This is the unraveling I have witnessed but kept silent about until now.
I have held off on the topic of past lives because I see how it incites or excludes people. People want proof, not causal association and intuitive insight. You can’t believe in both science and “unproven” spirituality, can you? Aren’t they at oppositional odds? If you posses beliefs science cannot yet prove, aren’t you mentally insane? I do not believe so. I see that there is plenty of room for both and the time we are coming into requires a balancing of the masculine (solid proof) and feminine (intuitive insights). They can work together to better humanity, not divide it. I don’t have all the answers, but I have enough and I have seen people heal in ways they previously could not once they acknowledge these things.
I see that many prefer the ritualistic comfort of religious dogma or popular science over queries and open-ended questions. It is hard to admit we don’t have all the answers, but only bits, pieces, and questions. It is hard to only have a few pieces of what is real, while waiting for the rest of the story to present itself. Although the idea of past lives is rather ancient, in order to entertain the idea of reincarnation, you must have an open mind and sometimes, because of our modern climate, those are hard to come by.
In sharing this information, I know full well what I risk and I have tried to suppress this so I do not offend or alienate anyone and so that the healing work I have done over the last eight years (including helping people with serious illnesses go into remission with natural tools) will not be maligned or in vain. When people don’t understand your message, they defame you, and I know this intimately (remember the three stages truth has to go through before it is accepted as fact). In the past it broke me because it prevented me from helping more people (the ultimate blow to a healer). However, I see how many people could be helped with these truths and suppressing this information will only prevent healing, no matter what is done to me or said about me. I believe information should be shared freely because without it, we don’t learn and grow and become better. What good is it for me to protect myself against the reactionary cognitive dissonance of the group if this information can help the few?
Please know, I never want to tell you what to believe — only to provide inspiration to consider for yourself. You are your own guru, now and always. And so, by taking a stand and saying past lives are real, I am choosing a side which will make some people feel “wrong” or uncomfortable. It will clash with existing belief systems, and it will generate cognitive dissonance that could offend. I feel I have to tell these stories anyway because I have seen it is real firsthand and because I have had supernatural experiences that confirm it as a result. You can take it seriously and understand I am telling the truth, perhaps at my own detriment, or you can believe this to be made-up “woo”. The choice is yours. If it offends you, it is okay to leave, unfollow, unsubscribe. If it interests you, stay tuned for much more fascinating information. I didn’t ever consider this could be true, or want it to be. But I got pushed down the rabbit hole without my permission and I have come back up for air, ready to tell the stories. I consider this information sacred and holy and I am stepping out in a huge leap of faith sharing it with you. Please be gentle.
In order to understand your soul’s blueprint and therefore karma, identify overarching themes that keep presenting themselves in this lifetime. Themes, patterns, and oddities help us see the soul’s blueprint even when our vision is clouded by the present circumstances.
Let me give you a lengthy example.
I have a degree in Education and so, years ago, I cared for a disabled man as a day job. Alexander (name changed, of course) was a 20-something who had been born with a congenital condition that left him without hands and feet but able to move himself about in an electric wheelchair with the ⅔ of upper arm he did have. I worked with him intensively all day, and some overnights, for months, attending to his every need — both physically and emotionally. He needed help going to the bathroom, getting dressed, eating, but he also needed someone to talk to. I felt our souls were meant to meet in this life because he needed serious help overcoming his karma, as did I. As I became closer with Alexander and his family, themes started presenting themselves and I saw this wasn’t just about acting as a caregiver and getting paid. It was about helping Alexander to become independent, make decisions for himself, and stand up to the family members who were abusing him and keeping him small, just because he had a disability and because they viewed him as an imbecile. In fact, we had all known each other before and while the roles were slightly different in this go round, we all needed to learn to break the pain cycles.
Alexander’s family had never allowed him to individuate/self-actualize (that is, become his true self), and used him as a wedge between two very unhappily married parents, a distraction and scapegoat if you will, from larger family dynamics no one wanted to talk about. They treated Alexander like an inconvenience and a puppy dog. They said come and he came. They said eat and he ate. If he didn’t, he was yelled and screamed at and called stupid. He already felt inadequate and dumb because of the birth defects so the family triggered this core wound any time he didn’t blindly obey. Every day like clockwork, I watched as his mother gave directives and he followed. Alexander had full mental capacity, albeit short term memory problems and OCD, but I knew he was capable of making adult decisions — he had simply never been allowed to though he desperately wanted to and thus turned to me for “spiritual advice” as he called it. (I didn’t tell him I was an intuitive until my last day there).
A card Alexander had his mother write to me. I kept it because it means a lot that he recognized what I was doing even though I didn’t tell him the details.
I could see how his disability in this lifetime had helped create the family dynamic in which the parents avoided each other through control of Alexander. After all, he was wheelchair bound for life and could meet very few of his own needs so his parents would be “on call” forever — frustrating and taxing for any person. However, I could also see that this family had brought their karmic lessons into this lifetime and because of the immense pain involved, were very opposed to working through them. By allowing Alexander freedom to control his own life, his parents would become aware of the reality of their marriage and be forced to see their unhappy relationship for what it really was. His mother would discover how lonely she was (though she readily admitted this to me in conversations anyway), and his father would have to relinquish the stoic facade and get in touch with his real emotions. They would also have to admit to the unhealthy pattern in which they treated Alexander like he was a a piece of glass that could shatter or die at any given minute. Because of these things, Alexander would face serious punishment if he chose to act on his own accord.
I gently gave Alexander advice, asked him questions to lead him to his higher truths, engaged him in new activities he enjoyed, took him on social outings to meet people, brought him to restaurants to try new foods, read him books he actually found an interest in, encouraged him to practice public speaking (because I knew he had an amazing and inspiring story to tell) and made suggestions to his parents about things I thought would benefit him. Because I did this gradually and gently and because I made sure everything was in line with their Catholic faith, I partly succeeded, though I walked a fine line and constantly downplayed how much I was helping Alexander develop as a person. His parents had huge energetic boundaries up regarding anything new, non-traditional, or based on self-help principles. The Catholic church was the be-all-end-all in life.
Their house was more like a castle and monastery, covered in elegant stained glass, heavy and ominous doors, stone walls and arches, with a huge gate and courtyard, decorated in hundreds of images of angels and crosses, complete with a chapel upstairs. Purple and royal blue were favorite colors for everything. Wine bottles and grape decorations draped the windows. Despite the Tuscan castle-meets-church theme, the home had odd additions of Native American bowls, dream catchers, vases, and paintings. 1600s Italy and 1700/1800s pueblo Americana — an odd combination to say the least. It’s not that it didn’t look nice, it’s that these two very distinct and seemingly unrelated styles stood out and didn’t make sense together. Did they know why they had decorated their home like this or identified with those time periods?
Though the family was Caucasian in this lifetime, Alexander’s grandmother consistently sent him little tchotchkes and tokens that were Native American themed. And the family was obsessed with the military and showing respect and reverence for the government and Catholic church. The father had even gone to seminary to become a priest before instead deciding to marry and become a craftsman in traditional Italian arts. In Alexander’s bedroom were pictures of popes and saints.
One day, things came to a head. The day prior, caseworkers from the agency Alexander received disability benefits came visit to instate services for the new quarter. His mother asked me to sit with them and feed him while they all spoke. One caseworker offered a series of music or art classes that were proven to be therapeutic and said Alexander had the option to participate in these should he be interested. His mother said nothing (and despite being a capable adult, Alexander always deferred to his mother so he remained silent) and the caseworkers continued on. I was very surprised that Alexander nor his mother had seemed interested in such (free) services because I had intuited in my work with him that he was very bored and lonely: “I gotta get out of this house; I gotta stop driving in circles; let’s go find people to talk to” he would tell everyone. I thought engaging him in new activities with new people — especially something that would act as therapy to help him process his pent-up emotions — was an idea we would all deem valuable.
The next day when we were alone, I asked Alexander if he would be interested in those services and he emphatically said yes. I told him we should call the caseworker to get information that we could then present to his mom so she could make the decision (because no decisions were made without her knowledge and approval). After he and I called the agency to get information, Alexander began having a full-blown panic attack. He started hyperventilating and reciting The Lord’s Prayer over and over again for 45 minutes. Nothing I said would talk him down. He realized he was terrified of what his mother would say once we told her we called and gotten information “behind her back”. He was petrified of having made a decision for himself. And he was right to react in such a way because she did get upset. I tried to remain calm and composed, and I did, while we all went deep into our core wounds and life lessons. I knew encouraging him to make a decision for himself was good for him, and I felt we did this in a small and appropriate way, but it didn’t stop them both from totally losing it because they were facing age old soul patterns that had never been broken. She controlled and he was to obey, and I was to remain quiet.
I also intuited that Alexander’s congenital birth defects, while having a legitimate origin in this lifetime (his mother once told me she believed it was from exposure to certain chemicals while she was pregnant and in the military) did follow them from a past life. Understanding your soul’s blueprint across all of your lifetimes is sometimes very obvious based on what you like, what you wear, the colors you are drawn to, how you decorate your home, your interests and talents, your job, your health problems, and your fears. It’s simply a long trail backwards of cause and effect. Your health now is no mistake. What led up to it is what we need to uncover in order to allow you to heal.
Their patterns of behavior and interests had given me intuitive insights that they were a royal Italian military family in one lifetime, as well as a Native American family in another. In the Italian lifetime, I had been a servant in their home. In the Native American lifetime, I had been part of a neighboring tribe. In one more recent lifetime, I believe Alexander and I had been slaves in Louisiana together and I planted seeds of freedom in his mind, while his mother in this lifetime was a male slave owner from that lifetime working to keep him imprisoned. The pattern kept presenting itself, only in different scenarios. In each lifetime, there was war-like tension and in the Italian and Native American lifetimes, Alexander had lost his limbs in battle because he was headstrong and did not heed his parents warnings. He had trusted his own timing and died. In this lifetime, his parents did not trust him and treated him like a china doll that could easily break. The karmic cycle followed them physically and emotionally. He needed freedom and trust but was not able to get it because of their subconscious memories.
In this case, they were not able to flip the karma in order to resolve the wound and complete the lesson. After the blow-up, Alexander apologized, downplayed his needs (“Sorry mom, I’m just tired. I don’t know what I was thinking”), and his mom shamed and chastised him for even trying to get into art/music therapy. While the subconscious fears of Alexander not knowing what was best for himself and the possibility of him being maimed or dying had legitimate past life ties, they couldn’t see that in the present lifetime, his chances of dying or being wounded were very slim because he was constantly being taken care of by a team of trained professionals. They couldn’t see that him taking ownership over his life and working through his problems was a positive thing — they would have less work to do and he would finally be happy! In this lifetime, he had been born without limbs so there was no chance of losing them.
Personally, I knew this was the final straw for me in the situation because no amount of karmic work I did with this family would get better after this huge blow up. I had tried so many times before and they resisted or only partially gave in. I felt I was living a lie and under constant stress in fear of losing my job simply for aiding Alexander in his personal development. That day, they continued to resist and actually got angry with me for making a suggestion. Sometimes people are incapable of learning the lessons because the pain is too great. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t “flip the script” as I say, but it does mean we need to respect their soul’s boundaries (except when you are being abused). I could have remained silent and bowed to their egos but I chose to act and speak, which was part of my fifth chakra lesson. After this, I trusted my intuition that my time with them was done. I had fulfilled my karmic duty, now it was up to them to admit to the pain and change it. But unlike previous lifetimes where I left in anger, frustration, or in secret, I learned how to become friends with these people and show them love in spite of their pain and in spite of my own.
To uncover your soul’s blueprint, identify:
- Colors you like and the meaning behind them
- Patterns you like and where the originate
- The way you dress (aversions or preferences)
- The way people instinctively treat you
- The way you decorate your home and the places or time periods associated
- Your profession
- Your hobbies and interests (sports, books, games, television genres, outdoor activities, creative arts, volunteering)
- Countries and cities you feel drawn to
- Music you enjoy
- Things that irritate you
- History you enjoy reading about
- Your health problems and their subconscious meanings
- Relationship tensions
- Energetic boundaries within yourself and those around you
- Circumstantial patterns that keep presenting themselves to you
- Roles you seem to fall into (ex: the motherly type, the leader, the follower, etc)
Who you are is already right in front of you. Deconstruct yourself and it all becomes more clear. Connect the dots back to the time the pain first began. You may be surprised what comes up.
